I've been living with epilepsy now for 2 1/2 years. Since I have been diagnosed its been hard on my marriage. Hubby and I have been married now for 3 years. I find myself going through mood swings and ups and downs and all it does is get under his skin. He also doesn't have patience for my forgetfulness. He sometimes thinks I do things on purpose, but I don't. I try so hard to not be so up and down in moods and not to be so forgetful, but the harder I try it seems the worse it is. Does anyone else have the same problems or understand? I need some advice if anyone could spare some I would appreciate it. Thank you http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

i too have this and my husband has been really great have been married for almost 3 years i was diagnosed with epilepsy when i was 15 im now 22 so for us this is kinda something that he knew he was getting into in the begining however i wasnt as bad with the mood swings and the forgetfulness there was one point about 3 or4 months ago that he just couldnt take it anymore and told me to go see a dr so i did and the dr put me on lexapro its an anti depressant but it helps to stablize moods and it also has helped with my memory its still bad but it has improved a little and a little is better than nothing right?you might want to ask your dr about the problems you are having thats what they are there for another thing that i did is i went on line and found a bunch of info about epilepsy and stuff that comes along with it and i emailed all that stuff to my hubby after he read everything he came to me and apologized for being ajerk and told me that he really didnt understand everything thing i was going through and he didnt realize how much something like epilepsy can affect a person i hope this helps jessie

------------------
mother of 3
ages 4,3,and 1
my pride and joy

diagnosed with epilepsy jan. of 97

live life to its fullest you never know when it may be to late to do all the things you would have done tomorrow

Jan,
Wow, reading your post I had to look to see if it wasn't actually me that wrote this and forgotten http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif But I go through the same thing. We have been married for 7 1/2 years and I was diagnosed with epilepsy almost 4 years ago now. I go through the moods too ..... it gets under my skin at times. I would love to hide from myself at times. I also forget ALOT ... its really a joy now that I am back in college. He gets upset at times about my memory. He says the same thing about if i am really forgetting or do I choice not to remember some things. Sometimes I am not sure... but we started writing things down. Its helped alot ... but now i can't get out of things saying I didn't remember http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif
Good luck .... sometimes I think its better not to try so hard it only made my mood swings worse becasue i couldn't remember things and it would upset me alot. Writing it down has really helped. And we laugh that i get my "chore" list http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif
Good Luck

------------------
What I am doing today is important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it.

Hello
I live with my wife of 16 years and she has Epilepsy. She was diagnosed when she was 12. I knew of her condition prior to our marriage and that was an attraction. I am diabetic with complications of pain, and irritability from pain meds. She forgets a lot. I now am more relaxed to read that this is normal with others. I understand how the signal blockers for E block the thought patterns. I used them for pain control and have experienced the forgetfulness firsthand. It is highly irritating to forget in mid stream. So since we both understand each other and wish to take care of each other, we have grown closer together in love and understanding. She puts up with a lot with my condition. I have little to care for in her since she has fewer seizure activities lately. I appreciate your frankness in helping me understand her even better. She is my life my love and is the best wife on earth for me. Chronic illnesses are a trial for anyone, and even more for those who do not yet understand what patients go through. We both have what is known as hidden diseases. No ******d signs of a problem. And we both have had prejudiced expressions given toward us. This builds understanding and patience. But can be frustrating. I hope the best for you all and your relationships.
Don.

Hi,
Unfortunately each of us has no choice but to accept the good and bad we are faced with. I guess the words of wisdom we accept when we take our marriage vows were written from someone who knew a little about relationships. Think about it...."for better or worse"....."in sickness and in health".....etc., etc. Epilepsy is a disease that causes us to be on guard all the time. The emotional roller coaster ride is scary and makes us angry and sad at the same time.

Our life partners have to watch us go through the pain of seizures, discrimination, depression and so on. They are the ones that have to be strong and keep the family together while we recover. Our partners have to deal with the frustration of our memory losses and medication changes. But, regardless of how difficult this all may be, most of our dear partner's, wive's or husband's choose to remain by our sides....fighting with us.

I was forced to face this realization when I had my last seizure. As I began to come out of the fog caused by the seizure I noticed that my rock, the man I have been married to for over fifteen years, was teary. I asked him if he was alright. He said he was. I realized right then that I had never considered the fact that it had to be hell for him. I am ashamed to admit that it was the first time that I had asked him how HE was. The "E" journey is hell! But I'm sure glad that I have my husband by my side.

I think we should have a National "E" Partner Day. I think we need to let our partners know how much we appreciate them. We also need to keep communicating about our hopes and fears. After all, we're in it together....for better or worse! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/love2.gif Yes I get frustrated when he seems to think I'm exaggerating my symptoms. I hate when he is frustrated by my memory deficiencies. But, I can understand his frustration now. and I don't want to choke him nowadays!!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif I hope I don't sound like I'm on a soap box. I am just sharing what my experience has been. Be well all, Kathy

Jan,

I know exactly how you feel. We have been married almost 10 years. Here is what my husband did...

***Upon diagnosis, shocked and wanted to do nothing but help.

***3 weeks later he started giving me crap and thought that I was making things up. I didn't really have deja vu type feelings and it was a way to back out of things.

***I had a minor car accident and the cops came (2 blocks from my house...seizure enduced.) He saw and ran to me in disbelief. Now he believed me he just had something to tell me not to do like I was a kid. That is a form of nonacceptance.

***Went for a long term VEEG and had 2 gran mals (I had never had one before). At the end of my stay they let my husband see it on video. I thought it would be a good idea for him to know what one looked like. He stood there with his mouth open for several minutes after it was over. He had seen me have my CP seizures before and he was in denial because nothing bad happened but now he had not a single excuse and still doesn't.

***Now he is very concerned over things. Am I working to much, is there too much stress on me, am I handling everything ok with all of the kids after school activities...it is funny.

We now are ok for the moment. We had a talk just the other day and he said that yes he had not accepted it and if he 'shut it down' it would go away. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/hammer.gif Now he understands that all of that came from the fact that he loves me so much and there is NOT A THING he can do and that upsets him deeply. As hard as it is for us it must be just as hard to sit back and watch like it is a spectator sport and there is NOTHING you can do about it.

Take your hubbie to a doctors appt. with you and see if he doesn't change a bit. Have you done that before??

((((Many Big Hugs))))

God Bless you sweetie,
KittyMom

------------------
Mother of 3 beautiful kids and wife to a Great husband! I love helping others...it helps me grow!

I am so glad to hear that I am not alone in this. I try to live one day at a time, but it gets over whelming when I am constantly looking for tomorrow to be a better day. Its exhausting. Thank you all for the replies, it helps a great deal to have people speak out who know exactly how I feel. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wow.gif

Hi
This is my first post on a bulletin board, and the first time I have publicly mentioned my epilepsy. Funny thing is, I' ve listened to a lot of patients desctibe their seizures to me (I'm a homoeopath) but I haven't had a chance to describe mine to other e-people. Anyway, about this marriage stuff. I used to be married (to a very nice person), but my wife really freaked out when she realised that our children could end up with epilepsy (we have 3 beautiful sons), so that was the end of that. It turned out that our oldest son (he is now 32) does have e (GM) and I do feel bad about it. In fact, it breaks my heart to know that he has it. But he is quite cheerful. My next marriage was really a de facto kind of arrangement, but it lasted 9 years. But one day my lover was called to come and get me following a seizure. I had had u incontinence, and I didn't even know who I was. She was so angry that I was relieved when she told me to leave. Then I fell in love. My lover was extremely supportive of me and my e, but the strain was teriffic, and finally the whole thing came unglued after 2 years. She had seen me in status epilepticus and that's enough to put anyone off. Now for the good news. I have another lover, and this wonderful woman actually witnessed one of my GM s about 8 years ago. She wasn't fazed. Now, you have to admire that in a person. Anyway, it is many years later and we are together for good. The other day I woke up in a hospital emergency ward with my face totally unrecognisable and there she was, holding my hand. All I want to say is this: e can be a mighty rough ride, yet life can be good. God bless.
Peter

Hi,
I also had the problem with my husband at first being supportive then "thinking" that I was overacting later. He was there the day that I got hit in the head with a "metal type" door. He saw all the blood and was at the hospital when they stapled the wound. I never seen such fear in someones eyes when he lifted my hand off my head and the blood started to literally pour down my face. (sorry for the graphic description) but then the wound healed and no "******d" signs of trauma were there. I was diagnosed shortly after with partial complex seizures and the area of my brain that had the activity was where i was hit. I think that he just didnt want to accept something like that. He wasnt educated in partial complex seizures and because they werent per say like the tonic clonic ones...he thought it was me just searching for attention. Now though, after going to the docs with me and dealing with all my emotions and stuff, he decided to learn about it and now knows that its not "all in my head" so to speak. It is a very rough ride, especially with the mood swings, but he is my rock and i now depend on him moreso than him on me (which is how it was). Sometimes it takes awhile to understand and comprehend what we are going through. They dont always understand because they arent dealing with it personally as in them having the seizures. We have tough times when it all gets too much for him and thats where i have learned how much harder things are for him as well. He has taken over so much and it has to be hard to see someone you love, well lets face it, we arent who we were. Unfortunatley some people cannot deal with bad things happening and only want to deal with the "good" things in life, kinda like going through life with a veil on. I hope that im making sense. I suggest that he goes to your neuro with you or searches up your type of seizures on line to educate himself on it. I realized that when my husband was non-supportive, my days were dreary and i was always so moody. I felt like nobody cared or believed me. Now that he has been right beside me no matter how rough its gotten, well i seem to see a light at the end of my dark tunnel. The added stress of your partner not being there for you can hinder your emotions and make things seem worse. I so hope that he gets supportive again and when that happens also understand that he also has to deal with E but instead of himself having it, its someone he loves. That can sometimes be too much for a person. Work together and I pray that things get better for you both. Take care and God Bless.
Tigre