Bluebell87
01-23-2007, 03:20 PM
Hi, I’m in need of a little advice. Let me start at the beginning. I have recently been put on citalopram for moderate depression, a depression which has grown and worsened over the past four years. When the doctor diagnosed me she asked me if there was anything else I could tell her. I freaked out and said no.
The reality is since the age of about twelve I’ve suffered from what I can only describe as possible OCD. As a young teen I was plagued with images of a violent and sexual nature which often left me upset and with the view that I was a bad person. As I’ve got older these images have lessened but I still have them. Some of these images are triggered though. For example, one problem at the moment is with cars. One will drive past me in the street and I will suddenly “see” myself jump out in front of it or pushing a friend in its pathway. Or a friend will be standing near a knife in the kitchen and my mind keeps going over how it would look if I stabbed them. I hate it. I also find it necessary to say certain words over and over. I’ll hear someone say something and then my mind just automatically starts to repeat it.
I also seem to “compulse” as well. Writing emails or the like is a nightmare because I spend ages reading it again and again. After I’ve sent it I then have to check to make sure I didn’t say anything wrong. For years I've had and still do have a weird thing with food too. I can’t have any food touching on the plate and I spend ages making sure it doesn’t which is tiresome and frustrating. I also have to eat in a certain order.
I spend my life worrying about whether I've upset someone or said something I shouldn't. I'll be corrected by a professor in class and think that they hate me because I got it wrong. I worry whether I've lied to people about how I feel and I've not realised. I don't trust what comes out of my mouth at all. I feel like I'm being controlled by someone that isn't me. Is this OCD, anxiety or just my depression feeding off my already negative thoughts? Please someone help me.
The reality is since the age of about twelve I’ve suffered from what I can only describe as possible OCD. As a young teen I was plagued with images of a violent and sexual nature which often left me upset and with the view that I was a bad person. As I’ve got older these images have lessened but I still have them. Some of these images are triggered though. For example, one problem at the moment is with cars. One will drive past me in the street and I will suddenly “see” myself jump out in front of it or pushing a friend in its pathway. Or a friend will be standing near a knife in the kitchen and my mind keeps going over how it would look if I stabbed them. I hate it. I also find it necessary to say certain words over and over. I’ll hear someone say something and then my mind just automatically starts to repeat it.
I also seem to “compulse” as well. Writing emails or the like is a nightmare because I spend ages reading it again and again. After I’ve sent it I then have to check to make sure I didn’t say anything wrong. For years I've had and still do have a weird thing with food too. I can’t have any food touching on the plate and I spend ages making sure it doesn’t which is tiresome and frustrating. I also have to eat in a certain order.
I spend my life worrying about whether I've upset someone or said something I shouldn't. I'll be corrected by a professor in class and think that they hate me because I got it wrong. I worry whether I've lied to people about how I feel and I've not realised. I don't trust what comes out of my mouth at all. I feel like I'm being controlled by someone that isn't me. Is this OCD, anxiety or just my depression feeding off my already negative thoughts? Please someone help me.
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seriousperson
01-23-2007, 08:14 PM
Sounds like OCD to me, but I'm not a mental health professional.
I had depression since infancy but only had my OCD and ADD diagnosed a few years ago at age 50. It seems that depression can be a symptom of other things, but maybe I'm wrong there. I'm medicated, but still get depressed.
I had depression since infancy but only had my OCD and ADD diagnosed a few years ago at age 50. It seems that depression can be a symptom of other things, but maybe I'm wrong there. I'm medicated, but still get depressed.
Dantheinsane
01-23-2007, 09:21 PM
I had some similar problems that I address this very site. I learned a lot. I have OCD, been diagnosed and have been seeing a psychiatrist and therapist. They were ignoring my needs and treating me wrong but that is another subject.
Look up OCD, pure "O", intrusive thoughts, and rumination. I looked these up but learned the most using the advanced search link here and looked through old messages on these subjects.
Look up OCD, pure "O", intrusive thoughts, and rumination. I looked these up but learned the most using the advanced search link here and looked through old messages on these subjects.
Bluebell87
01-26-2007, 03:39 AM
Thanks. Yeh I'm going to do a bit more reading about it and then maybe talk to my doctor about it when I next go. Just so difficult to know what to do when my mind is already whirring around because of depression.
ocdengineer
01-26-2007, 08:39 AM
Sounds exactly like Pure OCD. The only thing that will help with the thoughts is actually practicing thinking. Meditation is one way. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is another. I have the same thoughts you have, but I have learned to devalue them. The less value you place on them, the less anxiety they can produce. I also take Xanax specifically for the anxiety and it works wonders. You need to tell your doctor everything because your depression is probably a result of the guilt you feel from having these thoughts in which case depression is an incorrect diagnosis.
Good luck,
OE
Good luck,
OE