divalou
02-06-2007, 07:47 AM
hi there,
a little background history of me. when i was like 13 i started having panic attacks `and had really similar thoughts to what alot of you guys have described, such as being a peadophle, murderer, incestuous blah blah blah. well i didnt know what this was until a few days ago when someone on another forum told me it could be Pure O. so i researched it and it sounds like that is what it was.
I thought i got over all my panic attacks until recently. (this is what i posted on another board)...
" i got an anxiety attack when my boyfriend told me he loved me. this was after we fell so hard in love with each other and i had to hold myself back from telling him i loved him, i wanted to shout it out so loud that i could explode! and i was SO happy with him, like something i never knew existed. Then out of the blue this attack happened. and now i get all these thoughts like "you dont love him enough" or "you dont love him" or "your just kidding yourself" and then i get anxious when he tells me sweet things and when he says i love you and when i tell him i love him.
I know i love him because he makes me so so so happy and those feelings that i felt before were real and dont just go. our relationship is so good and there are no arguments and he is perfect so why did i get these attacks? "
Now the anxiety has seemed to lessen but i still get these intrusive thoughts like "you dont love him as much as he loves you, youre a liar, you dont miss him, your angry at him which means you dont love him, your going to cheat on him, you dont think he's good looking, you faking everything you do with him" whcih is all totally wrong because i love every minute i spend with him. and i love him to death!
but now ive got laods of triggers which set this off like hearing love songs ont he radio, being told he loves me, looking at him sometimes, if i tell him or think i love him. it seems to ebb and flow daily and is never far from my mind.
I wake up thinking abot it, go to sleep thinkinga bout it and as a result miss out on feeling all the feelings i have for him.
can anyone relate? has anyone expericenced anything similar?
this hurts so much because i love him and i feel like im becoming worse and worse girlfriend to have, becomingneedy and not so fun loving.
a little background history of me. when i was like 13 i started having panic attacks `and had really similar thoughts to what alot of you guys have described, such as being a peadophle, murderer, incestuous blah blah blah. well i didnt know what this was until a few days ago when someone on another forum told me it could be Pure O. so i researched it and it sounds like that is what it was.
I thought i got over all my panic attacks until recently. (this is what i posted on another board)...
" i got an anxiety attack when my boyfriend told me he loved me. this was after we fell so hard in love with each other and i had to hold myself back from telling him i loved him, i wanted to shout it out so loud that i could explode! and i was SO happy with him, like something i never knew existed. Then out of the blue this attack happened. and now i get all these thoughts like "you dont love him enough" or "you dont love him" or "your just kidding yourself" and then i get anxious when he tells me sweet things and when he says i love you and when i tell him i love him.
I know i love him because he makes me so so so happy and those feelings that i felt before were real and dont just go. our relationship is so good and there are no arguments and he is perfect so why did i get these attacks? "
Now the anxiety has seemed to lessen but i still get these intrusive thoughts like "you dont love him as much as he loves you, youre a liar, you dont miss him, your angry at him which means you dont love him, your going to cheat on him, you dont think he's good looking, you faking everything you do with him" whcih is all totally wrong because i love every minute i spend with him. and i love him to death!
but now ive got laods of triggers which set this off like hearing love songs ont he radio, being told he loves me, looking at him sometimes, if i tell him or think i love him. it seems to ebb and flow daily and is never far from my mind.
I wake up thinking abot it, go to sleep thinkinga bout it and as a result miss out on feeling all the feelings i have for him.
can anyone relate? has anyone expericenced anything similar?
this hurts so much because i love him and i feel like im becoming worse and worse girlfriend to have, becomingneedy and not so fun loving.
Sponsor
tunafish1946
02-06-2007, 09:45 AM
Hi,
This is going to be long because I can relate to your story in a lot of ways. I've been with my boyfriend for two years now, and we moved in together after one year, when we graduated from college. After we graduated is when my obsessive symptoms came back in full force. Not only was I experiencing similar obsessions as I had when I was much younger, about incest, pedophilia, etc., but obsessions began about our relationship, like "I don't really love him" and "I might as well just end this because I'm fooling myself" and "I'm just going to have to leave and move in with my parents because our relationship isn't good because of me." I actually at one point became physically so anxious and afraid of seeing him because I was so terrified of what would run through my head that I could hardly stand to be around him or touch him. I grew very depressed and could barely, barely function and had occasional thoughts of suicide. I began seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist, both of whom I still see regularily, and I am on medication. That started about seven months ago. The thoughts have gotten better for awhile, there have been points where I wasn't doubtful or concerned in the least, and I felt totally and completely in love and committed, as I did before we moved in together and everything fell apart. As of right now, I'm having doubts and thoughts that are almost all-consuming. I think because of the medication I'm not emotionally as disturbed about it as I would have been before, but I still obsess and then obsess about obsessing. It will start with one thought, like "I don't love him anymore," or "he's not attractive," which wil set off a chain of thoughts trying to rationalize or explain my thoughts and drive me crazy until five minutes pass where I'm actually distracted. Sometimes I get annoyed or angry with him, like it's his fault that my mind isn't right. We plan to move in a few months, although to where we don't know yet, and I'm already anxious and scared that these obsessions will continue and I'll be miserable the next place we live. They cloud reality and only muddle my true feelings, because I know I'm so lucky to have him, that he's so wonderful to me and still loves me even through all of my pain and troubles. Sometimes I don't think I'm worth being with. I've explained to him my problems although not what my thoughts are because I don't want to hurt him, and he takes it seriously and is supportive of everything I do. He tells me he loves me all the time, and would do anything for me, and I feel so upset and guilty because of these thoughts. I'm also afraid to tell other people about them because I'm scared of hearing "well maybe you don't love him." Or "maybe you shouldn't be together." I'm crying as I write this because it's so painful to think these things all the time. You're not alone.
This is going to be long because I can relate to your story in a lot of ways. I've been with my boyfriend for two years now, and we moved in together after one year, when we graduated from college. After we graduated is when my obsessive symptoms came back in full force. Not only was I experiencing similar obsessions as I had when I was much younger, about incest, pedophilia, etc., but obsessions began about our relationship, like "I don't really love him" and "I might as well just end this because I'm fooling myself" and "I'm just going to have to leave and move in with my parents because our relationship isn't good because of me." I actually at one point became physically so anxious and afraid of seeing him because I was so terrified of what would run through my head that I could hardly stand to be around him or touch him. I grew very depressed and could barely, barely function and had occasional thoughts of suicide. I began seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist, both of whom I still see regularily, and I am on medication. That started about seven months ago. The thoughts have gotten better for awhile, there have been points where I wasn't doubtful or concerned in the least, and I felt totally and completely in love and committed, as I did before we moved in together and everything fell apart. As of right now, I'm having doubts and thoughts that are almost all-consuming. I think because of the medication I'm not emotionally as disturbed about it as I would have been before, but I still obsess and then obsess about obsessing. It will start with one thought, like "I don't love him anymore," or "he's not attractive," which wil set off a chain of thoughts trying to rationalize or explain my thoughts and drive me crazy until five minutes pass where I'm actually distracted. Sometimes I get annoyed or angry with him, like it's his fault that my mind isn't right. We plan to move in a few months, although to where we don't know yet, and I'm already anxious and scared that these obsessions will continue and I'll be miserable the next place we live. They cloud reality and only muddle my true feelings, because I know I'm so lucky to have him, that he's so wonderful to me and still loves me even through all of my pain and troubles. Sometimes I don't think I'm worth being with. I've explained to him my problems although not what my thoughts are because I don't want to hurt him, and he takes it seriously and is supportive of everything I do. He tells me he loves me all the time, and would do anything for me, and I feel so upset and guilty because of these thoughts. I'm also afraid to tell other people about them because I'm scared of hearing "well maybe you don't love him." Or "maybe you shouldn't be together." I'm crying as I write this because it's so painful to think these things all the time. You're not alone.
ocdengineer
02-06-2007, 04:10 PM
See the pot below called OCD and Meditation. This is the only way I have found to treat the thought aspects of OCD. I am also taking Xanax 2mg per day. I lost my first girlfriend due to this exact problem because I didn't know what I know now, but it all turned out well in the long run.
Good luck,
OE
Good luck,
OE
divalou
02-06-2007, 04:31 PM
Tunafish, hearing that is so sad that you are so upset by it, i completely understand. I suppose the fact that there are others out there experiencing this has got to be of some comfort, right? Just goes to show that what we are thinking isnt what we think it is, if you get my drift :-S! I think its the fact that we love them deep down that makes it hurt so much when we get these thoughts and feelings.
Its good to hear that your man is also supportive though and thats a great thing.
I dont feel overwhelmingly anxious at the moment but the thoughts are still there, like a dull ache or this wierd sort of numbness.
Im going to give this councilling a go but to be honest Im not sure if its realy gonna help with these thoughts as she's going into my childhood etc. Who knows though maybe it will.
THanks for replying and sharing cus I know its really hard. I know I'm on this board looking for support all the time (which i suppose is an obsession!) so dont hesitate to let your thoughts out here.
Its good to hear that your man is also supportive though and thats a great thing.
I dont feel overwhelmingly anxious at the moment but the thoughts are still there, like a dull ache or this wierd sort of numbness.
Im going to give this councilling a go but to be honest Im not sure if its realy gonna help with these thoughts as she's going into my childhood etc. Who knows though maybe it will.
THanks for replying and sharing cus I know its really hard. I know I'm on this board looking for support all the time (which i suppose is an obsession!) so dont hesitate to let your thoughts out here.
tunafish1946
02-13-2007, 02:30 PM
You're right, it is a comfort to talk to/hear other people and their stories. I think one of the most common fears that people with ocd or obsessions have is "this is crazy, I have to be the only person like this." But of course that's simply not true. I'm on medication and I've been seeing a therapist as well; the medication has helped overall although like you the obsessions leave me feeling numb some of the time, and sometimes I get upset. But, it comes and goes, and I think that's the hardest part.
divalou
02-13-2007, 05:39 PM
i was surprised how many people have actually experienced the same things and i think that has helped me loads. infact i feel more in love with my man than ever before afer really opening up to him and deciding that i am in it for the long haul no matter what happens, im hook line and sinker. just gotta put it all down to the ocd/pure o/anxiety or whatever and trust my feelings more. so far its workign but i will keep you updated. hope you'll do the same
tunafish1946
02-14-2007, 09:16 AM
Divalou I wish I could say the same thing as you; I have moments where I think to myself "my obsessions are totally irrational and crazy!", and I'm happy and confident with my relationship. Other times I feel like I'm a different person, and I see my bf like he's a different person. I've been struggling with this for months now, it started when we moved in together after we graduated college, which was a huge change, and I can honestly say that the first month/month and 1/2 after that was pure hell. I wasn't hospitalized but I considered taking myself to the hospital the day that I found myself sitting in the public library stacks, reading about anxiety and OCD, heart racing like a rabbit, hands shaking cold sweating and half hysterical. I got in my car, drove to a park and called my dad, who talked me through it. I'm as open as I can comfortably be with my bf about this, because I feel so guilty, and I'm afraid that he wouldn't want to be with me if he knew the full extent of everything. I don't feel like he fully understands, but I don't expect him to. What do you say to your bf to find relief? We plan to move again in a few months and I'm so scared that the cycle will just repeat itself when we do :**-( . Talking with you has been really comforting, thank you so much for your replies!
Post-It
02-14-2007, 12:31 PM
Hi guys, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I too struggle with "relationship ocd." Mine started about a month after my now-husband and I got engaged. Prior to that, I was so happy, in love and very sure of our commitment and decision to get married. When he proposed, I was so happy, and not a few days later, started panicking, crying, became very depressed, lost a lot of weight, etc. I was so anxious I couldn't stand to be around my husband. I very much remember the day "what if I don't love him?" popped into my head and it has been a battle ever since.
Now that happened 17 months ago and I went ahead and got married two months ago in December. Over time the anxiety lessened but the thoughts were still there. And then there were times that neither my thoughts or feelings bothered me and I was very happy and confident in our relationship. About five months before our wedding I discovered there really was such a thing as relationship OCD and after reading some articles on it and a message board with HUNDREDS of people with the exact same thing, I finally knew what was going on.
BUT don't make the same mistake as me -- TREAT IT NOW before it warps into something else or gets worse. See a therapist that specializes in OCD. I saw a regular, traditional talk-therapist for months and it never helped because all she wanted to do was focus on my feelings. How was I supposed decide on anything when one minute I would "feel" that I loved hiim, and the next minute, doubt it?
I had/have all the same thoughtst and doubts that you guys have had. My worst ones have been:
- what if I don't love him?
- am I just in denial or too scared to leave?
- what if I'm just afraid of hurting his feelings?
- what if I'm just staying b/c I'm comfortable?
- am I happy? what if I only think I wanted to get married and I just fooled myself?
The hardest part was deciding to go through with the wedding without having a definite answer. I can tell you that a couple of months later, most days I am sure and glad that I got married, but I do have my hard days every now and then. Recently I have been hit with a bout of homosexual ocd (fear of being gay!). This is totally new to me and although a very common Pure O obsession, very scary for me as I have never questioned this or had this obsession before.
Anyway I just wanted to tell you to hang in there and I know how you feel and what you're going through.
Now that happened 17 months ago and I went ahead and got married two months ago in December. Over time the anxiety lessened but the thoughts were still there. And then there were times that neither my thoughts or feelings bothered me and I was very happy and confident in our relationship. About five months before our wedding I discovered there really was such a thing as relationship OCD and after reading some articles on it and a message board with HUNDREDS of people with the exact same thing, I finally knew what was going on.
BUT don't make the same mistake as me -- TREAT IT NOW before it warps into something else or gets worse. See a therapist that specializes in OCD. I saw a regular, traditional talk-therapist for months and it never helped because all she wanted to do was focus on my feelings. How was I supposed decide on anything when one minute I would "feel" that I loved hiim, and the next minute, doubt it?
I had/have all the same thoughtst and doubts that you guys have had. My worst ones have been:
- what if I don't love him?
- am I just in denial or too scared to leave?
- what if I'm just afraid of hurting his feelings?
- what if I'm just staying b/c I'm comfortable?
- am I happy? what if I only think I wanted to get married and I just fooled myself?
The hardest part was deciding to go through with the wedding without having a definite answer. I can tell you that a couple of months later, most days I am sure and glad that I got married, but I do have my hard days every now and then. Recently I have been hit with a bout of homosexual ocd (fear of being gay!). This is totally new to me and although a very common Pure O obsession, very scary for me as I have never questioned this or had this obsession before.
Anyway I just wanted to tell you to hang in there and I know how you feel and what you're going through.
divalou
02-17-2007, 06:34 AM
I think the best way I've delt with it is to be very open with my bf. I told him "now im going to tell you sometihng which is going to sound stupid but I jhave to tell you and no matter what comes out of my mouth I want you to know I love you with all my heart" and then I just told him the things that went throug my head. Luckily he wa very supportive and jsut said "anytime your feeling like it jsut tell me and i'll give you a hug or make you giggle"
surprisingly, its worked quite well, and duringt hose moments when I think things are at their worst I just make myself tell him I love him and kiss him or hug him. It does help.
I am currently seeing a "talking" councillor and not sure if it is really helping with that part of my life, the anxiety/ocd/panic or whatever (as i havent been diagnosed) but she has said some things that have made sense, in terms of setting goals etc.
Since allt his has come out though my health anxiety seems to have taken over, which is not good. i feel liek im going a bit mental at the mo, bit scary.
thinking i might go back to my doctors and say what i tihnk i have. trhink it'll be useless taling to my councillor about what i tihnk i have.
surprisingly, its worked quite well, and duringt hose moments when I think things are at their worst I just make myself tell him I love him and kiss him or hug him. It does help.
I am currently seeing a "talking" councillor and not sure if it is really helping with that part of my life, the anxiety/ocd/panic or whatever (as i havent been diagnosed) but she has said some things that have made sense, in terms of setting goals etc.
Since allt his has come out though my health anxiety seems to have taken over, which is not good. i feel liek im going a bit mental at the mo, bit scary.
thinking i might go back to my doctors and say what i tihnk i have. trhink it'll be useless taling to my councillor about what i tihnk i have.
in_dublin
02-19-2007, 07:17 PM
I'm right in the middle of the exact same thing and it is such a relief to hear you guys describe my problems EXACTLY. Thank God for the Internet!
Just to let you know that a few weeks ago, before i knew i had OCD, i told my gf that i was having doubts about us...this is just a few weeks before we're moving into our new house togther. She's been briiliant and supportive, even though it must be difficult. When i was diagnised and knew that it is a treatable ailment in my head, it was a great relief to both of us.
It's not an easy thing to talk to your bf about, but i just felt it was better being open about than hiding it - hiding it just puts up another little wall between you and him. So...i think you might be relived when you tell...even though it ain't easy. Good luck with it.
Just to let you know that a few weeks ago, before i knew i had OCD, i told my gf that i was having doubts about us...this is just a few weeks before we're moving into our new house togther. She's been briiliant and supportive, even though it must be difficult. When i was diagnised and knew that it is a treatable ailment in my head, it was a great relief to both of us.
It's not an easy thing to talk to your bf about, but i just felt it was better being open about than hiding it - hiding it just puts up another little wall between you and him. So...i think you might be relived when you tell...even though it ain't easy. Good luck with it.