I'm 48, single and the rest of the staff in my office
are all married with kids.

This morning I overheard the short guy sitting behind
me yelling at his child a piece over the phone, much
like a boss screwing up an employee.

I gave my opinion that there are other better ways
to teach even a problem child, such as a bit of
reverse psychology. I suggested that he read up
some child psychology books.

Well, he retorted back that I was not in any position
to say anything since I was single and knew nothing
about parenting, and said "to hell with child pychology
- you can't apply that nonsense in real life, they need
to be hit to be taught a lesson". (In any case, this shorty
virtually antagonizes everything I say - if my opinion had
come from the manager instead , he would be nodding his
head vigorously in the affirmative - he's your typical office's
first class "yes man" and "*** kisser" who is getting
double my salary !)

The others, including this woman in front of me, barged
in and supported him, agreeing that children are "meant
to punished" - and that meant physically. The office delivery
man also said that he nearly hit his kid today, as the school
had come back to him complaining of behavioural problems.
I told him that hitting a child would traumatise him for life.

Any comments from the good users on this board, particularly
experienced parents ? Someone like me who is single and
and has never had the pleasure of bringing up a child could
do with some valuable and informed advice. I've always thought
of adopting a kid someday.

I'm from Malaysia, where child psychology is largely
unheard of amongst most of the population, and physical
"punishment" of a child is still accepted as the norm in a
child's upbringing in many families, particularly those
with education up to about high school level, or even
tertiary level.

Wow you brought up a contoversial topic. I dont even know if we can discuss it here!
I believe that here in the U.S. in most states you cannot hit your kids. If someone reports you to DSS for hitting or using any other form of physical punishment they can take your kids away (not that they always do)
I personally think that It's not a good way to disipline. There are so many other ways to disipline, why hit them? Not only is it emotionally scarring, but it can also cause injury, even if you dont mean to hurt them. Theres a difference between giving a light spanking, and full out hitting or abusing a child, and there's a very thin line between the two. A lot of parents who hit are angry when they do it, and therefore hit harder than they mean to.
I have two kids and I have tried various ways to disipline, and I have regrettably spanked the oldest. I will NEVER do it again. Not only was it ineffective, it hurt the both of us emotionally.
Im not saying that all parents who hit or spank thier kids are abusive, horrible parents. All Im saying is that there are better ways to disipline.

I've always been pro-spanking because small children don't have the capacity to understand being reasoned with. Reasoning with a kid when they misbehave is a long drawn-out process, and by the time you finish, the kid forgot why what he did was wrong in the first place. A smack on the leg or the backside gets the message across quickly and clearly. I've yet to see a case where spanking was ineffective, but I have seen many cases where 'gentle discipline' has been ineffective.

Waikeong, if you adopt a child, I don't think you're allowed to spank them anyway...for some odd reason.

That's not completely true about the USA. It might depend on where you live and how severe the punishment is. People here do spank. It's even part of some of the various cultures here in the USA. We still had corporal punishment here when I went to school. I even remember the red paddle my 3rd grade teacher had. Corporal punishment was banned probably around 20 years ago in schools.

I can understand you probably feel a lot of sympathy for the child and disguist for the parent, but a lot of parents will not listen to another parent....let alone a non-parent. The conversation you print even blows me away, especially the comment, "children are meant to be hit." I've heard, "That's what butts are for," but never a statement that severe. My parents always told me that spanking is a last resort and ONLY on the butt and no where else, and you only need to swat once, not repeatedly. You're really not going to be able to change someone who doesn't want to change.

There are many different ways of disciplining. Each child works a different way, so there is no pigeon holing. I find the worst and most devistating punishment to a child is to perminantly take away a favorite toy. That they remember forever and can hurt even more than a simple swat on the behind or time out.

I find the best discipline is to teach the child right from wrong and completely explain why a certain behavior is wrong or in appropriate.....Also reward good behavior. Parents also need to explain what they expect from their child. If a parent takes a child to something that they will have to be quite and sit still for a long period of time, then bring something for them to quitely entertain themselves. Some parents just don't understand that a child can't be expected to sit for a long period of time, because they just haven't developed that ability yet.