canuck1
01-28-2007, 05:36 PM
Hi,
I haven't been diagnosed by a professional, but through reading books on PTSD, I believe I have it, all the signs, symptoms I can relate to.
A bit of background information..
I was in a very violent relationship, luckily left him. This went on for a few years. I lived with him for awhile and he would actually lock me in the spare bedroom for a few hours or up to a full day, usually after he beat me. Sometimes he would invite his friends over and I could hear them 'joking' about what they could do to me. Luckily they never raped me ,but I feared they would barge in. Sometimes he would have his friends peer in the door at me and they would laugh. My ex beat me over the smallest things. If I spilled a glass of water and missed a tiny spot he would fly into a rage. After I finally left him, it didn't stop. He harassed and stalked me and threatened if I called the police. He got one of his friends to attack me and turns out that my ex payed this guy to hurt me for revenge, a large sum of money. Now they are both charged with several crimes and will be going to court at some point.
I numb myself alot, during the abuse I did and even now. It's like I have zero fear. If a car came towards me I would move, but I wouldn't be scared. During the abuse I numbed myself when he beat me, never felt pain, and sometimes would walk around for days/weeks with injuries, and thought I was okay.
I have read a few books and can totally relate. At the same time I haven't told anyone about this because I fear judgement. I have been judged, blamed by family, parents when I was abused and fear even worse judgment now that I may have PTSD.
I haven't been diagnosed by a professional, but through reading books on PTSD, I believe I have it, all the signs, symptoms I can relate to.
A bit of background information..
I was in a very violent relationship, luckily left him. This went on for a few years. I lived with him for awhile and he would actually lock me in the spare bedroom for a few hours or up to a full day, usually after he beat me. Sometimes he would invite his friends over and I could hear them 'joking' about what they could do to me. Luckily they never raped me ,but I feared they would barge in. Sometimes he would have his friends peer in the door at me and they would laugh. My ex beat me over the smallest things. If I spilled a glass of water and missed a tiny spot he would fly into a rage. After I finally left him, it didn't stop. He harassed and stalked me and threatened if I called the police. He got one of his friends to attack me and turns out that my ex payed this guy to hurt me for revenge, a large sum of money. Now they are both charged with several crimes and will be going to court at some point.
I numb myself alot, during the abuse I did and even now. It's like I have zero fear. If a car came towards me I would move, but I wouldn't be scared. During the abuse I numbed myself when he beat me, never felt pain, and sometimes would walk around for days/weeks with injuries, and thought I was okay.
I have read a few books and can totally relate. At the same time I haven't told anyone about this because I fear judgement. I have been judged, blamed by family, parents when I was abused and fear even worse judgment now that I may have PTSD.
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stick2013
01-28-2007, 06:08 PM
Hi canuck1,
The trauma that you have describe, can have lasting effects. I am not a professional, but can tell you that you probably do have PTSD.... Women who are abused in relationships often do. We will help you with this if we can, and I also suggest that you get into some kind of therapy also. Is there some kind of a womens center near you??? Or a therapy center???? A group for PTSD, or battered wives???? Any of this would help you a great deal.
Women who can't get out of abusive relationships feel trapped and people don't understand....Unless they have been there....
Remember to post and we will help if we can..
Hugs,
Sid
The trauma that you have describe, can have lasting effects. I am not a professional, but can tell you that you probably do have PTSD.... Women who are abused in relationships often do. We will help you with this if we can, and I also suggest that you get into some kind of therapy also. Is there some kind of a womens center near you??? Or a therapy center???? A group for PTSD, or battered wives???? Any of this would help you a great deal.
Women who can't get out of abusive relationships feel trapped and people don't understand....Unless they have been there....
Remember to post and we will help if we can..
Hugs,
Sid
Phoenix
01-28-2007, 06:40 PM
Dear canuck1,
It is best to get an official diagnosis from a trained physician.
If indeed they diagnose you as having PTSD, you may be prescribed medication and also referred to a therapist.
As I know that trust is an issue with many of us, I suggest sharing at your own pace.
You will not be judged here; this I can assure you.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
It is best to get an official diagnosis from a trained physician.
If indeed they diagnose you as having PTSD, you may be prescribed medication and also referred to a therapist.
As I know that trust is an issue with many of us, I suggest sharing at your own pace.
You will not be judged here; this I can assure you.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Sannah
01-29-2007, 11:30 AM
Canuck, I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I am so glad that you are safe from him now. Now you can heal. Have you looked into therapy? Keep posting here if it helps you to feel better.
galinaqt
01-30-2007, 12:06 PM
I am sorry about what happened to you, I had 6 m of abusive bf plus a lot of other abuse. Unfortinately mosty of the people are in blaming the victim, but not me and there are lot of good people here who wouldn't do it.
You can very well have ptsd. You are numb when it happened and when things became better it hurts like crazy. I went through that.
You can very well have ptsd. You are numb when it happened and when things became better it hurts like crazy. I went through that.
ICC
01-30-2007, 12:48 PM
canuck1------I also lived with a violent husband for almost 25 years. i know what it's like to be locked in a room and interrogated about God only knows what. the fear is intense. It is not something you get over quickly but you can. people will try to judge you and blame you. it was not your fault and the fact that you didn't run the first time is neither here nor there. most of us don't. if we did we wouldn't have PTSD. I don't know if you do have PTSD as i am not a dr. and suggest you see a counselor for a dx and then begin counseling. come here often. we all understand. As far as being numb I asked my counselor once why I live on the edge. her explanation was that those with PTSD until they get a handle on it will always live on the edge because it's what they are used to. comfortable with. Having already suffered so much it makes us not notice danger until we realize we have a problem. Though you know something is wrong. Wish you the best but please don't let this go any further. seek help. It's the only way through it. we can't do it alone. If family and friends don't understand, and most don't, bring it here and vent , unload , cry whatever it takes. a professional will understand as those with PTSD do. those without it God knows what they think.
Prayers,
ICC
Prayers,
ICC
zencat
01-30-2007, 10:54 PM
Hi Canuck
I realize using this forum is a great place for finding support. I too am new here and already I feel welcomed. I find when I share my hopes, fears and insights in a ceremonial way like typing it here, it becomes more real for me. I don’t know why it works that way, it just dose, it’s very healing.
Do get checked out by a qualified medical professional.
Zencat
I realize using this forum is a great place for finding support. I too am new here and already I feel welcomed. I find when I share my hopes, fears and insights in a ceremonial way like typing it here, it becomes more real for me. I don’t know why it works that way, it just dose, it’s very healing.
Do get checked out by a qualified medical professional.
Zencat
hergy
01-31-2007, 02:10 AM
Canuck,
Like the other posts, I think you should find a professional counselor - therapist or psychiatrist - who will best evaluate your symptoms and guide you into the appropriate treatment.
We're all here to support you. Keep posting. Air the feelings that build up inside. Chances are you'll find lots of others who share your feelings.
First of all, though, make sure a professional is aware of your problems. We're here to listen, but a professional makes an official diagnosis and sends you on your way to recovery.
Best wishes,
Nikki
Like the other posts, I think you should find a professional counselor - therapist or psychiatrist - who will best evaluate your symptoms and guide you into the appropriate treatment.
We're all here to support you. Keep posting. Air the feelings that build up inside. Chances are you'll find lots of others who share your feelings.
First of all, though, make sure a professional is aware of your problems. We're here to listen, but a professional makes an official diagnosis and sends you on your way to recovery.
Best wishes,
Nikki