My 14yr old stepdaughter has been living on and off with me and my husband for the past year. So far I know that she has bipolar an ADHD. When she has an episode, I feel like I should stay out of it because she is not my child, and I don't want to cross that boundary. However, at times I'm forced to because she feels that she doesn't have to respect her father. So, I step in to try and keep the peace. She is very abusive towards her parents during her episodes both physically and verbally. Lately, she's been having problems b/c she wants to go back to living with her mother. Her mother doesn't want her living there and has told us this. However my sd thinks all of this is my husband's doing. She is acting up here hoping her mother will let her come home. I really don't know what to do. I know eventually I will have to deal with her lashing out on me b/c I can't let her do and say whatever she wants. How can I deal with her without losing my sanity?

You are in a tough spot, but I think the first thing is consistency. Does your husband have a decent relationship with his ex? Could either he and his ex-wife or the three of you sit down with your stepdaughter and let her know that this was the best decision for her and that you are all on the same page? I think it's important for all of you because, otherwise, your stepdaughter will always use this against you and your husband.

Then, I would read everything you can get your hands on. There are alot of us dealing with teenager BP children and if you go through some of the posts, you will find alot of strength and wisdom.

Keep posting and asking questions. We're glad you found us!

Hope

The other thing I want to remind you of, and this is TOUGH, is to try not to take the verbal abuse personally. When she is in a rage, she is not thinking clearly, and will say whatever she wants to. It is hard because we listen to it rationally and cannot believe someone we love could be so abusive. It's a hard pill to swallow, but try to detach as much as you can from the threats and the anger and the language and remember that eventually it will pass. You can talk things over when she is calmer and more rational, but not when she's raging.

Hope

Is your step daughter being treated by a psychiatrist and is she on medication? Depending on what's going on, it sounds like some family therapy might prove to be useful, for several reasons.

Often the symptoms for bipolar and ADHD are very similar, if not identical.
Sometimes when you can get the BP under control with proper medication, the symptoms of the ADHD cease to be a problem.