Please help me figure this out.....

We have been oscilating back and forth between...this is a bad teacher to our child has add/adhd/ocd, etc. His second grade teacher SUCKS. She is forgetful, disorganized, curt, a hick, etc. But he was showing signs of this last year with his previous teacher as well but not to this degree.

Our son is generally a good kid. He has a lot of problems completing tasks and staying on task...he is 8 and in second grade.

We took him for his well visit and got the forms for his teachers to fill out regarding ADD/ADHD testing. Some of the things she filled ou suggest parts of it and others don't. I just don't know what to do. She indicated that his grades fell to B's, C's, and D's. His conduct is U for unsatisfactory from N last time. I just don't get it. We are hard on him....not like some parents who let their kids do anything. Sometimes brutally hard on him. She indicated that he generally doesn' t get along with his peers and isn't liked well by his peers. He has trouble concentrating and when given time to complete assigments, either cannot or will not. We don't beat him, we don't neglect him, we love him, we ARE hard on him, etc. He never wants to commit to anything long term....quite Karate after a couple terms. Quit soccer after a couple terms. He is mean to his sister and us as parents. He seems to be mean to other kids (burping in their ears, standing in their chairs, telling them to shut up, etc.). The quote from the teacher (who knows we are getting help), is that to other teachers look at him and think he gets no discipline at home.

We have tried spankings, time outs, lost privliges, yelling, screaming (when he was out of control), etc. Sometimes we look at each other and think, 'what were we worried about?' because he is an angel. Other times...usually when dealing with sibling rivalry between himself and his sister....devil. At school, I don't know how much is that he hates that ***** of a teacher and how much is truly abnormal.

I'm dying here. I love this creature with all my soul and it seems like he is failiing at life. He is underperforming at virtually everything. This isn't success and this isn't winning. His soul is being crushed by the constant beratement of checks (for bad behavior) and an occasional note home.

We are so tired and punch drunk from dealing with this that we aren't in control personally. This isn't enjoying life. This isn't happiness.

We are not sure if he has problems with ADD/ADHD....but it looks like we are going to have to try some kind of medication. Either he has ADD/ADHD, a learning disability, or he is just plain evil. Some of his stuff can be explained by the fact that he is 8, but not enough. We moved to keep him into this school district and now this is going to be his reputation.

Does this sound like anyone else's children? Did things turn around when you started medications? I am against medication unless absolutely necessary but this is like the capital punishment argument.....if not in this case, WHEN?

I am broken....encouragement would really help right about now.

OC9

Hi there OC9!!

I totally know how you feel. I too have an 8 year old boy who at times seems like a total angel and at others....well you know. He cannot stand his 7 year old sister most of the time and has been diagnosed with ADD.

At times, we don't know if the teacher is right for him or not. Even on the meds that he was on, she was still calling me almost daily to let me know that my son wasn't doing anything in class. He won't do his classwork unless he is interested in whatever she is talking about. Although he is passing all subjects.

Has your son ever been tested for giftedness?? Mine was just recently and passed the test as "gifted." I have read a little bit about ADD with Giftedness and it says that a lot of the behaviors for gifted kids and ADD kids are the same. Acting out, being distructive, aggresivness, inattentivness and so on.

Anyhow, my son has tried several different meds and the doc just put him on Focalin 20 mg. It seems to calm him down to where he can tolerate things a little better but he doesn't want to eat while the meds are in his system. So I have him eat a good breakfast before taking the pill and let him eat whenever he feels like it at home.

At times I feel so confused too!!:confused:

I hope everything turns out for you. I look forward to your response.

Well, I read what the teacher wrote and indicated on the forms from my son's pediatrician last night. We also filled out our versions. The two forms were pretty close with us being harder on some and easier on others. Some questions were tailored more towards school so we couldn't answer them.

So there is a problem but I do NOT know what it is. The teacher indicated and we totally agree that if he would just finish his work, he would have good grades. If she sends home a packet with 8 pages in it, you can see where he got 100's on the first few pages but the back few have 60's or worse. Like he just gives out of attention span.

As far as his conduct goes, many of his problems stem from his peanut allergy. He is allergic but only hives thus far. However, next time if could be full scale inability to breathe or even death, this the nature of the allergy. He is especially sensitive during recess which is right after lunch because he worries someone will touch him...having eaten peanut butter. So some of the behavior problems are because of the peanut allergy. He is almost like OCD because of it but it isn't true OCD because it is a real possibility carried to an extreme. But at the same time, this ***** of a teacher is just an uncaring, unmotivating slob of a human being. We got a mutliclass grade report two days ago and I emailed her about it because it had a grade for conduct and a grade for something (it was unidentified). When I emailed her, she had no idea of what it was. Disorganized, discheveled, horrible teacher. I mean the worst of the worst.

I just don't know what to do. My wife called the school today to see about testing for a learning disability and they acted like they didn't know what she was talking about. We moved to be in this school and it has gone to HELL.

Anyway, something is broken. I want my boy back, someone I can do things with. Right now, doing anything like fishing or hunting that requires a sustained amount of time is impossible. Even playing ball ends up in a shouting match if he misses too many pitches or I pitch badly....Phil Neikro I am not.

So, I dunno. I am phsically exhausted from not sleeping well because of this. I am emotionally drained from the disappointment of the situation. I am spiritually drained. I am 36 years old and I am ready to just sit down somewhere and QUIT!

Cal

When I talked to my doctor about getting him tested for learning disabilities, she told me that they were NOT going to want to do the testing. You have to push for it and don't let them tell you that they don't see it neccessary. Put it in writing that you want him tested and sign it and give it to the school....They have to test him after that and within 30 or 60 days. The schools don't want to do it because it's their time and their cost.

It seems his teacher needs to work with him some. Like send home the packet but give him extra time or if he is doing his homework and after about 5 or 10 problems, you see that he is getting it and knows what he is doing, have him stop. No need to fight it if he knows what he is doing.

After a long meeting with my husband and I, the teacher, principle, school psychologist, and the resource teacher, the principle told us to not make him sit there for hours on end just to finish his work. I mean come on, the kid goes to school for 6 hours and then has to come home and work for another 3hours just to wrap it up??? I am not ok with that. So anyways, when our son is just at the end of his rope and this happens a lot, we initial what he didn't get done and send it with him to school.

At first when this all started, I stressed, yelled, spanked, time out, grounded, and so on. I just would get so angry with him...but, it's not his fault. I still get upset sometimes but I try...I try to keep my temper in check. And I certainly know what you mean about playing with him. My son is a sore loser. It isn't even fun to play with him at times because if he doesn't win, it's over....if we are playing catch and he misses it, he gets mad and doesn't even want to play anymore.

As for medications, let the doctor give him a RX if she wants to. It was like a miracle when my son first started taking it. I was amazed. You might be too.

How far apart in age is your son and daughter? My daughter is 7 but I have another daughter who is 2. He loves his baby sister but fights almost constantly with his 7 year old sister.

Good Luck and don't give up. :)

Stacy

Thanks alls...

So far, we are working with the school, teacher, and counselor in the school. The teacher has done things like giving him time to finish the work...say during other studies or recess and states that he sometimes just refuses. He does this at home when he is overwhelmed with something. His teacher also instituted a program where he gets to go read to his Kindergarden teacher's class if he is good. So she isn't all bad.

He has broken down in sobs before when we were getting on him about school and his conduct and just sobbed about 'how he can't take the pressure'. He also said things like he wishes he was never born or would die. That is hard to hear as a parent. We tried ratcheting down the pressure but nothing works long term.

So there is a problem somewhere. I just don't know where and what.

He really seems to be trying because he is so proud when he comes home and doesn't have any checks for bad behavior. But it is like when he sets his mind to something, then that is just THAT.

Thanks for the information on the school and having to push. My wife was specifically asking about testing to look for a learning disability and the counselor acted all confused as if no one had ever asked for that before.

Our son is 8 and our daughter will be 4 in March. Between him and her is typical sibling stuff. She is a very affectionate child and likes to express it by holding onto and rubbing your ears...I know weird but it is what Ronald Reagan used to do so maybe there is some destiny there! :D He hates it and she stalks him like a hunter and just won't stop...if he had any sense of humor at all it would be funny but usually ends up in yelling.

Well, I just dunno about all this. I am thinking when we see his pediatrician next week sometime that I will ask for a trial of Strattera. My friends son takes that and his school behavior problems and bad grades STOPPED. He is now on the honor roll. I resisted as long as I can but his first grade teacher allluded to all of this and now his second grade teacher is about ready to give up on him. We will see.

Well, the old saying about raining and pouring is true. On top of all of this, my company is being bought out and I have to go through that mess. I need Calgon...no wait a 6'3" blonde Swede named Helga to take me away. ;)

OC9

Hi OC9,

May I suggest that you discuss the possible meds for your son w/the doc. While Strattera works very well for some kids, for many kids it is not sustainable due to nasty side effects.

Strattera is generally not the first line of medication for ADHD. Strattera was not designed for ADHD. It was designed for the treatment of adult depression, and failed miserably ... at which time it was 'studied' and re-marketed for ADHD. The day to day clinical implementation of Strattera has been disappointing to many docs. It seems to have more side effects than were noted in the pharmaceutical company's short term safety study. However, it is not a stimulant per se, and for some families, that is a big selling point.

There are other, older meds that are better tolerated by the majority of kids, that are also very effective for ADHD. However, it could be that in talking with your doc, it is decided that Strattera should be the first one tried.

Best wishes.

LOL!! Helga....:D

Your son sounds like my son...It will get better. My son still has some bad days but all in all things are better since he has been on the meds. Good Luck to you and your son!

~Stacy~

My heart is breaking for you - I can completely understand your frustration. We too went through a similar situation with our son when he was in 1st grade - he's now in 6th and doing great.

First, I would suggest that this weekend you spend some individual time with him - hold his hand, give him lots of hugs, let him know that you love him and that you understand it's been difficult. Also let him know that you will do all you can to help him and pretty soon everything will be fine.

Second, take him to the Dr. who deals with behavioral issues and have him tested. You may want to look beyond his pediatrician to someone who deals specifically with ADHD. We have found (after several Dr's) a "behavioral pediatrician" who specializes in ADHD. If your Dr. recommends medication - give it a try. For us, medication has been a miracle. It has allowed my son to live a happy and productive life. He does great in school, has lots of friends and is a star athlete. He would not have been able to get this far without the medication. For us, methylphenidate based drugs have worked the best. We've been on Concerta and are now using Daytrana (patch). We have also used short acting ritilan.

In addition to the medication allowing our son to be successful and happy, it has helped us as a family. There's much less frustration. Don't get me wrong - he still has off days, but they are few!

Hang in there. There are so many resources available - you just have to find them.

And one word about his teacher. She sounds terrible. The worst situation for an ADHD child is to have a disorganized teacher. We've been down that road - I'd pull him out of that class and put him with another teacher.

Good Luck!

joenliemom, can you tell me more about this Daytrana (patch)? I have an ADHDer and we have tried all the meds. The thing is the Concerta has worked for the ADHD hyper part but my son still struggles with the focusing and staying on task.

Love, Monkey

My son was diagnosed with add at an early age also..You might want to have him retested.. He's probably as frustrated as you are...seems to me if he's being labled a trouble maker then he pobably thinks he should live up to that title. I used to give my son a small break after each task of homework..it's like their brains just wander all over the place.I always made him complete a sport We made a pact that if he wanted to play I would support him but he could not quit. He used to tell me that he could not sit still in class nad learn like the other kids..it just broke my heart so I had him tested and had the paperwork from the school...etc... i hated the medications he sometimes was so lifeless I changed it and changed it till we both found something that helped , we talked alot about how he felt about school his teachers ...I let him suggest things to me and listened..I still believe some of it has to do with boys being boys..the teachers are still to quick to label them with ADD or ADHD...when he got to middle school he did a little better and eventually we agreed to stop the meds..he still struggles and has some modifications..but he does okay....He's hurting just love him cry iwth him and help him the best you can. The kids don't like being singled out make sure he feels like he's still apart of the class..take care Ill ck for more msgs at a later date Good Luck! Zer

Although I am no parent at 18, I know what your son is going through and will happily submit my two cents where they are welcome...

I have been diagnosed with everything from ADHD to Tourette's symdrome... Actually, I was diagnosed with all of the above when I was eight years old, similar to your son. I remember the whole process like it was yesterday and figure that along with all of the parents' perspectives on the board, you could use a kid's as well.

My unintentional hyperness coupled with vocal and physical tics did not assist me in school by any means, but more often than not just got me into trouble in Georgia's horrid public education system. My teachers were no different than that which is teaching your son; angry, self-centred, talked down to the children, almost like they took the position of "teacher" for the title and authority rather than the experience and desire... Anyhow, I am aware of the infamous "check system" on account of recieving numerous trips down to the principal's and vice principal's offices due to my disciplinary "issues." The real issue is that these arrogant and selfish pricks that are being hired to teach by the school systems these days only know how to teach the way that they can teach rather than teach the way that the children can learn.

At any rate, I eventually grew out of the ADHD and Tourette's symptoms around the time that I hit ten as did my friends who were diagnosed with similar disorders. I took absolutely no medication and think that ANY doctor who would prescribe ANY child with a single-digit age a superamphetamine as a disciplinary solution should have his throat slit in public, for it is so wrong to drug a child with such powerful medication for a condition that can be solved by simply growing up.


Just wait and see... Your baby will surprise you. Oh yes, and if he says that he doesn't know what is wrong, trust me, he really doesn't know. Take it from someone who has been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt.

Regards,
Damian

I also have a son exactly like yours.
I have tried everything too. He was diagnosed with Aspergers(which now i'm not sure if I believe). I took him to a natropath doctor who did some testing and said that he was most likely allergec to gluten. As we could not afford the testing we just swtiched his diet to gluten free. I noticed an amazing difference. He was foccused, not pestering anyone, and I could have a "normal" conversation with him. About a week and a half ago I took him off the gluten free diet because he has a ped apt today and I want them to run a celiac panel on him. (it is not accurate if you are on a gluten free diet.)
This last week and a half has been pure hell. I can't stand him!!! He is back to being mean, pestery, sneaky, and doesn't do anything he is asked to do. He has been in trouble at school more too.
I have also found that if my ds eats anything with red dye #40 he goes crazy. I did not get any red candy canes this christmas, I bought naked white ones instead. I also buty invisible koolaid.
I hope this helps, cause if you are like me you don't like to jump on the medication bandwagon. I don't like to suppress problems but figure out why they are happening in the first place.

We've been on the patch for about 3-months. It delivers a much more even, steady flow of medication throughout the day. Less peaks and valleys than concerta. There are a few negatives. First, he gets a rash under the patch and we have been putting steroid cream on it daily. We move the patch to a different side each day. Second, I get up at 6:00 every day to put it on him while he's sleeping. it takes about 3 hours to kick-in. We give him a short acting ritalin also at 6:00 a.m. to cover him until the patch kicks in. This has worked great! Third, sometimes it's hard to peel the backing off the patch. You need to have fingernails. Lastly, he's had a problem on and off over the years with tics. That's why we took him off concerta to try the patch. We were great during the first month but then the tics came back. He uses a 20 mg patch and I am now cutting about 1/4 inch off the patch - which has helped. We have been tic free for the past few weeks. However, now that we're back in school I'm looking to see if they return. Overall the benefits of the patch far outweigh the negatives. It holds him until about 8:00 p.m. I would recommend giving it a try. One more thing. It's expensive. Even with insurance, it's costing us $60 a month.

Joliesmom, thank you for the information i had already mention this to my thirteen year old and he seemed very interested, but olny the good ol dr. can do the change for it. My son has always had the tics also with the concerta, ritalin ect, but much worse with the concerta, even though be decreased the dose. Are you saying that insurance doesn't cover this patch? And are you speaking about medicaid? I will mention this to his Dr at his next appt.

Love, Missy