finegane
02-04-2007, 12:39 AM
A year ago I was a completely different person. I was depressed, not eating, and when i did, would make myself throw up, i was self-harming...pretty much doing anything and everything to try to make things better...which of course, was not. Feb. 26 i was admitted to a psych hospital. i hadnt wanted to go, but my counselor at school talked me into it. she told me the vision that i had of hospitals were incorrect, as i invisioned them to be like in the movie "one flew over the cuckoos nest." she told me that it would be best for me to go and have my meds evaluated...basically take a few days off from class to refocus myself and my life. i agreed, and my worst nightmare was fulfilled. i was truly traumitized from the experience and have been experiencing a case of PTSD since. Ive had nightmares about 2-3 times a week, usually of me being told that i have to go back. i am in constant fear that although i am doing great now, i will slip up in some way and be sent back. lately, ive been very busy from the time i wake up until the time i get ready for bed, which leads me to think about a lot of things while im trying to fall asleep. i cant seem to stop thinking about what i did and said during this time last year...how things were. and then i think about the hospital and how scared i was and everything that went into it all. i dont know how to shut my brain off, im finding myself lying in bed for hours thinking about how i dont want to think about this. i was on sleeping meds for a while, off them now for about 3 months and i dont want to go back on them, but i need some way to fall asleep quicker! any tips?
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hergy
02-04-2007, 01:18 AM
Feb. 26 i was admitted to a psych hospital.....my worst nightmare was fulfilled. i was truly traumitized from the experience and have been experiencing a case of PTSD since.
I was admitted 3 times within 2 months, 2005-2006. Every hospital is different, so my experiences may be the exception or they may be the rule.
Before I share, I'd like to know what your hospital traumas were. I'm always willing to be the first to openly share, but I don't want to jump to conclusions about your experience in comparing it with my own. I have a feeling we're in the same boat. Hopefully your boat rocked a little less.
Only relate what you feel comfortable addressing. Doctors often have quite a different take on hospital experiences. They've been the doctor, not the patient. They assured me that 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' no longer happened. I now can tell them otherwise.
You're not alone and I want to help. Keep posting.
Love,
Nikki
I was admitted 3 times within 2 months, 2005-2006. Every hospital is different, so my experiences may be the exception or they may be the rule.
Before I share, I'd like to know what your hospital traumas were. I'm always willing to be the first to openly share, but I don't want to jump to conclusions about your experience in comparing it with my own. I have a feeling we're in the same boat. Hopefully your boat rocked a little less.
Only relate what you feel comfortable addressing. Doctors often have quite a different take on hospital experiences. They've been the doctor, not the patient. They assured me that 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' no longer happened. I now can tell them otherwise.
You're not alone and I want to help. Keep posting.
Love,
Nikki
finegane
02-04-2007, 01:24 AM
as far as traumas go...one lady that was in the hospital with me was convinced that i was her sister. (by the way, i was 19, now i am 20) she came into my room on night while i was sleeping and tried to get into my bed screaming and crying in spanish, calling me her sister....it was very frightening, although it might not sound it. the other thing was another patient attacked a staff worker at night and i can vividly remember hearing her blood curdling scream. i would love to have someone to talk to, as i dont like to bring it up much in physical speaking because it makes me very upset. i appreciate your quick reply
hergy
02-04-2007, 02:12 AM
I had several bad experiences, but I'll just start with the worst.
I have Bipolar I, so since I was off some important meds, I was often experiencing manic episodes during my stay. In fact, during a psychotic episode one evening, I blew up, shouting, ranting and choosing my words without sound judgement. I was pretty wacked out that evening and totally out of it. Everyone eventually went to bed except for a male patient who had expressed a romantic interest upon his arrival.
He began coming on to me. Normally, I would immediately reject his advances. But, uninhibited, I felt powerless and did nothing to find my way out of the situation. During this time, a nurse turned off the lights. Thanks, lady! Way to protect a fruitcake.
He convinced me to let him kiss me. We went to the outside smoking area, still unlocked at 2am. We kissed twice. I was zoned out so I didn't resist. Back in the community room, he fondled me. I was very uncomfortable with that, but my mind was blank and I was scared to resist. He exposed himself and persisted in asking to go to my room, which was across the hall from his. He asked if I had a roommate and told me he wanted to have sex. I did turn down the suggestion and he went to his room. Where was a nurse?!
Afraid, I slept in the community room. I later awoke to the most vivid hallucination I’ve ever had. The next morning, at about 6am, I awoke to the sound of the creep's voice calling my name. I looked in his room and the general vicinity. He was nowhere to be found. It was an auditory hallucination.
That day, the creep's roommate came to me because he had somehow found out about the situation and wanted to report it because he was disgusted at his roommate's behavior. I wasn’t going to say anything myself. The roommate reported the incident. Another patient confirmed the story. I don’t know how many people found out about the incident. I felt like a stupid blow-up doll.
The roommate confronted the creep and attempted to engage him in a physical altercation. The other patient who had confirmed the story became upset and vomited. The creep was discharged and escorted out by a sheriff’s deputy. I was never given specialized therapy, nor was I further advised or presented an apology. I also remained in that facility for another 2 weeks.
Well, there's incident #1. I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm so sorry.
Love,
Nikki
I have Bipolar I, so since I was off some important meds, I was often experiencing manic episodes during my stay. In fact, during a psychotic episode one evening, I blew up, shouting, ranting and choosing my words without sound judgement. I was pretty wacked out that evening and totally out of it. Everyone eventually went to bed except for a male patient who had expressed a romantic interest upon his arrival.
He began coming on to me. Normally, I would immediately reject his advances. But, uninhibited, I felt powerless and did nothing to find my way out of the situation. During this time, a nurse turned off the lights. Thanks, lady! Way to protect a fruitcake.
He convinced me to let him kiss me. We went to the outside smoking area, still unlocked at 2am. We kissed twice. I was zoned out so I didn't resist. Back in the community room, he fondled me. I was very uncomfortable with that, but my mind was blank and I was scared to resist. He exposed himself and persisted in asking to go to my room, which was across the hall from his. He asked if I had a roommate and told me he wanted to have sex. I did turn down the suggestion and he went to his room. Where was a nurse?!
Afraid, I slept in the community room. I later awoke to the most vivid hallucination I’ve ever had. The next morning, at about 6am, I awoke to the sound of the creep's voice calling my name. I looked in his room and the general vicinity. He was nowhere to be found. It was an auditory hallucination.
That day, the creep's roommate came to me because he had somehow found out about the situation and wanted to report it because he was disgusted at his roommate's behavior. I wasn’t going to say anything myself. The roommate reported the incident. Another patient confirmed the story. I don’t know how many people found out about the incident. I felt like a stupid blow-up doll.
The roommate confronted the creep and attempted to engage him in a physical altercation. The other patient who had confirmed the story became upset and vomited. The creep was discharged and escorted out by a sheriff’s deputy. I was never given specialized therapy, nor was I further advised or presented an apology. I also remained in that facility for another 2 weeks.
Well, there's incident #1. I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm so sorry.
Love,
Nikki
finegane
02-04-2007, 07:23 PM
not that i wish hospitalization on ANYONE, even my absolute worst enemy, im glad to hear that other people have had bad experiences like me. with a traumitizing experience, have you found that youve moved on past it? i really want to...and i feel like a year later i should be. its definetly helping to talk to someone else who has experienced it, not like talking to my counselor (new one, not the one that had me go to the hospital), who can say it was horrible place for me to be....blah blah blah....she doesnt know, shes been to hospitals as a counselor, not a patient, BIG difference. nice to talk to someone who understands....
Thanks,
Erica :)
Thanks,
Erica :)
stick2013
02-04-2007, 07:53 PM
Dear Fine,
I too have been in a psych ward on more than 1 occasion. No... they are not pleasant to be in, but the thing that I think you need to remember is.....They are psych wards.....Things happen, even scary things, but it's the nature of the setting. I know that you are scared, i can hear it in your post, but maybe if you turned everything around and looked at it from a different angle it might help......
The Spanish woman???? The one that crawled in bed with you and thought that you were her sister???? I know this might sound silly,,,,,,,,But try and think of it as maybe you helped her. She was sad, miserable, and she thought that you were her sister.....
As far as the scream.......Ok, so that might be ingrained into your memory... But how did it turn out, who screamed, was it the patient, or the staff member????
Also if you try and stay grounded, by telling yourself when you get fearful of the memory......"I am ok, this was in the past, and it's ok, it can't hurt me now, it's only a feeling." By reminding yourself that you are in the here and now, and safe, it should help to lower your anxiety level....
Hugs,
Sid
I too have been in a psych ward on more than 1 occasion. No... they are not pleasant to be in, but the thing that I think you need to remember is.....They are psych wards.....Things happen, even scary things, but it's the nature of the setting. I know that you are scared, i can hear it in your post, but maybe if you turned everything around and looked at it from a different angle it might help......
The Spanish woman???? The one that crawled in bed with you and thought that you were her sister???? I know this might sound silly,,,,,,,,But try and think of it as maybe you helped her. She was sad, miserable, and she thought that you were her sister.....
As far as the scream.......Ok, so that might be ingrained into your memory... But how did it turn out, who screamed, was it the patient, or the staff member????
Also if you try and stay grounded, by telling yourself when you get fearful of the memory......"I am ok, this was in the past, and it's ok, it can't hurt me now, it's only a feeling." By reminding yourself that you are in the here and now, and safe, it should help to lower your anxiety level....
Hugs,
Sid
finegane
02-04-2007, 08:45 PM
i understand things happen...and for the most part ive accepted that...but sometimes i have a little pity party for myself. i feel bad for myself and then im over it. during the day i dont think about it almost at all, and then when i go to bed, all of a sudden its there. i really dont want to think about it or remember it at all...i just want to forget it ever happened. if anyone has any ideas or tips on ways to distract yourself to fall asleep...id appreciate the advice
galinaqt
02-04-2007, 08:54 PM
TV helps me. I am a big fan of "Sex and the City", "Seinfield" or videos like "Grampy old man". It takes my mind out.
I wonder if somebody face family's complete misunderstanding and treating you as a selfish brat.
I don't want to repeat story of my terrible work abuse for years but what I've heard from my family :"Instead of telling your father to go to heardresser when he needed only thing you are thinking is about you've been hurt by people." "They already forgot who you are, why can't you forgot them". "They are nobody to you how much time and strength you are giving them". If anybody of my family hurt 10 times less there all different theories and with my mother I am always guilty responsible party.
I wonder if somebody face family's complete misunderstanding and treating you as a selfish brat.
I don't want to repeat story of my terrible work abuse for years but what I've heard from my family :"Instead of telling your father to go to heardresser when he needed only thing you are thinking is about you've been hurt by people." "They already forgot who you are, why can't you forgot them". "They are nobody to you how much time and strength you are giving them". If anybody of my family hurt 10 times less there all different theories and with my mother I am always guilty responsible party.
hergy
02-04-2007, 10:23 PM
i understand things happen...and for the most part ive accepted that...but sometimes i have a little pity party for myself. i feel bad for myself and then im over it. during the day i dont think about it almost at all, and then when i go to bed, all of a sudden its there. i really dont want to think about it or remember it at all...i just want to forget it ever happened. if anyone has any ideas or tips on ways to distract yourself to fall asleep...id appreciate the advice
You should discuss the sleep problem with your psychiatrist. Sleep disturbance can be the fuel for any mental or emotional fire.:blob_fire If your brain can't relax, you won't be able to sleep. Talk to your doctor.
As far as your anxiety over the experiences in the psych ward, remember that you were there with other people, all of whom were at their worst and couldn't hide it. When you're confined with people you don't know in a place for patients with mental and emotional problems, you can't avoid strange incidents.
I try to have a sense of humor about it all. I had several bad experiences, but I can laugh about most of them. No, I never want to go back. But I now have a therapist and a psychiatrist who fully understand where I'm coming from on that.
Do the same. Be open with your psychiatrist about your feelings regarding your experience in the hospital.
The experience IS unique. Nowhere else will I ever have to ask: "When do I get my shoestrings back?" and "How long do I have to shave my legs before you bust into my room and search it?"
My best,
Nikki
You should discuss the sleep problem with your psychiatrist. Sleep disturbance can be the fuel for any mental or emotional fire.:blob_fire If your brain can't relax, you won't be able to sleep. Talk to your doctor.
As far as your anxiety over the experiences in the psych ward, remember that you were there with other people, all of whom were at their worst and couldn't hide it. When you're confined with people you don't know in a place for patients with mental and emotional problems, you can't avoid strange incidents.
I try to have a sense of humor about it all. I had several bad experiences, but I can laugh about most of them. No, I never want to go back. But I now have a therapist and a psychiatrist who fully understand where I'm coming from on that.
Do the same. Be open with your psychiatrist about your feelings regarding your experience in the hospital.
The experience IS unique. Nowhere else will I ever have to ask: "When do I get my shoestrings back?" and "How long do I have to shave my legs before you bust into my room and search it?"
My best,
Nikki