hergy
01-31-2007, 01:55 AM
I've looked up information on this subject and found no satisfying answer. Now that I have cyber friends, this is really embarassing, but here goes anyway.
I was 4 when I was raped by a group of boys. My only recollection of sensation is a dream in which I experienced excruciating vaginal pain followed by a bloody discharge.
When I was 5, I was molested by a couple of boys. It hurt like the dickens.
I also experienced my first orgasms at 5. The event was unrelated to abuse. I have read that children, even infants, can experience orgasm. But I've only read that this was by manipulation by another person. To my knowledge, this was never the case with me.
I've always figured this was just a normal childhood experience. I didn't know at the time what the pleasant sensation was called, but I remember it clearly, and much later I found out the name.
If anybody has read the information I've been looking for, I just wondered if that was normal? Can it be related to early sexual experiences?
Really embarassed, but curious,
Nikki
I was 4 when I was raped by a group of boys. My only recollection of sensation is a dream in which I experienced excruciating vaginal pain followed by a bloody discharge.
When I was 5, I was molested by a couple of boys. It hurt like the dickens.
I also experienced my first orgasms at 5. The event was unrelated to abuse. I have read that children, even infants, can experience orgasm. But I've only read that this was by manipulation by another person. To my knowledge, this was never the case with me.
I've always figured this was just a normal childhood experience. I didn't know at the time what the pleasant sensation was called, but I remember it clearly, and much later I found out the name.
If anybody has read the information I've been looking for, I just wondered if that was normal? Can it be related to early sexual experiences?
Really embarassed, but curious,
Nikki
Sponsor
ICC
01-31-2007, 07:16 AM
Hi Nikki---- i couldn't find too much but basically have read that "child orgasms" can begin as early as 5 months of age. Usually a result of some sort of stimulation. as simple as a baby rubbing themselves on the floor or crib for comfort. Mother putting cream on their bottoms. it's the way the human body works. the child is not aware of any sexual connection to the feeling. In some children , mainly girls it continues through early childhood. 7,8,9 years old. There appears to be no connection between sexual abuse and child orgasms. they speak somewhat of sexual abuse but do not link the two as the orgasm also happens in children that have never been abused. Help any??
ICC
ICC
hergy
01-31-2007, 08:41 AM
Help any?
Yes. I thought as much from my research, but I've always been too embarassed to ask. I also felt like I should know that. I just never discuss matters of a sexual nature. I read a lot, but not everything is easy to find. The controversial Kinsey reports threw the question in my head.
You mentioned that you looked it up. Thanks! You so often go above and beyond. You're such a caring person.:)
The 'stimulating' experience is kind of funny to me now, but, I figured, it can't hurt to ask.
Not everything in my childhood was wierd and unpleasant.:)
BIG NOTE: I don't even see your face, but seeing your post as the first one here made me VERY embarassed.:o :o :o Thanks for responding.
Love,
Nikki
Yes. I thought as much from my research, but I've always been too embarassed to ask. I also felt like I should know that. I just never discuss matters of a sexual nature. I read a lot, but not everything is easy to find. The controversial Kinsey reports threw the question in my head.
You mentioned that you looked it up. Thanks! You so often go above and beyond. You're such a caring person.:)
The 'stimulating' experience is kind of funny to me now, but, I figured, it can't hurt to ask.
Not everything in my childhood was wierd and unpleasant.:)
BIG NOTE: I don't even see your face, but seeing your post as the first one here made me VERY embarassed.:o :o :o Thanks for responding.
Love,
Nikki
ICC
01-31-2007, 08:50 AM
Nikki----WHY???:confused:
ICC
ICC
Phoenix
01-31-2007, 10:02 AM
I've looked up information on this subject and found no satisfying answer. Now that I have cyber friends, this is really embarassing, but here goes anyway.
I was 4 when I was raped by a group of boys. My only recollection of sensation is a dream in which I experienced excruciating vaginal pain followed by a bloody discharge.
When I was 5, I was molested by a couple of boys. It hurt like the dickens.
I also experienced my first orgasms at 5. The event was unrelated to abuse. I have read that children, even infants, can experience orgasm. But I've only read that this was by manipulation by another person. To my knowledge, this was never the case with me.
I've always figured this was just a normal childhood experience. I didn't know at the time what the pleasant sensation was called, but I remember it clearly, and much later I found out the name.
If anybody has read the information I've been looking for, I just wondered if that was normal? Can it be related to early sexual experiences?
Really embarassed, but curious,
Nikki
Dear Nikki,
As you have already read the Kinsey research from the 1950's, you know that girls at an early age are more "sexually curious" than boys. I need not go into details.
Then there is a report from Life Planning Education, Washington DC Advocates of Youth that states most "sex play" as they put it, is done out of curiosity.
Then there is Freud with "Infant Pleasure Potentials."
As ICC(ICY) has stated, another child is not necessary to experience the orgasm.
If I had to look at it from a deeper level (when don't I) I would say that your childhood trauma brought more attention and thus curiosty to the vaginal area, thus the need to "explore" arose.
Remember that children process information differently at various stages in their life.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
I was 4 when I was raped by a group of boys. My only recollection of sensation is a dream in which I experienced excruciating vaginal pain followed by a bloody discharge.
When I was 5, I was molested by a couple of boys. It hurt like the dickens.
I also experienced my first orgasms at 5. The event was unrelated to abuse. I have read that children, even infants, can experience orgasm. But I've only read that this was by manipulation by another person. To my knowledge, this was never the case with me.
I've always figured this was just a normal childhood experience. I didn't know at the time what the pleasant sensation was called, but I remember it clearly, and much later I found out the name.
If anybody has read the information I've been looking for, I just wondered if that was normal? Can it be related to early sexual experiences?
Really embarassed, but curious,
Nikki
Dear Nikki,
As you have already read the Kinsey research from the 1950's, you know that girls at an early age are more "sexually curious" than boys. I need not go into details.
Then there is a report from Life Planning Education, Washington DC Advocates of Youth that states most "sex play" as they put it, is done out of curiosity.
Then there is Freud with "Infant Pleasure Potentials."
As ICC(ICY) has stated, another child is not necessary to experience the orgasm.
If I had to look at it from a deeper level (when don't I) I would say that your childhood trauma brought more attention and thus curiosty to the vaginal area, thus the need to "explore" arose.
Remember that children process information differently at various stages in their life.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
hergy
01-31-2007, 10:53 AM
Nikki----WHY?
It's not you. You're so awesome. You didn't make fun of me or judge me, but answered my question allowing me dignity.
I am EXTREMELY private, especially with regard to sexual subjects. So much shame is connected with such issues that I'm incredibly embarassed when addressing them. This matter, in particular, because I feel like my question was elementary. But I wanted to know, so I went for it.
After reading information with which I was previously unfamiliar, I wondered. I felt positive that someone would be able to shed some light.
If I could see you guys, I'd never approach most of the issues I do on this board. I'm super thankful for your candor.
It's not you. You're so awesome. You didn't make fun of me or judge me, but answered my question allowing me dignity.
I am EXTREMELY private, especially with regard to sexual subjects. So much shame is connected with such issues that I'm incredibly embarassed when addressing them. This matter, in particular, because I feel like my question was elementary. But I wanted to know, so I went for it.
After reading information with which I was previously unfamiliar, I wondered. I felt positive that someone would be able to shed some light.
If I could see you guys, I'd never approach most of the issues I do on this board. I'm super thankful for your candor.
hergy
01-31-2007, 11:12 AM
As ICC(ICY) has stated, another child is not necessary to experience the orgasm.
Actually, I'd never discuss the experience with someone else, but the incident involved me and the 'magical powers' of a schoolyard swingset pole.
I spent a lengthy intimate moment with that pole. I was the last kid in line to go back to class. My teacher had to yell my name to get me join the other kids.
Like ICC mentioned, I didn't connect that experience with anything sexual. In fact, I really did think the swingset was responsible.:rolleyes:
After recess, I guess I just went about my business because I have no recollection of 'exploring' as a kid.
The incident has never disturbed me. In fact, my best friend and I laughed about it when I told her. But after recently reading some Freud and Kinsey, I was curious.
Thanks so much for the reply.
Bashfully,
Nikki
Actually, I'd never discuss the experience with someone else, but the incident involved me and the 'magical powers' of a schoolyard swingset pole.
I spent a lengthy intimate moment with that pole. I was the last kid in line to go back to class. My teacher had to yell my name to get me join the other kids.
Like ICC mentioned, I didn't connect that experience with anything sexual. In fact, I really did think the swingset was responsible.:rolleyes:
After recess, I guess I just went about my business because I have no recollection of 'exploring' as a kid.
The incident has never disturbed me. In fact, my best friend and I laughed about it when I told her. But after recently reading some Freud and Kinsey, I was curious.
Thanks so much for the reply.
Bashfully,
Nikki
ICC
01-31-2007, 11:24 AM
hi Nikki---i was just wondering why me beign the first to respond embarrassed you:confused: I have to tell you that I gave birth to three daughters and have a grandaughter so what you were asking i looked up but really didn't need to. don't forget I was a little girl once also. Kids have all different ways and interests that they explore. kids are kids. and they should all have adults who teach with a kind, gentle but firm touch and never, never do things to make them grow up like we all did. Nothing to be embarrassed about, my daughter asked me a similar question about her daughter who is 4 now but about a year ago she had no idea what this child was doing:eek:
Love you,
ICY (Grasshopper)
Love you,
ICY (Grasshopper)
zencat
01-31-2007, 11:50 AM
Nikki, I was very sexual from the age 5 or so, I sexualized my sexual trauma and would stimulate myself constantly. This forum a good and safe place to get all this stuff out into the open and work them out.
“If I had to look at it from a deeper level (when don't I) I would say that your childhood trauma brought more attention and thus curiosity to the vaginal area, thus the need to "explore" arose.”~ FTM……OMG!…. Yes, “exploration” turned to obsession for me.
Nikki ~ I want to say you are awesome (((cyber-buddy))) :) , to have the courage and go past the embarrassment and search for meaning encourages me to do more of the same.
“I'm sorry for going on. It's largely due to my excitement that someone understands. But, at the same time, I hurt for you. It's a painful issue. I don't discuss it outside the anonymity I enjoy on this board.” ~ Nikki………I have had panic attacks over discussing these private matters even with my therapist. But after a wile I have become more confident about talking about such matters with my trauma group at the mental health center and on-line…. . I think it helps to dissipate the shame when this stuff is no longer a secret… Zencat.
“If I had to look at it from a deeper level (when don't I) I would say that your childhood trauma brought more attention and thus curiosity to the vaginal area, thus the need to "explore" arose.”~ FTM……OMG!…. Yes, “exploration” turned to obsession for me.
Nikki ~ I want to say you are awesome (((cyber-buddy))) :) , to have the courage and go past the embarrassment and search for meaning encourages me to do more of the same.
“I'm sorry for going on. It's largely due to my excitement that someone understands. But, at the same time, I hurt for you. It's a painful issue. I don't discuss it outside the anonymity I enjoy on this board.” ~ Nikki………I have had panic attacks over discussing these private matters even with my therapist. But after a wile I have become more confident about talking about such matters with my trauma group at the mental health center and on-line…. . I think it helps to dissipate the shame when this stuff is no longer a secret… Zencat.
hergy
01-31-2007, 11:59 AM
hi Nikki---i was just wondering why me beign the first to respond embarrassed you:confused:...my daughter asked me a similar question about her daughter who is 4 now but about a year ago she had no idea what this child was doing:eek:
Well, it's like this:
I've never been able or encouraged to talk to my mom about sexual matters. Thus, more shame than I already had.
You've become like a mom, so seeing my cyber mom be the first on the scene instantly brought embarassment and shame.
I've always wished I could talk to my mom like your daughter talked to you.
I love you, ICC!
Nikki
Well, it's like this:
I've never been able or encouraged to talk to my mom about sexual matters. Thus, more shame than I already had.
You've become like a mom, so seeing my cyber mom be the first on the scene instantly brought embarassment and shame.
I've always wished I could talk to my mom like your daughter talked to you.
I love you, ICC!
Nikki
hergy
01-31-2007, 12:08 PM
Nikki ~ I want to say you are awesome (((cyber-buddy))) :) , to have the courage and go past the embarrassment and search for meaning encourages me to do more of the same....I have had panic attacks over discussing these private matters even with my therapist....I think it helps to dissipate the shame when this stuff is no longer a secret.
Thanks, Zencat! That fills me up!:D
And know, just as my opening up helps you, your opening up helps me.:)
It often seems impossible for me to get things out in the open with my therapist. She's great and I know she's heard it all before. I just wish I didn't have to open my mouth.
You're definitely right: The shame starts to fade when the secrets aren't secret anymore.
Big hugs and love,:wave:
Nikki
Thanks, Zencat! That fills me up!:D
And know, just as my opening up helps you, your opening up helps me.:)
It often seems impossible for me to get things out in the open with my therapist. She's great and I know she's heard it all before. I just wish I didn't have to open my mouth.
You're definitely right: The shame starts to fade when the secrets aren't secret anymore.
Big hugs and love,:wave:
Nikki
ICC
01-31-2007, 12:10 PM
I love you too Nikki:angel: I always wished my mother would ahve talked to me also but she was also criticizing and belittling. All she ever told me and my sister about sex was at about 13 "stay away from the boys" What in God's holy name did that mean to a child who knew nothing and doesn't a statement like that for a curious child make them go "near the boys" just because they were told not to? I can't say I gave my girls a great sex education because of course I wasn't taught how but at their ages now we are Mother/daughter and friends. 28 and 34. my middle daughter would be turning 31 this March. So you see I would have liked to be MOM forever but these women had different ideas and grew up.
Love you hon,
Grasshopper
Love you hon,
Grasshopper
Zally
01-31-2007, 12:11 PM
When I was 5, I was molested by a couple of boys. It hurt like the dickens.
Hi Nikki, I have been following along here for awhile, it doesn't seem like you have mentioned this incident when you were five before?
Hi Nikki, I have been following along here for awhile, it doesn't seem like you have mentioned this incident when you were five before?
hergy
01-31-2007, 12:23 PM
Hi Nikki, I have been following along here for awhile, it doesn't seem like you have mentioned this incident when you were five before?
I haven't really. I remember going on a trip to my grandparents' house with my family soon after the incident. I was sitting in the back seat staring out the window. I was consumed with deep shame, guilt, regret and fear. I still feel that and I also feel responsible. So I don't usually discuss it.
In brief, I let a couple of boys put their hands in my underwear at school. That's as much as I'm comfortable with right now. Of course, lots of shame followed that unwelcome experience. One of the boys was a bit rough, so I also remember pain.
By the way, nice to meet you, Zally!:wave:
Nikki
I haven't really. I remember going on a trip to my grandparents' house with my family soon after the incident. I was sitting in the back seat staring out the window. I was consumed with deep shame, guilt, regret and fear. I still feel that and I also feel responsible. So I don't usually discuss it.
In brief, I let a couple of boys put their hands in my underwear at school. That's as much as I'm comfortable with right now. Of course, lots of shame followed that unwelcome experience. One of the boys was a bit rough, so I also remember pain.
By the way, nice to meet you, Zally!:wave:
Nikki
Zally
01-31-2007, 12:36 PM
Redfive, I am sorry that you are left feeling so many uncomfortable emotions after that incident. I hope in time that you are able to put it into its proper perspective. I can just see that little girl sitting in that car being so distressed. It just isn't right that she had to suffer so.
Phoenix
01-31-2007, 12:37 PM
I haven't really. I remember going on a trip to my grandparents' house with my family soon after the incident. I was sitting in the back seat staring out the window. I was consumed with deep shame, guilt, regret and fear. I still feel that and I also feel responsible. So I don't usually discuss it.
In brief, I let a couple of boys put their hands in my underwear at school. That's as much as I'm comfortable with right now. Of course, lots of shame followed that unwelcome experience. One of the boys was a bit rough, so I also remember pain.
Nikki
Dear Nikki,
Three words: Proceed With Caution (you already know this but I felt the need to remind my friend of this).
Take care
God Bless
FTM
In brief, I let a couple of boys put their hands in my underwear at school. That's as much as I'm comfortable with right now. Of course, lots of shame followed that unwelcome experience. One of the boys was a bit rough, so I also remember pain.
Nikki
Dear Nikki,
Three words: Proceed With Caution (you already know this but I felt the need to remind my friend of this).
Take care
God Bless
FTM
hergy
01-31-2007, 12:41 PM
Three words: Proceed With Caution (you already know this but I felt the need to remind my friend of this).
This time I'm asking you for more. Clarify.
Love,
Nikki
This time I'm asking you for more. Clarify.
Love,
Nikki
Phoenix
01-31-2007, 12:51 PM
I was consumed with deep shame, guilt, regret and fear. I still feel that and I also feel responsible. So I don't usually discuss it.
That's as much as I'm comfortable with right now.
Dear Nikki,
I was referring to the last sentence. You stated that this was as much as you are comfortable with "right now."
Just looking out for a friend but that is how I operate.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
That's as much as I'm comfortable with right now.
Dear Nikki,
I was referring to the last sentence. You stated that this was as much as you are comfortable with "right now."
Just looking out for a friend but that is how I operate.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
hergy
01-31-2007, 01:03 PM
I was referring to the last sentence. You stated that this was as much as you are comfortable with "right now."
I get it. One at a time. Thanks.
Love,
Nikki
I get it. One at a time. Thanks.
Love,
Nikki
Phoenix
01-31-2007, 01:08 PM
I get it. One at a time. Thanks.
Love,
Nikki
Dear Nikki,
Not so much that but just what you are comfortable with. It is alright to move outside of that "comfortability zone" but stray too far from it and it may be difficult to find your way back.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Love,
Nikki
Dear Nikki,
Not so much that but just what you are comfortable with. It is alright to move outside of that "comfortability zone" but stray too far from it and it may be difficult to find your way back.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Zally
01-31-2007, 01:09 PM
Redfive, please forgive yourself for that incident. You were just a child!
hergy
01-31-2007, 01:31 PM
Redfive, please forgive yourself for that incident. You were just a child!
You're right, Zally. I'd say the same to anyone else. But I can't shake the shame. Am I the only person that can't get past that?
From age 4 it has been my life pattern: letting people do things to me I don't want them to do.
The only mutually 'erotic' moments I've ever had was 'wrestling' with a guy when I was 15 and getting intimate with a swing set when I was 5.:rolleyes:
You're right, Zally. I'd say the same to anyone else. But I can't shake the shame. Am I the only person that can't get past that?
From age 4 it has been my life pattern: letting people do things to me I don't want them to do.
The only mutually 'erotic' moments I've ever had was 'wrestling' with a guy when I was 15 and getting intimate with a swing set when I was 5.:rolleyes:
hergy
01-31-2007, 01:35 PM
Not so much that but just what you are comfortable with. It is alright to move outside of that "comfortability zone" but stray too far from it and it may be difficult to find your way back.
True. I stopped denying one thing and it seems that other stuff has started rolling through that open door. I don't know whether to shut it or get a bouncer.
True. I stopped denying one thing and it seems that other stuff has started rolling through that open door. I don't know whether to shut it or get a bouncer.
Zally
01-31-2007, 01:50 PM
Redfive, you don't let people do things to you anymore that you don't want them to do, though! It is all in your past. You never learned that you could tell people no until more recently. You cannot be blamed for something that you were never taught.
I liked your comment about the open door and the bouncer! Keep that sense of humor!
I liked your comment about the open door and the bouncer! Keep that sense of humor!
ICC
01-31-2007, 03:24 PM
Nikki---that's how it happens. we're all here for you. let it out one step at a time. we're not going anywhere. take all the time you need. as FTM said "proceed with caution" try not to overload yourself though I'm a fine one to say that as I started on one thing and 10 others followed right on top of it.
Hugs,
ICY
Hugs,
ICY
stick2013
01-31-2007, 04:49 PM
Nikki sweetheart.......
I love you to death. I really do. I must say that I had a giggle about the swing set. It reminded me about my daughter when she was very young. Maybe 2 or 3. She would wad up her "DO DO blanket" and go to town on it......
I was actually told by my therapist, that our FIRST sexual experience is as a infant, and our FIRST B.M... Who knows. Who would have thought that S*** would bring pleasure.......
Ok, I am in a giggle fit.....
Hugs,
Sid
I love you to death. I really do. I must say that I had a giggle about the swing set. It reminded me about my daughter when she was very young. Maybe 2 or 3. She would wad up her "DO DO blanket" and go to town on it......
I was actually told by my therapist, that our FIRST sexual experience is as a infant, and our FIRST B.M... Who knows. Who would have thought that S*** would bring pleasure.......
Ok, I am in a giggle fit.....
Hugs,
Sid
hergy
01-31-2007, 06:34 PM
She would wad up her "DO DO blanket" and go to town on it......Who would have thought that S*** would bring pleasure...
I'm happy to see you feeling up to giggles and I'm glad it was my x-rated swingset fun that helped.:wave:
You returned the giggle favor with the 'do do blanket' story.:D
Love you a lot,
Nikki
I'm happy to see you feeling up to giggles and I'm glad it was my x-rated swingset fun that helped.:wave:
You returned the giggle favor with the 'do do blanket' story.:D
Love you a lot,
Nikki