merjn
01-15-2007, 10:41 PM
Hello all.
This would be my first posting in a board like this. But I am an Admin and mod on other pc help sites so I am pretty sure this is in the right forum.
I have been self mutilating since around age of 12. I am now 33 and for some reason it has come back with a vengeance. I only did 3 small cuts last night but I stopped myself as I am married with children. I do it where no one will not see it (upper shoulder), but usually when I do this I feel much better in the morning. Well this morning I felt worse.
I take Klonopin 1 mg three times a day and lexapro 20mg once a day for Panic Disorder (guess thats why I stay in and help so many with pc problems :jester: )
Thing is I never have any energy anymore, I do not feel depressed, nor anxious. Don't want to play with the kids but still help online. I am always tired, have been for the past 6 months. Only thing that seems to give me energy are Vicodin:dizzy: When I have Kidney stones. *(no only have taken them as prescribed)
Anyone know what could be wrong? Sorry for the long winded post but I do not have anyone else to talk or type to.
Yours Truly
Merjn
This would be my first posting in a board like this. But I am an Admin and mod on other pc help sites so I am pretty sure this is in the right forum.
I have been self mutilating since around age of 12. I am now 33 and for some reason it has come back with a vengeance. I only did 3 small cuts last night but I stopped myself as I am married with children. I do it where no one will not see it (upper shoulder), but usually when I do this I feel much better in the morning. Well this morning I felt worse.
I take Klonopin 1 mg three times a day and lexapro 20mg once a day for Panic Disorder (guess thats why I stay in and help so many with pc problems :jester: )
Thing is I never have any energy anymore, I do not feel depressed, nor anxious. Don't want to play with the kids but still help online. I am always tired, have been for the past 6 months. Only thing that seems to give me energy are Vicodin:dizzy: When I have Kidney stones. *(no only have taken them as prescribed)
Anyone know what could be wrong? Sorry for the long winded post but I do not have anyone else to talk or type to.
Yours Truly
Merjn
Sponsor
firenice
01-16-2007, 03:19 AM
I presume you're seeing a psychiatrist or medical doctor to get the prescription, but are you able to talk through these things with him/her or is it just for medication? If not, are you seeing a therapist with whom you can talk about this? You indicated at the end of the post that you don't have anyone to talk to so I'm guessing you don't and I think you need someone like that.
You say the cutting has come back for some reason. Do you have any idea what that reason is - or reasons are? How long have you been not cutting prior this episode? What do you mean by coming back with a vengeance?
I certainly don't know what is wrong. But, I bet with some support and guidance, you can find out.
You say the cutting has come back for some reason. Do you have any idea what that reason is - or reasons are? How long have you been not cutting prior this episode? What do you mean by coming back with a vengeance?
I certainly don't know what is wrong. But, I bet with some support and guidance, you can find out.
li_low
01-16-2007, 03:39 AM
hey there..kids important..drop the online help..take kids to park..let ur energy off that way..u will only end up with guilt..especiallly since u say u have panic also
keyboardplaya
01-16-2007, 11:00 AM
I don't mean this in a "why are you here" kind of way, but I think you'd find the most help and understanding in the "Self-Injury Recovery" board.
Sannah
01-16-2007, 11:07 AM
Merjn, I wasn't going to answer this post until you replied to firenice because he seemed to cover what I would have said anyway. Now I just wanted to say that more support can be found on either the depression or the PTDS boards rather than the self-injury board.
merjn
01-16-2007, 11:28 AM
thanks for your replies.
Thats just it I don't know if I am depressed. I mean weird things are going on... Coffee makes me fall asleep, my Klonopin gives me a boost, can that be something inside wrong?
As for the SM, I have been self mutilation free for almost 10 years now. I know it did not happen overnight, all the medicines effects are almost reversed for me? So thats where I think it might be depression or I have no more adrenaline:) .. Hope not though.
Any idea why coffee etc those type of stimulants make me exhausted?
Thats just it I don't know if I am depressed. I mean weird things are going on... Coffee makes me fall asleep, my Klonopin gives me a boost, can that be something inside wrong?
As for the SM, I have been self mutilation free for almost 10 years now. I know it did not happen overnight, all the medicines effects are almost reversed for me? So thats where I think it might be depression or I have no more adrenaline:) .. Hope not though.
Any idea why coffee etc those type of stimulants make me exhausted?
firenice
01-16-2007, 02:30 PM
merjn,
there are still a few unanswered questions: are you seeing a therapist with whom you can talk about these things? What did you mean by the SM coming back with a vengeance?
If the medications are having a reverse effect, you should talk to the prescribing doctor; maybe a med adjustment is in order.
Your symptoms don't sound like depression - It sounds almost like an organic issue. Have you had a complete physical check up to rule out any organic problems?
I know that caffeine and stimulant medications calm down kids with ADHD. But, it certainly doesn't make them exhausted, otherwise parents and teachers would be giving cofee to their ADHD kids all day :)
Have you tried adjusting your diet - removing caffeine, sugar,...going high protein, or high carb or....you might need to experiment.
there are still a few unanswered questions: are you seeing a therapist with whom you can talk about these things? What did you mean by the SM coming back with a vengeance?
If the medications are having a reverse effect, you should talk to the prescribing doctor; maybe a med adjustment is in order.
Your symptoms don't sound like depression - It sounds almost like an organic issue. Have you had a complete physical check up to rule out any organic problems?
I know that caffeine and stimulant medications calm down kids with ADHD. But, it certainly doesn't make them exhausted, otherwise parents and teachers would be giving cofee to their ADHD kids all day :)
Have you tried adjusting your diet - removing caffeine, sugar,...going high protein, or high carb or....you might need to experiment.
merjn
01-16-2007, 05:13 PM
Sorry bout that firenice,
No I am not seeing a therapist at this time. When I said they came back with a vengeance, I mean the thoughts came back hard (although I cannot place them to a certain day) and I did it and thought to myself what the heck am I doing and stopped.
As for the tests no I have not had a certain tests except an cat scan for Kidney stones and a T.I.A workup about 6 months ago. Which may explain things now that I look at it as I write it down. Cause my BP went up from normal to 200/120 as normal for me now. But as we all know that is not normal. So I am on the Blood meds Diovan and Norvasc. Sorry like I said I never put the 2 together until I read what I actually typed. Either has the doc either though?
No I am not seeing a therapist at this time. When I said they came back with a vengeance, I mean the thoughts came back hard (although I cannot place them to a certain day) and I did it and thought to myself what the heck am I doing and stopped.
As for the tests no I have not had a certain tests except an cat scan for Kidney stones and a T.I.A workup about 6 months ago. Which may explain things now that I look at it as I write it down. Cause my BP went up from normal to 200/120 as normal for me now. But as we all know that is not normal. So I am on the Blood meds Diovan and Norvasc. Sorry like I said I never put the 2 together until I read what I actually typed. Either has the doc either though?
firenice
01-16-2007, 07:48 PM
merjn,
Well, first off I would recommend seeing a counselor or therapist. It appears that just writing out some of this has given you a bit of insight and talking with a counselor/therapist could provide even more. Second, I'd suggest a complete physical check up and third a review of medication from the prescribing doctor.
Do you know what brought back these thoughts with such force? Was it something that happened recently?
Well, first off I would recommend seeing a counselor or therapist. It appears that just writing out some of this has given you a bit of insight and talking with a counselor/therapist could provide even more. Second, I'd suggest a complete physical check up and third a review of medication from the prescribing doctor.
Do you know what brought back these thoughts with such force? Was it something that happened recently?
merjn
01-17-2007, 06:02 PM
To all of you a big thumbs up. You have to be one of the nicest boards I have been to! And I have been to alot since I help with hijackthis problems and malware etc..
I went to the doc yesterday and he did some tests including my first ummm colon test. First he found blood in there and said I had Diverticulitis (sp)?
He also said my adrenal results came came fin but something about my thyroid was low. Don't know the exact words. That made me feel better as now I know what it is.
I Have also set up a counselor meeting next week for the cutting.
Thank you guys and gals for your kindness my tech boards can learn something from you people.
I went to the doc yesterday and he did some tests including my first ummm colon test. First he found blood in there and said I had Diverticulitis (sp)?
He also said my adrenal results came came fin but something about my thyroid was low. Don't know the exact words. That made me feel better as now I know what it is.
I Have also set up a counselor meeting next week for the cutting.
Thank you guys and gals for your kindness my tech boards can learn something from you people.