Lindamom
01-18-2007, 09:32 PM
I have really wonderful boys 13 & 16 w/ add/adhd. They have been diagnosed and on meds since 1st grade. We have our ups and downs, but the one issue that stumbles me alot as a mom is that they back away from social activites unless it is one on one. I know my older son is lonely, but not enought to do anything about making friends. Who can help?
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tonymc
01-22-2007, 12:39 AM
I'm 35 and that has pleagued me as far back as I can remember. I just get overwhelmed and anxious when there is a lot of folks around and I wear down quickley and stop functioning. Having ADD I have problems following conversations anyway and groups make it worse. Probaly the extra effort at switching and comprehending is what wears me out.
Over the years, not liking the overwhelming anxiety and worn feeling, I naturally and not really concious of it then, avoided social situations, large groups. I want to join "the companionship" so bad but it never fails. I hold my own at first and shortly I burn out and then in conversations I start missing key things or stop comprehending simple stuff like punch lines or that I'm even being addressed. It embarases me and sometimes to a panic and I don't like it. Hence, I avoid those situations.
It's also obvious to others (something that I've just recently found out) that they see me come in with energy and next time they see me, I'm "dumbed out". I wonder how many folks through out my life have wondered what I was on or why I was so "moody". Being 35 and just making that "revelation" has really weighed on me.
My wife is a real extravert and great with social things. I've been able to socialize by her side in a thankful way. She picks up where I fall short and understands when I'm "out". Your son may be playing it out as a non-issue, but I feel from personal experience only that it is or will be later in life.
I've had so many negative experiences and I'm sure that has supported my anti-sociality. If they could have some good expieriences, that would probably help.
I hope this offers a new insight to your concern.
Over the years, not liking the overwhelming anxiety and worn feeling, I naturally and not really concious of it then, avoided social situations, large groups. I want to join "the companionship" so bad but it never fails. I hold my own at first and shortly I burn out and then in conversations I start missing key things or stop comprehending simple stuff like punch lines or that I'm even being addressed. It embarases me and sometimes to a panic and I don't like it. Hence, I avoid those situations.
It's also obvious to others (something that I've just recently found out) that they see me come in with energy and next time they see me, I'm "dumbed out". I wonder how many folks through out my life have wondered what I was on or why I was so "moody". Being 35 and just making that "revelation" has really weighed on me.
My wife is a real extravert and great with social things. I've been able to socialize by her side in a thankful way. She picks up where I fall short and understands when I'm "out". Your son may be playing it out as a non-issue, but I feel from personal experience only that it is or will be later in life.
I've had so many negative experiences and I'm sure that has supported my anti-sociality. If they could have some good expieriences, that would probably help.
I hope this offers a new insight to your concern.
momof4boys
01-22-2007, 11:39 PM
Not knowing a great deal about your situation.....
I suggest checking other not so know things like Aspergers which deals with social problems. It is on the Autism spectrum, however I think of it more as a personality.
Many times people with aspergers also have adhd and add.
Hope all goes well
I suggest checking other not so know things like Aspergers which deals with social problems. It is on the Autism spectrum, however I think of it more as a personality.
Many times people with aspergers also have adhd and add.
Hope all goes well
georginia
03-21-2007, 09:37 PM
I have really wonderful boys 13 & 16 w/ add/adhd. They have been diagnosed and on meds since 1st grade. We have our ups and downs, but the one issue that stumbles me alot as a mom is that they back away from social activites unless it is one on one. I know my older son is lonely, but not enought to do anything about making friends. Who can help?
my son was the same way and just lately he started socializing with other people at 19 yrs old.He was adhd to and out grew it.Hang in there they will.
my son was the same way and just lately he started socializing with other people at 19 yrs old.He was adhd to and out grew it.Hang in there they will.
49ersgurl
04-03-2007, 07:24 PM
my son was the same way and just lately he started socializing with other people at 19 yrs old.He was adhd to and out grew it.Hang in there they will.
Hi
My son was diagnosed with aspergers at age 3. He is 13 today!!! He is an only child, and I left his dad when he was 6, the year 2000. I'm now remarried to an amazing guy that treats my son as he was his own. My son is very much a loner.he chooses to be alone or amongst adults. He doesn't know the first thing about how to approach other kids. He's insecure and just started having alot of stress/anxiety. He knows he has this disibility, and at times uses it to his advantage. He's an awesome kid, Im blessed to have him,yet I know he's going thru some tough times at school,but he refuses to talk about it. I wish I knew how to have him communicate more.If you have any ideas, please let me kow
Hi
My son was diagnosed with aspergers at age 3. He is 13 today!!! He is an only child, and I left his dad when he was 6, the year 2000. I'm now remarried to an amazing guy that treats my son as he was his own. My son is very much a loner.he chooses to be alone or amongst adults. He doesn't know the first thing about how to approach other kids. He's insecure and just started having alot of stress/anxiety. He knows he has this disibility, and at times uses it to his advantage. He's an awesome kid, Im blessed to have him,yet I know he's going thru some tough times at school,but he refuses to talk about it. I wish I knew how to have him communicate more.If you have any ideas, please let me kow
rheanna
04-04-2007, 02:10 AM
I have really wonderful boys 13 & 16 w/ add/adhd. They have been diagnosed and on meds since 1st grade. We have our ups and downs, but the one issue that stumbles me alot as a mom is that they back away from social activites unless it is one on one. I know my older son is lonely, but not enought to do anything about making friends. Who can help?
Lindamom,
As an ADD person myself, I can say that being around lots of people is stressful for me. Over the years I have learned social skills, so that when I am at a party or gathering with people that I know, I can go into "small talk" mode and function ok, but I am always tired afterwards. In large crowds I start panicing.
The problem is that ADDers have difficulty sorting through all the stimulus that is bombarding our brains, and we are not able to calm down and decide which of the stimuli are appropriate to pay attention to and which are just background noise.
My suggestion is to concentrate on teaching them social skills so that they know how to interact with individuals. Functioning in groups is "advanced" social skills, and that can come later in their lives.
--Rheanna
Lindamom,
As an ADD person myself, I can say that being around lots of people is stressful for me. Over the years I have learned social skills, so that when I am at a party or gathering with people that I know, I can go into "small talk" mode and function ok, but I am always tired afterwards. In large crowds I start panicing.
The problem is that ADDers have difficulty sorting through all the stimulus that is bombarding our brains, and we are not able to calm down and decide which of the stimuli are appropriate to pay attention to and which are just background noise.
My suggestion is to concentrate on teaching them social skills so that they know how to interact with individuals. Functioning in groups is "advanced" social skills, and that can come later in their lives.
--Rheanna