Hiya.

I figured out that I have some serious problems and I want to know what exactly they are and how to get rid of them.

First of all I'm 19 years old and a guy. I realized that I have become a very hateful and jealous person...I was always insecure about many things and I realized that I've completely lost it and that these things are causing me severe stress.

I like my personality and who I am...or at least I try to like it. I have made many awesome TRUE friends (people that are actually always there for you when you need them, and I know most of you think people like that don't exist) by just being myself. My true friends are always there for me for some reason even though they call me selfish, spoiled, etc...and I'm very happy to have friends like that.

Now here is the problem...this is how I always have been but I'm using this event to describe my problem. I befriended someone that also became friends with the main group of people I am with and now It's making me insane that he is getting all this attention from them. I am insanely jealous...I hate him for being who he is. He has a very outgoing personality I guess...that's why they seem to like him. Everything he says is sarcastic or a joke and people seem to love him for that. He has a comeback for everything and people always laugh , even if people mess with him and call him names...he can always turn the situation around by coming up with something funny. When I am around they ask me why I'm so quiet. Yes, the truth might be that he has a much better and more fun personality than me...and I don't really want to change myself, I just want to get rid of this terrible jealousy, to have confidence in myself and like myself for who I am. That doesn't happen though because I always think about things like...with my personality...will anyone be truly attracted to me? Am I the most boring person here, will I be forgotten and is there anything people can remember me by through my personality? He can always have the most crazy and random convos with people and hearing him talk like that with others and hearing them joke around and say he's their idol makes me sick to my stomach. That's why I'm also posting this because it can get so bad that I almost throw up from anger and disgust. Why can't I have such convos with people? I don't even know if I WANT to have such convos because listening to them talk about that crap totally annoys me most of the time. I seriously don't know what's wrong with me...why can't I just accept myself as who I am? My most important people know about the great side of my personality...but I don't know my role in anything and I can't stand watching someone get more attention than me, I guess I just can't stand seeing people be who -I- want to be.

I also can't stand people in general. I have a major problem and fear with people that talk crap or just think anything of others. I might go back to the same school my sister goes to right now and there are many days where I'm worried about people talking crap about her and how I wish I could be there to do something about it. I'm afraid of criticism eventhough everyone always has something to say about anyone, but I just don't get that...I don't want people talking crap about my sister or me, calling her a **** or anything like that. When I'm around people that I don't know and that seem so full with confidence and just do what they want...I'm completely terrified...I always feel much lower than them. I'm talking about the kind of people that call others losers for NOT taking drugs, I know drugs are beyond immature and pathetic but how dare they call me a loser for being a normal person? It's things like that, that make me furious.

There is probably more...but I can't remember more right now. Write back and say what you want, anything would help...
I guess I just want to know if I am a normal person...am I the only one who thinks and behaves like this? How do people live with personalities like these?