harmony06
02-10-2007, 12:55 PM
i have this thing going on for my pdoc. i dont know what to do about it. i think he knows but he doesnt let on. does anyone else feel this way or is it just me. i sometimes think that maybe its because hes the only one that i really have to talk to, i can say anything to and wont be gudged. he is very professional, but i really like that in a man. i trust him and dont want to go to anyone else. i just need to know if this is normal or not. if not please advise me what you think i should to.
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mudhound
02-10-2007, 01:20 PM
be ever so careful. I hate to see anyone taken atvantage of. Or, worse yet, be let down hard. Shy away while you can.
paranormal
02-10-2007, 01:37 PM
it's understandable, it happens quite a bit, but it's not very healthy in the counsellor-client relationship.
if you feel you like him a lot as a pdoc, cool. but if it's like him a lot as in "falling in love with him," then it's a no-no, very risky situation. and like mudhound mentioned, you can be taken advantage of if he found out that you were into him (you are in a very vulnerable position). or, he'd tell you that he cannot work with you anymore because it's not conducive to the professional relationship. it's against the law to have a relationship with a pdoc/counsellor so a decent pdoc would let you go if he found out (which is a good thing to do).
BUT, you have to also be aware that this may be the only emotion (if love) that you feel comfortable having towards a person whome you tell your deepest feelings and troubles to. you might truly dislike that, but you feel more comfortable being infatuated/in love by your pdoc than being frustrated/annoyed/confused by being so open with him. (if you told him, he might discuss this issue from this aspect).
make sure you know exactly what you're feeling, and do the right thing. you'll know in your heart what it is once you know how you feel.
take care :)
if you feel you like him a lot as a pdoc, cool. but if it's like him a lot as in "falling in love with him," then it's a no-no, very risky situation. and like mudhound mentioned, you can be taken advantage of if he found out that you were into him (you are in a very vulnerable position). or, he'd tell you that he cannot work with you anymore because it's not conducive to the professional relationship. it's against the law to have a relationship with a pdoc/counsellor so a decent pdoc would let you go if he found out (which is a good thing to do).
BUT, you have to also be aware that this may be the only emotion (if love) that you feel comfortable having towards a person whome you tell your deepest feelings and troubles to. you might truly dislike that, but you feel more comfortable being infatuated/in love by your pdoc than being frustrated/annoyed/confused by being so open with him. (if you told him, he might discuss this issue from this aspect).
make sure you know exactly what you're feeling, and do the right thing. you'll know in your heart what it is once you know how you feel.
take care :)
harmony06
02-10-2007, 01:38 PM
mudhound, thanks for your reply. i only see my pdoc once every three weeks so i dont think that anything will ever come of it but can a person really help how they feel? i was going through a very bad depression when i first started see him and now im feeling better. he just seems so caring although i know that i pay him well to sit there and listen to what i have to say. i dont see him as the type of guy to take advantage of the situation as hes been doing this for a long time and im sure he knows his boundaries. i do worry about being hurt because of the way i feel but cant stop that.
munchie11
02-10-2007, 11:14 PM
I absolutely love my pdoc (not in a romantic way though) I just think he is great. I always feel better after seeing him and my husband always stirs me, saying I'm planning to run away with him. We just laugh about it. It's just that I was so sick when I first went to see him and he has just persisted in making me feel better and I also feel he understands everything I tell him, even if I think it's silly. He also has a funny sense of humour and dos'nt take everything too serious (unless it really is of course), but we can have a giggle about the stupid stuff. I never want him to retire coz I wouldn't want to see anyone else.
Munchie
Munchie
bpd_bipolar
02-11-2007, 12:54 PM
I have been seein gmy pdoc for over 9 years, I started seeing him from the first time he got in town and started the practice.
at one point I was all weird with my marriage (this was only about 6 or so years ago) and I asked him if I could have a hug. Not sure what I really wanted from that though, I was all manic at the time and I was told that my hypersexuality is part of my bipolar so I am not sure if I was testing boundaries or not...anyhow, so he looked at me in the eye and that made me feel a little weird, then I thought about what I asked, then he simply said to me, ____(that would be my name) no, you may not, but I think that you can get through this using your skills and your wise mind. (we work with a lot of teachings from Marsha Linehan. I have mentioned her books and stuff, very good techniques and stuff to help bipolars out).
I had a lot of respect for him that day. I learned that he would not take advantage of me, that he respected me as a person and he wouldn't take advantage of me as a bipolar/bpd person. I trust him completely and he me.
So, my advice to you is to not do the romantic thing. Hold to the trust and comfortable thing with him though as it is hard to find someone (a good doc out there that you trust to speak with).
Hope I helped.
at one point I was all weird with my marriage (this was only about 6 or so years ago) and I asked him if I could have a hug. Not sure what I really wanted from that though, I was all manic at the time and I was told that my hypersexuality is part of my bipolar so I am not sure if I was testing boundaries or not...anyhow, so he looked at me in the eye and that made me feel a little weird, then I thought about what I asked, then he simply said to me, ____(that would be my name) no, you may not, but I think that you can get through this using your skills and your wise mind. (we work with a lot of teachings from Marsha Linehan. I have mentioned her books and stuff, very good techniques and stuff to help bipolars out).
I had a lot of respect for him that day. I learned that he would not take advantage of me, that he respected me as a person and he wouldn't take advantage of me as a bipolar/bpd person. I trust him completely and he me.
So, my advice to you is to not do the romantic thing. Hold to the trust and comfortable thing with him though as it is hard to find someone (a good doc out there that you trust to speak with).
Hope I helped.
gav_73
02-11-2007, 03:30 PM
I wanted to pipe in here to let you know you're not alone. I used to fantasize about ALL of my doctors, including the gynocologist who delivered my daughter - although I have to say he was VERY good looking. But even the ones who weren't, I would feel the same way. This was LONG before I ever found out that I was bipolar (my daughter's 13), but I thought something was really wrong with me! I mean, I thought I must be so desperate for attention that anyone who gave it to me, I would want a sexual relationship with. I was VERY hypersexual at that time, but I think even more so than being a by-product of bipolar, I was very insecure and responding subconsciously to prior experiences with molestation. I had some issues to say the least. But it was much more emotional than sexual I see now. I almost even sent him a letter. OMG, I'm so happy I didn't. I would have been humiliated. I still struggle with these issues even now, although to a much lesser extent. Now I ONLY see female doctors and counselors and have been for years. But it still creeps in with bosses or anyone of authority or who is in an authoritative position over me - particularly strangers, which is why I think it has to do more with molestation. But it gets better and easier, you just have to be aware of what those feelings are, and it's usually not about the other person at all, but with yourself. Be careful.
serine
02-11-2007, 08:50 PM
My doc is of the same sex...female, and I like her so much I feel like she is my friend. I know she is not, and is just my doc. But I feel she is anyway. I live in a small town, and sometimes when I see her I will go up and say hi...just because I feel I can, and she likes me enough I can do that. I imagine doctors do not want their patients around them when they are not working, so I do not do it often. If you have romantic feelings for your doc I feel for you. That is hard but I can see how they can develop. Do not do anything that can get him barred from practice. You only see him every three weeks it is not like you see him every day so why change docs, unless it is too hard on you and you are obsessing about him.
Serine
Serine
volatilechild
02-17-2007, 12:10 AM
It could be that you're having a 'transference' type response to him. If it is that, then it's really normal. Usually transference occurs when there are issues (usually with a male in your life or past) that are unresolved. So without realising it you see your therapist as that person. This can result in you hating them for no reason, or loving them.
Aslo with therapists and doctors etc it's easily to think that your attracted or 'falling in love'. This is usually because we seem them how we want to see them. Often a patient will know next to nothing about their shrinks personal life, therefore they make them out in their head to be perfect. Also, since it's these people's job to listen, we fall in love with that side of them, thinking they are so wonderfully sensitive and caring. In the real world, they're just like one of us.
Google 'transference' to get a good definition. It's not dangerous and can be used in therapy to help you deal with underlying issues.
Aslo with therapists and doctors etc it's easily to think that your attracted or 'falling in love'. This is usually because we seem them how we want to see them. Often a patient will know next to nothing about their shrinks personal life, therefore they make them out in their head to be perfect. Also, since it's these people's job to listen, we fall in love with that side of them, thinking they are so wonderfully sensitive and caring. In the real world, they're just like one of us.
Google 'transference' to get a good definition. It's not dangerous and can be used in therapy to help you deal with underlying issues.
harmony06
02-18-2007, 12:33 AM
:wave: hey serine,
thank you for sharing your story with me. there are times that we think that we are the only ones in the world that think or feel the way we do. i would never do anything to have him disbarred nomatter how i felt, even though its tough. I am obsessed with him but maybe there is help for me yet.
thanks alot for your comments.
hi Volatilchild
thank you. i didn't realize there was such a thing as transference. i went to google and read up on it and i really think that that might be my problem. i had no idea that, was the reason that clients in movies always had this thing for their pdocs. I thought it was just in the movies until i started seeing my pdoc and discovered the same feelings. do you have any idea what this means to me? i had no idea why i was feeling the way i was. should i talk to my therapist about this transference thing or just try to deal with it on my own?
there is something that, i didn't say because i was too ashamed. i've been driving my pdocs office alot in hopes of seeing him outside. not that i would do anything mind you but just to catch a glimsp of him. i wouldn't want him to notice me though. i don't follow him, call him, or send anything in the mail. i still don't know anything about him. i've told him that i do this, and also told him that i wanted to stop but didn't know how. it was like something was pulling me over there. would this be part of the tranference, you think?
i'm so worried that my pdoc will stop treating me because of the way i feel. i don't know how i would handle that.
anyway sorry i'm going on and on with this. i'm really glad that you told me about this tranference thing. at least now i have somewhere to put my energy researching.
thank you volatilechild and good luck to you also:)
thank you for sharing your story with me. there are times that we think that we are the only ones in the world that think or feel the way we do. i would never do anything to have him disbarred nomatter how i felt, even though its tough. I am obsessed with him but maybe there is help for me yet.
thanks alot for your comments.
hi Volatilchild
thank you. i didn't realize there was such a thing as transference. i went to google and read up on it and i really think that that might be my problem. i had no idea that, was the reason that clients in movies always had this thing for their pdocs. I thought it was just in the movies until i started seeing my pdoc and discovered the same feelings. do you have any idea what this means to me? i had no idea why i was feeling the way i was. should i talk to my therapist about this transference thing or just try to deal with it on my own?
there is something that, i didn't say because i was too ashamed. i've been driving my pdocs office alot in hopes of seeing him outside. not that i would do anything mind you but just to catch a glimsp of him. i wouldn't want him to notice me though. i don't follow him, call him, or send anything in the mail. i still don't know anything about him. i've told him that i do this, and also told him that i wanted to stop but didn't know how. it was like something was pulling me over there. would this be part of the tranference, you think?
i'm so worried that my pdoc will stop treating me because of the way i feel. i don't know how i would handle that.
anyway sorry i'm going on and on with this. i'm really glad that you told me about this tranference thing. at least now i have somewhere to put my energy researching.
thank you volatilechild and good luck to you also:)