tertree
01-19-2007, 10:54 AM
my almost 15 year old son has pervasive development disorder (PDD) he is high functioning and other then a few quirks hes a normal boy. only problem im having is he cannot stay away from porn sites on computers. He has been busted so many times and he is punished then does really well for a bit then boom he goes where he shouldnt go. He has his own computer (we have a computer room so his computer is visible from ours), anyhow his has all the restrictions on it so he cant go into those places and it shuts down at a certain time of night and he knows we continue to check it every couple days but last night i left mine on while i ran into town to do a job interview, anyhow he got on mine and was loking up porn and downloaded a nasty hackerspyware virus. he didnt lie to me about it when i asked him about it but my question is....Does he just not understand he will get caught because of the PDD or is this just normal teenage rebellion and raging hormones? and what do I do my better half is ready to give the kid his first butt whipping. we are both frustrated with this situation and nothing we have tried in forms of punishment has worked.Any advice?
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firenice
01-19-2007, 02:19 PM
This would not be considered normal adolescent behavior; although the PDD might account for some of the obsessiveness, it is still abnormal and needs to be dealt with. The interest in sex is of course normal. However, there are indications that pornography is very habit forming and should be looked upon as an addiction. There is research indicating that pornography causes brain chemistry changes in much the same way as addictive drugs.
Why not spend some time with your son on the computer researching about pornography - find out what it is, why it's a problem, how to deal with it, etc. One of the things you might find is that peer group counseling is often a way of treating it. So, group counseling might be a good approach for your son, if that's available in your area. Individual counseling might also be useful but I suspect peer group counseling would be better. You might also want to consider counseling for yourself to help you deal with the stressors of this situation as well as helping you help your son.
Punishment won't work. Incentives and rewards likely won't work either. If pornography is as addictive as some of the research suggests, it will take a willingness on your son's part to overcome the obsession as well as a lot of support from you and others. He must have a primary care physician and perhaps a therapist. You should consult with them about this. Good luck.
Why not spend some time with your son on the computer researching about pornography - find out what it is, why it's a problem, how to deal with it, etc. One of the things you might find is that peer group counseling is often a way of treating it. So, group counseling might be a good approach for your son, if that's available in your area. Individual counseling might also be useful but I suspect peer group counseling would be better. You might also want to consider counseling for yourself to help you deal with the stressors of this situation as well as helping you help your son.
Punishment won't work. Incentives and rewards likely won't work either. If pornography is as addictive as some of the research suggests, it will take a willingness on your son's part to overcome the obsession as well as a lot of support from you and others. He must have a primary care physician and perhaps a therapist. You should consult with them about this. Good luck.
elmhar
01-19-2007, 04:25 PM
Hi Tertree,
I have a 16.5 yo boy w/PDD-NOS. Very tech-savvy. We've had only one run-in over porn, BUT the whole computer thing is a real boondoggle for us.
My husband is a software engineer with 2 Ph.Ds. My son has managed to hack through every single security measure that has been devised/ programmed/ purchased in the last 2 yrs. The kid is obsessed with 'beating the system,' and refuses to see it as anything more than a harmless game. Doesn't help that we have about 8 computers, a network & a server, most needed for my husband's work.
It seems that there's a big dopamine boost that occurs when my son is in the process of hacking, which does not occur too often anywhere else in his life -- ahedonia, very little that gives him pleasure. And of course the obsessions -- dare I say compulsion to do this.
We're about to the point of needing seious deadbolt locks on the doors of certain rooms. Meds have been a bust for DS, and he is not willing to do any more talk therapy at present. So, we're not willing to pay $200 to $300/hr. waiting for that to happen.
General pediatricians IME are a joke when it comes to understanding & dealing with our teens. We've seen a number of "experts" but they haven't been helpful either. There may be someone somewhere who can help ... Maybe it will work for you ...
Sorry, nice to unload on someone who understands. Best wishes.
I have a 16.5 yo boy w/PDD-NOS. Very tech-savvy. We've had only one run-in over porn, BUT the whole computer thing is a real boondoggle for us.
My husband is a software engineer with 2 Ph.Ds. My son has managed to hack through every single security measure that has been devised/ programmed/ purchased in the last 2 yrs. The kid is obsessed with 'beating the system,' and refuses to see it as anything more than a harmless game. Doesn't help that we have about 8 computers, a network & a server, most needed for my husband's work.
It seems that there's a big dopamine boost that occurs when my son is in the process of hacking, which does not occur too often anywhere else in his life -- ahedonia, very little that gives him pleasure. And of course the obsessions -- dare I say compulsion to do this.
We're about to the point of needing seious deadbolt locks on the doors of certain rooms. Meds have been a bust for DS, and he is not willing to do any more talk therapy at present. So, we're not willing to pay $200 to $300/hr. waiting for that to happen.
General pediatricians IME are a joke when it comes to understanding & dealing with our teens. We've seen a number of "experts" but they haven't been helpful either. There may be someone somewhere who can help ... Maybe it will work for you ...
Sorry, nice to unload on someone who understands. Best wishes.
Laenini
01-19-2007, 06:46 PM
I'm sorry, but I am more inclined to think this is pretty normal curiosity with maybe some ASD obsessiveness thrown in on top. Forbidden fruit always tastes the sweetest so I probably wouldn't make a huge deal about it. I would explain to him the negatives of pornography, how it debases and degrades women, how it presents an unrealistic portrayal of sex roles and stereotypes, why it is unhealthy, etc... And then I'd downplay the whole subject. Also, in an ASD kid, he may not have the kind of friendships where he can talk about sex with a buddy the way other teens might. He may be trying to satisfy his curiosity in the only ways he has available to him. In many ways I think its good that he has an interest in and awareness of sex. My 40 year old brother with Asperger's has never shown any type of outward interest in sex and seems to be completely asexual.
My husband's parents caught him masturbating when he was a teen. They freaked out and took him to a doctor and then to the family priest to confess his sin! They would have done much better by him if they would have just said "excuse me" and then shut the door when they walked in on him. Instead they humiliated him repeatedly via the doctor and priest visit. They really created some deep scars in him regarding his sexuality and finally now after 10 years of marriage he's letting go of some of the shame he feels about sex.
Whatever you choose to do about your son's issues regarding pornography, try to somehow convey the message that there is a difference between appropriate and inappropriate sexuality and make sure that he knows your issues are with the inappropriate types.
Good Luck!
My husband's parents caught him masturbating when he was a teen. They freaked out and took him to a doctor and then to the family priest to confess his sin! They would have done much better by him if they would have just said "excuse me" and then shut the door when they walked in on him. Instead they humiliated him repeatedly via the doctor and priest visit. They really created some deep scars in him regarding his sexuality and finally now after 10 years of marriage he's letting go of some of the shame he feels about sex.
Whatever you choose to do about your son's issues regarding pornography, try to somehow convey the message that there is a difference between appropriate and inappropriate sexuality and make sure that he knows your issues are with the inappropriate types.
Good Luck!
tertree
01-19-2007, 08:01 PM
elmhar, Im sp glad to know im not alone lol i have posted on several sights and have not found any other parents willing to talk about their teen age pdd sons. thank you for telling me about your son!
We do not make a big deal out of his interest we have had the birds and bees talk with him and even a talk about masturbating so thats not the issue. we have talked to him about the degrading situations of porn etc. the issue is his repeatedly doing this after repeatedly being punished. I really dont think he gets it!! He will be caught and he will lose his computer. I guess its just time to get more creative with this.
he does get a bit obsessed over things and always has,, he is not on any medications and doesnt act out is not violent in fact hes a bit introverted. all he wants to talk about are his computer games or what he watches on tv. and im talking each scene is retold lol but at least he is talking.
so any more teenagers parents with pdd?
We do not make a big deal out of his interest we have had the birds and bees talk with him and even a talk about masturbating so thats not the issue. we have talked to him about the degrading situations of porn etc. the issue is his repeatedly doing this after repeatedly being punished. I really dont think he gets it!! He will be caught and he will lose his computer. I guess its just time to get more creative with this.
he does get a bit obsessed over things and always has,, he is not on any medications and doesnt act out is not violent in fact hes a bit introverted. all he wants to talk about are his computer games or what he watches on tv. and im talking each scene is retold lol but at least he is talking.
so any more teenagers parents with pdd?