Mstngfan
01-14-2007, 02:51 AM
Since being diagnosed with ADHD alot of things in my life seem to be making more sense. One of them is an issue with rage that I have had all my life. As a child and teenager I responded to alot of bad situations at home with anger and violence. It didnt really help that my father (not biological) also had a bad temper...and we were at eachothers throats all the time. It was not uncommon for me to throw things, knock chairs over, and also punch things like the wall and end up hurting myself which usually calmed me down for some reason. As I grew older and started understanding my parents a little more, and my father mellowed out some...the rage issues relaxed alot and I was able to go months at a time without an "episode".
Now I am in a relationship, of 3 years and we have been living together a little over a year. He is a good person, and we have had our issues but always work things out...we have very different personalities and priorities which has made it tough and especially so because he is very into order and neatness, which is obviously a weakness for me. He was the reason I finally faced up to my problems and saw a doctor to get diagnosed, and now take Adderal for the ADHD....although it helps more at work than at home, and I dont take it on the weekends.
One big problem though is relearning how to live with somebody who isnt really able to understand me. I feel like finally after 27 years I have an understanding of myself and why I never lived up to my potential and also why I have the problems that I do....and in a way I am bitter of all the years of people holding little things against me that I now feel I didnt have as much control over as others do.....but now I have to start answering for myself again with my boyfriend and being put in frustrating situations and it has caused me to get worse with my temper. I have found myself in a handful of situations with me losing it and punching a wall of car steering wheel, and on a couple occasions pushing him or going past a line I should never cross and it makes me feel HORRIBLE. Being a woman it is not easy to think of myself as possibly abusive but I know I have that ability to lose it and it scares me.
I am just trying to educate myself as much as possible and help him to understand that I do not want to react in those ways, it makes me feel like I have no control and literally after getting that mad I feel weak for hours afterwards. I want him to understand and help me but sometimes I feel like its impossible for people to really understand. I hate that ADD and ADHD is looked upon as an "excuse" by so many people....when it is just as real as any other disability.
Anybody have similar problems? It would be nice to know Im not the only crazy one... :dizzy:
Now I am in a relationship, of 3 years and we have been living together a little over a year. He is a good person, and we have had our issues but always work things out...we have very different personalities and priorities which has made it tough and especially so because he is very into order and neatness, which is obviously a weakness for me. He was the reason I finally faced up to my problems and saw a doctor to get diagnosed, and now take Adderal for the ADHD....although it helps more at work than at home, and I dont take it on the weekends.
One big problem though is relearning how to live with somebody who isnt really able to understand me. I feel like finally after 27 years I have an understanding of myself and why I never lived up to my potential and also why I have the problems that I do....and in a way I am bitter of all the years of people holding little things against me that I now feel I didnt have as much control over as others do.....but now I have to start answering for myself again with my boyfriend and being put in frustrating situations and it has caused me to get worse with my temper. I have found myself in a handful of situations with me losing it and punching a wall of car steering wheel, and on a couple occasions pushing him or going past a line I should never cross and it makes me feel HORRIBLE. Being a woman it is not easy to think of myself as possibly abusive but I know I have that ability to lose it and it scares me.
I am just trying to educate myself as much as possible and help him to understand that I do not want to react in those ways, it makes me feel like I have no control and literally after getting that mad I feel weak for hours afterwards. I want him to understand and help me but sometimes I feel like its impossible for people to really understand. I hate that ADD and ADHD is looked upon as an "excuse" by so many people....when it is just as real as any other disability.
Anybody have similar problems? It would be nice to know Im not the only crazy one... :dizzy:
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holahanson
01-14-2007, 03:51 AM
I don't have ADD, but my little sister does, and she has horrible rage problems when she isn't on her medicine! Sometimes it's like she's two different people. Something small and nonimportant will just set her off completely and she will be SO horrible to everyone around her (doesn't matter who, or if she knows you or not. She's been so so rude to just random people in stores if they are looking at her the wrong way or something and it horrifies me but she really doesn't even see how she is acting!) And she'll say the most mean things, sometimes they don't even make sense, but she's just in such a rage that she does and says really crazy things without thinking or even realizing she's doing them.
Mstngfan
01-14-2007, 04:20 AM
I guess the main differences between me and what you just described is that I only ever lash out like that against people I care about alot...family, boyfriend. I tend to not be easily frustrated or upset with other people, in fact most people I spend my day around probably think Im one of the nicest people they know...lol. But live with me and its another story. I dont really know why it is that way...I am just a very skilled people person. Im good at hiding my "dark side" from people who arent around me all the time.
nickkaylee
01-15-2007, 09:01 AM
OMG that sounds just like my son! Most of the time when we go somewhere people think he is SUCH a good kid (he's 12). But when he's home he can be SO mean and abusive to his siter. He has even gone so far as to hit adults! Never me, but he used to get in actual punching and kicking fights with my ex-husband (not his father). He did the kicking and punching. In one of his "episodes" he pushed my father and spit in his face! He always blames everyone else though for what he does. He'll kick a hole in the wall and then say it's my fault because I "know how he is when he's mad" and I "made him mad".
Mstngfan
01-15-2007, 06:39 PM
Yeah I used to be the same way as a child. My parents used to argue a lot when I was younger too and my dad would scream at my mom and Id go off on him. I punched a hole through his door once for taking my phone away. In my own defense, though I guess maybe I dont need one..?...he drank when I was younger and was a jackass IMO. My mom almost left him a few times and finally he mellowed out. We still have bad tempers and fight but I dont live there anymore so it really never happens. One time they tried to take me to a child psychologist. They all sat there like a perfect family and told the doctor all my problems like I was disturbed or something. I was a typical angry teenager, and always pissed that they would never acknowledge that the situation at home downright sucked alot of the time.
Im still a little bitter because of the fact that my sister at a very young age had trouble with spelling in school due to a learning disability and needed glasses. When they found out about this stuff my mom literally cried because of the few years they had been hard on my sister for certain things that werent her fault. When I told my mom about the ADHD it was like no big deal whatsoever...and what I went through was far worse. Every quarter when report cards came out I got screamed at and punished and as a young adult they accused me of being into drugs and alcohol which I was not at all.
I found out at the age of 25 that my father was not my biological father and after doing some research on my own found out that my biological father had died about 9 months earlier. Turns out he was kind of a creep and had some bad things in his past but it caused me to feel even more confused about myself and why I was this way. To this day I never get any sense that my parents regret any part of the way things turned out....I guess because unlike my sister I am very indipendant and have done well all on my own. It would still be nice to be able to talk about it though, but I get the sense that they think I just want "attention". blah...
/rant. lol
Im still a little bitter because of the fact that my sister at a very young age had trouble with spelling in school due to a learning disability and needed glasses. When they found out about this stuff my mom literally cried because of the few years they had been hard on my sister for certain things that werent her fault. When I told my mom about the ADHD it was like no big deal whatsoever...and what I went through was far worse. Every quarter when report cards came out I got screamed at and punished and as a young adult they accused me of being into drugs and alcohol which I was not at all.
I found out at the age of 25 that my father was not my biological father and after doing some research on my own found out that my biological father had died about 9 months earlier. Turns out he was kind of a creep and had some bad things in his past but it caused me to feel even more confused about myself and why I was this way. To this day I never get any sense that my parents regret any part of the way things turned out....I guess because unlike my sister I am very indipendant and have done well all on my own. It would still be nice to be able to talk about it though, but I get the sense that they think I just want "attention". blah...
/rant. lol