Trixibel
02-09-2007, 08:14 PM
My problem is that if I think someone doesn't like me I desperately need to win their approval. When i'm with them I talk to them and try to get their attention and get them to show signs that they like me/approve of me.
This is even if I don't like the person. Such is my fear of rejection/disapproval.
The next day I think about the interaction obsessively, so obsessively that I can't focus on anything else and ignore my family/children/people who love me and approve of me unconditionally. I also feel really annoyed and frustrated with myself for trying so hard!! i wish I could control this. I want to be able to accept that some people don't like me and not feel so rejected and try to get their approval.
Anyone got any advice for me?
This is even if I don't like the person. Such is my fear of rejection/disapproval.
The next day I think about the interaction obsessively, so obsessively that I can't focus on anything else and ignore my family/children/people who love me and approve of me unconditionally. I also feel really annoyed and frustrated with myself for trying so hard!! i wish I could control this. I want to be able to accept that some people don't like me and not feel so rejected and try to get their approval.
Anyone got any advice for me?
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ocdengineer
02-09-2007, 08:43 PM
That is a tough one because you can't try and do the opposite otherwise people will really get upset. I would consider maybe some CBT or cognitive behaviroal therapy. It really helps with obsessions with compulsions. Do you have any other symptoms or is that it? If that is it then I would imagine you could probably take care of it relatively quickly with help. Meditation is also a powerful tool to combat OCD.
Good luck,
OE
Good luck,
OE
purplegirl1
02-09-2007, 09:23 PM
I kinda do that, except I can't stand when people are mad at me. I don't care if someone likes me or not, just if i have friends or family that are annoyed or mad me it drives me crazy adn i obsess... it is true, you cant control what others feel and also you don't know what people are really thinking, ya know...you probably could do some sort of CBT with this, the psychologist usually have some sort of way..lol... good luck and I like you :)
Trixibel
02-11-2007, 01:48 AM
Thanks for the advice. Have you guys had CBT and did it help you a lot? i think that is what I need but it's sooo expensive and health insurance doesn't cover it. It sucks that this sort of help is only available to those with lots of $$$$!!
I've had a variety of OCD sort of problems over the years. Since I started taking good vitamin B supplements and paying more attention to what i eat they aren't so bothersome. But this one's a killer and I've always had it.
i guess i'm obsessive about my kids - obsessively protective of their emotional wellbeing. I hate the thought of them getting hurt by other people so have always been really quick to pull them away from anyone who's bullied or teased them. That happened with our neighbours - their kids were mean to mine so I withdrew and now the neighbours don't speak to us which makes me feel even more rejected. It's my own fault. As my partner says, I just don't deal with people very well.
Thanks again for your advice, both of you.
I've had a variety of OCD sort of problems over the years. Since I started taking good vitamin B supplements and paying more attention to what i eat they aren't so bothersome. But this one's a killer and I've always had it.
i guess i'm obsessive about my kids - obsessively protective of their emotional wellbeing. I hate the thought of them getting hurt by other people so have always been really quick to pull them away from anyone who's bullied or teased them. That happened with our neighbours - their kids were mean to mine so I withdrew and now the neighbours don't speak to us which makes me feel even more rejected. It's my own fault. As my partner says, I just don't deal with people very well.
Thanks again for your advice, both of you.
purplegirl1
02-11-2007, 02:23 AM
oh your welcome. It is a very hard disease to deal with. You know I go for CBT and the place doesn't take insurance, I wonder if that is why - because it is not covered. It is expensive, but I am fortunate that my mom pays for it for me. I go every few weeks. If my husband and I had to pay for that forget it..we couldn't afford it. We don't have children yet but I do fear that I too will try to protect them too because I can't stand the fact of a loved one hurt by others, or being sad, or the worst is that I hate when loved ones eat alone, even strangers. I can't stand that it makes me very sad and want to cry meanwhile my husband enjoys going to burger king, etc.. and grabbing something by himself for lunch to eat... I am just strange I guess, lol
hergy
02-11-2007, 02:27 AM
I have OCD, but I also have PTSD and Bipolar I.
Sometimes, our reactions and thoughts can be influenced by more than one issue.
I have a friend whose father died when he was young. His father was always harsh, even saying the kind of hurtful things you never forget. He never got a sense of approval from him. He and his siblings are in a constant search for approval from others, even those with whom they don't want a relationship. For them, they are seeking something they feel they are lacking.
Also, if a person has experienced their own trauma, they may be overprotective of their children, fearing the same hurt will fall on their kids.
Seeing a professional is often expensive. But I, too, don't have those kind of funds. However, each state offers a by-your-income facility and service for those who can't afford the expense of other counselors. I currently see both a psychiatrist and therapist at such a facility.
You may find it helpful to explore this option. Your peace of mind is well worth it.
Keep me posted on how it goes.
Love,
Nikki
Sometimes, our reactions and thoughts can be influenced by more than one issue.
I have a friend whose father died when he was young. His father was always harsh, even saying the kind of hurtful things you never forget. He never got a sense of approval from him. He and his siblings are in a constant search for approval from others, even those with whom they don't want a relationship. For them, they are seeking something they feel they are lacking.
Also, if a person has experienced their own trauma, they may be overprotective of their children, fearing the same hurt will fall on their kids.
Seeing a professional is often expensive. But I, too, don't have those kind of funds. However, each state offers a by-your-income facility and service for those who can't afford the expense of other counselors. I currently see both a psychiatrist and therapist at such a facility.
You may find it helpful to explore this option. Your peace of mind is well worth it.
Keep me posted on how it goes.
Love,
Nikki
linkin01
02-11-2007, 07:32 PM
I have OCD, but I also have PTSD and Bipolar I.
Sometimes, our reactions and thoughts can be influenced by more than one issue.
I have a friend whose father died when he was young. His father was always harsh, even saying the kind of hurtful things you never forget. He never got a sense of approval from him. He and his siblings are in a constant search for approval from others, even those with whom they don't want a relationship. For them, they are seeking something they feel they are lacking.
Also, if a person has experienced their own trauma, they may be overprotective of their children, fearing the same hurt will fall on their kids.
I agree with this. I have OCD, PTSD, and Bipolar II, but I also do psychodynamic therapy (my therapist does both psychodynamic and Cog-B) which means understanding the structure of the psyche and how it came to be that way in my childhood. The best understanding of my infancy is that my mother was very anxious (she also has an anxiety disorder) and that made me feel abandoned. So a lot of my fears of being alone are not just OCD, but express a reaction to something that really happened.
On the other hand, I've been reaching out and making friends for many years now, and I still get stuck in terror of being alone forever.. that's the OCD, that's the pattern of certain thoughts coming back over and over and over, 1,000,000 times, even though I've already been over it so many times that there's no reason to be afraid any more.
Mike
Sometimes, our reactions and thoughts can be influenced by more than one issue.
I have a friend whose father died when he was young. His father was always harsh, even saying the kind of hurtful things you never forget. He never got a sense of approval from him. He and his siblings are in a constant search for approval from others, even those with whom they don't want a relationship. For them, they are seeking something they feel they are lacking.
Also, if a person has experienced their own trauma, they may be overprotective of their children, fearing the same hurt will fall on their kids.
I agree with this. I have OCD, PTSD, and Bipolar II, but I also do psychodynamic therapy (my therapist does both psychodynamic and Cog-B) which means understanding the structure of the psyche and how it came to be that way in my childhood. The best understanding of my infancy is that my mother was very anxious (she also has an anxiety disorder) and that made me feel abandoned. So a lot of my fears of being alone are not just OCD, but express a reaction to something that really happened.
On the other hand, I've been reaching out and making friends for many years now, and I still get stuck in terror of being alone forever.. that's the OCD, that's the pattern of certain thoughts coming back over and over and over, 1,000,000 times, even though I've already been over it so many times that there's no reason to be afraid any more.
Mike