I'm so frustrated. I love my mom, I hate my mom. How can she be so horribly mean to her kids? My brother and I are both grown adults, but can't seem to let her words slide off our backs. Even after 20 years of verbal/emotional abuse, it still breaks my heart everytime she verbally attacks us. I know it's an illness, I know she says things she doesn't mean (or does she?), I know she loves us, I know what a nice person she can be. How can she not apologize? Why why why???? Why can she be so mean to me, but can keep it together for 10 hours at a time while she's at work? How can she destroy family heirlooms and not think twice about it? Other BP's, do you act this way? Do you apologize for what you've done? Do you only act up around your family? Sometimes I feel like it's all an act and she's just a coniving b**ch who doesn't care about anything or anyone but herself. I want to shake her and scream at her and tell her I hate her..... But then..... I can't be that mean and hurt her feelings....

Hi srl506,

I feel for you as I have 4 precious angels that are all under the age of 13 that are going to have to deal with exactly what you've endured for so many years. My wife and half her family are unmedicated BP's. I wish this nightmare on no one. After 8 years in this tornado I finanly had to throw in the towel and divorce is pending. My kids can't divorce her or the family and that's the sad part because they will suffer the for years to come wondering the same things you are after 20 years.

My 13 year step daughter is really confronting her this time around but she seems to care little when manic. It is an illness but BP's just like anyone else in life must take responsibility for their disorder and the very destructive behavior that comes with it. It sad but many kids also end up divorcing the parent as they get older. With me gone now the kids are getting the brunt of her mania. To make things worse my 11 year old step daughter appears to have BP hands down. My wife and my 11 yr old are bouncing off each other every other minute and it's very chaotic for the other 3.

Responsibilty is the name of the game and until your mother and my wife accept responsibility for there actions little can be done to handle the constant abuse but to distance yourself and set boundaries. I feel for you and hope your mother sees the light one of these days. I hate the thought of my 3 year old writing your same post 20 years down the line. I remember you telling me in my own thread that your father has been to hell and back for 35 years. I just couldn't imagine going through it for that long. He deserves a gold medal for basically sacrificing his life.


God Bless...........U&A

I'm so frustrated. I love my mom, I hate my mom. How can she be so horribly mean to her kids? My brother and I are both grown adults, but can't seem to let her words slide off our backs. Even after 20 years of verbal/emotional abuse, it still breaks my heart everytime she verbally attacks us. I know it's an illness, I know she says things she doesn't mean (or does she?), I know she loves us, I know what a nice person she can be. How can she not apologize? Why why why???? Why can she be so mean to me, but can keep it together for 10 hours at a time while she's at work? How can she destroy family heirlooms and not think twice about it? Other BP's, do you act this way? Do you apologize for what you've done? Do you only act up around your family? Sometimes I feel like it's all an act and she's just a coniving b**ch who doesn't care about anything or anyone but herself. I want to shake her and scream at her and tell her I hate her..... But then..... I can't be that mean and hurt her feelings....

I am so sorry for your pain. We don't mean it. I have watched the pain on my kids faces after I have done something I cannot control. Especially before I was medicated when no one really new what was wrong with me. I will never, ever be able to take this rage back and way too often I have to think of it. The guilt is enough to make me want to jump off a cliff. I grew up with mental illness and alot of mental and physical abuse and I know pain of the receiving and giving end of mental illness. I know the guilt of hurting people you love and not at all being able to stop it. I can go to doc and take pills but that takes a long time and most of the time years of trial and error. Docs can be stupid and pills give you horrible side effects and most of the time dont seem to be worth it. Some how we press on, most of us any way. Why is mental illness leading cause of suicide? Because the pain inside we feel and cannot escape. I wish for one day, especially now, this last year has been horrible for me, I could wake up and not be full of rage and want to die. I would give up 10 years of my life (even more) to be happy for a little while and not put pain in someone's heart that I love dearly. I am sorry for all the pain we cause but we cannot help it or I think we would try a little harder. Even if we refuse to take pills, we probably have a real good reason. I have taken pills for years and now I am in hell and sometimes I know that some of them cause some of alot of my instability. If we choose alchohol, then we are trying to deaden the pain. We if scream, we are so full of rage, we do not know what else to do or have now control over it. So the reason we are so mean is because that is part of the illness, why are diabetic's sugar unstable, because it is part of the illness.

leasayrna, I am trying so hard to understand what you said about "not being able to control the rage". So many times I have wondered why my husband can control it at work and around others but not with me. It makes a person think it can be controlled so I am asking you what the difference is? Some of my family think I am nuts because they have never seen the totally out of control rage that he has. I cannot even describe it it is so intense. It is almost like they dont believe me because he controls it in front of them. Can you control it with certain people? If so how? I really would like to understand.

marshmallow

That was so very true in my case also. She could be nice as could be once she walk out the front door but minutes before I was the most evil person alive. This not only happened with me but was exactly the same for her ex-husband who I'm friends with. I guess some BP's consistantly take it all out on the one closest to them which is the spouse. Although, now that I'm gone the kids are getting it but they are the next closest thing to her compared to me. Everyone is a target but my wife starts with the one she loved with all her heart just days before.

God Bless..........U&A

leasayrna, I am trying so hard to understand what you said about "not being able to control the rage". So many times I have wondered why my husband can control it at work and around others but not with me. It makes a person think it can be controlled so I am asking you what the difference is? Some of my family think I am nuts because they have never seen the totally out of control rage that he has. I cannot even describe it it is so intense. It is almost like they dont believe me because he controls it in front of them. Can you control it with certain people? If so how? I really would like to understand.

I am not sure why I take it out on the ones I love most. I think the reason is that I spend most of my time with them and they are my "safety" zone. I am not sure but I wish the tons of therapist would help me so I can try to work on this end of it and I have seen many. None of them have put a dent in this part of my problem. I wish if I had to rage at someone, it could be at someone I do not love because I would not really have to care then. But when I scream at my innocent children, I have so much horrible guilt and I have not idea how to fix it. My 15 year old son is also bp and I especially hate that he will go through this. When he is not sick and meds are working, he is heavenly, sweet and a truly pleasant child. When he gets sick, I speak with his teachers and his friend's moms and they cannot believe me that this child does the things he does because he never shows it around them. He is ok with friends and at school but stress and coming home to his closest family members melts him down and he cannot control the rage and anger. I don't know what to do for him and for me. I am so sorry what we do but I sure wish I could change it.

Thanks for trying to explain. I think a lot of non-bipolar spouses and partners think about this a lot and wonder, "why me?" They can't ask their spouse as s/he would deny that they do this....So it helps to have your perspective on this issue. ;)

Thank you all for the replies about my question. It is hard to understand when one day your partner says your the best thing ever happened to him and your so special AND the next hour he calls you a B and other choice names and rages on and on. I remember one time my husband was raging full force at me and the phone rang he answered it and it was his boss. Sugar could of melted in his mouth. Right before my eyes he was a different person but he continued to rage after he was off the phone. It was hard to live with. What a mystery illness it is. It really takes its toll on all loved ones but I feel more compassion for the children.

Thank you to all of you for your responses and insights to this. It's comforting to know that others know how I feel. It's also nice to hear from somebody with the illness who is willing to share their side of the story. My mom won't discuss her illness so I really don't know how she feels before, after, or during. I'm tempted to call her doctor, he thinks she's fine.... but he hasn't seen the house this week or heard the things she says to us.

Perhaps I am not going to be popular for saying this but I do think that WE with bipolar are also able to use it as an excuse for the reason we were rude or nasty to someone. Much easier to say it is because of the illness than because either we are just a mean person, in a bad mood, or are throwing a 'temper tantrum'. When I was teenager I would have these rages where I would yell at people (of course usually those I loved), completely destroy property, and even hurt myself. I don't know if it is because I have been in therapy, finally- after years- taking medications that at least temper my moods, or just growing up, but those horrible rages do not occur anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still get irritable and snap but there is no more calling people out of their name or saying things that help to destroy another's esteem. Actually I do remember consciously making a decision to NOT just blurt out whatever nasty thing came into mind, to not say things that I might regret later. It took a while and it was hard to keep my mouth shut but I do not act the same way I once did.
I do think it might depend on the severity of the disorder and whether it is medicated or not. I myself am medicated and have already done the 'Im better so I don't need them anymore' bit. I cycle quite rapidly through my moods (often daily) and continue to take the meds even with side effects because I know I need them to stay sane. I also care for 4 children under the age of 6 and, although I might snap at them sometimes, have never called them names or have not apologized when snapping for something that was not their fault (of course that snapping would probably happen whether I had bipolar or not).
People have already said that taking responsibility for one's actions is the main thing that needs to occur. I would also add maturity, which does not just mean a person's age. I heard that we sometimes attack the people we love or that we are closest to because we feel safe with them (as someone else also stated). Instead of taking something out on our boss we do it to our wife/husband/mother/father- everyone does that whether 'mentally ill' or not. We don't have to worry as much about that person leaving us, etc. Also for "Used and Abused" who stated his 11 year old (step?) child seemed to have BP like his ex and they played off each other- It is possible the child is simply modeling the behavior they see the mother exude. Children shouldn't be (technically) diagnosed until 18 because so many of the BP behaviors/mood swings also occur at the life stage of adolescence. And of course it is possible they do have the condition. Sorry the post is so long. I have to learn to make them more succinct.

Wow Darbee, thank you for your insight. It's nice to hear from a BP who is doing really well, I wish my mom was doing as well as you are. The good memories seem few and far between at this point. I tend to forget how she can be when she's not sick and just focus on how cruel she is at the moment.
Thanks again to everybody who's responded!

Darbee... Thanks for sharing what you wrote. A few things you said really opened my eyes. I'll be 37 next month and was only diagnosed BP in 2005.

<snip>...When I was teenager I would have these rages where I would yell at people (of course usually those I loved), completely destroy property, and even hurt myself...<snip>

I never realized until I read this that I'm not the only one who experienced these kind of rages. I've put my fist through many a door/wall over the years and even punched a "no parking" sign so hard at a friend's funeral (a suicide...he was only 16) that the pinky on my right hand is now triple jointed and has never been the same since...(this was back in August of 87 - I was 17)

<snip>...I still get irritable and snap but there is no more calling people out of their name or saying things that help to destroy another's esteem. Actually I do remember consciously making a decision to NOT just blurt out whatever nasty thing came into mind, to not say things that I might regret later. It took a while and it was hard to keep my mouth shut but I do not act the same way I once did...<snip>

Again, this quote hit home. I've been such a horrible person to my wife over the years that I'm surprised she has stuck with me. I never thought of the consequences or anyone's feelings beside my own. It was like another being was in control of my mouth because I said things that I still can't believe I said.

I haven't raged in a few months now that my pdoc found a combination of meds that have really helped me achieve a normality and evened out my swings. I still need to work on things but luckily my wife who was instrumental in getting me to go for help is very supportive and has stuck with me through some really bad times. She may not completely understand it all, but she sees that I am getting the help that I needed and that I'm not like I used to be.

I can only hope that my 6 y/o daughter will take after my wife and not be burdened with BP.

Darbee, please don't say things like someone shouldn't be dx as bp until they are 18. I know my 11yo is bp and has been for awhile. It is NOT from watching how his parents act. I am not bp, neither is his father. His father does have it in the family though. He also is usually very good at school. He wasn't in the regular classroom, but now in his special classroom he is, but as soon as he's home, watch out. He is the worst towards me, and I have also heard many times about how he tries so hard at school, then feels comfortable with me so then he lets it all out. I don't understand it either and I hate it. I know he doesn't mean most of what he says, but I do take it personally. Also, it is not just normal adolescent behavior with him. I know you were just trying to help, but I just wanted to clarify.

i have bi polar and tend to take it out on my boyfriend i have 2 young children and i never take anything out on them i dont take anything out on my mum either as she is extremely understanding sometimes i have a problem with picking fights and say the most awful things inside i wish i hadnt said these things but i refuse to say sorry. in 1 year i have said sorry once i am ashamed of myself but for some reason i just cant help it.

Plainjayne ~ I have watched my daughter, who is Bipolar, go through the saying nasty things phase....before she was on the right meds she would not show any remorse for the things that she said or did and feel so badly inside afterwards often taking it out on herself feeling as if she was not worthy of forgiveness for what she was doing to hurt others. Since she has been on meds I have noticed that she is now better able to apologize for the things she says or does to hurt others and I think that allows her some power over working through it and trying to improve what she says that may hurt others. I think that what she is learning is that the meds will only do so much and that the rest is up to her. It is working on making the changes that will not leave you feeling sorry and so full of remorse that is important. And I think that it will be well worth it once you are able to do that...but first you must be on the right meds and somewhat stable.

Just my 2 cents worth ~ Goody:angel: :wave:

I think that I might have bipolar disorder. I am mean to my boyfriend of seven years just like what is described in these posts. This is the first time I have looked into bi polar but it sounds exactly like me. I have always been up and down but just put it down to teenage mood swings. Well I'm 26 now and not a teenager anymore and it's not getting any better.
Sometimes I yell and swear at my children and a couple of times have even yelled and sworn at strangers in the street if they have ticked me off. My Dad is on medication for severe mood swings and was in a mental hospital years ago for about a week and my brother has been placed in a mental hospital twice last year. I'm wondering is it hereditary? I'm too scared to go to a doctor because I don't want everyone to know and to be labeled. Also I think 'what if I am just a moody b#@tch and there isn't really anything wrong with me.?'
I always take it out on my loved ones too but can (almost) control my rage around other people. Sometimes it still comes out around strangers like people serving me at shops e.t.c.
I love it when I'm in a good mood though and feel like I'm on top of the world. I think I'll have to see a doctor but I'm really scared. :confused:
Sometimes I feel stable though. This leads me to wonder if there is anything wrong, or as I said before, that I am just a moody person by nature? My boyfriend thinks I may need to see someone.
Also when I was a teenager I used to cut myself occasionally but have only done it twice in the past seven years.

Hunniebunnie ~ I know how scary it must be to get the help that you need but believe me, it is far worse for somebody who is Bipolar to go through life untreated than to be diagnosed and put on the right meds that will help balance out things so that your life will be so much better. The longer that Bipolar goes untreated the worse it gets and the more difficult it is to treat.

Already you admit that this is affecting your relationships with your loved ones and those who are closest to you. You owe it to them AND yourself to make sure you get the help that you need. If you were diabetic or had any other medical condition wouldn't you do the best you could to get the help that you need??? You must do the same because Bipolar is a chemical imbalance in the brain which needs to be treated just like any other illness. To not do so is like being diabetic and not taking the insulin that you need to get better and prevent the illness from getting even worse.

If you read through the threads here there are so many family members and loved ones who have a family member or loved one who is Bipolar who refuses to get the help that they need. The pain that they go through is indescribable and all because the one who has Bipolar refuses to get the help that they need. Everybody gets hurt but it all can be avoided and everybody involved is helped by the one with Bipolar getting the help that they need.

I hope that you will not allow one more day to go by without making an appointment with a board certified psychiatrist and taking the first step towards a better life for yourself as well as the ones that you love. To go undiaganosed and untreated everybody loses but to get the help that you need everybody wins.

Please let us all know what you decide to do.

((((HUGS))))) of courage ~ Goody:angel: :wave:

Hi.
I guess the thing that is holding me back from getting help is the thought that maybe there isn't anything wrong with me.
I would have gone to my doctor and if I'm diagnosed as nothing wrong then I just have to admit that I'm a moody b!@tch. It would be so embarrassing. I almost hope that I have it just so I wouldn't look like an idiot when I go there, you know what I mean?

Hunniebunnie ~ I think that you really have nothing to lose....you say that what is happening has been happening since you were a teen and is not getting any better. And self harm is not something to be taken lightly either.

I know the excuses that you are making because they came from my daughter before she got the help that she needed. She is 15 and I am thankful that we got the diagnosis and help so that she didn't have to go through years and years of it getting worse. My daughter also cut and it has been almost a year since she has done so now that she is on the right meds.

Oh...and yes, Bipolar IS genetically passed on so if your dad and brother have had problems the likelyhood of you having them as well is greater. Do you self medicate by using drugs or alcohol to make yourself feel better???? If you have alcoholism or drug abuse in your family that also leaves you open genetically to having Bipolar as well.

I wouldn't allow your pride to get in the way of getting the help that you need. There is far more to lose by not going to the doctor than by making that appointment. Believe me, my daughter and our entire family were so relieved when we finally realized what it was that was happening to my daughter and that there was a way to make things better.

The way I see it is that you have allowed yourself to feel bad for too many years....don't allow your foolish pride stand in the way of getting the help that you may need so that the next 10 years of your life don't end up being the same.

Are you going to make that appoiintment??

Waiting for an answer ~ Goody:angel: :wave:

I'm so frustrated. I love my mom, I hate my mom. How can she be so horribly mean to her kids? My brother and I are both grown adults, but can't seem to let her words slide off our backs. Even after 20 years of verbal/emotional abuse, it still breaks my heart everytime she verbally attacks us. I know it's an illness, I know she says things she doesn't mean (or does she?), I know she loves us, I know what a nice person she can be. How can she not apologize? Why why why???? Why can she be so mean to me, but can keep it together for 10 hours at a time while she's at work? How can she destroy family heirlooms and not think twice about it? Other BP's, do you act this way? Do you apologize for what you've done? Do you only act up around your family? Sometimes I feel like it's all an act and she's just a coniving b**ch who doesn't care about anything or anyone but herself. I want to shake her and scream at her and tell her I hate her..... But then..... I can't be that mean and hurt her feelings....
Wow...The answer to your question is yes. I have been that way with my family, and yes it is our families who we attack the most. Maybe in our subconscious mind we know that deep down no matter what our families will be the first to forgive us for our horrible behaviors.

ok.. I want to try to explain to you what goes through the mind of a bp, (i' being bipolar) as these bad behaviors are occuring. Recently I acted out against my husband in a rage...for what seemed to be not a good enough reason.
Anyways...I can explain the manias in two ways. FOR me I can be a really happy, euphoric manic, or I can be an aggressive manic. They are both pretty bad. When I got into the grapple with my husband (grapple meaning it got physical)...I held a guitar up like I was going to hit him over the head with it. Thank God, I was able to step back at that moment and look at myself and be able to realize that I needed to calm down that this wasn't me.. Almost imediately after this aggressive mania I dropped to a low and started crying b/c i know that how i acted wasn't me and was very hurtful. I usually do apologize. Thank God , my husband is understanding and tries to be patient and supportive. Honestly, I think it was the sound of his teary voice that snapped me out of my hysteria. I don't think many people can actually step outside themselves and realize how they are acting. Most of the time they don't even know what they are doing is wrong. I know that is how it was for me when I was first diagnosed.

Some BP's deal with rapid cycling, some go months without being depressed, some just go days of being manic. I am currently dealing with the rapid cycling and mixed emotions...If anyone wants to give me insight or can relate to this...please do.

Wow-- alot to think about & digest. My daughter is BP and she only "acts out" to me (her mom) 'cuz I am the only one out of whom she can get a rise--or sympathy-call it what you will. Her dad will talk to her when "when and if she gets it under control" and no other sibllings live at home, so if she begins in on one of them, they hang up on her or leave. My feelings? She does this to me because she knows I am the only person who will not leave her, put her down, or stop loving her, ever. Maybe this just keeps the cycle alive (as my husband believes) but I think she truly needs to have one person in her life who unconditionally loves her. Don't get me wrong, I DO NOT coddle her manias and lashing out and hysterics...but I will talk her through them. I will always be here and I won't ever walk out on her in a time of need. I truly believe she can llive a happy, healthy life--no on else in the family does. My heart goes out to anyone who has this kind of a challenge in their lives, whether they themselves are BP or love someone with it.

Thank you to all who have posted in this thread. Every one of you has had something helpful and insightful to say. I've learned so much about my moms illness on this board. This week she's doing better. I feel like I can only get through to her when she is in a "normal" state of mind, but then the things I try to talk to her about either hurt her feelings or make her angry at me, then she misunderstands my intent and thinks I'm trying to control her by making suggestions. It's all so very frustrating. Anyway..... I appreciate you all taking the time to help me out!

Hi

New to this sort of thing, but reading some of this stuff now i'm relatively stable has given me a chance to reflect on some of my behaviour, actions and characteristics which I am ashamed to say have still carried over to this calmer period of my life.

I am slowly returning to my former self, warm, kind, generous and always willing to go the extra mile to help someone out. But BP exposed a really vicious nasty side to my character, which I am ashamed to say sometimes still gets the better of me.

For me BP took away my sense of identity. Because my illness dominated my life and my behaviour, I almost feel defined by it. Every day I take my meds and every day that is a reminder that I am not the person I used to be and that there is a dark shadow lurking over my shoulder. I am angry and resentful for having this illness and know body can give me the awnser I seek. Why me?

If my moods are excessivly low or high I loose my inhibitions and just lash out. I have only ever done this to the people I really love, not strangers or even close friends. I resent their good mental health and that they can look forward to their future with normal levels of opptimisum. I want to be close with them again as equals without that pity in there eyes (prob my imagination). When I was a little boy, if I cut myself, my lovely mummy kissed me and made it better. But all the love in the world from the people I love the most makes no difference to my mental state. So you just feel different and issolated.

You can't put yourself in my shoes or connect with me when i'm like it so you cannot emphasise or help me with my problems. But I can make you feel pain by being crule and nasty. For a while that pain is something we can share. Because I can never be the husband, father, lover I promised you when we met.

For me BP brings with it terrible insecurity. We all like some reassurance from time to time, but since I got ill I find myself pro-activly seeking it out. Maybe in love the only reassurance we can get is by watching the pain we inflict on the faces of those we love, measuring their love in their ability to come back for more.

The damaged have a habit of inflicting damage on the people the love the most hence the cycle of abuse you read about with children.

6 months ago, I spitefully went out of the way to make my 8 year old boy cry, just to give me some assurance that he still really loves me as he had become very close to my ex's fiancee. To put this in context, on days together, 'I Love You Daddy" comes out of his mouth instinctively more times than I care to mention. He even reffers to me as his Hero. Thats right a 39 year old Manic Depressive, who in his life time has been in and out of hospital where he always visited, called his mother every name under the sun, is overwieght, unemployed, has a borderline drink problem and yet is somehow a hero in his sons eyes. But in spite of all the evidence to the contrary, on that morning I needed further validation by making him cry. And yet at the time I did that, it was universally acknowledge that I was the best I had been in 3 years.

My kids are 8 and 6. When I listen to stories of the pain BP parents inflict on their offspring even when there kids are grown up. It makes me question if I should get out off their lives now. Their mother is soon to be married to a great bloke who trains my son at rugby every weekend and both my son and daughter love him very much. Is there any one out there who had a good relationship with a BP parent, or do all the people who love us end up damaged as well?


PG

Hi

New to this sort of thing, but reading some of this stuff now i'm relatively stable has given me a chance to reflect on some of my behaviour, actions and characteristics which I am ashamed to say have still carried over to this calmer period of my life..................

...........My kids are 8 and 6. When I listen to stories of the pain BP parents inflict on their offspring even when there kids are grown up. It makes me question if I should get out off their lives now. Their mother is soon to be married to a great bloke who trains my son at rugby every weekend and both my son and daughter love him very much. Is there any one out there who had a good relationship with a BP parent, or do all the people who love us end up damaged as well?


PG

Paul :

To find out my "mission" on this Forum.....read my Threads and Posts...
Click in EYESTWO22.

You asked .."Is there any one out there who had a good relationship with a BP parent, or do all the people who love us end up damaged as well?"
I will say yes...My son who is BP as I am BP.

Let me share a little of his story. Over 10 years ago,my son was dx BP. Today he is a Lutheran Pastor. He chose to tell his congregation agout his BPD during a faith message.He talked about learning how to live with BP. His candidness has,for the most part,been postiviely received. He told me " People come in and want to talk about BPDwith me". He tells them that he wants the shame taken out of it. He says"the moment it becomes public, BPD is no longer a dirty little secret".

My son told me has greatly benefited from my knowledge about BPD. He said,
" the dx would have been more "scary", if he had not known from me,that it is possible to lead a rich, and productive life with BPD". And he went on to say "when I'm feeling emotionally frigile, I know I can come to my parents, who will understand and support me".

My son looks back at his Greatgrandfather,Grandfather,Father, and Uncle; who all had BPD,and appreciates that he has not had to endure what they did.

"I am the beneficiary of my family's experiences" he says. " I am saddened that so many generations had to go through 'the pain' and suffering they did".

For some families,it is still under wraps.

Well, Paul, that's a parent's story. Now is your time to continue a stable life. Start anew. you can't keep feeling "the pain" of the last 4 years. Your kids are 8 and 6. They need their Dad more then ever. Look past what happenned
with your exwife. Look for you own future to be stable. Give yourself love,first. And then you can give true love to your kids :)

You are just starting the journey.....but you can succeed,,,,,,,I did.. And,so did my son.

Carry on.

Eyes

Paul :

To find out my "mission" on this Forum.....read my Threads and Posts...
Click in EYESTWO22.

You asked .."Is there any one out there who had a good relationship with a BP parent, or do all the people who love us end up damaged as well?"
I will say yes...My son who is BP as I am BP.

Let me share a little of his story. Over 10 years ago,my son was dx BP. Today he is a Lutheran Pastor. He chose to tell his congregation agout his BPD during a faith message.He talked about learning how to live with BP. His candidness has,for the most part,been postiviely received. He told me " People come in and want to talk about BPDwith me". He tells them that he wants the shame taken out of it. He says"the moment it becomes public, BPD is no longer a dirty little secret".

My son told me has greatly benefited from my knowledge about BPD. He said,
" the dx would have been more "scary", if he had not known from me,that it is possible to lead a rich, and productive life with BPD". And he went on to say "when I'm feeling emotionally frigile, I know I can come to my parents, who will understand and support me".

My son looks back at his Greatgrandfather,Grandfather,Father, and Uncle; who all had BPD,and appreciates that he has not had to endure what they did.

"I am the beneficiary of my family's experiences" he says. " I am saddened that so many generations had to go through 'the pain' and suffering they did".

For some families,it is still under wraps.

Well, Paul, that's a parent's story. Now is your time to continue a stable life. Start anew. you can't keep feeling "the pain" of the last 4 years. Your kids are 8 and 6. They need their Dad more then ever. Look past what happenned
with your exwife. Look for you own future to be stable. Give yourself love,first. And then you can give true love to your kids :)

You are just starting the journey.....but you can succeed,,,,,,,I did.. And,so did my son.

Carry on.

Eyes

Paul,or is it MR HYDE ?

Take a look at an answer to your question in this post.
Sometimes it's to easy to keep reviewing your past manic episodes,than to fully look toward your own responsibility with BPD.

Carry on :

Eyes

I am sorry for everyone who experiences the harsh tongue of someone with BP. I am BP and I remember many bad things that I have said to my mum over a long period of time. My mum used to be my world and vice versa, my best friend. But I said so many bad things throughout the yrs with BP, it destroyed what I once held so dear. She used to try and hug me and she said it felt like hugging an ironing board, she used to say that I treated her like the child. But I didn't stop at being horrible to my mum, I was horrible to everyone, even work colleagues..........I couldn't turn it on and off depending on where I was, So many harsh words have been spewed from my tongue, any regrets? I don't regret it during a manic phase, but when I come down then sure as hell I beat myself up.............I cringe at how hostile I can be when manic or even hypo. My mum killed herself nearly 5yrs ago now, during one of my manic phases..........it took 5months after she had died before my mind could grasp and grieve just what I had lost (my Best Friend) For this reason I hate BP, I wish I could say things would improve by speaking to your loved one, try and get them to understand how much their words hurt you.......but I don't think that would make things stop. I really beleive someone with BP doesn't intend to hurt their families, but the rage the irritability and lack of tolerance for daft little things turns you into a ticking time bomb containing a myriad of insults

I am sorry for everyone who experiences the harsh tongue of someone with BP. I am BP and I remember many bad things that I have said to my mum over a long period of time. My mum used to be my world and vice versa, my best friend. But I said so many bad things throughout the yrs with BP, it destroyed what I once held so dear. She used to try and hug me and she said it felt like hugging an ironing board, she used to say that I treated her like the child. But I didn't stop at being horrible to my mum, I was horrible to everyone, even work colleagues..........I couldn't turn it on and off depending on where I was, So many harsh words have been spewed from my tongue, any regrets? I don't regret it during a manic phase, but when I come down then sure as hell I beat myself up.............I cringe at how hostile I can be when manic or even hypo. My mum killed herself nearly 5yrs ago now, during one of my manic phases..........it took 5months after she had died before my mind could grasp and grieve just what I had lost (my Best Friend) For this reason I hate BP, I wish I could say things would improve by speaking to your loved one, try and get them to understand how much their words hurt you.......but I don't think that would make things stop. I really beleive someone with BP doesn't intend to hurt their families, but the rage the irritability and lack of tolerance for daft little things turns you into a ticking time bomb just wenting to explode into a verse of hate