s_mckenna
01-12-2007, 07:49 PM
I'm here because I don't know where else to turn, and I have questions to aks and hope that maybe some of you may be able to help me.
Let me give you a quick insight to the last year of my life...
The beginning of 2005, my best friends dad lost a nasty battle with cancer. I was close to him, and his loss affected me deeply. Shortly after, my dad had an affair on my mother and they divorced a few months ago. They were married for 32 years. He has since remarried and we barely speak. I've never had a good relationship with my father because he physically and mentally abused me until I left the house at 18. After my parents divorce, I lost my job and shortly there after my girlfriend of 4 years left me. She was the love of my life. After enduring all this I snapped while riding my high performance motorcycle and led a high speed chase on my bike, which landed me three months in jail in the summer of 2006. Since my release from jail in Aug I've been unemployed, leaving couch to couch, and I'm miserable. I'm also under constant scrutiny from my friends for being over weight and its starting to bare down on me.
As of recent, I've begun to feel an entity develop inside me. I wouldn't neccesairily label it another personality, but at times of sever frustration its almost like I can hear a voice scremaing in side of me, followed by a horrible panic attack.
I think of suicide often. I've never been one to be selfish and feel the need to take my own life however I have no idea what to do. I'm extremely afraid to die so suicide seems like an ignorant and unreasonable answe to my problems.
I'd like to commit myself to a menatal facitlity but I dont want to be held against my will, for I fear it will remind me of jail.
I have no idea what to do.
I apologize for bringing my drama here, but I don't know where else to turn.
~S~
Let me give you a quick insight to the last year of my life...
The beginning of 2005, my best friends dad lost a nasty battle with cancer. I was close to him, and his loss affected me deeply. Shortly after, my dad had an affair on my mother and they divorced a few months ago. They were married for 32 years. He has since remarried and we barely speak. I've never had a good relationship with my father because he physically and mentally abused me until I left the house at 18. After my parents divorce, I lost my job and shortly there after my girlfriend of 4 years left me. She was the love of my life. After enduring all this I snapped while riding my high performance motorcycle and led a high speed chase on my bike, which landed me three months in jail in the summer of 2006. Since my release from jail in Aug I've been unemployed, leaving couch to couch, and I'm miserable. I'm also under constant scrutiny from my friends for being over weight and its starting to bare down on me.
As of recent, I've begun to feel an entity develop inside me. I wouldn't neccesairily label it another personality, but at times of sever frustration its almost like I can hear a voice scremaing in side of me, followed by a horrible panic attack.
I think of suicide often. I've never been one to be selfish and feel the need to take my own life however I have no idea what to do. I'm extremely afraid to die so suicide seems like an ignorant and unreasonable answe to my problems.
I'd like to commit myself to a menatal facitlity but I dont want to be held against my will, for I fear it will remind me of jail.
I have no idea what to do.
I apologize for bringing my drama here, but I don't know where else to turn.
~S~
Sponsor
firenice
01-12-2007, 08:40 PM
S-
You certainly have a lot to contend with and I'm sure it is not easy for you. I'm glad you realize that suicide isn't really the answer. If you should have intense self harm thoughts, please call a national suicide hotline.
Have you considered a community mental health clinic where you might be able to speak with a counselor. Often the community clinics don't charge any fees or if they do, they are minimal. For someone unemployed, they would likely waive any fees.
I do believe you need to speak with a professional counselor. I think talking about the events of your life over the past years would be very helpful. I think your "entity" is arising because you have not had the opportunity to open up and share these things with someone who will listen without passing judgement. Hang in there...
You certainly have a lot to contend with and I'm sure it is not easy for you. I'm glad you realize that suicide isn't really the answer. If you should have intense self harm thoughts, please call a national suicide hotline.
Have you considered a community mental health clinic where you might be able to speak with a counselor. Often the community clinics don't charge any fees or if they do, they are minimal. For someone unemployed, they would likely waive any fees.
I do believe you need to speak with a professional counselor. I think talking about the events of your life over the past years would be very helpful. I think your "entity" is arising because you have not had the opportunity to open up and share these things with someone who will listen without passing judgement. Hang in there...
s_mckenna
01-12-2007, 08:53 PM
S-
You certainly have a lot to contend with and I'm sure it is not easy for you. I'm glad you realize that suicide isn't really the answer. If you should have intense self harm thoughts, please call a national suicide hotline.
Have you considered a community mental health clinic where you might be able to speak with a counselor. Often the community clinics don't charge any fees or if they do, they are minimal. For someone unemployed, they would likely waive any fees.
I do believe you need to speak with a professional counselor. I think talking about the events of your life over the past years would be very helpful. I think your "entity" is arising because you have not had the opportunity to open up and share these things with someone who will listen without passing judgement. Hang in there...
I agree. I've never been the type to supress anything in my life, but I think so much happened at once that I haven't had time to reflect on any of it and really address it like I was able to in the past. There is a local clinic that I learned about a few moments ago, that I plan to visit tomorrow. I spoke to a represenative whol told me to come in for an evaluation. Hopefully I can get some treatment. I need something, because right now I'm not living any kind of life, I pretty much just exsist and I need substance.
Thank you for your reply. I appreciate the insight.
You certainly have a lot to contend with and I'm sure it is not easy for you. I'm glad you realize that suicide isn't really the answer. If you should have intense self harm thoughts, please call a national suicide hotline.
Have you considered a community mental health clinic where you might be able to speak with a counselor. Often the community clinics don't charge any fees or if they do, they are minimal. For someone unemployed, they would likely waive any fees.
I do believe you need to speak with a professional counselor. I think talking about the events of your life over the past years would be very helpful. I think your "entity" is arising because you have not had the opportunity to open up and share these things with someone who will listen without passing judgement. Hang in there...
I agree. I've never been the type to supress anything in my life, but I think so much happened at once that I haven't had time to reflect on any of it and really address it like I was able to in the past. There is a local clinic that I learned about a few moments ago, that I plan to visit tomorrow. I spoke to a represenative whol told me to come in for an evaluation. Hopefully I can get some treatment. I need something, because right now I'm not living any kind of life, I pretty much just exsist and I need substance.
Thank you for your reply. I appreciate the insight.
JaBog91
01-16-2007, 07:43 PM
mckenna,
You need to start using the power of attraction, this is the most powerful force in the entire universe. All of your thoughts and feelings have a certain frequency to them, and the power of attraction is always working non-stop, it never takes a break. What is the power of attraction? It can be summed up in 3 words. Thoughts - Become - Things.
Let me tell you a true story about a man. This man was gay, and was always physically and mentally attacked at work, and on the streets, he was attacked with verbal abuse regarding him being gay, and constantly physically beaten while walking down streets. All he wanted to do was be a comedian, but every time he'd perform, he'd be 'boo'd' off stage, and he was soon fired from his job, and started to go bankrupt. He wrote to psychologist, complaining about everything that was wrong in his life. The psychologist wrote back telling him to start constantly thinking about what he wanted, not what he didn't want, start focusing on your goals, and mentally picture what it is you want to happen in your mind. The man wrote back about a month later to the psychologist telling him how much his life had changed. He was hired to a major corporate job and was making great money, he was no longer abused by anybody, and he became a great comedian.
You see where I'm going with this? Every thought you have has a frequency that travels throughout the world to match what your thinking, with reality. Soon your reality will become thoughts. If you constantly think to yourself, I don't want to be late, I don't want to be late, you will start becoming late! Because, Thoughts - Become - Things. If you think to yourself, I want to be at work on-time, I want to be at work on-time, guess what, you will start arriving on time. Some people wonder why they constantly receive the same parking ticket over and over. Its because your constantly thinking about how you don't want the parking ticket. Its as simple as that.
This is a scientifically proven fact that works, with proof from hundreds of people that have used the power of attraction. It's called, "The Secret", and it was actually used by famous legends such as Albert Einstein, and Abraham Lincoln. "The Secret" was hidden for hundreds of years, but was recently found, this has actual historical facts behind it by the way.
When you start to put this to use you might be worried and think, oh no I have to monitor every single thought I have. It might seem like that at first, but thats what makes it so fun. You can actually think to yourself, 'I want to get a great parking spot, I want to get a great parking spot', and sooner or later, you will start getting a great parking spot! Your thoughts are like radio waves that will go out, and find what your thinking about, and bring the reality to you. Its hard to wrap your mind around at first, you may think, theres no way I've made this car accident come to me, or, theres no way I've made myself go into debt. Well, believe it or not, you have. Stop thinking about what you don't want, and focus on what you do want. Be patient, and watch your life change. Try it. You've got nothing to lose.
You need to start using the power of attraction, this is the most powerful force in the entire universe. All of your thoughts and feelings have a certain frequency to them, and the power of attraction is always working non-stop, it never takes a break. What is the power of attraction? It can be summed up in 3 words. Thoughts - Become - Things.
Let me tell you a true story about a man. This man was gay, and was always physically and mentally attacked at work, and on the streets, he was attacked with verbal abuse regarding him being gay, and constantly physically beaten while walking down streets. All he wanted to do was be a comedian, but every time he'd perform, he'd be 'boo'd' off stage, and he was soon fired from his job, and started to go bankrupt. He wrote to psychologist, complaining about everything that was wrong in his life. The psychologist wrote back telling him to start constantly thinking about what he wanted, not what he didn't want, start focusing on your goals, and mentally picture what it is you want to happen in your mind. The man wrote back about a month later to the psychologist telling him how much his life had changed. He was hired to a major corporate job and was making great money, he was no longer abused by anybody, and he became a great comedian.
You see where I'm going with this? Every thought you have has a frequency that travels throughout the world to match what your thinking, with reality. Soon your reality will become thoughts. If you constantly think to yourself, I don't want to be late, I don't want to be late, you will start becoming late! Because, Thoughts - Become - Things. If you think to yourself, I want to be at work on-time, I want to be at work on-time, guess what, you will start arriving on time. Some people wonder why they constantly receive the same parking ticket over and over. Its because your constantly thinking about how you don't want the parking ticket. Its as simple as that.
This is a scientifically proven fact that works, with proof from hundreds of people that have used the power of attraction. It's called, "The Secret", and it was actually used by famous legends such as Albert Einstein, and Abraham Lincoln. "The Secret" was hidden for hundreds of years, but was recently found, this has actual historical facts behind it by the way.
When you start to put this to use you might be worried and think, oh no I have to monitor every single thought I have. It might seem like that at first, but thats what makes it so fun. You can actually think to yourself, 'I want to get a great parking spot, I want to get a great parking spot', and sooner or later, you will start getting a great parking spot! Your thoughts are like radio waves that will go out, and find what your thinking about, and bring the reality to you. Its hard to wrap your mind around at first, you may think, theres no way I've made this car accident come to me, or, theres no way I've made myself go into debt. Well, believe it or not, you have. Stop thinking about what you don't want, and focus on what you do want. Be patient, and watch your life change. Try it. You've got nothing to lose.
Sannah
01-16-2007, 09:51 PM
JaBog, I believe in this also - that you should just start acting like the person that you want to become or start thinking the thoughts that you want to have. I don't think that it has anything to do with any frequencies, however. It makes total sense to me that our thoughts are our everything. Either way it doesn't really matter how they work if people can put this to good use.
thecameraeye
01-17-2007, 01:46 PM
to the original poster...
I know what it's like to have this "entity". I've had the same thing. In fact I think it's a demon that's tormenting you from all of the struggling and pain. It's just as much a spiritual battle as it is a mental one.
you ever hear of people being freed from demons at Christian confrences and what not? I believe it. I think demons find people who are depressed and manifest themselves in these people, because they're broken, worn out, and nothing occupies them. These things make their homes in these downtrodden people and churn inside of them, making them worse and worse. Pretty soon they start to take over the mind completely and tell the person things to control them. I think this is how paranoia and schizophrenia start.
Life is tough. Just know that other people have gone through the same things so you're not alone. I would definitely find some way to vent your problems. If you don't like councelors, paint or draw...write music...do something to free your soul of your burdens.
:angel:
I know what it's like to have this "entity". I've had the same thing. In fact I think it's a demon that's tormenting you from all of the struggling and pain. It's just as much a spiritual battle as it is a mental one.
you ever hear of people being freed from demons at Christian confrences and what not? I believe it. I think demons find people who are depressed and manifest themselves in these people, because they're broken, worn out, and nothing occupies them. These things make their homes in these downtrodden people and churn inside of them, making them worse and worse. Pretty soon they start to take over the mind completely and tell the person things to control them. I think this is how paranoia and schizophrenia start.
Life is tough. Just know that other people have gone through the same things so you're not alone. I would definitely find some way to vent your problems. If you don't like councelors, paint or draw...write music...do something to free your soul of your burdens.
:angel: