allhonest
02-10-2007, 07:51 AM
My problem is that whenever I get into a relationship I ask a lot of analytical questions because I feel like I "must" in order to get reassurance. In the beginning it's just a way of making conversation (although I always get them to reveal personal things). As the relationship progresses my analysis become more and more intense and so do the questions. I don't want to put my partners in this situation but I always do. And it always leaves a broken relationship.
I ruminate intensely about past events in which I have done something wrong, going mentally through these events in detail, in order to sort of change the past or solve the problem mentally (although it's obviously impossible). I always need to confess what I am ruminating about and that can be an exhausting experience for my partners.
Of course, people unfamiliar with OCD just believes it to be a part of me and my personality. They think that the way I act is just the way I am. And that hurts intensely. It feels like a "miscarriage of justice".
I have heard about "exposure with response prevention", and it might work for the telling/asking/confessing compulsion.
But what about mental compulsions such as analyzing negative events in the past, in detail? Once it starts it's nearly impossible to stop it. How can one do response prevention when the compulsions are mental?
You are welcome to comment and share your experiences.
I ruminate intensely about past events in which I have done something wrong, going mentally through these events in detail, in order to sort of change the past or solve the problem mentally (although it's obviously impossible). I always need to confess what I am ruminating about and that can be an exhausting experience for my partners.
Of course, people unfamiliar with OCD just believes it to be a part of me and my personality. They think that the way I act is just the way I am. And that hurts intensely. It feels like a "miscarriage of justice".
I have heard about "exposure with response prevention", and it might work for the telling/asking/confessing compulsion.
But what about mental compulsions such as analyzing negative events in the past, in detail? Once it starts it's nearly impossible to stop it. How can one do response prevention when the compulsions are mental?
You are welcome to comment and share your experiences.
Sponsor
ocdengineer
02-10-2007, 09:55 AM
Have you done any research on Mindfulness Meditation? It works wonders for the thought control part of anxiety dissorders and it also helps you learn to relax not only your body but your mind. Do a little research and see whether it may help. I have OCD as well and do a lot of obsessing. Today is my birthday and it just so happens that my birthday is an incredible day of stress for me. I don't like people making a big deal out of my birthday, so it becomes a stressful event. Anyway, nothing some Xanax and some meditation can't cure. LOL. Do a little research on meditation, you may find it helps a lot with continued practice.
allhonest
02-10-2007, 10:29 AM
Hi OE! I won't start a big thing here, but Happy Birthday to you! :jester:
:D
Thanks for your reply. I have heard about mindful awareness and that the Buddhists practice it (I read about it in the Octobor 06 issue of Psychology Today).
I believe Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz in his book "Brain Lock" also mentioned mindful awareness, in the form of obtaining the role of "The Impartial Spectator", where you are fully aware of your own emotions and thoughts and can see the difference between pathological urges and what's real.
I am into extreme sports and I have seen what focus can do to mental performance. It has also shown me that if you choose to do a risky thing, it helps tremendously on your OCD. It's just a bit comic that I jump off of mountains, while really enjoying it while at the same time need to ask a girl for hours why she for example didn't find a picture of me particularly nice. It's really paradoxical.
On the other hand, I should let people here know that psychoanalytic treatment and especially insight oriented psychotherapy can be harmful. I have attended such therapy for years and I guess this is why I have the telling/asking/confessing compulsion. It tend to make your obsessions worse because your are encouraged to find "meaning" behind your obsessions. And I guess that is the worst thing you can do when you get an obsession. One therapist even told me to try hard to remember, traumatic childhood events. Like THAT would help! :eek: :eek:
It's absurd to blame bad parental or "hidden" unconscious conflicts to OCD.
What kind of manifestation does your OCD take?
:D
Thanks for your reply. I have heard about mindful awareness and that the Buddhists practice it (I read about it in the Octobor 06 issue of Psychology Today).
I believe Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz in his book "Brain Lock" also mentioned mindful awareness, in the form of obtaining the role of "The Impartial Spectator", where you are fully aware of your own emotions and thoughts and can see the difference between pathological urges and what's real.
I am into extreme sports and I have seen what focus can do to mental performance. It has also shown me that if you choose to do a risky thing, it helps tremendously on your OCD. It's just a bit comic that I jump off of mountains, while really enjoying it while at the same time need to ask a girl for hours why she for example didn't find a picture of me particularly nice. It's really paradoxical.
On the other hand, I should let people here know that psychoanalytic treatment and especially insight oriented psychotherapy can be harmful. I have attended such therapy for years and I guess this is why I have the telling/asking/confessing compulsion. It tend to make your obsessions worse because your are encouraged to find "meaning" behind your obsessions. And I guess that is the worst thing you can do when you get an obsession. One therapist even told me to try hard to remember, traumatic childhood events. Like THAT would help! :eek: :eek:
It's absurd to blame bad parental or "hidden" unconscious conflicts to OCD.
What kind of manifestation does your OCD take?
hergy
02-11-2007, 02:07 AM
In diagnosing my OCD, I was actually given a written form to complete. There are very typical behaviors characteristic of a person with OCD.
Among 'normal' OCD compulsions are:
1)Asking for assurances 2)Need to confess 3)Doubting 4)Repeating behaviors, including speech and action
These happen to be among the most disturbing of my symptoms, as well. And, yes, it can be very exhausting for a close companion. Put yourself in their shoes. As empathetic as they may be, sometimes the problem can seem to have no solution. But there is a solution.
You are searching for assurance, ruminating, needing to confess and overanalyzing negative events. Like you said, once it starts, it's nearly impossible to stop. That's OCD. You're not crazy and those are NOT part of your personality, regardless of what others think.
The difficult thing about mental problems is just that, they affect your mind. People can't see it. So when you speak the distorted thoughts, it's hard for others to separate the illness from the personality.
Are you seeing a mental health professional? I hate taking medicine, but I can vouch for the value of their effectiveness.
The medication I'm administered helps me to have some control over my issues. There's no cure, but you can be helped to manage. I haven't seen that a chemical problem is irreversibly erased by meditation, exposure to fears and the like. However, therapy to help you cope is essential. Proper therapy will include behavior adjustments.
You can live with OCD. Understanding its effects will help you identify the harmful compulsions and make you more likely to grab control over your actions.
I so know where you're coming from on this. You're NOT alone. I constantly crave reassurance that I'm loved, that I'm special, that I've done well at some project. When I have a disturbing thought, I have an overwhelming need to confess it. I have a very difficult time stopping thoughts about past experiences, thinking somehow that my viewpoint will change, thus transforming my feelings into normal responses. It's frustrating for me, so I know it's frustrating for loved ones.
Hang in there. When you need to vent, do it. I've found that doing it here before I do it elsewhere helps me practice getting it out. Do what feels comfortable. If someone suffers a stroke, you easily feel sadness and pity. But you'll never know the pain that person feels. It's similar with OCD. You know the pain. Others do sympathize, but it's impossible for them to get into your head.
Make sure you're getting the proper guidance. You're not doomed to suffer uncontrolled feelings. They won't go away completely, but they can become manageable. Reestablishing healthy relationships and feeling good about yourself is worth it.
Keep me posted.
Love,
Nikki
Among 'normal' OCD compulsions are:
1)Asking for assurances 2)Need to confess 3)Doubting 4)Repeating behaviors, including speech and action
These happen to be among the most disturbing of my symptoms, as well. And, yes, it can be very exhausting for a close companion. Put yourself in their shoes. As empathetic as they may be, sometimes the problem can seem to have no solution. But there is a solution.
You are searching for assurance, ruminating, needing to confess and overanalyzing negative events. Like you said, once it starts, it's nearly impossible to stop. That's OCD. You're not crazy and those are NOT part of your personality, regardless of what others think.
The difficult thing about mental problems is just that, they affect your mind. People can't see it. So when you speak the distorted thoughts, it's hard for others to separate the illness from the personality.
Are you seeing a mental health professional? I hate taking medicine, but I can vouch for the value of their effectiveness.
The medication I'm administered helps me to have some control over my issues. There's no cure, but you can be helped to manage. I haven't seen that a chemical problem is irreversibly erased by meditation, exposure to fears and the like. However, therapy to help you cope is essential. Proper therapy will include behavior adjustments.
You can live with OCD. Understanding its effects will help you identify the harmful compulsions and make you more likely to grab control over your actions.
I so know where you're coming from on this. You're NOT alone. I constantly crave reassurance that I'm loved, that I'm special, that I've done well at some project. When I have a disturbing thought, I have an overwhelming need to confess it. I have a very difficult time stopping thoughts about past experiences, thinking somehow that my viewpoint will change, thus transforming my feelings into normal responses. It's frustrating for me, so I know it's frustrating for loved ones.
Hang in there. When you need to vent, do it. I've found that doing it here before I do it elsewhere helps me practice getting it out. Do what feels comfortable. If someone suffers a stroke, you easily feel sadness and pity. But you'll never know the pain that person feels. It's similar with OCD. You know the pain. Others do sympathize, but it's impossible for them to get into your head.
Make sure you're getting the proper guidance. You're not doomed to suffer uncontrolled feelings. They won't go away completely, but they can become manageable. Reestablishing healthy relationships and feeling good about yourself is worth it.
Keep me posted.
Love,
Nikki
allhonest
02-11-2007, 09:21 AM
You're not crazy and those are NOT part of your personality, regardless of what others think.
Thank you! That was so good to hear. I am touched that somebody understands this. And if this sounds like irony it's not. Thanks! 2,5 years ago I met this girl. Harmful treatment from a "therapist" who didn't have a psychology degree gave me a "full-blown" OCD attack while with the girl. The "therapist" would blame my parents for the problems I told him about (all I told him were really my obsessions, I can see that now). This created intense anxiety by itself. I spent an entire weekend with the girl and her 7 year old kid (because it was "bad" going home to my parents, according to the "therapist"). I sat there with her, telling/confessing that my parents were bad (they are not!) and basically just spoke out loud my intense rumination. I can understand that she got freaked out because I had only known her for 4 weeks.
My parents have luckily been the best and I had a happy and safe upbringing. The girl never wanted to talk to or see me again. I saw her everyday at college and each time I would feel like a monster because she didn't say hi, didn't look at me and was cold as stone towards me. In the years ahead I would meet a lot of girls (8 or something I think) but I ended all because I don't want to experience that again. People have said that their impression of me is that I am rock solid. I am a flight instructor and have a master's degree. I was also tested (thoroughly over several days) by airline psychologists and they approved me to work as an airline pilot.
Perhaps any normal person would obsess too if somebody never wanted to interact with them in any way again.
Her behavior towards me afterwards was certainly the worst thing that could happen with regards to my OCD (if that is indeed what I have). It's like now I can't move back to my home town because she lives there, leaving the town "contaminated". I guess this is what professionals call "thought-object-fusion".
Are you seeing a mental health professional? I hate taking medicine, but I can vouch for the value of their effectiveness.
Not currently. I have just ended a 2,5 year psycho dynamic psychotherapy and while it has made my own belief in my good personality stronger, it hasn't helped my obsessions.
I am not willing to use meds. I did 7 years ago and will never do that again because it changed my personality. And I know fortunately that I have a solid and good personality.
I have a very difficult time stopping thoughts about past experiences, thinking somehow that my viewpoint will change, thus transforming my feelings into normal responses.
Yes, I can relate to that. It's like trying to find a "mental key" or that "perfect answer", and all the obsessing would go away. Of course it only makes the obsessions stronger because a mental marker is put on the "spiking" thought, increasing the probability that it will occur again.
Make sure you're getting the proper guidance. Reestablishing healthy relationships and feeling good about yourself is worth it.
Keep me posted.
Love,
Nikki
Thanks. I will now that I am aware of the problem and have bought 5 self-help books on the issue. Edna B. Foa, Ph. D. seems to be one of the leading academics on the subject.
Did you try mindfulness meditation? I have read that mindful awareness can be the first step in combating this disorder.
All the best to you Nikki. Thanks for a compassionate answer to my post. I have read some of your other posts and I can see that combating OCD while you have other issues can be more challenging. Nevertheless, you'll get stronger the better you get from your disorders. Did you read some of the books out there? I could give you references if you wanted me to.
all the best to you
keep me posted also!:angel: :angel:
Thank you! That was so good to hear. I am touched that somebody understands this. And if this sounds like irony it's not. Thanks! 2,5 years ago I met this girl. Harmful treatment from a "therapist" who didn't have a psychology degree gave me a "full-blown" OCD attack while with the girl. The "therapist" would blame my parents for the problems I told him about (all I told him were really my obsessions, I can see that now). This created intense anxiety by itself. I spent an entire weekend with the girl and her 7 year old kid (because it was "bad" going home to my parents, according to the "therapist"). I sat there with her, telling/confessing that my parents were bad (they are not!) and basically just spoke out loud my intense rumination. I can understand that she got freaked out because I had only known her for 4 weeks.
My parents have luckily been the best and I had a happy and safe upbringing. The girl never wanted to talk to or see me again. I saw her everyday at college and each time I would feel like a monster because she didn't say hi, didn't look at me and was cold as stone towards me. In the years ahead I would meet a lot of girls (8 or something I think) but I ended all because I don't want to experience that again. People have said that their impression of me is that I am rock solid. I am a flight instructor and have a master's degree. I was also tested (thoroughly over several days) by airline psychologists and they approved me to work as an airline pilot.
Perhaps any normal person would obsess too if somebody never wanted to interact with them in any way again.
Her behavior towards me afterwards was certainly the worst thing that could happen with regards to my OCD (if that is indeed what I have). It's like now I can't move back to my home town because she lives there, leaving the town "contaminated". I guess this is what professionals call "thought-object-fusion".
Are you seeing a mental health professional? I hate taking medicine, but I can vouch for the value of their effectiveness.
Not currently. I have just ended a 2,5 year psycho dynamic psychotherapy and while it has made my own belief in my good personality stronger, it hasn't helped my obsessions.
I am not willing to use meds. I did 7 years ago and will never do that again because it changed my personality. And I know fortunately that I have a solid and good personality.
I have a very difficult time stopping thoughts about past experiences, thinking somehow that my viewpoint will change, thus transforming my feelings into normal responses.
Yes, I can relate to that. It's like trying to find a "mental key" or that "perfect answer", and all the obsessing would go away. Of course it only makes the obsessions stronger because a mental marker is put on the "spiking" thought, increasing the probability that it will occur again.
Make sure you're getting the proper guidance. Reestablishing healthy relationships and feeling good about yourself is worth it.
Keep me posted.
Love,
Nikki
Thanks. I will now that I am aware of the problem and have bought 5 self-help books on the issue. Edna B. Foa, Ph. D. seems to be one of the leading academics on the subject.
Did you try mindfulness meditation? I have read that mindful awareness can be the first step in combating this disorder.
All the best to you Nikki. Thanks for a compassionate answer to my post. I have read some of your other posts and I can see that combating OCD while you have other issues can be more challenging. Nevertheless, you'll get stronger the better you get from your disorders. Did you read some of the books out there? I could give you references if you wanted me to.
all the best to you
keep me posted also!:angel: :angel:
ocdengineer
02-11-2007, 11:47 AM
allhonest,
I think because you had that one negative experience it has fed your anxiety and stress about future similar events. I promise you that not all women are that self-centered and uncaring. Now, I am sure you shocked the hell out of her though, so it may be prudent to be upfront about you OCD before you even get into the relationship so that you aren't having to deal with it later. I went for years being completely honest with the women in my life and it worked really well. I never let any of them get really close though, and I think it was for a similar reason to what you have described. Nobody was able to make me feel better except me though, but it was good to know who I could talk to and who I couldn't and you can almost figure out who is going to be open and who isn't just by looking at them. It sounds like you picked that wrong one to open up to.
I also don't agree to a point with the psychoanalyst stuff. I think it has its value in understanding yourself as a person and how to deal with little traumas that happened in your past that may or may not have effected your current condition, but OCD is predominately genetic in my opinion and reuqires special therapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which is americanized meditation is what would help you the most. I practice every morning from 15-30 minutes and I write in a journal as well so I can map my progress.
I was also a big adrenaline junky. I am not a pilot, but I used to cliff dive all the time in upstate NY off of some of the local waterfalls in Ithaca NY. It would release huge amounts of adrenaline and endorphines and make everything else seem unimportant. Unfortunately I am older now, have a wife and daugter and another daughter due in April, so I can't risk my life anymore. LOL.
Also, not all meds cause your personality to change. I take Xanax and it has done nothing to my personality except allow me to experess it more because I am not dealing with as much anxiety. It does nothing for the thougt intrusions which is where meditation comes in and yea, "Brain Lock". That was an excellent book. I have read it multiple times and it usually gets me researching Buddhist philosophies which have all been really helpful in my battle with OCD. I seriously suggest you give meditation a try. If you are looking for a challenge. Try sitting in one place totally relaxed and breath 8 times slowly through you nose without thinking about anything other than your breath. It is damn hard! It took me months to get it and I still don't most of the time, but I try every day and that is all it takes to start feeling more relaxed during the day. Don't expect to reach Nibbana on your first try or ever honestly. American culture doesn't allow for that amount of time, but the value is there in just practicing the meditation simply for peace of mind.
Good luck man,
OE
I think because you had that one negative experience it has fed your anxiety and stress about future similar events. I promise you that not all women are that self-centered and uncaring. Now, I am sure you shocked the hell out of her though, so it may be prudent to be upfront about you OCD before you even get into the relationship so that you aren't having to deal with it later. I went for years being completely honest with the women in my life and it worked really well. I never let any of them get really close though, and I think it was for a similar reason to what you have described. Nobody was able to make me feel better except me though, but it was good to know who I could talk to and who I couldn't and you can almost figure out who is going to be open and who isn't just by looking at them. It sounds like you picked that wrong one to open up to.
I also don't agree to a point with the psychoanalyst stuff. I think it has its value in understanding yourself as a person and how to deal with little traumas that happened in your past that may or may not have effected your current condition, but OCD is predominately genetic in my opinion and reuqires special therapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which is americanized meditation is what would help you the most. I practice every morning from 15-30 minutes and I write in a journal as well so I can map my progress.
I was also a big adrenaline junky. I am not a pilot, but I used to cliff dive all the time in upstate NY off of some of the local waterfalls in Ithaca NY. It would release huge amounts of adrenaline and endorphines and make everything else seem unimportant. Unfortunately I am older now, have a wife and daugter and another daughter due in April, so I can't risk my life anymore. LOL.
Also, not all meds cause your personality to change. I take Xanax and it has done nothing to my personality except allow me to experess it more because I am not dealing with as much anxiety. It does nothing for the thougt intrusions which is where meditation comes in and yea, "Brain Lock". That was an excellent book. I have read it multiple times and it usually gets me researching Buddhist philosophies which have all been really helpful in my battle with OCD. I seriously suggest you give meditation a try. If you are looking for a challenge. Try sitting in one place totally relaxed and breath 8 times slowly through you nose without thinking about anything other than your breath. It is damn hard! It took me months to get it and I still don't most of the time, but I try every day and that is all it takes to start feeling more relaxed during the day. Don't expect to reach Nibbana on your first try or ever honestly. American culture doesn't allow for that amount of time, but the value is there in just practicing the meditation simply for peace of mind.
Good luck man,
OE
allhonest
02-12-2007, 04:35 PM
Hi OE! (why don't you copyright that name!) :D :D
Thank you very much for your understanding and comforting reply. My gut feeling tells me you're a wise man. Please have a look below. I apologize if this post is too long, but they tend to be once the rumination starts. :dizzy:
Now, I am sure you shocked the hell out of her though,
[...]
You can almost figure out who is going to be open and who isn't just by looking at them. It sounds like you picked that wrong one to open up to.
That is very true. I think that some unconscious part of your brain picks up the signals. I did pick up the signals but I didn't listen to my gut feeling because I was under control by this therapist without a psychology degree. This incident was a culmination of the harmful treatment I got from the therapist without a psychology degree.
I also don't agree to a point with the psychoanalyst stuff. I think it has its value in understanding yourself as a person and how to deal with little traumas that happened in your past that may or may not have effected your current condition, but OCD is predominately genetic in my opinion and reuqires special therapy.
True. Attending psychodynamic psychotherapy for 2,5 years makes you stronger. It is hard hard work though. But it gets you stronger and you gain a more solid belief in who you are, and what kind of strengths and weaknesses you've got. That is important in today's society.
It is the insight oriented psychotherapy that can be harmful because you are encouraged to try to remember traumatic childhood events. To me, this became an 8 year obsessive search for the "hidden" reason why I had anxiety. Of course, I had never heard about OCD.
I seriously suggest you give meditation a try. If you are looking for a challenge.
Good luck man,
OE
Always, always interested in new challenges, that's what keeps me going. :) :D I will definitely try your meditation method.
Did you experience any girls behaving the way I have described?
The word "miscarriage of justice" comes to mind again because this girl obviously thought I was crazy or something, in which I am not.
I am sure that your cliff diving had to end because of your family, I would do that too when my time comes.:-)
Are you trying to seek out other "risks", related to your OCD? I guess this is an important part of the "exposure" element in "exposure with response prevention" treatment.
Good luck to you too man!
Thank you very much for your understanding and comforting reply. My gut feeling tells me you're a wise man. Please have a look below. I apologize if this post is too long, but they tend to be once the rumination starts. :dizzy:
Now, I am sure you shocked the hell out of her though,
[...]
You can almost figure out who is going to be open and who isn't just by looking at them. It sounds like you picked that wrong one to open up to.
That is very true. I think that some unconscious part of your brain picks up the signals. I did pick up the signals but I didn't listen to my gut feeling because I was under control by this therapist without a psychology degree. This incident was a culmination of the harmful treatment I got from the therapist without a psychology degree.
I also don't agree to a point with the psychoanalyst stuff. I think it has its value in understanding yourself as a person and how to deal with little traumas that happened in your past that may or may not have effected your current condition, but OCD is predominately genetic in my opinion and reuqires special therapy.
True. Attending psychodynamic psychotherapy for 2,5 years makes you stronger. It is hard hard work though. But it gets you stronger and you gain a more solid belief in who you are, and what kind of strengths and weaknesses you've got. That is important in today's society.
It is the insight oriented psychotherapy that can be harmful because you are encouraged to try to remember traumatic childhood events. To me, this became an 8 year obsessive search for the "hidden" reason why I had anxiety. Of course, I had never heard about OCD.
I seriously suggest you give meditation a try. If you are looking for a challenge.
Good luck man,
OE
Always, always interested in new challenges, that's what keeps me going. :) :D I will definitely try your meditation method.
Did you experience any girls behaving the way I have described?
The word "miscarriage of justice" comes to mind again because this girl obviously thought I was crazy or something, in which I am not.
I am sure that your cliff diving had to end because of your family, I would do that too when my time comes.:-)
Are you trying to seek out other "risks", related to your OCD? I guess this is an important part of the "exposure" element in "exposure with response prevention" treatment.
Good luck to you too man!
ocdengineer
02-13-2007, 10:01 AM
Allhonest,
I am sorry to hear of your girlfriend and the problems you had. I know it is hard to let that go, but if you don't it will tear you up. Realize that all obsessive thoughts are harmful becuase they "could" be true. This is why they are so scary right. If we didn't to some extent believe that the intrusive thoughts could be true then the thought wouldn't create anxiety.
Yes! I have had many disfunctional relationships in my life. They all started after my psychotherapist guided me to a decision to break up with my girlfriend of 5 years. It destroyed me and I went on a 4 year drinking and woman binge. I never stopped and had a relationship for more than a few months without major anxiety and self-doubt. I am not ready for this? How do I know if I like her or love her? What if I am not capbale of loveing someone else? etc etc. Anyway, I was gravitated to woman who were not good to or for me and ended up in some horrible relationships with women who made my nerosis look tiny in comparison. Finally about three and a half years ago I hit rock bottom and got thrown in jail for DUI. I spend more than 24 hours in a real jail with real criminals. It was horrifying and it put my life into perspective. I immediately started looking for a real job anywhere else in the country and found one that paid well and I moved immediately and left that entire life behind me. I don't speak with hardly anyone from that period of my life. They were all "single serving friends" if you've seen the movie fight club. Anyway, I moved and started over fresh and it took me about a year before I found who was to become my future wife or should I say she found me. Now I am married with a 15 month old daughter and another daughter due in April. I quit drinking completely, quit smoking, and caffeine which helped my anxiety a little. I also started eating well and exercising at least a few times a week. These all helped, but the Xanax helped the most. it virtually eliminated my anxiety. I also started meditation and this is where the thought control comes in. With meditation you learn not only to relax your body, but to breath as well as listen to your thoughts and allow them to flow through you like water without getting attached to any of them. It is great for people with OCD and I recommend it to everyone.
Give it a shot and keep us posted of your progress. It is really difficult, so don't expect to meidtate perfect every day or ever for that matter because it just won't happen, but just making yourself practice daily will help you immensly.
Later,
OE
I am sorry to hear of your girlfriend and the problems you had. I know it is hard to let that go, but if you don't it will tear you up. Realize that all obsessive thoughts are harmful becuase they "could" be true. This is why they are so scary right. If we didn't to some extent believe that the intrusive thoughts could be true then the thought wouldn't create anxiety.
Yes! I have had many disfunctional relationships in my life. They all started after my psychotherapist guided me to a decision to break up with my girlfriend of 5 years. It destroyed me and I went on a 4 year drinking and woman binge. I never stopped and had a relationship for more than a few months without major anxiety and self-doubt. I am not ready for this? How do I know if I like her or love her? What if I am not capbale of loveing someone else? etc etc. Anyway, I was gravitated to woman who were not good to or for me and ended up in some horrible relationships with women who made my nerosis look tiny in comparison. Finally about three and a half years ago I hit rock bottom and got thrown in jail for DUI. I spend more than 24 hours in a real jail with real criminals. It was horrifying and it put my life into perspective. I immediately started looking for a real job anywhere else in the country and found one that paid well and I moved immediately and left that entire life behind me. I don't speak with hardly anyone from that period of my life. They were all "single serving friends" if you've seen the movie fight club. Anyway, I moved and started over fresh and it took me about a year before I found who was to become my future wife or should I say she found me. Now I am married with a 15 month old daughter and another daughter due in April. I quit drinking completely, quit smoking, and caffeine which helped my anxiety a little. I also started eating well and exercising at least a few times a week. These all helped, but the Xanax helped the most. it virtually eliminated my anxiety. I also started meditation and this is where the thought control comes in. With meditation you learn not only to relax your body, but to breath as well as listen to your thoughts and allow them to flow through you like water without getting attached to any of them. It is great for people with OCD and I recommend it to everyone.
Give it a shot and keep us posted of your progress. It is really difficult, so don't expect to meidtate perfect every day or ever for that matter because it just won't happen, but just making yourself practice daily will help you immensly.
Later,
OE
allhonest
02-13-2007, 10:57 AM
ocdengineer,
I am sorry to hear about your past experiences. You sound much like me, really! For the last 4,5 years I have also only met the wrong girls (a bunch of them really) and staying with them for only 1-3 months. Only, I was not thrown in jail (I have never done anything criminal because honesty is my no. 1. principle) but that girl's label of me was really a prison. Sometimes it's just okay to leave things behind and get a fresh start. I am sorry to hear that you DUI'd. I am sure that you would never do it again. I am really against it and I am sure you are too. :nono: I have lived in the US for a a few months, and I know that you have a more relaxed attitude to drinking and driving. Here in Norway it is much more strict. You can't even drink a beer without crossing the limit (the limit here is 0.1 mille). So if you're coming to Scandinavia people, know that you will get 6 months in jail if you get caught driving after consuming just one beer.
I believe such wake-up calls might be necessary (as long as no one else is hurt). It's almost like throwing a basketball to hit the basket, only to hit the wall. When the ball hits the wall, its direction is changed and sometimes the ball hit the basket because it hit the wall first! (I hope you can see the metaphor). Negative events can turn into positive ones (long term)! If it weren't for my happening with the girl 2,5 years ago I might still be drawn to the therapy by that incompetent therapist without a psychology degree. Life is indeed much much better now and I am in a much better balance. OCD doesn't bother me that much (although it comes and goes).
I really do believe in the meditation. I guess this is what I have been doing when practicing my extreme sport. You get so focused on your current activity (your life depends on it!) that you forget everything else.
I guess this is the best therapy. Also, I am fortunate to live in Norway where we have great nature. Going mountain hiking or fishing trout can be therapy by itself.
I guess that my OCD would have been worse if I had grown up in the big city, without the nature connection. To take in the "atmosphere" in a forest for example has a great effect in cleaning up your thoughts. Or a ski trip if you're fortunate to have snow (like we have loads of right now).
I will let you know about my meditation progress.
Can you by any chance recommend a book for mindful meditation practices?
I am sorry to hear about your past experiences. You sound much like me, really! For the last 4,5 years I have also only met the wrong girls (a bunch of them really) and staying with them for only 1-3 months. Only, I was not thrown in jail (I have never done anything criminal because honesty is my no. 1. principle) but that girl's label of me was really a prison. Sometimes it's just okay to leave things behind and get a fresh start. I am sorry to hear that you DUI'd. I am sure that you would never do it again. I am really against it and I am sure you are too. :nono: I have lived in the US for a a few months, and I know that you have a more relaxed attitude to drinking and driving. Here in Norway it is much more strict. You can't even drink a beer without crossing the limit (the limit here is 0.1 mille). So if you're coming to Scandinavia people, know that you will get 6 months in jail if you get caught driving after consuming just one beer.
I believe such wake-up calls might be necessary (as long as no one else is hurt). It's almost like throwing a basketball to hit the basket, only to hit the wall. When the ball hits the wall, its direction is changed and sometimes the ball hit the basket because it hit the wall first! (I hope you can see the metaphor). Negative events can turn into positive ones (long term)! If it weren't for my happening with the girl 2,5 years ago I might still be drawn to the therapy by that incompetent therapist without a psychology degree. Life is indeed much much better now and I am in a much better balance. OCD doesn't bother me that much (although it comes and goes).
I really do believe in the meditation. I guess this is what I have been doing when practicing my extreme sport. You get so focused on your current activity (your life depends on it!) that you forget everything else.
I guess this is the best therapy. Also, I am fortunate to live in Norway where we have great nature. Going mountain hiking or fishing trout can be therapy by itself.
I guess that my OCD would have been worse if I had grown up in the big city, without the nature connection. To take in the "atmosphere" in a forest for example has a great effect in cleaning up your thoughts. Or a ski trip if you're fortunate to have snow (like we have loads of right now).
I will let you know about my meditation progress.
Can you by any chance recommend a book for mindful meditation practices?
ocdengineer
02-14-2007, 12:37 AM
I can't post a URL but I can tell you to do a search for Buddhanet. You will find a web site out of Australia that has tons of on-line books on meditation and everything buddhism. If you get a chance do the search and see what you find. I think you will find some really great reference material. There are literally hundreds of books for free on-line at this site.
I got you analogy and it was very true it has been 4 years. I quit drinking entirely 2 years ago and have definitely learned a very good lesson. Shortly thereafter I started to get my life in order. I moved to a different place and left my old life behind. I found a good job which I still have and met the woman who was to become my wife. I now have a daugter and another on the way and a great family, so yea, sometimes you need to trip and fall to find the diamond. LOL.
Good luck with the meditation. It requires a lot of dedication and some days will be very difficult, but be easy on yourself and you will see the benefits of it fairly quickly. If you have any other question on meditation don't hesitate to ask and I will do what I can to answer them. I am by no means a master and don't expect to achieve nibbana. I just want to practice controlling my brain so that I can deal with the stresses of every day life in a more organized manner.
Take care,
OE
I got you analogy and it was very true it has been 4 years. I quit drinking entirely 2 years ago and have definitely learned a very good lesson. Shortly thereafter I started to get my life in order. I moved to a different place and left my old life behind. I found a good job which I still have and met the woman who was to become my wife. I now have a daugter and another on the way and a great family, so yea, sometimes you need to trip and fall to find the diamond. LOL.
Good luck with the meditation. It requires a lot of dedication and some days will be very difficult, but be easy on yourself and you will see the benefits of it fairly quickly. If you have any other question on meditation don't hesitate to ask and I will do what I can to answer them. I am by no means a master and don't expect to achieve nibbana. I just want to practice controlling my brain so that I can deal with the stresses of every day life in a more organized manner.
Take care,
OE