babydiva
01-12-2007, 04:21 PM
I went to college yesterday and spoke to a woman about myself. I told her everything that was on my mind. I told her that I am having trouble excepting the way my body is. Being that I have small breasts at 21 years old. Almost 22 in 6 days. She could see that it was really bothering me without me having to go into alot of details. Anyway we talked. She asked me about how things are at home with my family. If I'm close to my mom and whatnot. I said yes. I told her that well a guy would desire a woman who's fully developed than an undeveloped woman and that in general they like woman with average size boobs or big ones. I'm an A34 and wish mine were a B cup. I told her I know they'd grow if I get pregnant but that I'm not ready to have kids. I said I'd hate to get implants since there not real and there's health risks. She started telling me guys who are only into women cause of there boobs size aren't good guys and asking me wouldn't I want someone who'd like me for me. Well course I said yes. Cause thats what I want. I have a b/f right now and well were doing good. Except I think if one day I'm ready to go further I won't be able to cause of the way my body is. I feel he's not gonna want to touch me, he'll break things off or cheat on me. I didn't tell her all of that, but some of it. Thing is I told her something that I didn't tell my councellor when I was seeing her. I told her that I masterbate. She said it's ok as long as I don't hurt myself. I'm not sure if I am. At first I thought no how could I be? But now I don't know cause I'm like comparing my body to the girls I see in reality and in my fantasies. I won't say my fantasies here cause I could be banned from using this site and I really don't want that. But ya. The woman I was talking to thinks I don't feel loved. She thinks the 1 person I get in contact with I get attached to cause of that, cause of not feeling loved. She thinks I spend to much time with my b/f and thats not it. Truth is though, I don't feel loved. I do feel lonley. Like I had a friend but her number changed and she didn't even call me. Another 1 said maybe next weekend we could get together but I really dunno. The next 1 well she's busy with school. She gets alot of homework but we do see each other. I don't know I'm gonna have to phone her up. I did last week but she missed the call. The woman I spoke to told me she thinks I need to do a full time program cause I'll meet ppl, be around ppl and it'd be better. She told me to get in contat with a job agency who can help me find a job. And that if it's the money issue why I can't apply for a full time course, then I could always do the apprentaship program. But then I'll have to pay back money and I don't want to. First of all. Secondly, I don't feel the need to do a full time program cause there's no imediate need for a job. The woman doesn't know I'm getting odsp. Should I have told her? I don't know what to do. I feel trapped in a situation here. Either I do what the woman said and get help to find a job, then apply for the apprentaship program and do a full time program that'll lead to a job cause other wise whats the point in doin one right? Or I ignore her and just volunteer and keep getting odsp. But then I'm not around alot of ppl. If I didn't mention it earlier in my post, I'm getting Ontario Disability Support Program. A monthly check. Thats why there's no need for an imediate job. So I'm volunteering at a daycare somewhat...But then I'm lonley with not alot of friends basicly none. Doing a full time program would help me out in that prespective but then, I won't be getting the check anymore or most of it. I'm using it now to help out with rent, food, and other stuff. So I don't know what to do. Can soemone please help me? What should I do? Please and thank you.
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KahimotoShinoka
01-17-2007, 07:05 AM
Don't they pay odsp to those who's engaged in full time college course?
I would stick with the money as long as you not suicidal and need company.
You can always find some friends umm outside of college especially when u got money :).
I would stick with the money as long as you not suicidal and need company.
You can always find some friends umm outside of college especially when u got money :).
thecameraeye
01-17-2007, 01:54 PM
hey, i'd touch your boobs :p
in all seriousness, don't worry about it. have you talked to your b/f about this insecurity? maybe it's all in your head. it's funny the way our minds work sometimes. I'm really self conscious because I'm a pretty hairy guy. I know most girls don't like hairy guys, and some even think it's completely hideous (i'm not austin powers bad, but you know..). I always thought my girlfriend was freaked out by it, and maybe she is a little, but I talked to her about it and she says she doesn't mind it - it's always one of my worst fears with girls that once we start getting hot and heavy, they see my chest and stomach, and then they get grossed out and they don't want to continue. Well my g/f is one of the most sexual persons I have ever known and she says she could live with or without my manliness. Moral is, she loves me for me. I would talk to your boyfriend about it and see what he says. If he says "get implants", tell him how uncomfortable you feel about it. We're all made in different shapes and sizes. I'd rather have a nice girl with small boobs than a real broad with large ones. :wave:
in all seriousness, don't worry about it. have you talked to your b/f about this insecurity? maybe it's all in your head. it's funny the way our minds work sometimes. I'm really self conscious because I'm a pretty hairy guy. I know most girls don't like hairy guys, and some even think it's completely hideous (i'm not austin powers bad, but you know..). I always thought my girlfriend was freaked out by it, and maybe she is a little, but I talked to her about it and she says she doesn't mind it - it's always one of my worst fears with girls that once we start getting hot and heavy, they see my chest and stomach, and then they get grossed out and they don't want to continue. Well my g/f is one of the most sexual persons I have ever known and she says she could live with or without my manliness. Moral is, she loves me for me. I would talk to your boyfriend about it and see what he says. If he says "get implants", tell him how uncomfortable you feel about it. We're all made in different shapes and sizes. I'd rather have a nice girl with small boobs than a real broad with large ones. :wave:
KahimotoShinoka
01-17-2007, 07:15 PM
Lol implants are for retard's, show me me at least one intelligent women with implants.
hey, i'd touch your boobs :p
Moral is, she loves me for me.
And you love her for her look aren't you.
hey, i'd touch your boobs :p
Moral is, she loves me for me.
And you love her for her look aren't you.
merjn
01-17-2007, 08:05 PM
(i'm not austin powers bad, but you know..).
Well I am also hairy but Im Robin Williams Hairy:D
I think woman these days should just love there body. My wife is flatter than a year old open bottle of Pepsi. I love her still. If someone is not going to love you or like you because of your breast size then your to good for them. Always tell yourself that.
Just be you. Don't hurt yourself, remember your to good for that. It only leads to other things that you wont like. Im not a woman so I cannot really answer the other question but just be you. You will find you will start to not even think about those things anymore. Maybe find a counselor (a good one) and talk talk talk..
Well I am also hairy but Im Robin Williams Hairy:D
I think woman these days should just love there body. My wife is flatter than a year old open bottle of Pepsi. I love her still. If someone is not going to love you or like you because of your breast size then your to good for them. Always tell yourself that.
Just be you. Don't hurt yourself, remember your to good for that. It only leads to other things that you wont like. Im not a woman so I cannot really answer the other question but just be you. You will find you will start to not even think about those things anymore. Maybe find a counselor (a good one) and talk talk talk..
KahimotoShinoka
01-17-2007, 11:37 PM
Personally i think speaking with psycho-analysts is bad idea, only shows your very weak emotionally, besides do they know whats best for you, i mean is there some guidelines on how to live right and how to live wrong and what should 'normal' person feel?
Sannah
01-18-2007, 12:35 PM
Personally i think speaking with psycho-analysts is bad idea, only shows your very weak emotionally, besides do they know whats best for you, i mean is there some guidelines on how to live right and how to live wrong and what should 'normal' person feel?
The whole point of psychotherapy is for the individual to do the analysis of themselves and to make their own decisions about what they want to keep or what they want to change about themselves. The therapist doesn't tell the person what to do. People who think that they would be showing weakness if they go to get help are some of the same people who jump off the bridge because they can't cope anymore. There are not a lot of guidelines for what a "normal" person should feel. The yard stick is if you can function or not. If you can function and you don't think that you have a problem this is fine.
The whole point of psychotherapy is for the individual to do the analysis of themselves and to make their own decisions about what they want to keep or what they want to change about themselves. The therapist doesn't tell the person what to do. People who think that they would be showing weakness if they go to get help are some of the same people who jump off the bridge because they can't cope anymore. There are not a lot of guidelines for what a "normal" person should feel. The yard stick is if you can function or not. If you can function and you don't think that you have a problem this is fine.
KahimotoShinoka
01-18-2007, 09:26 PM
There are not a lot of guidelines for what a "normal" person should feel.
Then what about this.
The whole point of psychotherapy is for the individual to do the analysis of themselves and to make their own decisions about what they want to keep or what they want to change about themselves. The therapist doesn't tell the person what to do.
He makes it look like this or that about person is not good and he should've change him/herself, its same, as telling them how to live and how to think, if they cant think for themselves then yeah they should visit psychiatrist.
People who think that they would be showing weakness if they go to get help are some of the same people who jump off the bridge because they can't cope anymore.
No, there is emotionally weak people and this who commit suicide, usually for reasons stupid enough that any schoolboy can solve, this people need psychotherapy, because they simply cant think.
Then what about this.
The whole point of psychotherapy is for the individual to do the analysis of themselves and to make their own decisions about what they want to keep or what they want to change about themselves. The therapist doesn't tell the person what to do.
He makes it look like this or that about person is not good and he should've change him/herself, its same, as telling them how to live and how to think, if they cant think for themselves then yeah they should visit psychiatrist.
People who think that they would be showing weakness if they go to get help are some of the same people who jump off the bridge because they can't cope anymore.
No, there is emotionally weak people and this who commit suicide, usually for reasons stupid enough that any schoolboy can solve, this people need psychotherapy, because they simply cant think.
babydiva
01-19-2007, 01:11 AM
Thanks guys. I am still having insecurities about my boobs but am trying not to let it bother me. I am lonely and only got 1 friend along with my b/f....Someone asked me if odsp still pays even though your in a full time program. Yes it would. But what I was saying was what if I pass the full time program and then (a) it's hard for me to get a job in that field or (b) I get the job but for some reason I don't end up keeping it or even c if I get the job and keep it, then my odsp pay will go down depending on how much money I'd be making. Problem is that right now with the check I'm getting, I'm helping out with groceries buying my own and my sisters. I'm helping out with rent, buying my transit which is 100 bucks monthly. And taking care of other little things like hairdressers and stuff. I really don't want to mess anything up with how things are going so far in terms of my monthly checks and what it's being used for. If the check goes down then some of the things I won't be able to continue doing. For example help with rent monthly and my transit that I buy to get around with. Plus groceries. I won't be able to buy as much as I can now. so you see? And my mom will get upset at me if I can't help out with rent anymore or my own food. Thats why I don't want to do a full tme program. Its' not necessary right now atleast. But it would be good if I did cause then I'd be around ppl. I'd feel better and make friends and well be happy. I mean, I'm happy with b/f and having money ofcourse. But money can't buy happiness and my b/f's not always available. Plus he's got his own friends that he sometimes will want to be with. I'm not expecting to be with him all the time. Doing a full time program will only be good for me because I'd make friends. But then pointless if I don't want or need a job. So ya......*shrug* I dunno. And I can't discuss this with anyone cause no one knows I'm on odsp. Only you guys do. Not even my b/f. Geez, my councellor doesn't even know. I'm not seeing her for now though. We agreed that I don't need ongoing therapy unless absolutely necessary.
merjn
01-19-2007, 12:45 PM
thats why people get stuck in the system, they make so much and they take away there pay! I think you should be allowed to work for 6 months before they take money away. Im not on it but I would think getting a job would be worth alot more than your disability check? And it will help in other areas of your life as well. Like self esteem and being proud of having a job and helping others. Thats just me though
babydiva
01-19-2007, 03:06 PM
Why would you think a job would be worth more than my check? It probably will, but then I give my mom rent money every month, plus buy my monthly transit. And groceries. I buy for myself, my sister and sometimes mom. Right now it's convenient for me to be getting that. Thats why I don't wanna give it up. I could use it to apply for a full time program, but then if I do, then I'll most likly want a job. Other wise doing the full time program would have been pointless wouldn't it? But in the sense of me being lonley and all, that will be resolved since I'd be around ppl and making friends. Right now, I'm doing a part time program. I can't say weather it sucks yet or not cause I just started. So no comment yet. No comment on the students yet either. I signed up for ball hockey, but I dunno. I only went once and it wasn't so good. Maybe it's cause it was my first time I dunno, I mean, I've played before like in gr 7 and 8. But it was a lil different. I made some mistakes this time. I am still gonna go though. I'm going mon, tues and thurs. I'm doin that so that I can meet ppl and make friends. And also I enjoy ball hockey.
KahimotoShinoka
01-21-2007, 03:08 PM
Someone asked me if odsp still pays even though your in a full time program. Yes it would. But what I was saying was what if I pass the full time program and then (a) it's hard for me to get a job in that field or
For (a) take full time program for job that you wont have problem getting you your region, dont waste your time taking course just to be with people, you dont have all life to study multiple times, find job you really like, and be able to do and employ for and probably it has to be job around people if you feel to lonely.
(b) I get the job but for some reason I don't end up keeping it or even
(b) this actually can happen with any job, just pick job you like most and good with and have chance to reemploy easy if something happens.
c if I get the job and keep it, then my odsp pay will go down depending on how much money I'd be making. Problem is that right now with the check I'm getting, I'm helping out with groceries buying my own and my sisters. I'm helping out with rent, buying my transit which is 100 bucks monthly. And taking care of other little things like hairdressers and stuff. I really don't want to mess anything up with how things are going so far in terms of my monthly checks and what it's being used for. If the check goes down then some of the things I won't be able to continue doing. For example help with rent monthly and my transit that I buy to get around with. Plus groceries. I won't be able to buy as much as I can now. so you see? And my mom will get upset at me if I can't help out with rent anymore or my own food. Thats why I don't want to do a full tme program. Its' not necessary right now atleast.
(c)well whats the problem here usually you make MUCH more money on job that odsp, just find out how much is paid for certain job and compare how much more you can make for year for example i think you gona like having more money and being able to meet more ppl, both are good.
For example you can live your life of course with money you getting from odsp, but you can live same life with much more money and goods that you can buy for this money.
Ask your lawyer if you can go back to odsp if you decide to quit job then you really lose nothing.
But it would be good if I did cause then I'd be around ppl. I'd feel better and make friends and well be happy.
Well you can always join support group you know this groups where different people meet together and share theyr problems, or internet is nice place to chat with people.
We agreed that I don't need ongoing therapy unless absolutely necessary.
Whats your disorder? How much you getting paid from odsp?
For (a) take full time program for job that you wont have problem getting you your region, dont waste your time taking course just to be with people, you dont have all life to study multiple times, find job you really like, and be able to do and employ for and probably it has to be job around people if you feel to lonely.
(b) I get the job but for some reason I don't end up keeping it or even
(b) this actually can happen with any job, just pick job you like most and good with and have chance to reemploy easy if something happens.
c if I get the job and keep it, then my odsp pay will go down depending on how much money I'd be making. Problem is that right now with the check I'm getting, I'm helping out with groceries buying my own and my sisters. I'm helping out with rent, buying my transit which is 100 bucks monthly. And taking care of other little things like hairdressers and stuff. I really don't want to mess anything up with how things are going so far in terms of my monthly checks and what it's being used for. If the check goes down then some of the things I won't be able to continue doing. For example help with rent monthly and my transit that I buy to get around with. Plus groceries. I won't be able to buy as much as I can now. so you see? And my mom will get upset at me if I can't help out with rent anymore or my own food. Thats why I don't want to do a full tme program. Its' not necessary right now atleast.
(c)well whats the problem here usually you make MUCH more money on job that odsp, just find out how much is paid for certain job and compare how much more you can make for year for example i think you gona like having more money and being able to meet more ppl, both are good.
For example you can live your life of course with money you getting from odsp, but you can live same life with much more money and goods that you can buy for this money.
Ask your lawyer if you can go back to odsp if you decide to quit job then you really lose nothing.
But it would be good if I did cause then I'd be around ppl. I'd feel better and make friends and well be happy.
Well you can always join support group you know this groups where different people meet together and share theyr problems, or internet is nice place to chat with people.
We agreed that I don't need ongoing therapy unless absolutely necessary.
Whats your disorder? How much you getting paid from odsp?
KahimotoShinoka
01-21-2007, 03:37 PM
Right now, I'm doing a part time program. I can't say weather it sucks yet or not cause I just started.
What kind of job is this you started to study?
I signed up for ball hockey, but I dunno. I only went once and it wasn't so good. Maybe it's cause it was my first time I dunno, I mean, I've played before like in gr 7 and 8. But it was a lil different. I made some mistakes this time. I am still gonna go though. I'm going mon, tues and thurs. I'm doin that so that I can meet ppl and make friends. And also I enjoy ball hockey.
LOL ball hokey, i didn't even know such thing exists.
So is there alot of socializing playing darn ball hokey its basically following orders, you can go to army its about same. If i was you i would've go swimming or smth that requires more use of head than body.
And really its stupid.
Decide for your self you want live your life like 'others' or be best, you wont be best by playing hokey, you wont even get paid playing hokey, what you get from it is only rick, injury, if something wrong they gona say its because you were playing bad when they cant play crap themselves, sport not good at all its just waste of time actually, and you wont get paid for it, also more you make sport more chance your odsp will be removed if you getting for faking physical disorder.
What kind of job is this you started to study?
I signed up for ball hockey, but I dunno. I only went once and it wasn't so good. Maybe it's cause it was my first time I dunno, I mean, I've played before like in gr 7 and 8. But it was a lil different. I made some mistakes this time. I am still gonna go though. I'm going mon, tues and thurs. I'm doin that so that I can meet ppl and make friends. And also I enjoy ball hockey.
LOL ball hokey, i didn't even know such thing exists.
So is there alot of socializing playing darn ball hokey its basically following orders, you can go to army its about same. If i was you i would've go swimming or smth that requires more use of head than body.
And really its stupid.
Decide for your self you want live your life like 'others' or be best, you wont be best by playing hokey, you wont even get paid playing hokey, what you get from it is only rick, injury, if something wrong they gona say its because you were playing bad when they cant play crap themselves, sport not good at all its just waste of time actually, and you wont get paid for it, also more you make sport more chance your odsp will be removed if you getting for faking physical disorder.
babydiva
01-21-2007, 04:39 PM
It's not for physical disorder, it's for learning disorder. I have trouble learning quickly therefore it's not easy for me finding a job. I'm suddenly thinking seriously about taking a full time program though and I will phone and ask if I get a job and l8er will need to get back on odsp if I can. Thank you guys for helping me.