Bill44
01-18-2007, 12:11 PM
I have a question mostly for the ladies, but if any men wish to comment I welcome it too. Whenever my wife has gone to a doctor (orthopedic surgeon, ENT, etc.) she asks me to accompany her for "moral support" and just to "be there" for her. Recently her primary care physcian (a female) has referred her to a gynecologist (male & female both in paractice) for a colposcopy after an abnormal pap smear. As has been our usual practice, I expressed my intention of accompanying her. This time she expressed that she didn't want me there. We have been married for a long time, and neither of us have a problem being nude with or in front of the other. However she says that it would be embarassing if I am in the room while she is having this procedure done. I am full informed as to what is involved with a pelvic exam, pap smear and colposcopy. Can anyone explain why my wife would not have a problem being nude in the presence of strangers, but if I was there she would be embarassed. The practice involved does allow husbands to accompany patients during any visit. I would not hesitate to allow her to be present during ANY visit I might have to ANY doctor or any place I might go.
Sponsor
rosequartz
01-18-2007, 12:40 PM
Bill - I've never had anyone in the gynocologists office with me for moral support. I have brought my mom with me to the ENT, eye doctor, etc. Even still, she usually waits in the waiting room, except when I was getting surgery for my thyroid, she did come into the ENT with me to find out all the details first, etc. I don't blame your wife for not wanting you in the gynocologists office. Maybe you can go with her and wait in the waiting room. Think of how you might feel if you were going in for a prostate exam......would you want your wife there watching ?
Bill44
01-18-2007, 02:00 PM
I would have no problem with it if she was in the room during a prostate exam, or anything else I might have. In fact several years ago when I had a vasectomy I asked her if she wanted to come into the room as it was being done.
As for being "allowed" to sit in the waiting room....no. If that is where she wants me, I'll either be in the car or at home.
As for being "allowed" to sit in the waiting room....no. If that is where she wants me, I'll either be in the car or at home.
rosequartz
01-18-2007, 02:11 PM
I would have no problem with it if she was in the room during a prostate exam, or anything else I might have. In fact several years ago when I had a vasectomy I asked her if she wanted to come into the room as it was being done.
As for being "allowed" to sit in the waiting room....no. If that is where she wants me, I'll either be in the car or at home.
Bill I think you're taking this a little too personally...by your comment about being "allowed".......I think sitting in the car is ridiculous....it's like you're trying to make a point by not coming into the office with her. Isn't she allowed any privacy? Maybe she would like to maintain her dignity and not have you see her spread eagle with a colposcope up her privates?
Does it bother you if she goes to the bathroom in private? Do you feel slighted if she shuts the door while on the toilet?
Every human being is entitled to privacy and dignity.
As for being "allowed" to sit in the waiting room....no. If that is where she wants me, I'll either be in the car or at home.
Bill I think you're taking this a little too personally...by your comment about being "allowed".......I think sitting in the car is ridiculous....it's like you're trying to make a point by not coming into the office with her. Isn't she allowed any privacy? Maybe she would like to maintain her dignity and not have you see her spread eagle with a colposcope up her privates?
Does it bother you if she goes to the bathroom in private? Do you feel slighted if she shuts the door while on the toilet?
Every human being is entitled to privacy and dignity.
Seriphina
01-18-2007, 02:14 PM
Bill,
I think you are reading too much into this. Just because you wouldn't have a problem with your wife being there for a prostate exam doesn't mean that she feels the same way. It doesn't mean you've done anything wrong, it doesn't mean she's uncomfortable about being nude in front of you. She may not even know the exact reason. The point is, you need to understand that she's probably scared because she's never had an abnormal pap before, and you need to support her in whatever she wants to do. Not to be rude, but you need to realize that this isn't about you. It's about her. :)
I think you are reading too much into this. Just because you wouldn't have a problem with your wife being there for a prostate exam doesn't mean that she feels the same way. It doesn't mean you've done anything wrong, it doesn't mean she's uncomfortable about being nude in front of you. She may not even know the exact reason. The point is, you need to understand that she's probably scared because she's never had an abnormal pap before, and you need to support her in whatever she wants to do. Not to be rude, but you need to realize that this isn't about you. It's about her. :)
livinTX
01-18-2007, 05:04 PM
I'm married and could never imagine asking my husband to come into the gyno office for moral support (unless I was pregnant and getting a sonogram or something). It would just seem too weird. I have no problem with my husband seeing me naked, but still...A woman feels really undignified in that position and having you sulking in the car or waiting at home is adding insult to injury...she's already scared because of the abnormal pap...you're just asking for a fight, if you want my opinion. If my husband acted like that, he would be in the doghouse FOR SURE. Besides, there might be some things your wife wants to discuss with the gyno she wouldn't feel comfortable discussing with you there, like period problems or problems with sex drive...I don't know your wife, but most women would be quite unhappy if their husbands took the position you are taking, I can tell you that.
Deeraysmom
01-18-2007, 06:26 PM
Bill ........ My ob/gyn dr. only allows the patient and a nurse in the room while doing a pelvic exam. Maybe your wife feels it would be embarassing to have you in there, I know I would be ..... it's not the most flattering thing a woman has to go through...:eek: ..... Some things are best left alone....... {lol}.. Dee :angel:
Bracelet
01-19-2007, 09:14 PM
I agree with the other ladies. You have no idea what it's like to have to get a pelvic, Bill. It's probably the one of the most embarrassing things we have to go through as women, all in the name of good health.
For you, all of your parts are on the outside, so the most invasive thing you'd have to go through is a 10 second finger up the butt and that's it. But for a woman, all of the important parts are on the inside, and those are the parts that will be scrutinized during this procedure. If you had any inkling about how embarrassing all of this is, you would understand. But because you're a man and you never have to subject yourself to laying with your butt half hanging off a table, both feet in really uncomfortable stirrups and all sorts of instruments stuck up inside your most private area, then you will never understand what your wife is going through. If you had ANY idea, you wouldn't even be entertaining these pouty thoughts of yours.
Your reaction saying that you'd rather sit in the car is something I'd expect from my 9 year old nephew, but not from a grown man who is a husband. I think you need to do as the others have already suggested and understand that this has nothing to do with you, it's about HER.
You must be an only child, because according to birth order research, people who are brought up as an only child tend to make every situation in their lives about them, regardless of whether it actually involves them or not. That's the point where you have to stop and ask yourself why you have to make a gynecologist visit for your wife something that has anything at all to do with you, when you have nothing to do with IT.
For you, all of your parts are on the outside, so the most invasive thing you'd have to go through is a 10 second finger up the butt and that's it. But for a woman, all of the important parts are on the inside, and those are the parts that will be scrutinized during this procedure. If you had any inkling about how embarrassing all of this is, you would understand. But because you're a man and you never have to subject yourself to laying with your butt half hanging off a table, both feet in really uncomfortable stirrups and all sorts of instruments stuck up inside your most private area, then you will never understand what your wife is going through. If you had ANY idea, you wouldn't even be entertaining these pouty thoughts of yours.
Your reaction saying that you'd rather sit in the car is something I'd expect from my 9 year old nephew, but not from a grown man who is a husband. I think you need to do as the others have already suggested and understand that this has nothing to do with you, it's about HER.
You must be an only child, because according to birth order research, people who are brought up as an only child tend to make every situation in their lives about them, regardless of whether it actually involves them or not. That's the point where you have to stop and ask yourself why you have to make a gynecologist visit for your wife something that has anything at all to do with you, when you have nothing to do with IT.
rosequartz
01-23-2007, 05:13 PM
Wow - Bill did we scare you off? You haven't been back to comment on our responses.....so what did you end up doing?
Bill44
01-23-2007, 09:37 PM
No....you didn't scare me off. I asked for your opinions and thoughts, not an argument. My wife and I will work things out in a way that will be satisfactory to the both of us. As I said, I wanted thoughts and opinions, not to ask anyone else to decide for us. I will add however that my wife has asked the gynecological practice she will be going to what their policy is, and they do not have a problem with a husband accompanying his wife during ANY exam or procedure in their office if the wife has no objection. Also, for one of the other jabs at me, I am NOT an only child, I am in fact the youngest of five. My wife and I have been married for over 42 years and are still very much in love and very devoted to one another!
rosequartz
01-24-2007, 11:18 AM
Bill - Your wife already stated that she didn't want company in there with her. Now she's checking office policy? Are you pressuring her to do something that she's not comfortable with? I sure hope you will go along with her wishes and not try to pressure her to go along with yours.
Deeraysmom
01-24-2007, 01:24 PM
Couldn't have said it better myself.... Dee :angel:
dustoffkid
01-24-2007, 01:45 PM
Bill,
I don't think it was really anyone's intent to beat up on you, although after reading the posts I can certainly see how you would feel that they are. You do seem like a devoted and caring husband, and I know that after you get it all discussed-out with your wife you will come to a good decision.
I will add my two-cents' worth, since you were asking for opinions.... I am comfortable in every way shape and form with my husband, and I would hope that he would be willing to wait in the waiting room for me during a procedure such as this. It's not a sense of shame or of withholding, it is simply something that I don't want to share. With anybody.
I hope everything works out well for you (and your wife, I hope she is well).
God Bless,
dustoff
I don't think it was really anyone's intent to beat up on you, although after reading the posts I can certainly see how you would feel that they are. You do seem like a devoted and caring husband, and I know that after you get it all discussed-out with your wife you will come to a good decision.
I will add my two-cents' worth, since you were asking for opinions.... I am comfortable in every way shape and form with my husband, and I would hope that he would be willing to wait in the waiting room for me during a procedure such as this. It's not a sense of shame or of withholding, it is simply something that I don't want to share. With anybody.
I hope everything works out well for you (and your wife, I hope she is well).
God Bless,
dustoff
Shalel
01-24-2007, 05:47 PM
Bill,
I would just sit down and talk to her... Ask her why she does not want you there... I have went thru something like what you are talking about... I really did not want my husband of 20 years at the first appt.. I think it was because I was scared and if the doctor said anything was wrong I think that I wanted to be able to deal with it on my own first with out him... Well since then I have been dealing with so many other things that I want him there now... I have found that having him next to me makes me feel more comfort... I even had him in the room with me when I had a transvaginal US... The tech would not let me see what was going on so it was nice to have him there to watch for me... Just talk to her and you two will make the right choose... The big thing is to just be there for her on what ever she wants... She needs it more now then ever...
Shelley
I would just sit down and talk to her... Ask her why she does not want you there... I have went thru something like what you are talking about... I really did not want my husband of 20 years at the first appt.. I think it was because I was scared and if the doctor said anything was wrong I think that I wanted to be able to deal with it on my own first with out him... Well since then I have been dealing with so many other things that I want him there now... I have found that having him next to me makes me feel more comfort... I even had him in the room with me when I had a transvaginal US... The tech would not let me see what was going on so it was nice to have him there to watch for me... Just talk to her and you two will make the right choose... The big thing is to just be there for her on what ever she wants... She needs it more now then ever...
Shelley
raggedyanne95
01-25-2007, 12:25 AM
Bill,
No matter how long you have been married, it's still your wife's body and to find a solution that is satisfactory for the both of you sounds selfish. I think you should allow her to make her own decision about her own body, and you should respect that decision if you respect your wife.
No matter how long you have been married, it's still your wife's body and to find a solution that is satisfactory for the both of you sounds selfish. I think you should allow her to make her own decision about her own body, and you should respect that decision if you respect your wife.
StenoLady1
01-25-2007, 10:07 AM
No....you didn't scare me off. I asked for your opinions and thoughts, not an argument. My wife and I will work things out in a way that will be satisfactory to the both of us.
???
Satisfactory for the both of you? This isn't an ENT appointment or a vasectomy. You're obviously not "fully informed" if you think you can compare a colposcopy to an ENT appointment.
What's the harm in respecting your wife's wishes about this? This has absolutely nothing to do with you and your body at all. It's her body, it's her embarrassment, her questions she'll have for the doctor.
I really hope you didn't pressure her into calling the doc's office. I'm not trying to be argumentative, but you asked for ladies' opinions on this. I got an abnormal pap last week and might be looking at cryosurgery. My hubby has offered to take off work and take me to the appointment, stay home with me after, get any meds I might need. Not once did he insist on actually being present for the exam or any other procedure. I'm sure he would if I asked, but that's the key word here, "If I asked."
Oh, and I was present for his vasectomy. Because he asked me to be there, not because I insisted or pouted. This isn't a tit-for-tat situation.
???
Satisfactory for the both of you? This isn't an ENT appointment or a vasectomy. You're obviously not "fully informed" if you think you can compare a colposcopy to an ENT appointment.
What's the harm in respecting your wife's wishes about this? This has absolutely nothing to do with you and your body at all. It's her body, it's her embarrassment, her questions she'll have for the doctor.
I really hope you didn't pressure her into calling the doc's office. I'm not trying to be argumentative, but you asked for ladies' opinions on this. I got an abnormal pap last week and might be looking at cryosurgery. My hubby has offered to take off work and take me to the appointment, stay home with me after, get any meds I might need. Not once did he insist on actually being present for the exam or any other procedure. I'm sure he would if I asked, but that's the key word here, "If I asked."
Oh, and I was present for his vasectomy. Because he asked me to be there, not because I insisted or pouted. This isn't a tit-for-tat situation.
Deeraysmom
01-25-2007, 02:37 PM
:wave: ....... Bill....... One Question .... Why is it so important that you have to hold her hand all the time ? Trust me if she wants you in there she'll ask... Maybe you have some underlying issue going on here...... let here up for air or atleast for her yearly pap......... Dee :angel:
Deeraysmom
01-25-2007, 08:10 PM
:eek: ..... I guess i touched a nerve if I did ... " I'm Sorry " .... [deleted] ... again I'm sorry... we'll just leave it at that..... Dee :angel:
[To all posters: These boards are for support, not just 'opinions'. Too many here have not offered their support or suggestions in a friendly, helpful manner, which is what these boards are for. Future posts in this thread should reflect this, please.
- Mod-S4]
[To all posters: These boards are for support, not just 'opinions'. Too many here have not offered their support or suggestions in a friendly, helpful manner, which is what these boards are for. Future posts in this thread should reflect this, please.
- Mod-S4]