Okay, I have one friend that I used to work with that was going through IF problems with me. She is the only person out of all my friends that has ever had an issue like me. It's been nice that we've been there for each other through it.

So today was her beta for her first IVF cycle. She called me just a little while ago and it was a BFP! I am so excited for her and really really was hoping this was it for her. Her beta # was 300 and that was great too. So I spent about 20 minutes on the phone with her talking about how great it was and how she is giving me hope, etc. etc. I REALLY meant everything I said.

Then I get off the phone and I start to tear up. I start feeling sorry for myself because now I am the ONLY one of my friends not pregnant or a mom. And I lost that support from a friend going through the same situation. How crazy is that? I feel so guilty that I'm thinking this. My friend has gone through 3 IUIs and 1 IVF and this is so great for her. Why am I feeling so selfish? I know I've had some feelings when others announced pregnancies but this is a fellow IF friend. I'm so confused and surprised I feel this way and I feel like such a bad friend.

Lori

So sorry you are dealing with these feelings, Lori. But I have to say - you are NOT a bad friend. Your feelings are completely natural, and there is nothing wrong with feeling them. You said you are happy for your friend & I know that you are. You are just sad for yourself & there is NOTHING wrong with that. You are probably wondering when your turn will come and feel like maybe your friend left you behind. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You are dealing with one of the most depressing conditions out there (IF), and you're doing it the best way you know how. None of us can help the way we feel. We can only accept it, feel it, and try to keep carrying on. BIG BIG HUGS from me to you. We are all here if you us.

Holly

that is completely NORMAL... i can handle a fellow IFers getting preggo more then the people who dont even have to try, but i still get that lil sting... i hope noone gets mad at me for saying this.. but i want to be completely honest, i TRULY TRULY TRULY care and support each and every women here, and i apprectiate everything they say and i need them every month i go through this.. and im over estatic to hear when they get their BFP! its not fake, on a day i know their going for their beta i cant wait to get on here, in hope that i see their BFP, but after the excitement, i get sad.. ive been on this board for close to a year, and most of my cycle buddies, and women that were there for me through all of this, have moved on to the pregnancy board.. they give me hope, but i ask god, why not me?? please dont think my support isnt real for you ladies, because it is!! it is a different kind of sad, then when its someone not trying to get pregnant (like my brothers wife..) (and all of my unmarried friendS) But it still hurts.. My SIL jill went through IF with her sister she was there for her a lot, and she is there for me a lot too, even tho she is not going through IF she is my big support, and last month her and dh finally stopped taking BCP, and she is so scared of having problems, because her sister did, and her brother in law did, so i truly hope she can get pregnant right away, but i know if she called me next month and told me she was id probably break down, because id have difficulty talking to her about my problems now that she herself was pregnant.. im sorry to take over your msg, i was pretty much trying to let you know (even tho deep down im sure you do) that you re not alone.. and there will always be someone here to support you :) <3 all of you guys... Aimee

Hi Lori,

I'm so so sorry. You are not a bad person at all!!! You have been a great support to all of us here just this morning you were working on cheering me up! You were a trooper and a good friend, you were excited for her as I know you truly are..... but it is perfectly understandable your sad for you. I can't talk to any of my friends but one about IF as the all the others were pregnant last year or are pregnant now and I feel weird talking to them about it. Besides none of them had a miscarriage of IF issues so they REALLY don't understand. It must be hard to feel you had some-one who truly understands and maybe they won't be able to do that as much anymore. But remember that you have us. You can get all the support you need right here.

Like Aimee said we are always happy for some-one IFer's who finally get BFP but I too must admit after the excitement wears down I do get a bit of a sting but it goes away and your sad feelings will go away too :) We are not here to judge eachother but to be there for eachother. We should have an annual convention and play groups together when we get to be mommies LOL.

A year with almost everyone gone from when you started is hard and I hope you get your turn real soon!!!!

We luv ya and I hope you feel better soon.

kathy

Thanks you guys for understanding. I was honestly a little nervouse to admit it since it was an IF friend. But I am glad I am not alone with these feelings. I was honestly surprised though and didn't expect them. I just hope I get to join her real soon. And all of you too! There better be some BFPs on the board when I get back from vacation :)

Lori

lahc1 enjoy your vacation, you deserve it!! and remember sadness mixed with exicitement is normal when one of your IF friends get pregnant before you, but everytime the sadness goes away i feel hope one more person dealing with what i am had success!! and you can take good from it.. i too hope we can all join the pregnancy board real soooon!!!

Lori

You are not a bad friend, you are actually a good one. A bad friend couldn't/wouldn't be happy for her. You deserve to be a mommy just as much as anyone else in the world. I totally understand how all of you feel. Sure, I'm happy when others have their BFPs but I still think that it's normal for me to say, what about me, when will it be my turn? I'm thinking that right now. I'm not jealous or envious (2 of the 7 deadly sins) of anyway so I think that that makes it okay. I look at my sister every day who is preg for the 2nd time, she's 10 years younger than me. She doesn't have a clue as to what a good monther is or how to take care of herself or anyone else. I got my first BFN 2 days b4 she told me that she was preg. I ask God, why her and not me. She didn't even know that she was preg until she went to the ER for fainting and found that she was 3 mos. Are you that clueless? I love her but why not me too? I spend my time tryng to teach her to be a good woman and a good mother and what the heck do I know?

Do not get down on yourself, we are are still here to support you and love you, even if you happen to move onto the preg board b4 me, I will not be mad. :)