here4Jace
01-18-2007, 01:19 AM
hate to hear your friends talk about their typical children? I know this may sound ugly and hateful, but i can't help it. Don't get me wrong i'm glad my friends lives aren't as complicated, tired and stressed as mine, i just don't enjoy hearing about it. I don't talk much about my family life much to them, just so i don't have to hear about their children. I don't want to hear about little Jimmys friends coming over or Suzy not getting the part in the school play. Sometimes i just want to say...
SHUT UP!:mad: My son is 7 and can't talk, he's never told me he loves me and may not ever be able to, his idea of having fun is running away, into the street. My son doesn't have any friends, his way of communicating is hitting the kid next to him in class or screaming in a voice that is so high pitched, that you think your head is going to explode.
Sorry, guess i just needed to vent.Do any of you ever feel like this or am i crazy?
SHUT UP!:mad: My son is 7 and can't talk, he's never told me he loves me and may not ever be able to, his idea of having fun is running away, into the street. My son doesn't have any friends, his way of communicating is hitting the kid next to him in class or screaming in a voice that is so high pitched, that you think your head is going to explode.
Sorry, guess i just needed to vent.Do any of you ever feel like this or am i crazy?
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ruby41
01-18-2007, 06:52 PM
Hi, my son sounds very similar to your son. He is also 7 and although his language is developing he is violent runs away as soon as he gets outdoors to the first lampost and taps it, then to the next one to tap it, then across the road to the one there to tap it with no awareness of danger. No I dont think your crazy or hateful. Infact I feel exactly like you. At the moment the school my son is at is trying to move him out to a worse school. I'm very stressed about this and all i'm hearing from friends and family is how their kids are doing so well, comming home with Student of the Month awards, getting invited to birthday parties. Infact 1 friend is talking about moving her son to a different school because she feels the schools not pushing her son to get to a higher level. I feel like saying think about how im feeling I don't have these choices at least your child is learning and in a mainstream school. Or some insensitive person will rant on how great their child is potty trained fully at 2 when my son is not completely trained at 7. Your not alone we all feel the same.
here4Jace
01-18-2007, 09:14 PM
I'm so glad i'm not alone. I was beginning to think that i'm going crazy. I feel like i need my sons medication more than he does:)
Thanks for the reply
Thanks for the reply
9CatMom
01-18-2007, 10:17 PM
(((To All of You)))
Laenini
01-19-2007, 12:07 AM
I do get to feeling sorry for my boys and myself sometimes, but I really try to stop myself when I'm getting that way. It doesn't do me any good, and it doesn't do my boys any good. Things I try to remember that help to pull me out of it are:
*My belief that my boys are exactly the people that God (or mother nature, or fate, or whomever) intended for them to be.
*My belief that God gave me these boys to raise because He believed that I was the best match for them as a parent.
*My belief that there is more than one way to lead a happy life. Its alright for my family to have our own definition of a happy life that is distinctly different from others.
*My willingness to seek out creative social opportunities for my sons. I don't wait for them to be invited to things, I find things instead to take them to. For instance this Saturday we are starting Zach in a Saturday morning bowling league. Nick spends his Saturdays at Yu-Gi-Oh tournaments. They both enjoy their activities in their own way and on their own terms. I also seek out appropriate children to invite along on activities and have some luck with their schools helping me find kids who are good matches. I have found that kids with a certain level of compassion along with an outgoing personality and great social skills work out best. Unfortunately, it doesn't work out so well to take 2 kids who both have poor social skills and try to foster a friendship between them. Its better to go the other way and get a kid who has over the top social skills to compensate for the child with the weaker skills.
Sometimes too it can be useful to get a subtle message to people who are maybe not realizing that their comments are making you feel bad. I don't see anything wrong with pointing out to Suzy's mom that "gee, you must be really proud that she made the effort and tried out for the play! I know I'd be so proud to see my Zach be able to try out for something like that, even if he didn't get it." A statement like that gets the message across to the other parent, yet still helps them to feel good about their child too.
I know how competitive some parents are. I made a choice many years ago to drop out of the competition so to speak. I can always find something to feel grateful about, or proud of about my boys. Try to look for and embrace the good, and leave everything else behind. And if someone is really "toxic" and seems to go out of their way to make you feel bad then cut them loose. Life is too short to allow those types of people into your life.
Leanne
*My belief that my boys are exactly the people that God (or mother nature, or fate, or whomever) intended for them to be.
*My belief that God gave me these boys to raise because He believed that I was the best match for them as a parent.
*My belief that there is more than one way to lead a happy life. Its alright for my family to have our own definition of a happy life that is distinctly different from others.
*My willingness to seek out creative social opportunities for my sons. I don't wait for them to be invited to things, I find things instead to take them to. For instance this Saturday we are starting Zach in a Saturday morning bowling league. Nick spends his Saturdays at Yu-Gi-Oh tournaments. They both enjoy their activities in their own way and on their own terms. I also seek out appropriate children to invite along on activities and have some luck with their schools helping me find kids who are good matches. I have found that kids with a certain level of compassion along with an outgoing personality and great social skills work out best. Unfortunately, it doesn't work out so well to take 2 kids who both have poor social skills and try to foster a friendship between them. Its better to go the other way and get a kid who has over the top social skills to compensate for the child with the weaker skills.
Sometimes too it can be useful to get a subtle message to people who are maybe not realizing that their comments are making you feel bad. I don't see anything wrong with pointing out to Suzy's mom that "gee, you must be really proud that she made the effort and tried out for the play! I know I'd be so proud to see my Zach be able to try out for something like that, even if he didn't get it." A statement like that gets the message across to the other parent, yet still helps them to feel good about their child too.
I know how competitive some parents are. I made a choice many years ago to drop out of the competition so to speak. I can always find something to feel grateful about, or proud of about my boys. Try to look for and embrace the good, and leave everything else behind. And if someone is really "toxic" and seems to go out of their way to make you feel bad then cut them loose. Life is too short to allow those types of people into your life.
Leanne
BetsyAnn
01-19-2007, 01:40 AM
I think that because of the difficulties that our children face everyday we have more "pain" than many parents. Yet because of this we also have so much more joy. The smallest everyday things that others take for granted bring us such excitement and happiness. I think we have an easier time truely seeing what a miracle all children are.
Willstrideryder
01-19-2007, 03:49 PM
There is a split second each morning before I fully awake where I am content. Then it hits me like a ton of bricks...the weight of it all...having two children with autism, two more on the spectrum, as well as my newly- diagnosed-husband. I wonder why life offered this to me. As I look back on my life, each trial I have had has prepared me to better handle these bricks. I know what helps me most is by making someone else's load easier. So each day I try to do something nice for someone else and it has really helped me and my load, too.
monkey3
01-19-2007, 05:13 PM
hi, just wanted to commiserate. I actually moved, although, I dont think I understood why until just recently. I too have those feelings, wishing well for my friends but when they complain that "so and so did not make the baseball team he's so depressed" I just sometimes want to scream at them to take a walk in my shoes - it is not the end of the world try having a child who cannot speak, use the toilet or do anything almost typical. I wanted to write that I am not feeling sorry for myself. But guess what? I do, sometimes shamefully so. I dont wish my or any of our situations on anyone else, but just wish somtimes for a little normalacy. Its so hard and I dont think you can ever get over it. We just have to do all we can for our ASD children and hope that they get the help they need to help ALL of their family live a happy life. Sorry - no special insights here other than complete and utter understanding in the fact that you are not alone.