:wave: It has been awhile, so many may not know me, but for those that do and want an update...here it is: My 2nd fusion (April 06) did not fuse again, but being that my 1st one failed, the Dr. took out the original smaller screws and replaced them with larger ones, that would hold my spine in place...even if the fusion failed. So, as far as L3-S1...it all looks strog on the films. My Dr. sent me to a Pain Center to help me with the Chronic pain that I will likely have long term. The Pain Specialist believes my SI joints are the culprit of most of my pain. We have tried the SI injections and they worked for 3 weeks at the most and now we are going to try burning the nerves next week.

I can not bend, sit, squat, or lean in the least or my back spasms and becomes inflammed. Then it takes several work free days to get the swelling under control. When I realized that I will have to live my life with such limitations, I began to get really down. However, since I started at the Pain Center, I have really changed the way I feel about things. The difference that I found, between a Pain Clinic and a Pain Center, is the Center has multiple types of therapies and ea. of the Drs. work on ea. Pt. So I continued on my medication, have recieved the injections, seen P/T, and started to see a phychiatrist who specializes with chronic pain. I also began aquatic classes for Pts. with arthritis and other disorders. I have gotten a person to come to my home once a wk. to vacuum and do my laundry (paid for by the county), I have my groceries delivered or I just pick up 1 or 2 items at the store. By doing these things, I am able to get back to working part time and get back to church activities. When I was just at home, the depression was getting pretty bad. So, I don't mind doing the different therapies and adjusting my lifestyle...if it gets me back into the community where I can do some "normal" things;)

It is nice to see some of my old buddies. I will try to keep up with what is going on with ea. of you.

Hugs and prayers,
Lorie:angel:

Lorie I miss church , and feel so guilty not going ,its been 3 months since I attended.:confused: Just wanted to shout out a hello to you again :)

Lorie I am sorry your in pain..but so glad you are finding ways to feel better and get out of the house, I think the isolation in itself is depressing without even adding in the pain. That is awesome you found a place that sounds so wonderful. Hope you get to feeling lots better everyday.

Thanks for the shout outs;) I can understand the disapointment in missing church. It was 4 months before I was able to go back and I too felt guilty towards the end. But everyone was so understanding and kind to me. The Pastor told me that if I came back and needed to get up and leave...everyone would understand. In fact, there is an area in the rear of the church that is roped off and only the sound person is back there. The Pastor said that if I wanted to, I could go back there so that I could, sit, stand or lay down. They even had people available to drive me at first. But, until I was ready, they made it clear that I should not feel guilty...even thought I did at times. I am able to go to 1 service (no sunday school because it is just too long and the chairs are hard to sit in), I take a special pillow to sit on and another for my back. I put them in a canvas bag with my Bible and an ice pack that is in a bag that keeps it cold. I take my pain med. and go to church with my bag. It just feels great to be around those who have been praying for me for so long.

I will try and read back and see where you are at...I hope you can at least get visitors from your church to come and see you. Do they have a tape ministry that you could receive a copy of the weeks sermon? At my church, they sell them of 3.00 but if you are home bound they give them to you for free. I had people who would come over once a week or so to bring it to me with the bulletin and keep my updated with the happenings.

Nice talking with you, Lorie

Yvett777-Thanks, to you as well, for the kind words. You are right in saying how depressing it can get being home alone. The best thing I ever did, was to see a Psy. I never thought I would have the need for one, but once I found one who also deals with chronic pain herself and I see her sitting and talking with me...that is encouragement alone:)

Thanks again, Lorie:angel:

Hi Lorie,
Welcome back!!!! I sometimes sit here and wonder where the old group is now, are they better? are they depressed? I always say a prayer that they (you) are ok and gone about living again. I'm so glad to see you back, but sad too that your not better yet. I'm not better yet either and have been diagnosed with failed back syndrome and waiting for my 3/1 appt. with the pain management center at University Hospital in cleveland. I am looking forward to it and scared too, I'm used to not fusing not used to starting rehab for a life long adjustment. I'm so glad your getting treament in every way possible that is what i'm hoping for where I'm going to.

I have missed alot of church this past year and have decided that I can make it thru mass if I'm going to sat evening mass, then I have two doses of meds in me and much better able to cope with it than I am in the morning. So I have went the past two sat. in a row and can tell you it makes so much difference.

I'm so glad your back and hope you stay a while.

God Bless

Carol

Lori,

I'm so sorry that your fusion failed again. What can they do now as far as surgical? Do you just live with the rods and screws holding the disc space open or do they have to do something else? Gosh, I'm so sorry.

I'm happy for you in that, your finding peace and acceptance in dealing with this. It sounds like you have a great bunch of helpful dr.s. I pray that you will have continued good experiences at the pain center and can get some relief.

I honestly know what you mean about the depression. It's a tough thing to deal with alongside of the back issues. I don't say to much about what I go through here, really I just try to encourage. But just so you know, I have been dealing with it alot for the past 6 months. I get to where I don't want to leave my house, clean for fear of more pain, talk on the phone, visit with my family, cry, you know the list goes on. Honest to God, the way I snap out of it sometimes is just to come on here and try to help others, and read.

I'm so glad to see you back here again, but so sorry that you have another failed fusion. Please keep posting, stick around, you, Suzy and Carol, are the ones that I learned alot from when I first joined a year ago. Just reading your stories, help me to learn. Kinda like how Dr. Pepper is doing for so many right now, just posting her stories before surgery and now the recovery process, helping others. I know that sometimes you really don't realize how important these stories are to others, and I just want to let you know that they did and still do help me.

Take care Lorie, You'll be in my thoughts and prayers,

Bernie

I'm with you on the church thing. My church family has been so supportive to me. I missed for a long time, and now I sit all the way in the back in a corner so I can stand up during the sermon if I need to. There's even a little rail there, like in the hospital hallways. I can hang my grabber on it and steady myself if I need to. Usually only my husband and the preacher realize I've stood up, since I'm nestled in the corner. The preacher never bats an eye. He's well trained! He knows why I'm standing, that is, I'm not giving him hints that he's talked too long!!! :D I just started back to my old job of running the PowerPoint during two services. I have to be there for 5 hours, but I figured out how to modify, when to make sure I stand for a while so I can sit when I have to be doing something for the service on PowerPoint. It did wonders for me, though, to just be able to get out and start doing some normal things again. Flexibility (mentally, not physically! HA!) and modifying are key! I'm glad my pain is at a level that I can tough it out long enough to get out for a while now.

It's really hard to always be a recluse! Gotta do the best we can to get out, even if it's just for a little walk down the street. I know you guys understand!

I really got depressed..i mean clinically depressed over the combination of pain and isolation and ofcourse lack of money and bills pilling up. I went to my doctor and asked for cymbalta. It has helped me so much. It is weird, I was actually having thoughts of just wanting to die. I couldnt' though..I have kids that need me. But...I also had my surgeon tell me that chronic pain causes depression, and he said he recommends anyone living in chronic pain to be on one. The combination of the anti-depressant and a doctor who listened was a life saver for me.

One doctor recommended me working part time just to help with the isolation. I tried to explain if i even try I loose my medicaid, I have no money to spend on gas etc etc etc and I am in pain especially driving kills me. So...anyway I am still stuck home...but feeling emotionally better.

It is awesome that you have found ways to help yourself in this situation....I know that we have to be the ones to help ourselves find ways. And not do the things we know we can't that will make us worse off, like trying to lift and clean etc.

Your story is very beneficial to people to find ways....to feel better. I wish you the best and hope you are feeling better!! vette

Yvette , please there's nothing in this world that would make me consider taking my own life , I had two close friends when I was young take there lives because one was abused by his father, and the other I think did it because he thought it was cool ?? I know it strange of what he did. I miss them still and it's been over 20 + years now. I would never take my own life UNLESS someone held a gun to my daughters head and told me to do it. No pain in the world is that bad , besides I don't think our Lord would like that idea. He's the one who pulls that trigger :cool: .

Depression pill's should be taken , I'm going to ask my Dr. for some in 3 minutes on the phone. I'm with you on the money situation to. Gas is crazzy and I have to burn coal, try to lift a shovel full of coal up into a furnace, it hurts.
Take care Yevette, 10 days :eek:

Hi all I am new here.
I was reading some of you guys posts about church and stuff. I also miss being at church I taught Jr. church and I miss it so much! I am so tired of being in PAIN!! :eek: I went to the neuro surgeon today who will be doing the 2 nd part of the dorsal col. stimulator surgery.
Was reading how your church family helps out with some things with you all how so BLESSED you are! Not trying to get any sympathy from anybody but, I barely here from anyone at our church. As some of you here no it is so hard when you can't be with other Christian believers. This is the way it has been for me for years I don't know why I think that things are going to change. I have really asked the Lord to help me I used to be so angry and bitter not anymore. I really try and do for others that I know are going through illnesses and stuff I know that a card helps here and there.
Please pray for me as I am facing surgery on Monday Feb. 26 first part of dorsal column stimulator surgery due to failed back surgery (3) at L4 5 and S1. Then if the trial works my neuro surgeon will do th battery implant on Tuesday March 6th.
Please pray for my family as it is hard when you are waiting while your loved one is in surgery. Keep my husband David in prayer as he will be taking care of me the house and all of the things we wives do plus his daily job. Thanks all for listening I look forward to making some friends here. I'll check back and see if any of you all have any prayer requests like the Bible says "pray ye one for another"
Thanks and I pray we all have less and less pain everyday!
Love & Prayers,
Kelly (Pooh lady) :angel: :wave:

Hi Kelly welcome,

You are in good hands here. We all support each other and help with what we can. Good luck with your surgery, I hope this one is the final for you and you get relief. Take care and I will be praying for you and your family now and on your day of surgery.

Kelly, it's got to be hard going into surgery without a lot of support. My church was wonderful, bringing meals to us 3 days a week for 3 whole months. They didn't do it just for me. They'd do that for anyone who needed it. Sometimes we got meals from people we'd never even met. They didn't even know who we were! Our church is just like that. But not all churches have someone who's motivated and organized to get meals going like that. Does your pastor know that you're going in for surgery? Does he know how major it is? Maybe someone just needs to be filled in on your needs.

I'm glad your husband is behind you, though. That makes all the difference in the world! If you can, put as many meals in the freezer ahead of time that you can to lighten his load a bit. I'm sure he'll appreciate your effort. Be prepared for some tension, as he may become a little overwhelmed doing all these things he's not used to doing, and you'll not only be in pain, but frustrated at not being able to do things. It would probably be good if you and he talked about that before your surgery. It'll make it easier during the stressful times to come.

But you'll get through this. Your hubby is right there beside you, and a bunch of us here on the board will be praying for you both!

You hang in there! You'll come out of this stronger in a lot of ways. Hard times bring personal growth! Keep the faith!!!! :)

Blessings,
Emily

Kelly, it's got to be hard going into surgery without a lot of support. My church was wonderful, bringing meals to us 3 days a week for 3 whole months. They didn't do it just for me. They'd do that for anyone who needed it. Sometimes we got meals from people we'd never even met. They didn't even know who we were! Our church is just like that. But not all churches have someone who's motivated and organized to get meals going like that. Does your pastor know that you're going in for surgery? Does he know how major it is? Maybe someone just needs to be filled in on your needs.

I'm glad your husband is behind you, though. That makes all the difference in the world! If you can, put as many meals in the freezer ahead of time that you can to lighten his load a bit. I'm sure he'll appreciate your effort. Be prepared for some tension, as he may become a little overwhelmed doing all these things he's not used to doing, and you'll not only be in pain, but frustrated at not being able to do things. It would probably be good if you and he talked about that before your surgery. It'll make it easier during the stressful times to come.

But you'll get through this. Your hubby is right there beside you, and a bunch of us here on the board will be praying for you both!

You hang in there! You'll come out of this stronger in a lot of ways. Hard times bring personal growth! Keep the faith!!!! :)

Blessings,
Emily
Emily,
Thanks David and I do alot of weight watchers and smart ones dinners. My husband works at our church our pastors are aware of my up coming surgeries. Our church unfortunately is not noted for doing things like dinners and stuff like that. Not trying to be critical or anything. We do have a clothing and food give away to the needy and reach out that way. It would just be nice if more people from my church would call me of send a card. People go up to my husband and ask how I'm doing so I think that they think that is how they deal with me. Thanks alot for the post!
Kelly

Hi Kelly,
I understand what you are saying about your church...it is not that it is not a caring church, just that the meal type of ministry isn't one of the ministries at this time. I am sure that if they are asking your husband about you, they may very well think that his telling you that they asked about you is enough. On the other hand, and I don't know if this is the case, but if your husband is putting on that face of faith and saying everything is fine etc. they may think that as a family you all have it under control and don't need people stopping by or dropping by a meal. Perhaps on occassion, when you are up for visitors etc. when one of the women of the church asks how you are holding up...he could say something like, "she's getting better (or whatever he might usually say), I'm sure she would love a call, just to say hello. Or, "She really misses being involved with the activities, perhaps you could call or stop by and visit with her. I'm sure she would appreciate that." Just a thought, that may not be your husbands situation at all. But I know how "out of the loop" I felt, since I was once very active in the church, taught the 5 year old Sunday School and went to the mid week prayer service. Then for months I did none of it. The church was great with the meals (we have a ministry that does that), but no one really came by to talk and keep me up dated and I felt lost. Finally, I was given the suggestion to call the church and to specificlly tell them that I could use someone to come over and take a walk with me or just come and bring me the old bulletins etc. (The key was to know exactly what would help me so that I could be specific, instead of just saying I miss everyone or I miss coming to church etc.) Because I was so much a part of the church activities, I felt odd having people seeing me in need. I was the one teaching about faith and trust in God...it just seemed like I could not say that I was not doing well. I have since learned that they just did not know what I needed. Now they do and I am so thankful for the suggestion my therapist gave me, to call and tell them what I could use from them.

Hope this helps and I will keep you in my prayers regarding your upcomming surgery.

Lorie:angel:

Hi Kelly,
You're not being critical. You're just telling it like it is. People just don't realize how lonely it gets to be homebound. The ones who understand are the ones who have been there.

Do you have a laptop computer? The desktop computers are hard to use post-op. Just too hard to sit for very long. But if you have a laptop you can set it on top of a throw pillow on your stomach and tap away while you're lying down. Mine was my lifeline to the outside world, and I spent a lot of time on the board.

Maybe you can ask your husband to tell people who ask him how you're doing that you'd love to get a phone call or a visit. I had a lot of people tell me they had wanted to call but were afraid they would wake me up. I wished they would go ahead and wake me up. It's not like I had a full schedule and couldn't doze back off again later!

If your pastor tells who's sick, etc., from the pulpit, maybe you can mention to him that it would be nice to say that you're up to having visitors and phone calls. Sometimes people just need a little nudge.

Do you have family in the area who can help you at all? Do you have kids, and if you do are they old enough to help out?

Kelly, I will be praying for you and David. I know this is a hard time, not just because of the pain. It's hard emotionally, too, to be dealing with a difficult chronic problem and to be faced with surgery yet again. You've got two weeks to go. If you have questions or just need to talk, come post on the board. There are a lot of people here who will be quick to help you.

Hugs,
Emily

I don't feel that way now. But in december I really noticed myself slip into a depression that was so bad. I couldn't find any doctors that would help me because I only had medicaid the combination of it all. I lost hope is what happened, I lost the hope that things would ever get better. I was sick of all of it. I would never actually kill myself...but I noticed the severe signs of depression and got to the doctor asked for the cymbalta because its suppose to help with the nerve pain to. Then a few days later I had another opinion with a different surgeon, and he was so helpful and caring and understanding and said he could help me. I am not proud that I felt so bad. But, I do feel emotionally better, and ofcourse this forum has made a world of difference. But the way I was feeling was bad, and now its 100 percent better.

I guess i learned, we can't loose our hope, and we have to find ways to help ourselves, keep searching for answers, keeping finding ways..finding support systems like this one and praying.

And I think Kelly has shown a superb example of that.

Kelly, sorry for double posting. I don't have much family support outside of my hubby and kids. I was just re-reading and I was thinking, maybe once you are healed you can start this kind of thing in your church. Maybe you are the one meant for this...I am sure many people would join in to support you.

I've been thinking myself that their has to be lessons in all of this. Not just change my life in negative ways that i had seen them. But something more, I have faith their is something more.

Just want to thank all of you for your kind words to me! Of course all of your prayers are so appreciated also! I really feel like I've met some new friends here who understand alot of what I am going through and been through. Thanks for all of your honesty and help! Someone asked me if we had children well the only child we have is our "our short person in a fur coat" our dog Tiffy! She doesn't think she is a dog she thinks she is a short person in a fur coat and we would not have it any other way! When my husband goes to work Tiffy stays right by my side and before David goes to work he says to her now Tiffy take care of mommy! some people may think that is really out there but, I don't care because I learn alot from her! Esspecially about forgiveness and patience. :angel:
I have a wonderful Christian neighbor who is going to let us take Tiffy over to her house while I have surgery she has 2 boys who will play with her and keep her busy. I am so thankful and grateful for that! Well thanks for letting me ramble on and on... LOL It is really bad here in Ohio snow the roads are bad! I have a Dr. appt. at 7 am with the pain management Dr. who we need to go over last stuff before surgery (the first part) on Feb. 26.
Pray that we get safely there and back I use a cane and I am so nervous about sliping and falling! Hubby helps me and makes sure I am ok so I guess I should not be so nervous! I think our schools here in Canton will be closed again. I'm sure the all the kids don't mind I know I did not when I was a kid!
Blessings and prayers to all!
Love & Prayers,
Kelly (Pooh lady) :wave:
PS. Someone asked me if I had a lap top computer and yes thank the Lord we do! At first I was really thinking it was not a necessaty boy I am so thankful that David got us this lap top back in 2000 when I first started have major problems with my back and sometimes could not get out of bed!