HYB1013
02-12-2007, 04:38 PM
This is my first ever post so i will give you a little background of myself. I have not been clinically diagnosed as OCD as of yet, but i have been called it by my psychologist and family doctor. When I was young I refused to go to school because of a fear that i was going to die there and as i grew older it took other forms, such as a fear that i was "turning" homosexual and that I was "turning" into a pedophile. Neither of these being remotely true I've been seeking out help and have my first appointment with a psychiatrist on Thursday of this week, Feb. 15th, keep me in your prayers. At this point in my life, I will have to admit that i feel completely numb. Numb is really about the only feeling i have. Thus, my newest problem, a new boyfriend. I am 22 and he is 27, I have had a crush on him from afar for about a year now. He's wonderful, most everything i would've asked for in a man. Yet I can't seem to get those nasty intrusive thoughts out of my mind. It's only been a month, so naturally there are many confusing doubts and ruminations that should be there, but I wake up thinking about it and fall asleep thinking about it. Doubting the fact that I even have feelings for him, especially when he isn't around, when he's with me, i can make the thoughts go right out the window. i don't know what to do. i want to be with this man, i want to give it a shot, try and feel something, try and let this wall down, but my thoughts are making me crazy and physically anxious. Has anyone been through this? Or maybe, have any advice about where I should go from here in terms of getting help. Thank you!
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divalou
02-13-2007, 08:15 AM
hey there;
first of all, your not alone. ive been posting on here for a couple of months for exactly the same reason. I love my boyfriend very much and the same thoughts have been in my head, causing me physical anxiety where i am sick and cant even eat. I get the same doubts, like a voice telling me I'm lying to him or myself about being in love with him. All consuming thoughts too, where I cant concentrate on anything but them. I posted on this forum actually, you should check out my post and read some of the feedback because i found it really helpful.
I also used to suffer from the same thoughts about being a peadophile etc etc and had panic attacks over them for a good 3years and occasionally they come back to haunt me, since being with my boyfriend anyway.
I've never been clinically diagnosed only researched online my thoughts and symptoms and such and people have told me it sounds like i have Pure O or OCD.
I seem to be getting better with my obsession and fears over it all, by just talking about it. I have told my man everything pretty much (all bar the old panic attack stuff) and he understands, and knows I love him and knows I dont want to be with anyone else.
jsut keep talking, to your boyfriend, to people around you and people on here because it does get easier.
and you'd be surprised how many people suffer in the same waya s you and i
first of all, your not alone. ive been posting on here for a couple of months for exactly the same reason. I love my boyfriend very much and the same thoughts have been in my head, causing me physical anxiety where i am sick and cant even eat. I get the same doubts, like a voice telling me I'm lying to him or myself about being in love with him. All consuming thoughts too, where I cant concentrate on anything but them. I posted on this forum actually, you should check out my post and read some of the feedback because i found it really helpful.
I also used to suffer from the same thoughts about being a peadophile etc etc and had panic attacks over them for a good 3years and occasionally they come back to haunt me, since being with my boyfriend anyway.
I've never been clinically diagnosed only researched online my thoughts and symptoms and such and people have told me it sounds like i have Pure O or OCD.
I seem to be getting better with my obsession and fears over it all, by just talking about it. I have told my man everything pretty much (all bar the old panic attack stuff) and he understands, and knows I love him and knows I dont want to be with anyone else.
jsut keep talking, to your boyfriend, to people around you and people on here because it does get easier.
and you'd be surprised how many people suffer in the same waya s you and i
HYB1013
02-16-2007, 05:00 PM
so i made it through my psychiatric evaluation and was diagnosed with OCD. and as numb as i am right now, i almost cried tears of joy when i was diagnosed, because now i know my psych's know what's going on with me and that this is real and treatable. we made a goal list and im gonna get there. life is good.
divalou
02-17-2007, 06:09 AM
good to hear it. ive never been diagnosed dunno if i ever will go and actually talk to someone about it.
allhonest
02-20-2007, 06:30 AM
Just don't do what I did. Don't go to a therapist who's not a psychologist and believe in his suggestion to end the relationship. I did 4,5 years ago and I am still sad about it. She loved me and in fact I think I did too. Still I ended it because the "therapist" provided that as the solution to my problems.
HYB1013
02-20-2007, 10:30 AM
hello loves,
my beau and i had a little spat last night and he wanted to leave, go back to his own apartment, and literally i didn't feel a thing. i mean i knew i didn't want him to leave, with all my heart i didn't want him to leave, but i didn't FEEL anything. it was terrible. he came back and we talked in circles about how we can make this work. im so lucky and so very happy when with him, but i can't feel a damned thing. im so numb to my feelings right now that it makes these thoughts seem so real. bleh. anywho, just wanted to tell you thank you for the article link, it was so helpful this morning. how are things with you and your lady? take care!
-heather
my beau and i had a little spat last night and he wanted to leave, go back to his own apartment, and literally i didn't feel a thing. i mean i knew i didn't want him to leave, with all my heart i didn't want him to leave, but i didn't FEEL anything. it was terrible. he came back and we talked in circles about how we can make this work. im so lucky and so very happy when with him, but i can't feel a damned thing. im so numb to my feelings right now that it makes these thoughts seem so real. bleh. anywho, just wanted to tell you thank you for the article link, it was so helpful this morning. how are things with you and your lady? take care!
-heather
HYB1013
02-21-2007, 09:46 AM
so, i broke down last night and finally told him everything, he was on the brink of ending things on the notion that he felt i wasn't happy in this relationship, not knowing the extent of what was going on with me i decided i should share it, what could it hurt? i want him to be close to me. i was completely afraid he wouldn't understand, but he did. and wants to support me and be beside me the whole way. he doesn't know much about the disorder, i could only share the things i've been through in my life, such as my intense fear of dying at school when i was young and a bit about my sexuality, i think maybe he understood but wants to know more and understand more. we've only been together a couple months and when i have the thoughts of leaving him or not wanting him the way i really do i get sick to my stomach, that's what keeps me thinking these thoughts aren't really what i want. what an amazing man.
divalou
02-23-2007, 09:52 AM
its lik reading about me! i was fine since the monday after valentines up until2days ago and it has started to come back, doubting my feelings for him, thikning i dont love him as much as he loves me and that i dont miss him when i dont see him. i dont know why its come back again i hope it doesnt get to the point it was before. but i feel the same like im numb again. after valentines i jsut felt over whelmed with love for him and the last couple of days i felt like that has jsut gone! its really doing my head in cus his love for me seems to be growing and i thouht mine for him was too. ive even been doubting if i really have ocd as i hgavent been diagnosed. dont know what to do at the moment.
HYB1013
03-01-2007, 04:40 PM
so after being evaluated, i went back for my first therapy visit, he, my psychiatrist, doesn't think its ocd. he also doesn't think i need medication. my psychologist thought though without a shadow of a doubt it was ocd. my god, i feel completely lost. and on top of lost, completely out of control with these thoughts. i don't know what to do. should i stand up and say, no this isn't just generalized anxiety, i really have a problem that i CANNOT get rid of?
today has been one of the worst days i've had, i can't get my man off my mind, i also keep hearing my mother's words in my ear, "if you're having second thoughts, there's probably a reason" but she doesn't understand, there is no reason. no reason whatsoever. this post will be, to most of you, exactly what you probably think all the time. im typing without stopping and without filtering so bear with me.
i made a list of my thoughts today, it made me more anxious than i've ever been. almost sick to my stomach, but i wanted on paper what i was thinking, because it seems everytime i try to put it into words and speak it to anyone, it becomes a relationship problem. and for the record, it isn't. help me.
today has been one of the worst days i've had, i can't get my man off my mind, i also keep hearing my mother's words in my ear, "if you're having second thoughts, there's probably a reason" but she doesn't understand, there is no reason. no reason whatsoever. this post will be, to most of you, exactly what you probably think all the time. im typing without stopping and without filtering so bear with me.
i made a list of my thoughts today, it made me more anxious than i've ever been. almost sick to my stomach, but i wanted on paper what i was thinking, because it seems everytime i try to put it into words and speak it to anyone, it becomes a relationship problem. and for the record, it isn't. help me.
Post-It
03-01-2007, 05:39 PM
I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this, HYB. My first therapist (who did not know anything about OCD except about hand washing compulsions) also pretty much laughed in my face when I told her I suspected OCD. So I high-tailed it out of her office and found three psychologists/therapists who specialized in OCD and got a proper diagnosis. Of course sometimes I still doubt it's OCD, haha.
I just don't see how you could have other obsessions (homosexual and pedophelia obsessions) and a psychiatrist not know it's OCD. Those are two VERY common Pure O obsessions.
Maybe you should stick with your psychologist and treat it as OCD. If the thoughts are intrusive, bring anxiety and/or guilt, and take up a large part of your day, then most likely it is OCD.
I just don't see how you could have other obsessions (homosexual and pedophelia obsessions) and a psychiatrist not know it's OCD. Those are two VERY common Pure O obsessions.
Maybe you should stick with your psychologist and treat it as OCD. If the thoughts are intrusive, bring anxiety and/or guilt, and take up a large part of your day, then most likely it is OCD.
HYB1013
03-01-2007, 05:48 PM
my psychiatrist directly asked me who it was that i was attracted to to make me have the homosexual thoughts and what the reasoning behind it was. i wanted to shake him and scream THERE IS NO REASON. i'll keep on keepin on though.
seaturtle
03-02-2007, 01:19 AM
Hello,
I have to see a counselor (MSW) because I am on SSI and must go to the local mental health center. For years, he has been trying to "uncover the memories" that are causing my OCD symptoms and anorexia.
I keep telling him that the symptoms are there because I have disorders, but he persists.
The medicating psychiatrist diagnoses OCD and medicates me for it.
It's infuriating, isn't it?
Sorry you're dealing with this, too.
I have to see a counselor (MSW) because I am on SSI and must go to the local mental health center. For years, he has been trying to "uncover the memories" that are causing my OCD symptoms and anorexia.
I keep telling him that the symptoms are there because I have disorders, but he persists.
The medicating psychiatrist diagnoses OCD and medicates me for it.
It's infuriating, isn't it?
Sorry you're dealing with this, too.
divalou
03-02-2007, 01:54 PM
SNAP! my doctor and coucillor both think that im jsut exaggerating thikning its ocd because i dont wash my hands a million times a day or whatever.
oh and said the relationship thing and the whole peadophile things is cus i have "low self esteem" mmmmmmmhm?
oh and said the relationship thing and the whole peadophile things is cus i have "low self esteem" mmmmmmmhm?
HYB1013
03-02-2007, 01:55 PM
SNAP! my doctor and coucillor both think that im jsut exaggerating thikning its ocd because i dont wash my hands a million times a day or whatever.
oh and said the relationship thing and the whole peadophile things is cus i have "low self esteem" mmmmmmmhm?
i couldn't believe it. i suddenly though felt like i WAS just making it all up. it was like as soon as they said it, it went away for a bit, til i walked to the elevator and i wanted to scream. i must be going crazy.
oh and said the relationship thing and the whole peadophile things is cus i have "low self esteem" mmmmmmmhm?
i couldn't believe it. i suddenly though felt like i WAS just making it all up. it was like as soon as they said it, it went away for a bit, til i walked to the elevator and i wanted to scream. i must be going crazy.
divalou
03-02-2007, 01:58 PM
yeah i got told in not so many words when i was suffering for 3 whole years of constant panic attacks that i was making it up. NHS eh!
HYB1013
03-02-2007, 02:26 PM
oy vey. i've been looking for new doctors all day. there is one in my area, raleigh nc, that wrote the book Stop Obsessing. lots of self help stuff on there, but i believe i'll need more than self help. im pretty sure i need some meds. yesterday was the worst day off all for me, and it hurts him when i talk about it i know it does, but he just listens. im such a lucky gal.