stick2013
01-30-2007, 06:12 PM
Sannah,
Hi girlfriend.....I just thought that I would say "Thank You". For all of the help, and encouragement that you have offered all of us. I always enjoy reading your posts. You have such a unique way of looking at things.....
Thanks again for all of your help..
Hugs,
Sid
Hi girlfriend.....I just thought that I would say "Thank You". For all of the help, and encouragement that you have offered all of us. I always enjoy reading your posts. You have such a unique way of looking at things.....
Thanks again for all of your help..
Hugs,
Sid
Sponsor
hergy
01-30-2007, 11:23 PM
I agree with Sid. You truly are a rock. You extend your love, concern and support in a unique way. I value your presence here. Don't ever think I take you for granted. When you feel ok, that's cool.:cool: I like the refreshment you bring to the board.
You're awesome and a treasure here.
Thanks.
Love,
Nikki
You're awesome and a treasure here.
Thanks.
Love,
Nikki
Sannah
02-02-2007, 11:41 AM
Sid, thanks, I really enjoy sharing with others what I have learned and what has improved myself so much. I would like to give you some more help too! Are you ready to accept any of it yet?
Thanks to you too Nikki! I really have days where I worry about you quite a bit!
Thanks to you too Nikki! I really have days where I worry about you quite a bit!
stick2013
02-02-2007, 04:47 PM
Dear Sannah,
Be my guest, I need all the help that I can get:eek: :eek: :eek: .....Could you please start on fixing my relationship with my daughter....Let's see, I have tried apologies, letters, phone calls, tears, more tears, more apologies, and now I have given her space of more than 3 years with no contact....I have validated that I was a S**** mother. I have suggested going into therapy with her. hhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm what do you suggest I do now????? After that I will think about what I need help with next. As I see it now, my daughter, and I are my biggest problem, and I have no way of fixing it.....I feel empty without her and my grandsons......I miss them everyday, and there isn't a day that goes by, that I don't think about them....
Anyway, if you think that you can fix me, and you have hhhhhmmmmm oh about 20 years to spare....Then bring it on, I am so ready.......:) :)
Love you girl.....
Hugs,
Sid
Be my guest, I need all the help that I can get:eek: :eek: :eek: .....Could you please start on fixing my relationship with my daughter....Let's see, I have tried apologies, letters, phone calls, tears, more tears, more apologies, and now I have given her space of more than 3 years with no contact....I have validated that I was a S**** mother. I have suggested going into therapy with her. hhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm what do you suggest I do now????? After that I will think about what I need help with next. As I see it now, my daughter, and I are my biggest problem, and I have no way of fixing it.....I feel empty without her and my grandsons......I miss them everyday, and there isn't a day that goes by, that I don't think about them....
Anyway, if you think that you can fix me, and you have hhhhhmmmmm oh about 20 years to spare....Then bring it on, I am so ready.......:) :)
Love you girl.....
Hugs,
Sid
hergy
02-03-2007, 12:32 AM
Thanks to you too Nikki! I really have days where I worry about you quite a bit!
I'm sorry that you worry. You guys are actually seeing me at the worst I've ever been. I didn't used to believe in 'breakdowns.' I do now. I'm working on getting out the funk.
I've got cyber support and the support of a helpful, insightful few here in the physical world. I do want to 'stick around,' so I haven't given up. I've had some setbacks, but I have to say, you're one of the pillars of my support system. Thanks.
Lots of love and hugs,
Nikki
I'm sorry that you worry. You guys are actually seeing me at the worst I've ever been. I didn't used to believe in 'breakdowns.' I do now. I'm working on getting out the funk.
I've got cyber support and the support of a helpful, insightful few here in the physical world. I do want to 'stick around,' so I haven't given up. I've had some setbacks, but I have to say, you're one of the pillars of my support system. Thanks.
Lots of love and hugs,
Nikki
isitme
02-03-2007, 06:32 AM
stick - Not all problems are fixable. some situations with family or friends - JUST ARE.
Coming to terms with that, (accepting people as they are), is a long, hard process. I went through the grief stage with my son, over and over and over again, for 12 years! Grieving for what I knew I would never have from him - love, understanding, empathy, honesty. A real death would probably have been easier for me to accept because it is final, in the open for all to see and react to. As things were with him, it was only me who was continually suffering from the situation. Obviously, he only kept dying in my head and my heart, so I realised that path wasn't right. I have make contact with him recently, for MY BENEFIT, not his. I am under no illusion that anything has changed or that he will ever change, but I have made peace with myself. I'm not to blame - it just 'is'.
Sometimes you have to let go. No one is perfect and we all have our problems.
Coming to terms with that, (accepting people as they are), is a long, hard process. I went through the grief stage with my son, over and over and over again, for 12 years! Grieving for what I knew I would never have from him - love, understanding, empathy, honesty. A real death would probably have been easier for me to accept because it is final, in the open for all to see and react to. As things were with him, it was only me who was continually suffering from the situation. Obviously, he only kept dying in my head and my heart, so I realised that path wasn't right. I have make contact with him recently, for MY BENEFIT, not his. I am under no illusion that anything has changed or that he will ever change, but I have made peace with myself. I'm not to blame - it just 'is'.
Sometimes you have to let go. No one is perfect and we all have our problems.
stick2013
02-03-2007, 09:23 AM
Isitme,
I know................. I really do. I just miss the crap out of all of them...I know that things are soooooooo much better this way... I KNOW I just miss them..... I know that you know this too...... I know that things will never be different than they are now... I Know....It's the head and the heart thing doing battle everyday..... My head says it's ok like this, my heart says......I MISS YOU SO DARN MUCH!!!!!!
I know.....
Sid
I know................. I really do. I just miss the crap out of all of them...I know that things are soooooooo much better this way... I KNOW I just miss them..... I know that you know this too...... I know that things will never be different than they are now... I Know....It's the head and the heart thing doing battle everyday..... My head says it's ok like this, my heart says......I MISS YOU SO DARN MUCH!!!!!!
I know.....
Sid
isitme
02-03-2007, 12:34 PM
sid - Have you ever found a support group/forum for parents of BPD? I found people going through the same situation as me extremely beneficial. Whatever emotions you are continually going though (and I've had them too), guilt, blame, anger etc, it doesn't resolve the issue. The issue is - It shouldn't be, but is. One sided relationships cause nothing but pain. Your brain need to have a good talk to your heart. :)
ICC
02-04-2007, 09:21 AM
sid - Have you ever found a support group/forum for parents of BPD? I found people going through the same situation as me extremely beneficial. Whatever emotions you are continually going though (and I've had them too), guilt, blame, anger etc, it doesn't resolve the issue. The issue is - It shouldn't be, but is. One sided relationships cause nothing but pain. Your brain need to have a good talk to your heart. :)
Sid i have to agree with isitme on this. I have had mostly one sided relationships all my life and thought it was OK because at least I had relationships. took me to my 50's to stop the ones that weren't giving back. Your situation involves your child and grandchildren. it makes it different for me and you know that. As isitme said some things are not fixable. Having buried a child I don't know what I would do in your case so I am so sorry I can't help. Keep trying and maybe keep setting yourelf up??? Go though the grief as if she has died???? I don't know, all I do know is this situation is eating you up and we have to figure something out. diffficulty being you can choose to do what you want but you can't make your daughter do what you want and you know that.
i'm left :confused:
Grasshopper
Sid i have to agree with isitme on this. I have had mostly one sided relationships all my life and thought it was OK because at least I had relationships. took me to my 50's to stop the ones that weren't giving back. Your situation involves your child and grandchildren. it makes it different for me and you know that. As isitme said some things are not fixable. Having buried a child I don't know what I would do in your case so I am so sorry I can't help. Keep trying and maybe keep setting yourelf up??? Go though the grief as if she has died???? I don't know, all I do know is this situation is eating you up and we have to figure something out. diffficulty being you can choose to do what you want but you can't make your daughter do what you want and you know that.
i'm left :confused:
Grasshopper
stick2013
02-04-2007, 10:29 AM
ICC,isitme.....
I know.................................... ..........I Know...............................I know.......... I do the best that I can everyday.........
"Gods greatest gift is the unanswered prayers" I have prayed, so maybe this is his gift....He is saving me from more hurt.....
Love you all,
Sid
I know.................................... ..........I Know...............................I know.......... I do the best that I can everyday.........
"Gods greatest gift is the unanswered prayers" I have prayed, so maybe this is his gift....He is saving me from more hurt.....
Love you all,
Sid
Sannah
02-04-2007, 11:39 AM
Dear Sannah,
Be my guest, I need all the help that I can get:eek: :eek: :eek: .....Could you please start on fixing my relationship with my daughter....Let's see, I have tried apologies, letters, phone calls, tears, more tears, more apologies, and now I have given her space of more than 3 years with no contact....I have validated that I was a S**** mother. I have suggested going into therapy with her. hhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm what do you suggest I do now????? After that I will think about what I need help with next. As I see it now, my daughter, and I are my biggest problem, and I have no way of fixing it.....I feel empty without her and my grandsons......I miss them everyday, and there isn't a day that goes by, that I don't think about them....
Anyway, if you think that you can fix me, and you have hhhhhmmmmm oh about 20 years to spare....Then bring it on, I am so ready.......:) :)
Love you girl.....
Hugs,
Sid
Now Sid, I am fixing to get out the bat so hang on! This post has a little attitude in it (and of course you deserve to have an attitude). This is the attitude that I heard here. "Okay, miss smarty pants Sannah, you think that you are so smart and you want to help me. Well, I am unfixable, so there!" You know what I think Sid? I think that you hide behind these two family problems! There is nothing that you can really do anymore that you haven't done (with your daughter and grandchildren issue) already so you accept that you are stuck because YOU ARE AFRAID TO WORK ON ANY ISSUES THAT YOU DO HAVE CONTROL OVER!
Be my guest, I need all the help that I can get:eek: :eek: :eek: .....Could you please start on fixing my relationship with my daughter....Let's see, I have tried apologies, letters, phone calls, tears, more tears, more apologies, and now I have given her space of more than 3 years with no contact....I have validated that I was a S**** mother. I have suggested going into therapy with her. hhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm what do you suggest I do now????? After that I will think about what I need help with next. As I see it now, my daughter, and I are my biggest problem, and I have no way of fixing it.....I feel empty without her and my grandsons......I miss them everyday, and there isn't a day that goes by, that I don't think about them....
Anyway, if you think that you can fix me, and you have hhhhhmmmmm oh about 20 years to spare....Then bring it on, I am so ready.......:) :)
Love you girl.....
Hugs,
Sid
Now Sid, I am fixing to get out the bat so hang on! This post has a little attitude in it (and of course you deserve to have an attitude). This is the attitude that I heard here. "Okay, miss smarty pants Sannah, you think that you are so smart and you want to help me. Well, I am unfixable, so there!" You know what I think Sid? I think that you hide behind these two family problems! There is nothing that you can really do anymore that you haven't done (with your daughter and grandchildren issue) already so you accept that you are stuck because YOU ARE AFRAID TO WORK ON ANY ISSUES THAT YOU DO HAVE CONTROL OVER!
stick2013
02-04-2007, 01:55 PM
Dear Sannah,
Please let me know what issues I need to work on. I am not hiding, I don't think that i am stuck. But I will accept and try to work on what others think I need help with, so BRING IT ON BABY!!!!!!!
I just had an AWFULLY FRIGHTENING EXPERIENCE!!!!! I went out today to do a little food shopping, actually a lot. So I first stopped at brooks, they have my favorite on sale, RAISINS!!!!!! I finished, checked out, got in my car, put it in reverse, backed up, put it in drive, went about 1 foot, and the front end of my car dropped and I couldn't go any where. Lost a tie rod on the drivers side..... The man upstairs was looking after me... If it had been 5 minutes later, I would have been doing 55 MPH, and without steering........Well anyway, I kept my cool, called the tow truck, and now I am without food, and a car, but I am safe.......... Someone upstairs loves me, and i am grateful.......
So get to work Sannah, and fix me....
Love you bunches hon, you are a good person.
Sid
Please let me know what issues I need to work on. I am not hiding, I don't think that i am stuck. But I will accept and try to work on what others think I need help with, so BRING IT ON BABY!!!!!!!
I just had an AWFULLY FRIGHTENING EXPERIENCE!!!!! I went out today to do a little food shopping, actually a lot. So I first stopped at brooks, they have my favorite on sale, RAISINS!!!!!! I finished, checked out, got in my car, put it in reverse, backed up, put it in drive, went about 1 foot, and the front end of my car dropped and I couldn't go any where. Lost a tie rod on the drivers side..... The man upstairs was looking after me... If it had been 5 minutes later, I would have been doing 55 MPH, and without steering........Well anyway, I kept my cool, called the tow truck, and now I am without food, and a car, but I am safe.......... Someone upstairs loves me, and i am grateful.......
So get to work Sannah, and fix me....
Love you bunches hon, you are a good person.
Sid
Sannah
02-05-2007, 03:49 PM
Sid, you have mentioned anxiety before and it sounds like you just keep to yourself? Sorry to hear about your experience. Is there another way to go out and get food?
stick2013
02-05-2007, 07:24 PM
Sannah,
My anxiety level is at an all time low......Because I have removed everything and everyone that has caused me anxiety. I do have a few friends, but very rarely see them.... We keep in contact through phone calls. My best friend I see he at least 2 or 3 times a year. I go to Michigan to visit her for 10 days every year(her husband hates me) and ( I think he's a jerk) It's a great vacation.... She comes here and we manage to get together for about an hour or two every time.(when she can get rid of the jerk)
I just ended a long term friendship of almost 20 yrs because he made me so nervous, and he LOVES to argue. If he could get me SCREAMING..... He was happy. I just couldn't take it any more, so one day we were talking, he said something really STUPID, and I just calmly went to my car, got in and drove away. I have not taken his phone calls, answered his emails, or his tactics thru mutual friends to get to me. I actually told this mutual friend that I was very upset that he betrayed OUR friendship, and I haven't spoken to him either......It's been almost a year, and I refuse to give in. He is VERY sick physically, and I was the one that always called to make sure he was ok, did shopping if he asked, and did what I could for him... Now he has no one..... So that's why I have no anxiety....
I ate oatmeal for dinner, breakfast, and lunch.... Got my car back went shopping, to tired to cook, so I will eat OATMEAL AGAIN.......
So fix me girlfriend.........
Hugs,
Sid
My anxiety level is at an all time low......Because I have removed everything and everyone that has caused me anxiety. I do have a few friends, but very rarely see them.... We keep in contact through phone calls. My best friend I see he at least 2 or 3 times a year. I go to Michigan to visit her for 10 days every year(her husband hates me) and ( I think he's a jerk) It's a great vacation.... She comes here and we manage to get together for about an hour or two every time.(when she can get rid of the jerk)
I just ended a long term friendship of almost 20 yrs because he made me so nervous, and he LOVES to argue. If he could get me SCREAMING..... He was happy. I just couldn't take it any more, so one day we were talking, he said something really STUPID, and I just calmly went to my car, got in and drove away. I have not taken his phone calls, answered his emails, or his tactics thru mutual friends to get to me. I actually told this mutual friend that I was very upset that he betrayed OUR friendship, and I haven't spoken to him either......It's been almost a year, and I refuse to give in. He is VERY sick physically, and I was the one that always called to make sure he was ok, did shopping if he asked, and did what I could for him... Now he has no one..... So that's why I have no anxiety....
I ate oatmeal for dinner, breakfast, and lunch.... Got my car back went shopping, to tired to cook, so I will eat OATMEAL AGAIN.......
So fix me girlfriend.........
Hugs,
Sid
Sannah
02-06-2007, 09:51 AM
Sid, I would love for you to not have any anxiety while you are out in the world. Sounds like you fixed your anxiety by avoiding the world. This isn't fixing your anxiety, this is avoiding your anxiety. I am glad that you dumped that friend. He sounds like he is a mess. Have you thought about getting out more?
stick2013
02-06-2007, 12:08 PM
Dear Sannah,
You are correct, I have no anxiety do to avoidance. It works for me. Otherwise I let others do their number on me and I get CRAZY!!!!!!! I will NOT allow any form of dysfunction come into my space.... NONE at all. If I even feel it, I put a stop to it.......................
I do get out, but I do it alone. I enjoy going out, but prefer going alone. I used to be quiet the opposite. NEVER home, always out, partying, with tons of friends. Going out with friends and family.......Caused way to much pain in my life, I screwed up others in the process, so now I prefer to stay home... I LOVE my life the way it is. With the exception of missing my daughter and grandkids......
Keep working at this....
Hugs,
Sid
You are correct, I have no anxiety do to avoidance. It works for me. Otherwise I let others do their number on me and I get CRAZY!!!!!!! I will NOT allow any form of dysfunction come into my space.... NONE at all. If I even feel it, I put a stop to it.......................
I do get out, but I do it alone. I enjoy going out, but prefer going alone. I used to be quiet the opposite. NEVER home, always out, partying, with tons of friends. Going out with friends and family.......Caused way to much pain in my life, I screwed up others in the process, so now I prefer to stay home... I LOVE my life the way it is. With the exception of missing my daughter and grandkids......
Keep working at this....
Hugs,
Sid
ICC
02-06-2007, 12:53 PM
Ahhhhhhhhhhh the avoidance. Been there done that. and still do alot of times. it's just easier sometimes.;)
Grasshopper
Grasshopper
Sannah
02-06-2007, 01:05 PM
Sid, of course any issues that are worked on would be those that you choose and think are problems. I just think that you could have a fuller life if you dealt with these issues. Do you think that you still choose the wrong people to interact with? Also, when you say that others did their number on you, do you think that you still have problems with boundaries?
stick2013
02-06-2007, 03:29 PM
Sannah,
I don't think I have issues with boundaries unless it comes to the people that I care about...LOL!!!!! Anyone else, and I will stand up and tell you FOR WHAT!!!! I have boundaries galore where outsiders are concerned, but with my family, and close friends.... Not so good......I guess I just don't want to hurt people, although when I think that a member of my family is screwing up.... Yes I can stand up and tell them what I think...
I guess I just come off the wrong way. Things don't come out right. For instance one time my son in law was building a faux fireplace for someone, he invited me out to look at it. Then asked me what I thought. I told him I thought it was beautiful.....BUT it wasn't equal on both sides. He got defensive, my daughter walked away, I apologized, and he then agreed it was uneven. I apologized again, and explained why I mentioned it. Better now than to have to start all over again after it was finished. My daughter was so angry with me. She told me that I found fault in everything........ So I find myself apologizing over and over for something that I really didn't think was a big deal......I thought that I was being honest, and helping him from more work later.......
I didn't attack, I was so nice, I was pleasant, and called him Hon.....kept telling him that it looked great, that he did a great job overall. It came out terrific......
So that's why I use avoidance now, it's just easier.....
Sid
I don't think I have issues with boundaries unless it comes to the people that I care about...LOL!!!!! Anyone else, and I will stand up and tell you FOR WHAT!!!! I have boundaries galore where outsiders are concerned, but with my family, and close friends.... Not so good......I guess I just don't want to hurt people, although when I think that a member of my family is screwing up.... Yes I can stand up and tell them what I think...
I guess I just come off the wrong way. Things don't come out right. For instance one time my son in law was building a faux fireplace for someone, he invited me out to look at it. Then asked me what I thought. I told him I thought it was beautiful.....BUT it wasn't equal on both sides. He got defensive, my daughter walked away, I apologized, and he then agreed it was uneven. I apologized again, and explained why I mentioned it. Better now than to have to start all over again after it was finished. My daughter was so angry with me. She told me that I found fault in everything........ So I find myself apologizing over and over for something that I really didn't think was a big deal......I thought that I was being honest, and helping him from more work later.......
I didn't attack, I was so nice, I was pleasant, and called him Hon.....kept telling him that it looked great, that he did a great job overall. It came out terrific......
So that's why I use avoidance now, it's just easier.....
Sid
ICC
02-07-2007, 09:19 AM
Dear Sid-----Funny how when you try to do something nice or right it backfires. Don't you wish people had as much respect for our feelings. I don't see where you did anything wrong. You did right in avoiding a problem for your son-in-law that would have slapped him in the face when he was done. I totally understand your avoidance of confrontations. I have tried all my life to "settle" issues with people and now I will only go there with a relationship that means alot to me and that I FEEL is worth salvaging and can be. Those one sided relationships and people who just have a one track mind being "you are wrong" and "I am right" get you no where. i don't know if I would actually call it avoidance or maybe self- preservation.
Hugs,
Grasshopper
Hugs,
Grasshopper
stick2013
02-07-2007, 08:40 PM
Hi ICC,
I wish that we could have met very early in our lives. I know that we would still be very close friends....
I ended a female friendship about 1 1/2 years ago with a woman that I had been friends with for almost 17 yrs. It hurt to walk away, but it was becoming a one sided friendship, her lying and then her accusations about me, did me in. She was jealous of the friendship that I had with her children(sadly I no longer have them in my life either) She also had accused her husband of showing me too much friendship.( I have known him ALL of my life) But NEVER EVER had anything to do with him outside of their home. Never talked to him, saw him, or anything other than inside their home. She is now...... Not having a very good relationship with 2 of her 3 kids, and is getting her 3rd divorce. Her soon to be Ex has since moved to the town where I live. NO I have not contacted him, and have no intention of doing so..... Jealousy............Such a sad and eventually a lonely emotion when you think about it...
I am just to old for the crap that comes along with life. I just want and need peace. I pick and choose my friends carefully now. So ICC I have chosen the people here......May they only come for a day or stay forever, I extend my hand for friendship........
Hugs girlfriend.....
ps..... My nurse practitioner called today, wanted me to go to the ER for a CT Scan......First time that I was ever Non compliant with her... I simply said "NO I am doing ok, and will go if I feel the need...."
I wish that we could have met very early in our lives. I know that we would still be very close friends....
I ended a female friendship about 1 1/2 years ago with a woman that I had been friends with for almost 17 yrs. It hurt to walk away, but it was becoming a one sided friendship, her lying and then her accusations about me, did me in. She was jealous of the friendship that I had with her children(sadly I no longer have them in my life either) She also had accused her husband of showing me too much friendship.( I have known him ALL of my life) But NEVER EVER had anything to do with him outside of their home. Never talked to him, saw him, or anything other than inside their home. She is now...... Not having a very good relationship with 2 of her 3 kids, and is getting her 3rd divorce. Her soon to be Ex has since moved to the town where I live. NO I have not contacted him, and have no intention of doing so..... Jealousy............Such a sad and eventually a lonely emotion when you think about it...
I am just to old for the crap that comes along with life. I just want and need peace. I pick and choose my friends carefully now. So ICC I have chosen the people here......May they only come for a day or stay forever, I extend my hand for friendship........
Hugs girlfriend.....
ps..... My nurse practitioner called today, wanted me to go to the ER for a CT Scan......First time that I was ever Non compliant with her... I simply said "NO I am doing ok, and will go if I feel the need...."
hergy
02-08-2007, 12:04 AM
Hi ICC, I wish that we could have met very early in our lives. I know that we would still be very close friends....
....I just want and need peace. I pick and choose my friends carefully now. So ICC I have chosen the people here......May they only come for a day or stay forever, I extend my hand for friendship.
I know you're talking to ICC, but in the cyber world, we can be whatever we want. In my cyber life, I grow up with ICC and Sid. As cyber kids, we have slumber parties and sit in the dirt watching ants and pretending that grass and sticks are food. Then, when we're older, we watch each other's back. None of us are troubled without the support of two awesome pals. Sometimes FTM comes for a visit and he and I play basketball and race our bicycles. (Sorry, FTM, I was an awesome basketball player. I had a phenominal growth spurt in the 5th grade. I was 5'3" in 6th grade. Plus, I had 'mad skills.':cool: )
Take care of yourself, Sid. Forgive me if I missed a major portion of the CT story, but your health is important.
I love you!
Nikki
....I just want and need peace. I pick and choose my friends carefully now. So ICC I have chosen the people here......May they only come for a day or stay forever, I extend my hand for friendship.
I know you're talking to ICC, but in the cyber world, we can be whatever we want. In my cyber life, I grow up with ICC and Sid. As cyber kids, we have slumber parties and sit in the dirt watching ants and pretending that grass and sticks are food. Then, when we're older, we watch each other's back. None of us are troubled without the support of two awesome pals. Sometimes FTM comes for a visit and he and I play basketball and race our bicycles. (Sorry, FTM, I was an awesome basketball player. I had a phenominal growth spurt in the 5th grade. I was 5'3" in 6th grade. Plus, I had 'mad skills.':cool: )
Take care of yourself, Sid. Forgive me if I missed a major portion of the CT story, but your health is important.
I love you!
Nikki
stick2013
02-08-2007, 05:55 AM
Dearest Nikki,
Could we also climb trees, and walk on stilts..... My grandfather made me stilts, they were so tall, but I loved them, and was good at it too. (I am afraid of heights today) LOL!!!!! Never was good at basketball, so you and FTM have a great time.
Not all of my childhood was bad, and I had my grandfather who was my safety net. My protector. He was a great man, and made my life as a child bearable. I don't think that I would have survived my childhood without him.
Wouldn't it be nice to go back in time, pick our family, friends, and life from what WE KNOW, and WHO we KNOW today. Imagen how different our lives would be. What parents would you choose? Who would you pick for friends? What type of life would you set out for yourself? Oh the possibilities.......
Love you all and many hugs.......
Sid
Could we also climb trees, and walk on stilts..... My grandfather made me stilts, they were so tall, but I loved them, and was good at it too. (I am afraid of heights today) LOL!!!!! Never was good at basketball, so you and FTM have a great time.
Not all of my childhood was bad, and I had my grandfather who was my safety net. My protector. He was a great man, and made my life as a child bearable. I don't think that I would have survived my childhood without him.
Wouldn't it be nice to go back in time, pick our family, friends, and life from what WE KNOW, and WHO we KNOW today. Imagen how different our lives would be. What parents would you choose? Who would you pick for friends? What type of life would you set out for yourself? Oh the possibilities.......
Love you all and many hugs.......
Sid
ICC
02-08-2007, 08:02 AM
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!:) and the family is coming together. Sid i also feel if we had met years ago we would have been life long friends. You would have swung your bat and I would have laughed like all get out and probably used some truck driver words LOL We would have played and laughed and loved through our lives. I agree that at this age I also have no room for the aggravation and constant confrontations. life is too short. you know when I turned 40 i thought "Ok that wasn't that bad and I can do it all over again" When I turned 50 i thought " OH NO, not enough time to do it all over again, I 'm already half dead" LOL The old saying "you can pick your friends but not your family" I really feel pertains to us. JEALOUSY:mad: makes me very angry as I have been hurt many times because someone was jealous of me. I don't understand the emotion as I have never felt it. Everyone is different and that's what makes the world go round. I always liked me so had no need to want to be someone else.
Nikki-----You are like our daughter. same age. I don't know where my middle daughter who passed away would be today but my oldest and youngest have their share of issues from living with their father. You knowing that there are problems, accepting them and working on them remind me of my own. So you have been adopted with an open heart.
FTM----I can see you sitting quietly shaking your head on occassion saying "play nice girls". what a gentle man you are.
Love to all............
Grasshopper
Nikki-----You are like our daughter. same age. I don't know where my middle daughter who passed away would be today but my oldest and youngest have their share of issues from living with their father. You knowing that there are problems, accepting them and working on them remind me of my own. So you have been adopted with an open heart.
FTM----I can see you sitting quietly shaking your head on occassion saying "play nice girls". what a gentle man you are.
Love to all............
Grasshopper
isitme
02-08-2007, 10:42 AM
"Wouldn't it be nice to go back in time, pick our family, friends, and life from what WE KNOW, and WHO we KNOW today. Imagen how different our lives would be. What parents would you choose? Who would you pick for friends? What type of life would you set out for yourself? Oh the possibilities......."
NO, NO, NO AND NO.
I spent years thinking the above, wishing my life was different, but no longer.
We are all shaped into who we are today, from the experiences of our past.
Acceptance (of what happened) IS the key. It is empowering.:)
NO, NO, NO AND NO.
I spent years thinking the above, wishing my life was different, but no longer.
We are all shaped into who we are today, from the experiences of our past.
Acceptance (of what happened) IS the key. It is empowering.:)
Sannah
02-08-2007, 11:16 AM
Sid, was your wonderful grandfather your father's dad? You know what, I don't think that I ever remember you speaking about your dad?
stick2013
02-08-2007, 11:39 AM
Dear Sannah,
My grandfather was my mothers father.... My father and mother were divorced when I was 9 months old. He died when I was 18, exactly 3 weeks after I gave birth to my daughter. I never really knew him that well.
Now my grandfather.....I could go on and on about how much I loved him, and what he did for me in terms of love, kindness, and care. He was a gentle man, and NEVER laid a hand on me through out my life.
Hugs,
Sid
My grandfather was my mothers father.... My father and mother were divorced when I was 9 months old. He died when I was 18, exactly 3 weeks after I gave birth to my daughter. I never really knew him that well.
Now my grandfather.....I could go on and on about how much I loved him, and what he did for me in terms of love, kindness, and care. He was a gentle man, and NEVER laid a hand on me through out my life.
Hugs,
Sid
Sannah
02-08-2007, 12:08 PM
Sid, how did your mother have a kind father? Where was he for her? Please tell me about your kind grandfather!
stick2013
02-08-2007, 12:24 PM
Dear Sannah,
How long do you have??? LOL! hhhhmmmmmmmmmm My grandfather.... Kind, gentle, sense of humor, protected me as much as he could. He nicked named me She Cat... When I asked him WHY??? He told me that I could be as gentle as a kitten, but then could be as protective, and nasty as a mother cat protecting her litter of kittens.....He taught me tools, how to do things, built me stilts, spent time with me, read to me.
We would talk....For hours, he never judged me. If I needed anything, he always made sure that I had it. Shoes, clothing, school stuff, his last 50 cents......Whatever. My grand parents lived with us, and mostly raised us. My Grand mother was still working at age 70 the night before she died, and my grandfather worked into his late 70's early 80's.
After my grandfather died in 1978 at age 95 I was told by all of his 8 children that he was the MEANEST S.O.B. on the face of the earth. That he used to beat his wife, and children. That it was his way or the highway..... Talk about shock.......I NEVER believed ANY ONE of them.... I don't know if I ever could. He was so gentle, and NEVER laid a hand on me as far as hitting, or punishing me, or anything.....
So that's pretty much my story about my grandfather.....
Sid
How long do you have??? LOL! hhhhmmmmmmmmmm My grandfather.... Kind, gentle, sense of humor, protected me as much as he could. He nicked named me She Cat... When I asked him WHY??? He told me that I could be as gentle as a kitten, but then could be as protective, and nasty as a mother cat protecting her litter of kittens.....He taught me tools, how to do things, built me stilts, spent time with me, read to me.
We would talk....For hours, he never judged me. If I needed anything, he always made sure that I had it. Shoes, clothing, school stuff, his last 50 cents......Whatever. My grand parents lived with us, and mostly raised us. My Grand mother was still working at age 70 the night before she died, and my grandfather worked into his late 70's early 80's.
After my grandfather died in 1978 at age 95 I was told by all of his 8 children that he was the MEANEST S.O.B. on the face of the earth. That he used to beat his wife, and children. That it was his way or the highway..... Talk about shock.......I NEVER believed ANY ONE of them.... I don't know if I ever could. He was so gentle, and NEVER laid a hand on me as far as hitting, or punishing me, or anything.....
So that's pretty much my story about my grandfather.....
Sid
ICC
02-08-2007, 01:15 PM
Sid......I have a question. Have you found in your life that you have bonded with men very easily on a platonic level and had a hard time bonding with women? I ask this question because as you know my Dad was the light of my life. So were most of his brothers and his father who passed when i was 5-6 but I do remember his kindness. Family members will say that all of these men were very hard nosed but I never saw it. Strong men is what I always picked up. Loved children more than anything in the world. I have always bonded better and easier with men and the majority of women whose paths I have crossed to me were "cats". Just curious if you feel the same or had the same experiences.
Love you,
Grasshopper
p.s. how do you feel?
Love you,
Grasshopper
p.s. how do you feel?
ICC
02-08-2007, 01:16 PM
also Sid i wanted to tell you I was proud of you for not running to the hospital when told to. I know to some this may sound odd but I have done it in the past. I know my own body and know when it's time as I'm sure you do and at times have wanted to save myself possibly some unnecessary aggravation.
Grasshopper
Grasshopper
stick2013
02-08-2007, 02:41 PM
Dear ICC,
I am doing better, but still haven't left the house since Monday after picking up my car from the FIX IT FOR AN ARM AND A LEG JOINT. The pain is much less, but still there. Bending, and sitting down is still an issue, but it's better. I posted on the Bowel disorder board, and hoping to get a reply. I'm just getting sick of this. BTW!!!!!! Half of Dr's say it's diet, the other half says no. Who knows, I just sick of this.....
Thanks hon,
Sid
I am doing better, but still haven't left the house since Monday after picking up my car from the FIX IT FOR AN ARM AND A LEG JOINT. The pain is much less, but still there. Bending, and sitting down is still an issue, but it's better. I posted on the Bowel disorder board, and hoping to get a reply. I'm just getting sick of this. BTW!!!!!! Half of Dr's say it's diet, the other half says no. Who knows, I just sick of this.....
Thanks hon,
Sid
hergy
02-08-2007, 08:44 PM
Nikki-----You are like our daughter. same age. I don't know where my middle daughter who passed away would be today but my oldest and youngest have their share of issues from living with their father. You knowing that there are problems, accepting them and working on them remind me of my own. So you have been adopted with an open heart.
I eagerly accept the adoption.:) Your nurturing, comforting, loving manner is welcome. I've always craved that.:wave:
I wish you guys could have been there as my playmates, too, though. I didn't have a genuine friend until I was about 26. As a kid, I was ashamed that I was a girl because I felt they were worthless, powerless. So I had lots of male friends. The ones I picked weren't nice.
I eagerly accept the adoption.:) Your nurturing, comforting, loving manner is welcome. I've always craved that.:wave:
I wish you guys could have been there as my playmates, too, though. I didn't have a genuine friend until I was about 26. As a kid, I was ashamed that I was a girl because I felt they were worthless, powerless. So I had lots of male friends. The ones I picked weren't nice.
stick2013
02-08-2007, 09:06 PM
Nikki,
I was the BIGGEST TOM BOY of the neighborhood..........
Hugs,
Sid
I was the BIGGEST TOM BOY of the neighborhood..........
Hugs,
Sid
hergy
02-09-2007, 12:08 AM
I was the BIGGEST TOM BOY of the neighborhood.
Wow, me too. I was also probably the sissiest Tom Boy of all time. I was a girl girl deep inside, but I hated being female. I didn't like being dirty, touching reptiles, taking chances and all that boy stuff. Still, I was a total Tom Boy by general definition. That faded when I was about 9 or 10. I still identified with guys because I hated being a girl. I didn't look so much like them at about 11 or 12. I was freaked out because I could no longer pretend. They seemed to like it a lot.
Love,
Nikki
Wow, me too. I was also probably the sissiest Tom Boy of all time. I was a girl girl deep inside, but I hated being female. I didn't like being dirty, touching reptiles, taking chances and all that boy stuff. Still, I was a total Tom Boy by general definition. That faded when I was about 9 or 10. I still identified with guys because I hated being a girl. I didn't look so much like them at about 11 or 12. I was freaked out because I could no longer pretend. They seemed to like it a lot.
Love,
Nikki
stick2013
02-09-2007, 10:39 AM
Dear Nikki,
You wrote.......I was freaked out because I could no longer pretend. They seemed to like it a lot.
That's because you are probably beautiful and they saw this......
Hugs,
Sid
You wrote.......I was freaked out because I could no longer pretend. They seemed to like it a lot.
That's because you are probably beautiful and they saw this......
Hugs,
Sid
hergy
02-09-2007, 04:12 PM
You wrote.......I was freaked out because I could no longer pretend. They seemed to like it a lot....That's because you are probably beautiful and they saw this....
I am cyber blushing so much right now.:o And you've never even see me!
I was never flattered by the 'liking.' Until you threw me with your post, I just figured they were glad one of their guy friends was actually a girl. Easy access. The whole thing only reminded me that I really am a girl, which freaked me out.
It also resulted in some unwelcome hand traveling. I told you about the 'wrestling' with a friend when I was 15. THAT was awesome. Sort of like the swingset.:blob_fire We were both into that.
But my best friend from 5 to 13 was a perv. His interest changed from Star Wars figures to mine, which at 12 wasn't much different from his. It still isn't.:rolleyes: He was a nasty guy. It seemed like he had 100 hands. I've never been able to say 'no' so I quickly started to hate his company. We weren't friends after 14. He was disrespectful and became a big-time pervert. Still is.
I am cyber blushing so much right now.:o And you've never even see me!
I was never flattered by the 'liking.' Until you threw me with your post, I just figured they were glad one of their guy friends was actually a girl. Easy access. The whole thing only reminded me that I really am a girl, which freaked me out.
It also resulted in some unwelcome hand traveling. I told you about the 'wrestling' with a friend when I was 15. THAT was awesome. Sort of like the swingset.:blob_fire We were both into that.
But my best friend from 5 to 13 was a perv. His interest changed from Star Wars figures to mine, which at 12 wasn't much different from his. It still isn't.:rolleyes: He was a nasty guy. It seemed like he had 100 hands. I've never been able to say 'no' so I quickly started to hate his company. We weren't friends after 14. He was disrespectful and became a big-time pervert. Still is.