I don't know why but I've felt so foggy in the head if that makes any sense. Also I feel so blah and slow and just sleep all the time. I have no get up and go; no energy anymore. I go to work but hate it and am so bored all the time. Then I just come home and eat or sleep or zone out on the couch.

Are these meds making me worse? I stopped the seroquel already and am just taking the lamictal 200mg. I haven't called my pdoc but will make an appt for about maybe 2 weeks from now. I don't think she'll believe I'm the same person. Am I taking a down swing? Maybe I'm not bipolar after all? Or is that just wishful thinking? I am so confused! I could use your advice guys!!!

Hi Llama. yes it makes sense. i use that word myself to describe how my mind feels to me sometimes.

i don' know if i am bipolar disordered yet, but ti'll still let you know of my view and tell you that, to me, this seems to be a type of depression. did you think of suicide or contemplate too much about death in general? or are you just "zoned out" like you said, as if you are just merely going through th emotions of daily life with a detached relationship between your mind and your body? or possibly even both?

if it feels really serius to you then let your doctor know about it.

usually with medication, it depends how long you've been taking it for, but the best thing to do is to not change anything unless with the direction of your doctor. if you were up, and this is a downswing in comparison to your excessive happiness, then this does not disqualify you from your diagnosis, especially since the med should stabilize you, as i reason it might feel depressing because you're coming down from a high

I hope that helps somehow. take care Llama and let us know how you're doing :)

thanks paranormal. I think you are right about it being depressing coming down from a high. Thanks for that perspective. That helps.

I know I shouldn't be messing with meds on my own. It's just a bad habit that I have.

Lastly, to add to this all, I just stepped on the scale and I have gained another 10+ lbs. I haven't been this heavy in a LONG time and thought I never would. I am very upset about this!

Not to be a nag, Llama, but are you still drinking? :confused:

Just wanted to update you guys! I have been feeling a lot better. I started taking the whole 200 mg of lamictal at bedtime and that has really helped. Plus I think that this higher dose has finally begun to kick in a little. I'm feeling more stable these past few days. I hope this lasts!

And tshol, yes I am still drinking but I have cut back a lot. These last couple weeks I really went overboard and I think that in part had something to do with my ex boyfriend (yes I broke up with him because I wasn't attracted to him and I don't think he was good for me emotionally - there was just too much drama and intensity all the time. It was really making matters worse, you know?).

ANYWAYS, all we ever really did together was drink. If we would hang out in the evening it would always be about going out somewhere. I mean in moderation I really think that can be ok (like maybe once or twice a week), but not every single night. And we always had to hang out with his friends and guess what? All they ever did was drink. I was spending too much time with him and his crowd, and it wasn't a good thing for me. I have other friends who drink in moderation or who rarely drink at all.

ANYWAYS, I am just proud of myself because I think I am making a healthy decision here. I need to do more of that for myself. What do you think? Do you think I made the right decision regarding that relationship? I don't know. It really is a major decision and I like to have back up. (and I am not one of those people who "needs" a boyfriend! hehe! :D :p So I'm fine with being on my own for a while! Just in case you were wondering!)

Hey Llama, :wave:

You sound super :D. I'm so glad the Lamictal is working for you. Stay with it and remember to take it every day at your prescribed time/s. I don't see why it wouldn't continue to be a good med for you. :cool:

You need more in a relationship than just having a drinking buddy. As a matter of fact, you don't need a drinking buddy! :eek: And I think you are very smart to figure out what YOU need in a relationship and be brave enough to break it off if it isn't working. It should be easier to be stable when you don't have all the additional stress of living a drama all the time. That is really exhausting.

You should be very proud of yourself! You made a decision based on what is best for you, what is healthy for you!
Good for you :blob_fire !!

Tsohl

ooooh tshol! Thank you so much! I knew you'd know just what to say! That makes me feel even better about everything. I mean I knew in my heart it was right but I always like to hear from my friends to get their opinions too! You are such a sweetheart thanks so much! I hope all is going well in your neck of the woods! Did you enjoy superbowl sunday? I did! I went to a potluck type party and ate way too much...but it was fun and worth it! And I had today off from work and I've just been lazy and relaxing all day! That's ok though because everyone needs those kinds of days once and a while!

Not so nice here. It got up to zero for the high!! Wisconsin is never warm in the winter, but this is the coldest weather we've had in a decade.

I'm glad you had a fun time at your superbowl party. I was thinking about you and your drinking buddies. My son moved back here after going to college in New England...so he had to make a new group of friends, for the most part anyway. He was really lucky in that he met a couple people when he attended some AA meetings and they have formed the nucleus of his new set of friends. Remarkably his girlfriend and all her friends are not bar people and this has made his recovery SO much easier. It is really hard to try to stay clean and sober if a person is still hanging out with all the same people whose life revolves around going to a party or a bar.

When you string a number of good days together, and they become good weeks, you will realize that you made a very wise decision. I'll be here rooting for you!!
Tsohl

Hey Llama :wave:
Haven't heard from you in a bit. I'm being the mother hen here, wanting you to check in. I worry when I don't see your posts!! Hope you're doing ok. ;)

Tsohl

Hi Llama,
I Have Made Some Not So Wise Choices In Men But Again We Live & Learn....i Am Mslainie And My Son Is Bipolar. I Want To Tell You What I Told Him. He Has Been Making Alot Of Good Decisions Latly And I Am So Proud Of Him And You Too. My Son Told Me It Is Very Hard In His Head To See The Right Thing To Do. He Said It Is An Effort To Do The Right Thing. I Am Very Proud Of You.
But Remember Like A Baby Learning To Walk We Start Holding On, Then Let Go And Fall Alot. So If You Fall Its Ok And I Know Especially Tsohl And When I Am On Will Always Be Here For You.
It Took Me In My Last Bad Relationship A Few Falls. But Now I Have A Wonderful Man And He Has 3 Grown Kids. I Just Went Thru His One, Who I Love, Letting Him Go He Has A Bad Drug Problem And We (me, Boyfriend And My Boyfriend's Ex Wife) All Plus To Help Him. But I Pray.
So Anyway Great Luck To You And I Am Very Happy You Deserve The Best......also I Almost Messed Up My Great Guy But Slipping And Falling. But He Forgave Me And We Are Doing Good.
Take Care
Mslainie

Hey guys thanks for the posts! I am doing ok. Feeling kinda lonely but luckily I have some great friends.

I've been trying to figure out what I want to do now. I need to figure out what I want to do career wise and I need to finish college. I can't be stuck in retail for the rest of my life. I'm really beginning to dislike it. I'm so bored all the time.

I think I need to get more stable and get the meds right though before I go back to school otherwise I'll just waste more money and time and fail out again. I need to make a pdoc appt for next tues or else I'll be out of lamictal. I've been putting it off...? I just don't know what I should say when I go there. I don't know I've got to get it together a little more.

Hey Llama :wave:

Don't try to solve all your issues all at once. That would be enough to thwart even the most stable invidivual on the planet. :eek: You are right in wanting to get your meds in place before tackling too much. That really is the most important first step. Maybe you could sign up for one class; that way it won't be so overwhelming. Also that way you will have time to get the work done and will have some success. That in turn will boost your self-confidence and self-esteem. :cool: When you feel comfortable handling that much additional work and stress, you could add another class.

Remember the basics, too. Remember to eat well (you know, sane amounts of the right kinds of foods), drink lots of water, get into regular patterns of sleep and avoid alcohol :D . (had to throw that in, lest you thought I forgot!)

Anyway, please keep posting so we know how you're doing!!
Take care, my friend.
Tsohl:wave:

aaaah tshol I know I shouldn't tackle so much at once! I do that so much. I take on everything then burn out and crash and fail and then end up having nothing done at all. It really has a lot to do with mood cycles for me. I just want to follow through with something important like finishing college. Or sustaining a relationship for more than a few months. I can't follow through with anything and am wondering if I ever will be able to!!!?

But what freaks me out is that I can't think of one thing that I can see myself doing. I don't want to do anything. Then I get to thinking about how stressful school is and how it will just really mess me up and I'll have to drop out or fail out all over again. I think I know in my heart that I wont be able to finish college or ever really have a long term relationship with somebody, and that just about breaks me. I mean I can't even do simple things like laundry, or cleaning up after myself, or showering all the time, or getting groceries, or just taking care of myself. Just stupid things that people do every day! But for some stupid reason I feel crappy and do nothing and wear dirty clothes and live in a pigsty.

And I can't stop thinking about how incredibly empty my life is. And even if I wanted to do something about it I don't have the energy or the ability to follow through with anything!!! I am just trapped forever I feel like!!!!!!!

I have to make an appt with the pdoc for next tues. Then I think "god that's a long time until next tues." Then I think "even IF she puts me on a new med to help it will take at least a month before I will start to feel it if it works for me that is..." Then I have a ton of abilify left and think I should maybe in the meantime take that again? Maybe I wont feel so freakishly restless again? I don't think I should mess with that but I just feel so crappy and crazy. It's almost getting to be 3am and I can't sleep. I hope I wont be tired because I really would hope that I could at least empty the dishwasher, do a little bit of laundry, and pick up some groceries tomorrow. But I'd bet a million bucks that I'll just sleep and lay around all day and not even take a shower! I wish I didn't get so overwhelmed all the time! I mean it's just freaking laundry that should take an hour to do. God sorry my mind is racing but I'll really shut up now. goodnight

Hi Llama

it sure sounds like your depressed. i really think that you should call and talk to your pdoc before taking your abilify. for some reason we all tend to think that we can treat ourselves, but if we could do that then why would we need our pdocs. my suggestion would be, call your pdoc as soon as possible and tell her how you are feeling. it might be a good idea to see her this week if she has the time, or maybe she can get you started on something until you can get back in to see her.

i want you to know that i am new at this so i'm not sure if a pdoc will prescribe anything without seeing you first, but i would at least talk with her.
i do want you to know that you are not alone, alot of the feelings that you describe sounds so much like mine. i feel like you have been reading my mind. there are many times that i think that i should find something to get into but everytime i start to check out things, like volenteer work or a job, i get really stressed out. i just can't deal with it. so needless to say i just sit here and occasionally get some housework or laundry done.

Hang in there; You are not alone, we are all going to get through this, better days are comming.

hi Llama,

i'm gladyou're feeling better (i hope you still do).

i know it seems really tough, but the same way you're getting through work and day to day life, you can definetly get through college! you're really underestimating your abilities, and denying that you'll succeed even before you give yourself the CHANCE to try!! you see how your mind tricks you into believing that you're not worth it? i've been through it, i am still going through it, but i am still in college and will hopefully finnish my degree sometime soon.

take tsohl's advice into consideration--choose a course you're interested in and start with that.

and with concern to how you feel stressed when you start things out, same goes for bipolarindenial, the key is to tell yourself and acknowledge that you have NO OBLIGATION TO DO SO. it's ONLY volunteer work, for example, and YOU chose to do it. You can quit anytime. nobody is going to run after you asking you questions. you are doing it because you want to and you would rather do it than not.

i find that this kind of thinking helps me alot to succeed.
don't deny yourself the opportunity to do what you want girls. because that's just what it is--what YOU want. it is nothing someone is forcing you to do. if you didn't do it, you will look back 2 to 4 years from now and think "why didn't i do anything? I could've had something under my belt right now, like a degree : ((((" i really don't want that to happen to you.

go at your own pace, by your (realistic) standards. as slow as you want honey. it's your life, you live it once, and you choose how you live it. so ENJOY!! :D

hope to hear more from you

Thanks for the advice bipolarindenial. I hope that I can see my pdoc next tues. If I would have been more organized/focused I would have made an appt earlier but now I have to call on monday. I feel so dumb! I always do stupid things like this. I really hate feeling down like this. It's like "not again"...you know? I felt soooo good not too long ago. Now I'm just tired all the time and all I do is work and sleep. I'm not even kidding. I'm lucky that I make it to work even. my apartment is disgusting and I don't always shower. I wear dirty clothes and eat junk etc. That's how little energy I have!!! I'm sorry I'm not trying to throw a pity party, just trying to explain how I feel. Sorry if it came across like that!!!

and paranormal, thanks for your sound advice too. You are right that bipolarindenial and I need to just give ourselves the chance to actually try and succeed. I think that you are right and that maybe taking just one class is a good step.