ICC
01-24-2007, 08:57 AM
good morning all-----just to let everyone know i am ok. i will probably lurk for awhile. don't know how long it will take but i am totally burnt out. Physically and mentally. I cancelled all appt. today including my therapist and am spending the day with hubby. watching movies, soaking in my bubbles. no contractors today and i am taking advantage of being calm and peaceful. I have read everyone's posts this morning and thank you all with all my heart for your support, guidance and love. I am strong and I will make it. FTM---you were right . I can't jump into anymore without some healing time and recovery physically and emotionallly under my belt. Need to deal with where I am right now to go on. Sannah was right . it is grief i feel. for so many reasons. right now it is the loss of my past self. in time I will become me again with the past in the past.
zencat and Sid-----your posts cut me to the core. I couldn't hold anymore as I cannot in my mind except how ANY adult can hurt children in the ways you have been hurt. that goes for you too nikki. Sid i understand your question about age as they were popular in our day though my family didn't use them thank God. I can't take the pain right now of what you have all gone through so I will lurk. At times they were used as punishment and at times to cleanse. hence being done after church on a sunday. a ritual. these people were so sick it is appalling that children were in their care. FTM I am with you . let someone debate it. children were destroyed and grew to be adults in constant pain because of this behaviour. just please know that I was cut to the core while reading that post and knew i couldn't go any further without a break and because of the nature of the "crimes" my mind shut down in total anger and sadness for these children so I am of no value to anyone right now. Just know that i care.
Love you all,
ICY:wave:
zencat and Sid-----your posts cut me to the core. I couldn't hold anymore as I cannot in my mind except how ANY adult can hurt children in the ways you have been hurt. that goes for you too nikki. Sid i understand your question about age as they were popular in our day though my family didn't use them thank God. I can't take the pain right now of what you have all gone through so I will lurk. At times they were used as punishment and at times to cleanse. hence being done after church on a sunday. a ritual. these people were so sick it is appalling that children were in their care. FTM I am with you . let someone debate it. children were destroyed and grew to be adults in constant pain because of this behaviour. just please know that I was cut to the core while reading that post and knew i couldn't go any further without a break and because of the nature of the "crimes" my mind shut down in total anger and sadness for these children so I am of no value to anyone right now. Just know that i care.
Love you all,
ICY:wave:
Sponsor
Sannah
01-24-2007, 10:06 AM
Okay ICC, rest up, relax, get your thoughts/feelings in a more comfortable place. Will be thinking about you.
Love you,
Sannah
Love you,
Sannah
Phoenix
01-24-2007, 10:06 AM
good morning all-----just to let everyone know i am ok. i will probably lurk for awhile. i am totally burnt out. Physically and mentally. I cancelled all appt. today including my therapist FTM---you were right . I can't jump into anymore without some healing time and recovery physically and emotionallly under my belt. Need to deal with where I am right now to go on. Sannah was right . it is grief i feel. for so many reasons. right now it is the loss of my past self. in time I will become me again with the past in the past.
I was cut to the core while reading that post and knew i couldn't go any further without a break and because of the nature of the "crimes" my mind shut down in total anger and sadness for these children so I am of no value to anyone right now. Just know that i care.
My dear ICY,
Alas,
Your body and mind caught up with each other, had a conversation and this is the result.
I hear the cancelling of appintment but I at least hope that you explained the reasoning behind it; you owe that to both of you.
I feel that you are beginning to see why I felt that "going deeper" (in my opinion) would have done more harm than good.
I respected the fact that you wanted to go further but was not prepared to honor your wishes; at least at this time.
The postings would effect anyone, as you see how it did me.
The billion dollar question: How can I keep going?
Answer:
The other day I was driving to my PT appointment and I had a sudden severe pain in my chest, that lasted about twenty minutes.
I began crying and spoke to both the God, His Son and the Holy Spirit.
I said "God, I'm going through so much right now on a physical and mental level. Please take me with you and if not, let me be an inspiration to others;letting them realize that they too can work through their adversity and find the strength.
Apparently, they are not ready for me up there yet.
He spared me for a reason; I have no choice but to take this in perspective.
Take care, ICY
God Bless, ICY:angel:
I love ICY, unconditionally
FTM
Ps- I will be here, if you need me, as all of us are.
I was cut to the core while reading that post and knew i couldn't go any further without a break and because of the nature of the "crimes" my mind shut down in total anger and sadness for these children so I am of no value to anyone right now. Just know that i care.
My dear ICY,
Alas,
Your body and mind caught up with each other, had a conversation and this is the result.
I hear the cancelling of appintment but I at least hope that you explained the reasoning behind it; you owe that to both of you.
I feel that you are beginning to see why I felt that "going deeper" (in my opinion) would have done more harm than good.
I respected the fact that you wanted to go further but was not prepared to honor your wishes; at least at this time.
The postings would effect anyone, as you see how it did me.
The billion dollar question: How can I keep going?
Answer:
The other day I was driving to my PT appointment and I had a sudden severe pain in my chest, that lasted about twenty minutes.
I began crying and spoke to both the God, His Son and the Holy Spirit.
I said "God, I'm going through so much right now on a physical and mental level. Please take me with you and if not, let me be an inspiration to others;letting them realize that they too can work through their adversity and find the strength.
Apparently, they are not ready for me up there yet.
He spared me for a reason; I have no choice but to take this in perspective.
Take care, ICY
God Bless, ICY:angel:
I love ICY, unconditionally
FTM
Ps- I will be here, if you need me, as all of us are.
ICC
01-26-2007, 11:45 AM
My Dear FTM------ I have read your prayer every morning since "taking some time off" and it has been a Godsend to me. Getting stronger everyday. I come here everyday and read but can't respond to much yet. The stronger I get the more capable i'll be. I am almost through the grief of saying good bye to an old life and a little shaky with the new one. I'll be back soon. Please continue the everyday messages as they have meant the world to me.
Love,
ICY xo
Love,
ICY xo
Phoenix
01-26-2007, 11:50 AM
Dear ICY,
You rest and feel better. I am not going anywhere................this time:)
Take care
God Bless:angel:
FTM
You rest and feel better. I am not going anywhere................this time:)
Take care
God Bless:angel:
FTM
dustoffkid
01-26-2007, 12:52 PM
I have to tell you all, I love you. You may have no idea how much of a difference you've made (just by being yourselves), but you truly have helped me. Your strength and courage (and support of each other!) are amazingly inspirational.
FTM, I take your experience with the prayer to heart. I am so glad we get to keep you for a while yet :)
ICC, I pray for you and your healing all day every day. And thank you.
Dustoff
FTM, I take your experience with the prayer to heart. I am so glad we get to keep you for a while yet :)
ICC, I pray for you and your healing all day every day. And thank you.
Dustoff
Phoenix
01-26-2007, 02:11 PM
FTM, I take your experience with the prayer to heart. I am so glad we get to keep you for a while yet :)
Dear dustoff,
I got to a point in my life where I simply gave up on the physical and mental attributes of pain. The chest pain pushed me over the edge and it was strong enough that I was experiencing the onset of a heart attack.
He spared me. Now the work truly begins.
Take care
God Bless:angel:
FTM
Dear dustoff,
I got to a point in my life where I simply gave up on the physical and mental attributes of pain. The chest pain pushed me over the edge and it was strong enough that I was experiencing the onset of a heart attack.
He spared me. Now the work truly begins.
Take care
God Bless:angel:
FTM
ICC
01-26-2007, 05:13 PM
dustoff----right back at you! i am praying for you and hubby everyday that you reunite quickly and safely.
God Bless,
ICC xo
God Bless,
ICC xo
Phoenix
01-26-2007, 11:42 PM
As I pray for the day that we can all unite here again.
ICC
01-30-2007, 04:08 PM
FTM----read your words again. Most of us are back. Don't be the one out. please. everyone checks in just not as often as before.
ICY
ICY