robinrobin
10-29-2003, 12:38 PM
hi, I read your response to the marijuna post and I wanted to give you a hug((()) I am sorry about having the anxiety. I have anxiety too. They put me on paxil 5 years ago, and I bless them, paxil changed my life, (knock on wood) perhaps you should look into that??? I was also prescribed zanax. Its like a bandaid, and its addicting as u said. I keep zanax in my medicene cabinet - 'just in case' but once your body gets used to paxil- or any other anxiety meds you dont really need to have zanax - only on special occassions, (()) robin
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Ashnan
10-29-2003, 01:10 PM
Tigre,
I read your post in the Stay home...or work outside of home? Thread. I know that you are just venting and we’re here for you. Vent away – anytime you need to. But your post really spoke to me and I wanted to respond.
You spoke of your husband. Perhaps your husband needs a support group. He has many issues to deal with, issues that are no less (nor more so) important than your own, just different. His life has changed also. He is human and is going to feel anger and resentment at the changes thrust upon him, even though he may not want to.
With anger comes guilt. He probably has guilt because he knows that he needs to be patient and understanding, but he can’t help the feelings of anger that slip in. This is natural.
The two of you need to be understanding of each other’s anger and frustration. Keep the lines of honest communication open. It’s okay to feel angry or hurt, just talk about it.
You both need to remember that this is a transitional time for you. No one likes change, but it happens. Eventually, everything will even out. Your life may not be the way it was before the accident, but it will be your life. Just hang in there, you will get through this.
In the meantime, you do have friends. We are your friends. If you need us, we are always here. Just a click away. You can cry, laugh, scream out your frustrations…whatever you need! We will listen.
I understand how you feel. I am learning to accept my epilepsy, and it’s rough. Also, two years ago, my aunt was in a car accident and was paralyzed from the neck down. Her whole life changed. She still has rough patches, but she taught me a lot about hanging in there. It will make you stronger in the end.
If you need someone, just shout!
Your friend!
Ashnan
I read your post in the Stay home...or work outside of home? Thread. I know that you are just venting and we’re here for you. Vent away – anytime you need to. But your post really spoke to me and I wanted to respond.
You spoke of your husband. Perhaps your husband needs a support group. He has many issues to deal with, issues that are no less (nor more so) important than your own, just different. His life has changed also. He is human and is going to feel anger and resentment at the changes thrust upon him, even though he may not want to.
With anger comes guilt. He probably has guilt because he knows that he needs to be patient and understanding, but he can’t help the feelings of anger that slip in. This is natural.
The two of you need to be understanding of each other’s anger and frustration. Keep the lines of honest communication open. It’s okay to feel angry or hurt, just talk about it.
You both need to remember that this is a transitional time for you. No one likes change, but it happens. Eventually, everything will even out. Your life may not be the way it was before the accident, but it will be your life. Just hang in there, you will get through this.
In the meantime, you do have friends. We are your friends. If you need us, we are always here. Just a click away. You can cry, laugh, scream out your frustrations…whatever you need! We will listen.
I understand how you feel. I am learning to accept my epilepsy, and it’s rough. Also, two years ago, my aunt was in a car accident and was paralyzed from the neck down. Her whole life changed. She still has rough patches, but she taught me a lot about hanging in there. It will make you stronger in the end.
If you need someone, just shout!
Your friend!
Ashnan
Tigre
10-30-2003, 02:31 PM
Hi Robin and Ashnan,
Thank you both for your posts. I am out of xanax at the moment and i dont know if how i feel today is due to that or the argument my husband and i got into yesterday. See, I always praise him for being there for me and taking on a load that he didnt ask for, i just ask for patience and understanding. He doesnt want this anymore...hes beyond frustration. I asked him yesterday if he would talk to my neuro psych to get a better understanding of things...he wouldnt answer me then I asked again and he literally yelled "I SAID YES" He is always finding all my negatives anymore and the day I realized that we may not make it through this together was at my oldest sons birthday party. It was at a park and all the family (including my ex and his fiance) and many others having their own partys. Well i had a panic attack. My ex's girl saw it starting and told my ex to cut the cake and she took me away from it all and rubbed my back and helped me calm down. My husband? nothing. He acts embarassed of me and always tells his family that im fine. He yells at the kids all the time and even my bro in law says he needs to get his priorites straight. He told me this on the way to my sons character day parade today. MY bro in law took time off of work to come take me since i cant drive yet my husband wouldnt. He told me that my husband has been acting frustrated lately like he either doesnt want the marriage anymore or he doesnt want the kids around. I just cant take it anymore. He is no longer supportive ...he makes jokes and yells at me alot. I tried asking him to talk to me or maybe support from someone else but he dont believe in psychiatrists or psychologists. He is vulgar towards me in the way of sex as well...kinda treats me like a ummmmm prostitute if you know what i mean. I know and understand how its changed his life as well because ive thanked him for being there even though i know its hard for him. He is slipping away. I feared this all along that he wouldnt be strong enough to handle this with me..what with all the doctors visits and now the finances due to the copays and meds. He never wants the kids around and always finds excuses to be outside or leave so hes not around us. He threw a fit the other day (my ex had the older two for the weekend) and i asked him to take the younger two to the store with him ...just to have some alone time..which i rarely get. He wasnt happy but did take them and came home and said they were terrible in the store. We are in the process of a lawsuit and wwhne he does talk to me happily its about what he wants to do with the settlement...like buy a new suburban or do this and that. I feel like all i am is a big dollar sign to him anymore. I asked him, more like begged him, to help and try with me to get that closeness back. What i got was (and im sorry for this) at 5am i was woken up to his private area in my face. I was revolted. See i sleep on the couch because its soft and my shoulders and back dont lock up...our mattress is firm and if i sleep on that he has to massage my back and muscles or i cant get up. Ive asked him to get one of those foamy eggshell thingies to put on the bed and he said im just making excuses. Thats all he says now. He wants his freedom and also me at home. He has gone fishing for hours on the weekends and even out to winghouse to shoot darts and have a drink or two. I have gone out twice with friends since the accident and not for long because i get anxious and when i get home he grills me on where i was and all. I just cant cope anymore...im tired of putting on a happy face when inside im torn up just to make him happy. Because hes sick of hearing about what im going through. I stuck by him cheating on me, ive stuck by him when he threw his back out and waited on him hand and foot and he cant stick by me without attitude??? NO. I think we are just playing at mariage now and i cant handle this now. I have to go now...one of the kids needs me. THank you for listening and caring, sometimes, no , most times i feel like you all are all i have.
Love,
Tigre
Thank you both for your posts. I am out of xanax at the moment and i dont know if how i feel today is due to that or the argument my husband and i got into yesterday. See, I always praise him for being there for me and taking on a load that he didnt ask for, i just ask for patience and understanding. He doesnt want this anymore...hes beyond frustration. I asked him yesterday if he would talk to my neuro psych to get a better understanding of things...he wouldnt answer me then I asked again and he literally yelled "I SAID YES" He is always finding all my negatives anymore and the day I realized that we may not make it through this together was at my oldest sons birthday party. It was at a park and all the family (including my ex and his fiance) and many others having their own partys. Well i had a panic attack. My ex's girl saw it starting and told my ex to cut the cake and she took me away from it all and rubbed my back and helped me calm down. My husband? nothing. He acts embarassed of me and always tells his family that im fine. He yells at the kids all the time and even my bro in law says he needs to get his priorites straight. He told me this on the way to my sons character day parade today. MY bro in law took time off of work to come take me since i cant drive yet my husband wouldnt. He told me that my husband has been acting frustrated lately like he either doesnt want the marriage anymore or he doesnt want the kids around. I just cant take it anymore. He is no longer supportive ...he makes jokes and yells at me alot. I tried asking him to talk to me or maybe support from someone else but he dont believe in psychiatrists or psychologists. He is vulgar towards me in the way of sex as well...kinda treats me like a ummmmm prostitute if you know what i mean. I know and understand how its changed his life as well because ive thanked him for being there even though i know its hard for him. He is slipping away. I feared this all along that he wouldnt be strong enough to handle this with me..what with all the doctors visits and now the finances due to the copays and meds. He never wants the kids around and always finds excuses to be outside or leave so hes not around us. He threw a fit the other day (my ex had the older two for the weekend) and i asked him to take the younger two to the store with him ...just to have some alone time..which i rarely get. He wasnt happy but did take them and came home and said they were terrible in the store. We are in the process of a lawsuit and wwhne he does talk to me happily its about what he wants to do with the settlement...like buy a new suburban or do this and that. I feel like all i am is a big dollar sign to him anymore. I asked him, more like begged him, to help and try with me to get that closeness back. What i got was (and im sorry for this) at 5am i was woken up to his private area in my face. I was revolted. See i sleep on the couch because its soft and my shoulders and back dont lock up...our mattress is firm and if i sleep on that he has to massage my back and muscles or i cant get up. Ive asked him to get one of those foamy eggshell thingies to put on the bed and he said im just making excuses. Thats all he says now. He wants his freedom and also me at home. He has gone fishing for hours on the weekends and even out to winghouse to shoot darts and have a drink or two. I have gone out twice with friends since the accident and not for long because i get anxious and when i get home he grills me on where i was and all. I just cant cope anymore...im tired of putting on a happy face when inside im torn up just to make him happy. Because hes sick of hearing about what im going through. I stuck by him cheating on me, ive stuck by him when he threw his back out and waited on him hand and foot and he cant stick by me without attitude??? NO. I think we are just playing at mariage now and i cant handle this now. I have to go now...one of the kids needs me. THank you for listening and caring, sometimes, no , most times i feel like you all are all i have.
Love,
Tigre