I feel like nothing no matter what I do will ever be enouph I have gone out of my way since I was little to try and make the people around me happy I think I do that cause I don't think I can make my self happy. I've been trying for the past three years to get my bipolar disorder half way in controll. Everytime I'm fine for like a week or two and then I spiral so out of controll that any progress I've made I end up back tracking to the point I'm worse than when I started out. I have rapid cycling so its hard to get things done cause I feel good about trying to get something done at first and then half way through it even if everything is going fine my energy level drops to zero and I"m in bed trying to get my thoughs to slow down and try and sleep. I just feel lost and hopless and I don't know how to deal with anything anymore. I'm taking medication that I need to get ajusted and I'm goin to my counsler tomorrow... but I mean all of thoes just seem to distract me for at least a day and then I'm back to where I started... I just don't know what to do anymore...

Overthestars,

I am so sorry that you have been having such a hard time. BP disorder is so exhausting, because we are always fighting to get stable. I am a rapid cycler too, but have been lucky to find a combo after 2 years that helps a bit. It is so discouraging how long it takes to go through the trials of different drugs and different dosages. What meds have you tried in your 3 years? Maybe some of us could offer some insights about other things you might suggest to your doctor. I learned one lesson the hard way, that it doesn't do to be too patient. I kept trying to hang in there on different dosages of zyprexa without an anti-depressant because my nurse practitioner was more worried about mania. Ended up in the hospital because I needed the anti-d so much. I just want to encourage you to keep fighting, and keep posting so you can get some of the support you need from this cyber support group. So many of us are similarly struggling moment by moment, and can be shoulders for each other, for sharing and caring and venting. I love your user name, by the way.