dflo16
01-22-2007, 08:16 PM
I don't know if I am suffering from PTSD, depression or grief or all 3.
6 years ago my best friend was murdered by our neighbor. It should have been me. I wasn't at home that night so my friend and his girlfriend ended up riding with the neighbor. I'm not really sure what happened because they are both dead. After my friend was shot, I had to identify and locate the neighbor. He was hiding out at his girlfriends house and took her hostage when the police showed up. As the SWAT team teargassed the house he took his own life.
I never really dealt with it, just drank to kill the pain. Now I find myself slipping further into depression every day. The only time I'm not depressed is when I'm drunk. I know this is not how to handle this but I'm lost. I have extreme "survivor guilt" and don't really know where to turn.
6 years ago my best friend was murdered by our neighbor. It should have been me. I wasn't at home that night so my friend and his girlfriend ended up riding with the neighbor. I'm not really sure what happened because they are both dead. After my friend was shot, I had to identify and locate the neighbor. He was hiding out at his girlfriends house and took her hostage when the police showed up. As the SWAT team teargassed the house he took his own life.
I never really dealt with it, just drank to kill the pain. Now I find myself slipping further into depression every day. The only time I'm not depressed is when I'm drunk. I know this is not how to handle this but I'm lost. I have extreme "survivor guilt" and don't really know where to turn.
Sponsor
Phoenix
01-22-2007, 09:20 PM
Dear dflo16,
I welcome you to our community.
It is normal to feel guilty but you must realize that things played out the way they did for a reason.
I realize that this might not provide you comfort now but with time, the healing of wounds will occur; if you allow them to.
When one drinks, it tends to depress the nervous system; that "numbing" feeling that accompanies it provides a false sense of security. Rationale and thought processes slow down and one can literally "escape" in it's liquid deception but it's not the answer.
How spiritual are you? I ask this to determine many factors that I cannot reveal unless you answer.
The people here are a genuinely caring bunch.............
but don't just take my word for it; see for yourself:)
Take care all
God Bless all:angel:
FTM
I welcome you to our community.
It is normal to feel guilty but you must realize that things played out the way they did for a reason.
I realize that this might not provide you comfort now but with time, the healing of wounds will occur; if you allow them to.
When one drinks, it tends to depress the nervous system; that "numbing" feeling that accompanies it provides a false sense of security. Rationale and thought processes slow down and one can literally "escape" in it's liquid deception but it's not the answer.
How spiritual are you? I ask this to determine many factors that I cannot reveal unless you answer.
The people here are a genuinely caring bunch.............
but don't just take my word for it; see for yourself:)
Take care all
God Bless all:angel:
FTM
depressed&lost
01-22-2007, 09:48 PM
Hello, I would like to know if you every thought about going in to an inpatient tramua and grief center. I lost my mom and daughter within a 4 year period. And I am only 25. I am hurting. I continue with what I am suppose to do. Be a mother to my 2 year old and hold a fulltime job. I am dying inside and don't have any hope left. This is my last choice. I am in the process of trying to find a place that I would be comfortable to try to heal and try to be happy again. Happiness is so far away for me, not even in my vocab.
Phoenix
01-22-2007, 10:06 PM
Dear depressedandlost,
I welcome you.
Have you tried therapy; one-on-one or group?
Share as much as you like, as often as you like.
In the meantime, feel free to view some of our threads and comment at your own pace.
Take care all:wave:
God Bless all:angel:
FTM
I welcome you.
Have you tried therapy; one-on-one or group?
Share as much as you like, as often as you like.
In the meantime, feel free to view some of our threads and comment at your own pace.
Take care all:wave:
God Bless all:angel:
FTM
dflo16
01-22-2007, 11:27 PM
Hello depressed&lost,
I have not tried any type of counseling as of yet. Posting here is my first attempt at help. I am trying to get into outpatient counseling but am having a hard time finding a therapist that is taking new patients. I read somewhere that middle of Jan is the busiest time of the year for them, holiday hangover.
I definently feel your pain and am sorry for your loses. I couldn't even imagine losing a family member. I am close to your age and know how hard it is. I also feel hopeless and lost. I have decided to seek professional help because I haven't really had closure and healing. I will keep you posted on my counseling.
I have not tried any type of counseling as of yet. Posting here is my first attempt at help. I am trying to get into outpatient counseling but am having a hard time finding a therapist that is taking new patients. I read somewhere that middle of Jan is the busiest time of the year for them, holiday hangover.
I definently feel your pain and am sorry for your loses. I couldn't even imagine losing a family member. I am close to your age and know how hard it is. I also feel hopeless and lost. I have decided to seek professional help because I haven't really had closure and healing. I will keep you posted on my counseling.
dflo16
01-22-2007, 11:33 PM
Hello forthemasses,
Thank you for your reply. My spirituality is pretty much dead. I lost my faith in established religion in my childhood due to an incident. I definently have an emptiness in the spirituality part of my life. Kind of a lost sole right now. You are right about the alcohol, its only a temprary relief that doesn't help, it just masks the problems.
Thank you for your reply. My spirituality is pretty much dead. I lost my faith in established religion in my childhood due to an incident. I definently have an emptiness in the spirituality part of my life. Kind of a lost sole right now. You are right about the alcohol, its only a temprary relief that doesn't help, it just masks the problems.
Phoenix
01-23-2007, 04:20 AM
Hello forthemasses,
My spirituality is pretty much dead. I lost my faith in established religion in my childhood due to an incident. I definently have an emptiness in the spirituality part of my life. Kind of a lost sole right now.
Hello dflo16,
Might I ask what religion are you affiliated with, even though your faith has been comprimised?
The thing about faith (at least in my opinion) is that you never lose it entirely. With faith, there are possibilities and without possibilities, no hope.
How can one "lose" something that has become part of them.
If you feel up to it (and I am not pressing), share and share often.
Take care all
God Bless all:angel:
FTM
My spirituality is pretty much dead. I lost my faith in established religion in my childhood due to an incident. I definently have an emptiness in the spirituality part of my life. Kind of a lost sole right now.
Hello dflo16,
Might I ask what religion are you affiliated with, even though your faith has been comprimised?
The thing about faith (at least in my opinion) is that you never lose it entirely. With faith, there are possibilities and without possibilities, no hope.
How can one "lose" something that has become part of them.
If you feel up to it (and I am not pressing), share and share often.
Take care all
God Bless all:angel:
FTM
stick2013
01-23-2007, 06:25 AM
Dear depressed&lost,
I am so sorry for the losses that you have had to endure. To lose a parent is one thing, but to lose a child....well there are no words, and I am sorry just seems so shallow to me. But I hear your grief, and hope that someday you will enjoy life again.. ICC is another member of the group that has also lost a child, and she may be of help to you better than I can...
There is also another thread site here for people that are dealing with the loss of a loved one that you may find of help also, but feel free to post here to if you would like. We will try to help in any way that we can.....
Hugs,
Sid
I am so sorry for the losses that you have had to endure. To lose a parent is one thing, but to lose a child....well there are no words, and I am sorry just seems so shallow to me. But I hear your grief, and hope that someday you will enjoy life again.. ICC is another member of the group that has also lost a child, and she may be of help to you better than I can...
There is also another thread site here for people that are dealing with the loss of a loved one that you may find of help also, but feel free to post here to if you would like. We will try to help in any way that we can.....
Hugs,
Sid
stick2013
01-23-2007, 06:31 AM
Dear Dflo16,
As a reformed drinker, I know what the booze can do to you, and it's not good. I do hope that you can get into some kind of therapy for dealing with the death of your 2 friends.. What a waste of life to have 2 people just murdered. But on the other hand, there will be a 3rd death if you don't stop the drinking.
I can't even imagine how awful that you must feel with the death of your friends, but I am sure that they wouldn't be happy with you, and the way that your life is heading right now....
I am sorry if you feel like this is a lecture and right now you don't feel that you need it, but I do care, and see the need to lecture right now. PLEASE be KIND to yourself, your friends would have...... Stop the drinking, and keep posting here, we will help in any way that we can....
Hugs,
Sid
As a reformed drinker, I know what the booze can do to you, and it's not good. I do hope that you can get into some kind of therapy for dealing with the death of your 2 friends.. What a waste of life to have 2 people just murdered. But on the other hand, there will be a 3rd death if you don't stop the drinking.
I can't even imagine how awful that you must feel with the death of your friends, but I am sure that they wouldn't be happy with you, and the way that your life is heading right now....
I am sorry if you feel like this is a lecture and right now you don't feel that you need it, but I do care, and see the need to lecture right now. PLEASE be KIND to yourself, your friends would have...... Stop the drinking, and keep posting here, we will help in any way that we can....
Hugs,
Sid
ICC
01-23-2007, 06:46 AM
depressed & lost-----there are no words to express the pain of losing a child. I feel your pain as I have also lost my daughter. it's been almost 10 years and I am still trying to live again. have had intense therapy for my PTSD. my first disassociation was the night she died. You mentioned that you lost your faith beofre this tragedy. I will tell you that after being abused for many years my daughter's death was somewhat a culmination of tragedies. I believe it is is harder to deal with when there are events in the past that have made us emotionally unstable and have no coping skills when something horrible like the death of a child happens. I won't ell you to let your other child give you reason to go on as I have 2 other children and grandchildren and yes they have eased the pain in my heart but have not taken the place of my daughter. Therapy is one of the best avenues you can travel, posting here is another. BUT I have to say that at the time of my daughter's death my faith in God became stronger and that has helped immensly. I don't think i would be writing to you if not for HIM. shortly after my daughter passed my best friend of 26 years died and 6 months later my only sister committed suicide , so you see death is not foreign to me. come back often there is alot of comfort and love here. and a world of knowledge. if you can tell me what your issue is from the past. It might give us a headstart.
dflo16----Sid is right. drinking/drugs will help you to escape for the moment but the pain comes back with a vengence and is self-destructive not self-healing.I feel your loss and your pain and fear. counseling and being with people who truly understand is a step in the right direction. come here often there is a world of knowledge and compassion.
wishing you both the best and prayers,
ICC
dflo16----Sid is right. drinking/drugs will help you to escape for the moment but the pain comes back with a vengence and is self-destructive not self-healing.I feel your loss and your pain and fear. counseling and being with people who truly understand is a step in the right direction. come here often there is a world of knowledge and compassion.
wishing you both the best and prayers,
ICC
Phoenix
01-23-2007, 09:06 AM
I lost my mom and daughter within a 4 year period. And I am only 25. I am hurting. I continue with what I am suppose to do.
Dear depressed&lost,
As you are going through this time of emotional pain, let me say that you can count on us to listen; we're all ears. Bless you:angel: .
Take care all
God Bless all:angel:
FTM
Dear depressed&lost,
As you are going through this time of emotional pain, let me say that you can count on us to listen; we're all ears. Bless you:angel: .
Take care all
God Bless all:angel:
FTM