I've realized as of late:

Mistaking Love for co-dependency
Mistaking Love for Controlling me
Mistaking Love for constant berating, harsh words, throwing the past in my face good heavens the list goes on.

Mistaking Love for a person in my life wanting me to stay BP with all the upheaval it brings so that I stay ill and can be controlled and twisted. He then has even more material to use to berate me,abuse me and call me names. Insult me. He's told me that I cannot leave. Period. He's taken 2 weeks vacation after my taking off and watches me like a hawk. I should never have come back. Period.

I have been screamed at because of the bills for our 16 year old son who is bp. He absolutely will not stand for it and has my son convinced that he can handle this on his own. Even in the face of a Doc saying how very emotionally unstable and troubled that he is. I cannot stay to save him because it simply won't work. He's bought into it hook, line and sinker. It makes me so sick inside that I actually vomit.

Mistaking love and caring for emotional and verbal abuse that has spanned a lifetime. I feel like a caged animal trapped. I at this time have no where to go, no where to turn.........My depression is horrible right now and I called my pdoc and therapist and managed to get emergency appointments for today. Of course I will be driven there and back.

Over the lifetime I've lost my family. It makes him so damn happy to be right. He always said they didn't give a crap about me. I understand that it is too much to expect from them after being absent from their lives all of these years with all of my troubles and emotional baggage. It hurts so bad none the less.

I cannot sleep and cannot eat. I want to simply up and disappear. I am so very afraid. Thanks for letting me vent it and get it out. I do have this forum to come to. It at least feels good.

Jricci

Omy god..you poor thing..you need to get away from him. why stay? if hes abusive maybe you can try a womens and children shelter. their are people out there who can help.start with your therapists ask them about getting some help.

Dear Jeanne,

I don't know what your relationship with your family was like before you became distanced, but you might want to consider reaching out to them. It sounds like you have been living in a fog of deception (so easy to do when you love someone) and that only now are you lifting out of it. You need a support system and so does your son. I hope that your family can rise to the occasion and see that you were not able to reach out before.

What does "Amazing Grace" say? "I was blind, but now I see"

Good luck and keep posting.

Hope

Oh, Jeanne,
I didn't understand when I read your post this morning. You mean your husband will drive you to the appointments? He literally won't let you go anywhere by yourself? Am I understanding you on this?

I hope you will talk to the doc who is treating your son and explain the problems you are having with your husband convincing your son that he doesn't need treatment. Is he your only child?

Please post when you get back from your appointments and let us know what's going on.

My thoughts are with you.
Tsohl

Jeanne-
If ever I felt the darkness, it was in your words. Please find escape. When you go to the therapist, speak up there. If he is in the waiting room, there's your chance! If he goes with you in the sessions, pre write something to your therapists for help. Good luck to you...there is light-we just have to find it sometimes.
~Kimberly~