bachiach
01-03-2007, 10:08 PM
For my first post here are some things that are constantly on my mind all day, everyday.
When I get time I will post my "alleged" problems.
Enjoy this for now.
Germs, dust, filth, clutter, disorganization, illness, bacteria, people, anything not clean, any type of surface that for some reason is sticky.
Restaurants that don't have straws already in wrappers, crowded areas, carpets that area not vacuumed, dust on TV screens, windows that have streaks, the fog that builds up on car windows, the inability to keep things clean.
People that try and talk right into your face, people that sneeze and don't turn their head or cover their disgusting mouth. People that want to shake your hand. People that feel its necessary that they touch you, for any reason. Sealing and opening envelopes.
Opening doors. Running out of anti bacterial gel. Cigarette smoke. Getting a beverage that isn’t in a sealed container. Using gas pumps. Shoelaces that are wet for whatever reason. Sinks that have food particles along the sidewalls or in the strainers. Anything chrome that is smudged. People that serve food that do not wear gloves.
Anytime my hands are not totally clean. Anything in stores that are in the first row of the display. Handling money. People that can’t wait 2 ****in minutes till I’m done looking at something. Workers in bakeries that wipe their noses with their hand. Neighbors having to talk to you everytime you walk out the ****in door. Door handles that are smudged. Having to deal with any type of society. Person to person contact. The disgusting content on the ear piece of every phone you use. Chairs out of alignment. Pictures that are not straight on the wall.
People that have opinions but never want to hear anyone else’s. People who think their opinions are facts. People who are nice to your face and talk **** when your not around. People around the holiday’s. People who have to pull out in front of you, when there is no one in sight behind your, and then drive 10 mph less than the speed limit. People in general.
My leg hurts so it has to be Restless Leg Syndrome. Every little thing that is out of the ordinary becomes a disease or a disorder.
GEORGE BUSH and his V.P.
This countries attitude on health care.
I think that’s all for now.
When I get time I will post my "alleged" problems.
Enjoy this for now.
Germs, dust, filth, clutter, disorganization, illness, bacteria, people, anything not clean, any type of surface that for some reason is sticky.
Restaurants that don't have straws already in wrappers, crowded areas, carpets that area not vacuumed, dust on TV screens, windows that have streaks, the fog that builds up on car windows, the inability to keep things clean.
People that try and talk right into your face, people that sneeze and don't turn their head or cover their disgusting mouth. People that want to shake your hand. People that feel its necessary that they touch you, for any reason. Sealing and opening envelopes.
Opening doors. Running out of anti bacterial gel. Cigarette smoke. Getting a beverage that isn’t in a sealed container. Using gas pumps. Shoelaces that are wet for whatever reason. Sinks that have food particles along the sidewalls or in the strainers. Anything chrome that is smudged. People that serve food that do not wear gloves.
Anytime my hands are not totally clean. Anything in stores that are in the first row of the display. Handling money. People that can’t wait 2 ****in minutes till I’m done looking at something. Workers in bakeries that wipe their noses with their hand. Neighbors having to talk to you everytime you walk out the ****in door. Door handles that are smudged. Having to deal with any type of society. Person to person contact. The disgusting content on the ear piece of every phone you use. Chairs out of alignment. Pictures that are not straight on the wall.
People that have opinions but never want to hear anyone else’s. People who think their opinions are facts. People who are nice to your face and talk **** when your not around. People around the holiday’s. People who have to pull out in front of you, when there is no one in sight behind your, and then drive 10 mph less than the speed limit. People in general.
My leg hurts so it has to be Restless Leg Syndrome. Every little thing that is out of the ordinary becomes a disease or a disorder.
GEORGE BUSH and his V.P.
This countries attitude on health care.
I think that’s all for now.
Sponsor
rosequartz
01-04-2007, 05:24 PM
sounds like a case of OCD to me combined with a frustration/disdain for the human race.......don't worry, you're not alone......I feel the same way you do sometimes about things.
check out the OCD board! :angel:
check out the OCD board! :angel:
Walnutpony
01-04-2007, 05:44 PM
that was a great post. i feel like that too sometimes, but hoping it isn't a disorder, just typical annoyances.
Sannah
01-05-2007, 11:42 AM
Bach, yeh, check out the OCD board and maybe try to find what you LIKE in life. If you only choose to focus on the negative in life this is what your life will be like. You make your life and these are your choices.
bachiach
01-05-2007, 09:31 PM
Bach, yeh, check out the OCD board and maybe try to find what you LIKE in life. If you only choose to focus on the negative in life this is what your life will be like. You make your life and these are your choices.
I am aware these are my choices, that's why I put, things that really bother ME. I also realize that my life is and will remain crappy cause of my way of thinking. I have no idea how to turn this way of thinking off. Its been here for 28 years, its my way of life.
I am aware these are my choices, that's why I put, things that really bother ME. I also realize that my life is and will remain crappy cause of my way of thinking. I have no idea how to turn this way of thinking off. Its been here for 28 years, its my way of life.
firenice
01-06-2007, 12:27 AM
First question: Do you really want to turn this way of thinking off?
Second question: What is the positive intention, the usefullness to you, for this way of thinking? What need does it fill? (I know, that's two questions...)
Third (fourth) question: How can this need, this usefullness, be satisfied in other ways?
[removed]
Second question: What is the positive intention, the usefullness to you, for this way of thinking? What need does it fill? (I know, that's two questions...)
Third (fourth) question: How can this need, this usefullness, be satisfied in other ways?
[removed]
bachiach
01-06-2007, 01:47 AM
I am not so sure my way of thinking is ab-normal. Ill go the opposite way. If I stop my way of thinking and don't focus on washing my hands, I may get sick. If I focus on things being clean and orgazined all the time, my house becomes a shiiithole.
The positive intention is, maybe none. What if my way of thinking changes and I am even more fukdup? I am use to the way I am, the way I do things, the constant worrying and anxiety. I have learned to accept it for who I am. The need it fills is its a routine to me. Everyday when I wake up, I know exactly what I must do to complete my day and satisfy my head. If that changes, who knows what I would forget to do. I went out of my routine earlier this week, and I forgot to put cologne on. Something minor or maybe even nothing to anyone else, but to me its like forgetting to put clothes on before leaving the house. Its a step that I need to do in order to get through the day without one more thought constantly on my mind.
My need for this cannot be satisfied in other ways. The only relief I get is when I goto work. I don't have to see my carpet for 8 1/2 hours. I don't have to see my windows for 8 1/2 hours, my stove, my sink, my mirrors, pictures, tv screens, dust particals that are all over my house, the animal hair and dander, any sort of clutter, any smudges on the sink or faucets, anything my wife let in the sink or the mess she didn't clean up, the tile that isn't streak free, the laminate flooring that has dirt and hair on it 2 mins after i clean it, the small finger prints on the interior doors, the not so clean mini blinds, the toilet that is spotless, yet I know is not clean. You want me to keep going or you get the just of it?
The positive intention is, maybe none. What if my way of thinking changes and I am even more fukdup? I am use to the way I am, the way I do things, the constant worrying and anxiety. I have learned to accept it for who I am. The need it fills is its a routine to me. Everyday when I wake up, I know exactly what I must do to complete my day and satisfy my head. If that changes, who knows what I would forget to do. I went out of my routine earlier this week, and I forgot to put cologne on. Something minor or maybe even nothing to anyone else, but to me its like forgetting to put clothes on before leaving the house. Its a step that I need to do in order to get through the day without one more thought constantly on my mind.
My need for this cannot be satisfied in other ways. The only relief I get is when I goto work. I don't have to see my carpet for 8 1/2 hours. I don't have to see my windows for 8 1/2 hours, my stove, my sink, my mirrors, pictures, tv screens, dust particals that are all over my house, the animal hair and dander, any sort of clutter, any smudges on the sink or faucets, anything my wife let in the sink or the mess she didn't clean up, the tile that isn't streak free, the laminate flooring that has dirt and hair on it 2 mins after i clean it, the small finger prints on the interior doors, the not so clean mini blinds, the toilet that is spotless, yet I know is not clean. You want me to keep going or you get the just of it?
Sannah
01-06-2007, 10:20 AM
Bach, one of the best "sayings" that I have ever heard is "moderation in everything". I think that you can find out in counseling what issues are fueling your anxiety. Your "cure" for your anxiety is to go through this routine and try to control your environment - if you do this stuff you will be safer. I don't know if you will be all that much safer but I do know that you will be more unhappy and it really doesn't deal with why you are so anxious. I am sure that it has something to do with your upbringing. I used to have anxiety and I figured out in counseling WHY I was so anxious and I fixed these issues within myself. You can have a life that is more fulfilling.
bachiach
01-06-2007, 01:36 PM
I do not understand why everything has to do with my upbringing. My parents divorced when I was 15. I was not a spoiled child, but usually got things I wanted. I was never hit, my brother and sister got it though, I was never molested, mistreated, neglected (other than me isolating myself from everyone because that is how i preferred things). My dad worked alot. He worked in the State Police which required him to work all 3 shifts. But he was at every sporting event I ever had and always helped me when I needed anything. Same with my mother, and I think I had a better relationship with my mother up until the time my dad moved out. Only because she was there most of the time. After my dad moved out, my mother had it in her head that she was the boss now and things didn't really click for me and her. There was no traumatic experiences I went through, even my parents divorce didn't affect me. Hey, they were unhappy and I could tell, so I didn't put much thought into it. Noone really close to me died until I was 23 and that was my grandmother. My grandfather passed away a couple years before that but I wasn't really close to him.
My wife complains that I never show emotion. I don't really feel any most of the time except rage, anger and anxiety. But I do a pretty good job of keeping those feelings inside of me until I am alone and then I freak out. I don't want to make an *** out of myself and flip out on anyone, so I wait.
But to be clear one more time, my upbringing has nothing to do with what I am going through right now.
My wife complains that I never show emotion. I don't really feel any most of the time except rage, anger and anxiety. But I do a pretty good job of keeping those feelings inside of me until I am alone and then I freak out. I don't want to make an *** out of myself and flip out on anyone, so I wait.
But to be clear one more time, my upbringing has nothing to do with what I am going through right now.
Sannah
01-06-2007, 05:52 PM
I do not understand why everything has to do with my upbringing.
My parents divorced when I was 15.
(other than me isolating myself from everyone because that is how i preferred things).
After my dad moved out, my mother had it in her head that she was the boss now and things didn't really click for me and her.
even my parents divorce didn't affect me.
My wife complains that I never show emotion.
I don't really feel any most of the time except rage, anger and anxiety.
But I do a pretty good job of keeping those feelings inside of me until I am alone and then I freak out. I don't want to make an *** out of myself and flip out on anyone, so I wait.
But to be clear one more time, my upbringing has nothing to do with what I am going through right now.
Bach, you sound a little defensive! You can believe what you want to believe but I am going to put my two cents in and then I will never bother you again about it unless you ask me to. You say that your wife tells you that you show no emotion and then you also say that your parent's divorce didn't bother you. Hmmm, wonder if there is a connection?
Rage, anger and anxiety do not fall out of the sky and hit you. They also are not genetic. You are anxious, and angry about something.
Not getting along with your mother is a big thing and so is isolating yourself. Having your upbringing affect you does not have to consist of abuse or neglect. I could see how any of the things that you mentioned above could cause your anxiety and anger.
Good luck to you!
My parents divorced when I was 15.
(other than me isolating myself from everyone because that is how i preferred things).
After my dad moved out, my mother had it in her head that she was the boss now and things didn't really click for me and her.
even my parents divorce didn't affect me.
My wife complains that I never show emotion.
I don't really feel any most of the time except rage, anger and anxiety.
But I do a pretty good job of keeping those feelings inside of me until I am alone and then I freak out. I don't want to make an *** out of myself and flip out on anyone, so I wait.
But to be clear one more time, my upbringing has nothing to do with what I am going through right now.
Bach, you sound a little defensive! You can believe what you want to believe but I am going to put my two cents in and then I will never bother you again about it unless you ask me to. You say that your wife tells you that you show no emotion and then you also say that your parent's divorce didn't bother you. Hmmm, wonder if there is a connection?
Rage, anger and anxiety do not fall out of the sky and hit you. They also are not genetic. You are anxious, and angry about something.
Not getting along with your mother is a big thing and so is isolating yourself. Having your upbringing affect you does not have to consist of abuse or neglect. I could see how any of the things that you mentioned above could cause your anxiety and anger.
Good luck to you!
bachiach
01-07-2007, 01:56 AM
I dont mind you giving your opinion. Thats why I came here in the first place. I am not the type of person that thinks only my opinions matter, everyones do. They are opinions, not factual information. I want to hear everyones thoughts, regardless if I agree or not.
I do come off as defensive, I think its just the way I word some things. Me not getting along with my mother was from about the time I was 17 till around maybe 18 or a little longer. It was just her Napoleon personality that came out when my dad left. My wife THINKS, only thinks their divorce must have affected me. I assure you, it has not. I think it would of affected me if they had stayed together. They didn't get along so what is the point.
As for me isolating myself, I still try and do that. I do not like people. I do better on my own with the company of my animals. My wife goes out with her friends and always asks if I want to go, 99% of the time I pass.
If there is something specific I am angry about, I do not know what it is. I have always had rage and anger issues. When I use to play video games I would go bezerk. Bite myself and hit myself and break countless numbers of controllers. My first computer the same thing happened. Threw a chair through the door when it wouldnt work. Was driving to take it to get fixed and just the thought of it not working, I just swung and hit the side of the tower.
Now that I live on my own, I think now before I do ****. I think, you are going to have to pay for it if it breaks, so I haven't smashed **** in a while.
I do come off as defensive, I think its just the way I word some things. Me not getting along with my mother was from about the time I was 17 till around maybe 18 or a little longer. It was just her Napoleon personality that came out when my dad left. My wife THINKS, only thinks their divorce must have affected me. I assure you, it has not. I think it would of affected me if they had stayed together. They didn't get along so what is the point.
As for me isolating myself, I still try and do that. I do not like people. I do better on my own with the company of my animals. My wife goes out with her friends and always asks if I want to go, 99% of the time I pass.
If there is something specific I am angry about, I do not know what it is. I have always had rage and anger issues. When I use to play video games I would go bezerk. Bite myself and hit myself and break countless numbers of controllers. My first computer the same thing happened. Threw a chair through the door when it wouldnt work. Was driving to take it to get fixed and just the thought of it not working, I just swung and hit the side of the tower.
Now that I live on my own, I think now before I do ****. I think, you are going to have to pay for it if it breaks, so I haven't smashed **** in a while.
Musical_Muse
01-07-2007, 02:46 AM
"People that have opinions but never want to hear anyone else’s. People who think their opinions are facts. People who are nice to your face and talk **** when your not around. People around the holiday’s. People who have to pull out in front of you, when there is no one in sight behind your, and then drive 10 mph less than the speed limit."
I feel the same way ;)
I feel the same way ;)
Sannah
01-07-2007, 09:29 AM
Hey Bach, what came to my mind from reading your post was this scenario. Try it on and see if it fits. Sounds like your parents were unhappy with each other so they got a divorce. You said that the divorce was good then. I could see how this could be true. You are still sad about it though! These are your parents. This was your family. Now they have split. I think that you learned that this unhappiness is just normal. What else could you have done? You had to cope, but still you were unhappy. I think that you might be angry because your life then was crap? Could you be anxious because you never felt secure with a family? Could you not have emotions now (except anger) because you had to live this monotonous emotional life back then (monotonous unhappiness). Wouldn't you have loved to have had a happy family back then? You must have been angry about what you had to live without? (I didn't have a happy family either). If you are continuing to isolate yourself from people do you think that you are just really disappointed with people and you think "what's the use".
bachiach
01-07-2007, 01:13 PM
I knew I wasn't the only one
bachiach
01-07-2007, 01:26 PM
Obviously they were unhappy, but I saw it as, why should they be together when they are miserable. I wasn't miserable (not because of my family anyway) I have been miserable since I was born. I never liked to be around people, including my family, even when they were happy. I wanted to be in my room and be left alone. I don't see this as a problem, just the way some people are.
Even if my family were the Brady Bunch and always happy and joyus, I would still be the angry, depressed, hating society that I am right now.
My family only ever showed me love and affection. My grandparents, both sets, my aunts and uncles, every relative I had. I didn't really enjoy that, cause I just want to be left alone.
I actually get along better now, with my mother and father than I did when I was growing up. I think its the fact I don't have contact with them everyday, nor do I want to.
The reason for my anxiety is because I have racing thoughts in my head every minute I'm awake. I am thinking of 8 things I have to do when I am trying to complete one. I am anxious because of the dust in my house and my inablility to keep it clean. I am anxious cause I have to think about seeing people when I leave my house.
I know you are trying to help, but I assure you, this is not family related.
My wife only made that comment because she thinks that if her family split up that she would be devestated, so obviously I would be to.
I moved out of my mothers house in 2001. We got married and bought a house. Alot of it escalated from there. From what I read, alot of responsibility put on someone at once can cause this to happen. I also took a supervisory position right around the same time. I had that for 5 years and hated every minute of it. I had more stress and anxiety from that job than I could handle. I quit in April and am now at a job I love. Thinking that would help with everything, it hasn't.
So I have come to the conclusion, I gotta deal with it. And I am ok with that. For now.;
Even if my family were the Brady Bunch and always happy and joyus, I would still be the angry, depressed, hating society that I am right now.
My family only ever showed me love and affection. My grandparents, both sets, my aunts and uncles, every relative I had. I didn't really enjoy that, cause I just want to be left alone.
I actually get along better now, with my mother and father than I did when I was growing up. I think its the fact I don't have contact with them everyday, nor do I want to.
The reason for my anxiety is because I have racing thoughts in my head every minute I'm awake. I am thinking of 8 things I have to do when I am trying to complete one. I am anxious because of the dust in my house and my inablility to keep it clean. I am anxious cause I have to think about seeing people when I leave my house.
I know you are trying to help, but I assure you, this is not family related.
My wife only made that comment because she thinks that if her family split up that she would be devestated, so obviously I would be to.
I moved out of my mothers house in 2001. We got married and bought a house. Alot of it escalated from there. From what I read, alot of responsibility put on someone at once can cause this to happen. I also took a supervisory position right around the same time. I had that for 5 years and hated every minute of it. I had more stress and anxiety from that job than I could handle. I quit in April and am now at a job I love. Thinking that would help with everything, it hasn't.
So I have come to the conclusion, I gotta deal with it. And I am ok with that. For now.;
Sannah
01-07-2007, 02:15 PM
Bach, did the supervisory position just give you more to worry about? I read on another thread that you were going to drop out of therapy? I think that a good route for you would be to work on other ways to decrease your anxiety rather than to think that if you control your environment then you will get relief. To find ways to help you feel secure and calm which are truly calming and relaxing activities/thoughts. It seems like these OCD things can create a vicious cycle - you think that you have to keep doing them because this is what you have been doing. I am sure there is a lot of good treatment out there for OCD.
Maybe when you moved out of your mother's house your anxiety increased because it was a new and unfamiliar environment which increased your anxiety. Change can be stressful for a lot of people, especially those with anxiety and I am talking from experience here.
You say that you want to be left alone and that this shouldn't be seen as a problem. I agree that if someone is happy a certain way it isn't a problem. The problem I see, however, is that you have anxiety when you leave your house and have to interact with others. This is a problem.
Maybe when you moved out of your mother's house your anxiety increased because it was a new and unfamiliar environment which increased your anxiety. Change can be stressful for a lot of people, especially those with anxiety and I am talking from experience here.
You say that you want to be left alone and that this shouldn't be seen as a problem. I agree that if someone is happy a certain way it isn't a problem. The problem I see, however, is that you have anxiety when you leave your house and have to interact with others. This is a problem.
bachiach
01-08-2007, 12:41 AM
The supervisor position didn't help with the worrying. I worry about everything that is possible to happen, but the chances of them actually happening, are not very good. Everytime my wife leaves the house, my thought is that something is going to happen to her. When I leave the house and see a car pulling onto our street, I have to go around the block to make sure nothing strange is happening. Worrying the house will catch on fire and my animals will die. People breaking in to where I had $1,400/each- windows installed because they are unbreakable and maybe that would relieve some of my tension. Did it help my worrying????????? NOPE.
Most of that has gotten better since I am not on 3rd shift anymore.
I had anxiety long before that, just never knew what it was. I use to be a cook in a busy restaurant, and not only did I worry about the meals going out, but I had to have everything clean, full and orgazined as I worked, plus walk around into the next room to wash my hands every 5 mins. These were all things I put on myself.
Another panic problem for me is when I have to go to the potty. I can only go at my house. Doesn't matter how bad or how far away from my house I am, I will hold it till I get home. And I am very aware that this is not healthy for me, but there isn't much of a choice.
This is sometimes difficult for me because my job requires me to be in a 2 hour radius from our office, which is only .5 miles from my house, at all times. So, if I am starting my day 2 hours away and the urge hits me, tough luck for me, I gotta wait till I get home. I use to do this in school, 830 in the morning, ohhh shiiiiit, that breakfast burito wants to make an exit. Darnit all, gotta wait till 315. I was in the middle of golfing one day and the urge hit. Walked off the course and went home. Before me and the wife lived together and I was at her apartment, the urge stepped up and I stepped out. Had to go home.
Its not really a problem, I just cant eat in the morning and all day till I get home. Which isn't that difficult cause I am on Adderall and Cymbalta, and both of them really take away your appetite.
But its just another thing for me to worry about on a daily basis. And yes I did mention I was going to cancel my therapy, which I did yesterday. I don't think she, nor anyone else, can help me. Possibly someone with the same problems I have, so they know where I am coming from.
And finally, yes I have a major problem with leaving the house and having to function in any type of society setting. I do not like people, I don't want to be around them, especially in large numbers such as a grocery store or mall. My wife gets very frustrated with me, but she cannot understand the fear in my head when I think about all the people I am going to be around. She thinks its an excuse to not go anywhere.
My wife is wonderful, she has to be to be able to keep some of her sanity while dealing with me. I'm just not sure how much of the countdown of her dealing with me, is left. I couldn't or wouldn't blame her one bit if she left. 99% of the population wouldn't of stayed around this long.
I really like Monk, but I cannot make it through an episode. He makes me want to clean the whole house. I got about 20 minutes into it tonight before I started rearranging the bathroom closet. Going through our bills and insurance and reciepts and organizing that stuff. Cleaning anything I could think of.
Its weird cause, I was really in a pissy mood about 3 hours prior to that for no reason at all. I just was grouchy. Happens all the time. As soon as I started cleaning, I felt great. There is a possibility the Adderall kicked in though, cause I was late taking it and about 30 mins after I did is when my mood switched.
I never know when its gonna switch back and how long its going to stay.
Most of that has gotten better since I am not on 3rd shift anymore.
I had anxiety long before that, just never knew what it was. I use to be a cook in a busy restaurant, and not only did I worry about the meals going out, but I had to have everything clean, full and orgazined as I worked, plus walk around into the next room to wash my hands every 5 mins. These were all things I put on myself.
Another panic problem for me is when I have to go to the potty. I can only go at my house. Doesn't matter how bad or how far away from my house I am, I will hold it till I get home. And I am very aware that this is not healthy for me, but there isn't much of a choice.
This is sometimes difficult for me because my job requires me to be in a 2 hour radius from our office, which is only .5 miles from my house, at all times. So, if I am starting my day 2 hours away and the urge hits me, tough luck for me, I gotta wait till I get home. I use to do this in school, 830 in the morning, ohhh shiiiiit, that breakfast burito wants to make an exit. Darnit all, gotta wait till 315. I was in the middle of golfing one day and the urge hit. Walked off the course and went home. Before me and the wife lived together and I was at her apartment, the urge stepped up and I stepped out. Had to go home.
Its not really a problem, I just cant eat in the morning and all day till I get home. Which isn't that difficult cause I am on Adderall and Cymbalta, and both of them really take away your appetite.
But its just another thing for me to worry about on a daily basis. And yes I did mention I was going to cancel my therapy, which I did yesterday. I don't think she, nor anyone else, can help me. Possibly someone with the same problems I have, so they know where I am coming from.
And finally, yes I have a major problem with leaving the house and having to function in any type of society setting. I do not like people, I don't want to be around them, especially in large numbers such as a grocery store or mall. My wife gets very frustrated with me, but she cannot understand the fear in my head when I think about all the people I am going to be around. She thinks its an excuse to not go anywhere.
My wife is wonderful, she has to be to be able to keep some of her sanity while dealing with me. I'm just not sure how much of the countdown of her dealing with me, is left. I couldn't or wouldn't blame her one bit if she left. 99% of the population wouldn't of stayed around this long.
I really like Monk, but I cannot make it through an episode. He makes me want to clean the whole house. I got about 20 minutes into it tonight before I started rearranging the bathroom closet. Going through our bills and insurance and reciepts and organizing that stuff. Cleaning anything I could think of.
Its weird cause, I was really in a pissy mood about 3 hours prior to that for no reason at all. I just was grouchy. Happens all the time. As soon as I started cleaning, I felt great. There is a possibility the Adderall kicked in though, cause I was late taking it and about 30 mins after I did is when my mood switched.
I never know when its gonna switch back and how long its going to stay.
Sannah
01-08-2007, 10:30 AM
Bach, there is treatment for this! Please do not suffer any longer! I understand a little about things needing to be in order and things needing to be done. I have been anxious before when things were not done. I don't feel any of this anxiety anymore, however, since I realized why I was anxious and I changed these thoughts in my mind and understood my emotions.
I was anxious because I had terrible boundaries and this caused anxiety because I never knew if I could protect myself from others. I grew up with a Narcissistic mom. Our whole family revolved around her needs and all the rest of us, including my dad, went with our needs unmet. I learned, therefore, to meet other's needs and not my own. I had to learn to meet my own needs and learn to develop my boundaries by learning that I had the power to tell others when they could cross my boundaries and how much. I had to learn a whole lot of social skills too because none were taught in my dysfunctional family. I am totally empowered now. I can walk into any situation with any people and handle myself just fine. I am still fine-tuning things but this is just icing on the cake.
I was also anxious because I didn't think that I was very valuable. When your mother ignores you and your needs it sort of sends the message that you are not worth a whole lot. This made me anxious because I felt that others could expose me at any moment and I had to keep a lid on this. Once I came to accept that I was a valuable person the anxiety about this dissapated.
Have you read the thread "Looking for others with agoraphobia" by sweetpea here on the Mental Health Board? Cassie posted some good advice about anxiety and living in the moment. I thought that it was excellent advice.
Hey, I'll bet that you are afraid of treatment because it would be the unknown and nothing probably brings more fear to you than the unknown?
Bach, keep posting, okay!
I was anxious because I had terrible boundaries and this caused anxiety because I never knew if I could protect myself from others. I grew up with a Narcissistic mom. Our whole family revolved around her needs and all the rest of us, including my dad, went with our needs unmet. I learned, therefore, to meet other's needs and not my own. I had to learn to meet my own needs and learn to develop my boundaries by learning that I had the power to tell others when they could cross my boundaries and how much. I had to learn a whole lot of social skills too because none were taught in my dysfunctional family. I am totally empowered now. I can walk into any situation with any people and handle myself just fine. I am still fine-tuning things but this is just icing on the cake.
I was also anxious because I didn't think that I was very valuable. When your mother ignores you and your needs it sort of sends the message that you are not worth a whole lot. This made me anxious because I felt that others could expose me at any moment and I had to keep a lid on this. Once I came to accept that I was a valuable person the anxiety about this dissapated.
Have you read the thread "Looking for others with agoraphobia" by sweetpea here on the Mental Health Board? Cassie posted some good advice about anxiety and living in the moment. I thought that it was excellent advice.
Hey, I'll bet that you are afraid of treatment because it would be the unknown and nothing probably brings more fear to you than the unknown?
Bach, keep posting, okay!
babydiva
01-10-2007, 01:19 PM
Well I have some things that bother me too. Pet peeves like. I don't like when ppl say something rude and then say it's a joke. In my opinion if they don't have anything nice to say then they should be quiet. I mean, even if it's a joke it could hurt the other person's feelings. Whatever has been said though I guess. I hate when ppl are rude for no reason. Or wanna pick fights for nothing. Like I understand if someone doesn't like someone. I don't like every single person myself, but I'd never say something to that person or pick a fight. Like why? Know what I mean? Erm, Ya thats about it. I am a serious one I'll admitt sometimes a lil too serious but hey thats just me.
bachiach
01-10-2007, 09:04 PM
The treatment thing I don't fear. I don't know why, but I never thought of it as the unknown. I don' like change and don't like to go out my routine ever, one reason is because I usually forget to do something if I do. I really don't want to feel this way, but I don't think a professional can help me. If they have not been in the particular situation, there is no way of understanding how the other person feels. If I haven't gone through an experience, I cant say, I know how you feel and I hate when people who say it to me. If you do not have this problem you cannot have any clue. My wife asks me all the time if I know how it is to be the other person. Which I don't so I can't answer her. But I live with myself everyday and its almost like I live with another person because I have to deal with my other self and my thought process at the same time. My thought process is without a doubt a not only a full time job, but a career.
I know this is off the topic somewhat but I must also explain my social phobias. Not only do I dislike social situations, but my wife, I am very uncomfortable speaking, seeing, being around and in general not comfortable with her. I love her dearly, but I can't open up to her, or anyone for that matter. We don't really have much of a dorking life because I am too uncomfortable to try anything plus I also cannot take hints if she is attempting to try something , and sometimes just thinking of it, makes my stomach hurt. Not the actual physical part, obviously, but how uncomfortable it is leading up to it, if I think about making eye contact with her during it and for sure, after it. I have to live with her and see her the next day. Its hard to explain but the thought of me being alone for the rest of my life doesn't really upset me.
She walked into the bathroom last night as I was drying off after taking a shower. Drives me insane. I have told her numerous times to please wait till I am done and clothed to come in. I cannot use the bathroom if she is in there or if the door isn't locked cause she will barge on in. The whole night she wont go in the bathroom, but as soon as I do its like shes drawn to going in there and I freak out. I don't want her to see me with nothing on, I dont want anyone to see me with nothing on. This is the one person I am suppose to be OK with, but it just isn't there.
I think a stranger sometimes would be easier dealing with. At least in the morning I wouldn't have to wake up to anyone and thinking of how awkward its going to be the night before.
I know this is off the topic somewhat but I must also explain my social phobias. Not only do I dislike social situations, but my wife, I am very uncomfortable speaking, seeing, being around and in general not comfortable with her. I love her dearly, but I can't open up to her, or anyone for that matter. We don't really have much of a dorking life because I am too uncomfortable to try anything plus I also cannot take hints if she is attempting to try something , and sometimes just thinking of it, makes my stomach hurt. Not the actual physical part, obviously, but how uncomfortable it is leading up to it, if I think about making eye contact with her during it and for sure, after it. I have to live with her and see her the next day. Its hard to explain but the thought of me being alone for the rest of my life doesn't really upset me.
She walked into the bathroom last night as I was drying off after taking a shower. Drives me insane. I have told her numerous times to please wait till I am done and clothed to come in. I cannot use the bathroom if she is in there or if the door isn't locked cause she will barge on in. The whole night she wont go in the bathroom, but as soon as I do its like shes drawn to going in there and I freak out. I don't want her to see me with nothing on, I dont want anyone to see me with nothing on. This is the one person I am suppose to be OK with, but it just isn't there.
I think a stranger sometimes would be easier dealing with. At least in the morning I wouldn't have to wake up to anyone and thinking of how awkward its going to be the night before.
Sannah
01-11-2007, 11:11 AM
Bach, do you think you have some fear of intimacy issues? That you don't want your wife to see who you really are?
I totally disagree with you that a therapist has to have had the problem to understand. They get training and experience with clients who have the same issues. Their training is based on research into what works for particular types of clients. Anyway, a therapist is supposed to figure out what is in your head. I doubt if any two stories for people are exactly the same. You have thoughts in your head because of the experiences that you have had. The therapist needs to figure out what thoughts in your head are causing you such distress. I think that you are scared to go to therapy. It must be because you don't like change and therapy is going to cause you to change. Bach, you WILL be okay if you go to therapy! You will not die if you have change in your life. You can't continue on this way - you are miserable! You can have such a better life if you can find the courage to go to therapy.
I totally disagree with you that a therapist has to have had the problem to understand. They get training and experience with clients who have the same issues. Their training is based on research into what works for particular types of clients. Anyway, a therapist is supposed to figure out what is in your head. I doubt if any two stories for people are exactly the same. You have thoughts in your head because of the experiences that you have had. The therapist needs to figure out what thoughts in your head are causing you such distress. I think that you are scared to go to therapy. It must be because you don't like change and therapy is going to cause you to change. Bach, you WILL be okay if you go to therapy! You will not die if you have change in your life. You can't continue on this way - you are miserable! You can have such a better life if you can find the courage to go to therapy.
bachiach
01-11-2007, 01:37 PM
I have been to therapy. It doesn't help. If I do not think that a certain person can help me, then there is no way they are going to.
If you went to a Dr and you didn't think they could help you, would you listen to anything they told you to do or any medicine that they prescribed for you?
I know they have training and no 2 cases are alike. But she has never gone through this. She is basing past experiences and her medical knowledge on treating me, which is fine, but I want someone to talk to that has either gone through what I am or is currently going through the same thing. I need someone to understand what I am talking about and know what it feels like to have this problem yourself, not someone that has been around it and knows from training and assumes they know what is wrong.
I work in respiratory therapy and yes I work with people with physical ailments but my point is going to be, when they tell me they cant breath, the only thing I can tell them to do is what is recommended. I can't say, yeah I know what thats like cause I can't. I have no idea what they are going through. I can say to stop smoking, make sure you do your treatments as prescribed and wear your 02 or Cpap as prescribed. But when they tell them they are uncomfortable with wearing something or it makes their breathing worse, I don't know how bad they feel and the same goes for anyone that treats mental illness. Unless you have dealt with it, I really don't want to take advice from someone just because they have a degree.
As for my wife, I dont know if I have intimacy issues. I wasn't like this before to the extent I am now. I have always had my quirks, but not to the point where I don't want to dork her. And the main reason I threw that out there was to see if anyone else has dealt with this feeling and how or if they over came it.
If you went to a Dr and you didn't think they could help you, would you listen to anything they told you to do or any medicine that they prescribed for you?
I know they have training and no 2 cases are alike. But she has never gone through this. She is basing past experiences and her medical knowledge on treating me, which is fine, but I want someone to talk to that has either gone through what I am or is currently going through the same thing. I need someone to understand what I am talking about and know what it feels like to have this problem yourself, not someone that has been around it and knows from training and assumes they know what is wrong.
I work in respiratory therapy and yes I work with people with physical ailments but my point is going to be, when they tell me they cant breath, the only thing I can tell them to do is what is recommended. I can't say, yeah I know what thats like cause I can't. I have no idea what they are going through. I can say to stop smoking, make sure you do your treatments as prescribed and wear your 02 or Cpap as prescribed. But when they tell them they are uncomfortable with wearing something or it makes their breathing worse, I don't know how bad they feel and the same goes for anyone that treats mental illness. Unless you have dealt with it, I really don't want to take advice from someone just because they have a degree.
As for my wife, I dont know if I have intimacy issues. I wasn't like this before to the extent I am now. I have always had my quirks, but not to the point where I don't want to dork her. And the main reason I threw that out there was to see if anyone else has dealt with this feeling and how or if they over came it.
Sannah
01-11-2007, 01:56 PM
Bach, you are never going to believe this, I was a respiratory therapist for 15 years!
When you were in therapy was it a psychiatrist?
I think that it would be worth thinking about if you have intimacy issues or not. This was one of the issues that I had to deal with.
When you were in therapy was it a psychiatrist?
I think that it would be worth thinking about if you have intimacy issues or not. This was one of the issues that I had to deal with.
keyboardplaya
01-15-2007, 11:59 AM
Bachiach,
I don't think it's so much that you hate people. I mean, here you are talking to all of us. But perhaps you just don't like the physical contact--not just because of your feelings about sanitation, but also because of certain pet peeves that you only deal with in physical situations.
I am very glad that you are involved in a relationship. I'm sure you know this very well already, and I don't mean to get into your personal life too much, but I would strongly suggest making your wife a priority, as I'm sure you already have. Out of curiosity, since she is in fact a person, does she ever frustrate you by bringing out some of your irritations?
Even though you don't have any obvious factors in your life that cause your behavior, I do think that your condition is a result of some type of incident. You made it very clear that your parents' divorce has nothing to do with this. And I understand the way you felt about their decision, because even though my parents never divorced, I used to wish they did. However, you are uptight and could maybe find ways to relax? I've had my fair share of insecurities and worries, but anytime my girlfriend told me to just stop worrying so much and relax, I tried to chill out and it felt so much better. I know very well that this isn't easy for you, and you at least tried to make it better with medication. I'm glad that the medication does some good for you. At the same time, I think the bulk of the problem is in your head, and you should think long and hard about where this anger comes from. If you can't find where it comes from, I have a feeling it might be something from your very early childhood. That would at least explain why it's so hard to figure out. Lastly, I would sincerely try to just relax and find ways to get rid of your stress, whether this means going to the beach or just sleeping in one day.
I don't think it's so much that you hate people. I mean, here you are talking to all of us. But perhaps you just don't like the physical contact--not just because of your feelings about sanitation, but also because of certain pet peeves that you only deal with in physical situations.
I am very glad that you are involved in a relationship. I'm sure you know this very well already, and I don't mean to get into your personal life too much, but I would strongly suggest making your wife a priority, as I'm sure you already have. Out of curiosity, since she is in fact a person, does she ever frustrate you by bringing out some of your irritations?
Even though you don't have any obvious factors in your life that cause your behavior, I do think that your condition is a result of some type of incident. You made it very clear that your parents' divorce has nothing to do with this. And I understand the way you felt about their decision, because even though my parents never divorced, I used to wish they did. However, you are uptight and could maybe find ways to relax? I've had my fair share of insecurities and worries, but anytime my girlfriend told me to just stop worrying so much and relax, I tried to chill out and it felt so much better. I know very well that this isn't easy for you, and you at least tried to make it better with medication. I'm glad that the medication does some good for you. At the same time, I think the bulk of the problem is in your head, and you should think long and hard about where this anger comes from. If you can't find where it comes from, I have a feeling it might be something from your very early childhood. That would at least explain why it's so hard to figure out. Lastly, I would sincerely try to just relax and find ways to get rid of your stress, whether this means going to the beach or just sleeping in one day.
li_low
01-16-2007, 05:55 AM
Oh how you make a mockery of us who do struggle with this every day of our lives.
keyboardplaya
01-16-2007, 11:43 AM
I'm not mocking you guys. I'm just trying to help. :-[
Sehsun
06-15-2007, 11:27 PM
Hey bachiach, I just got around to this post today (haven't been around much). I found that many of the things that bother you also bother me.
- Germs, illness, bacteria, and anything not clean is a big annoyance (more like a fear) to me as well.
- I also can't stand when people sneeze and don't turn their head. I actually don't like it when people sneeze into their hands because then they could touch something with their hands. I would rather them sneeze into their sleeve.
- When I seal envelopes, I take some water and use that to moisten the envelope - I never lick envelopes unless I am making a deposit at the ATM.
- I don't like opening doors. I love this one bathroom at my alma mater where there is a motion sensor door, and all you have to do is wave your hand to open the door. Otherwise, I use my pinky to open doors, or if I am coming out of a public restroom, I use the paper towel I used to dry my hands with. Or I press the automatic door opening button with a single knuckle. I use the same single knuckle method when pressing elevator buttons.
- After I use the gas pump, I use hand sanitizer. I open my apartment door with my shirt sleeve.
- When I am purchasing items, I never buy the first item in the display. Usually the ones towards the back.
- I do not like touching money either and actually don't carry cash.
Just letting you know that there are people out there with some similarities. :)
- Germs, illness, bacteria, and anything not clean is a big annoyance (more like a fear) to me as well.
- I also can't stand when people sneeze and don't turn their head. I actually don't like it when people sneeze into their hands because then they could touch something with their hands. I would rather them sneeze into their sleeve.
- When I seal envelopes, I take some water and use that to moisten the envelope - I never lick envelopes unless I am making a deposit at the ATM.
- I don't like opening doors. I love this one bathroom at my alma mater where there is a motion sensor door, and all you have to do is wave your hand to open the door. Otherwise, I use my pinky to open doors, or if I am coming out of a public restroom, I use the paper towel I used to dry my hands with. Or I press the automatic door opening button with a single knuckle. I use the same single knuckle method when pressing elevator buttons.
- After I use the gas pump, I use hand sanitizer. I open my apartment door with my shirt sleeve.
- When I am purchasing items, I never buy the first item in the display. Usually the ones towards the back.
- I do not like touching money either and actually don't carry cash.
Just letting you know that there are people out there with some similarities. :)