finegane
02-12-2007, 10:39 PM
I havent been on for a while, I didnt know if reading other peoples stories were making me sad, or if it just a case of the blues. Anyways, I had an experience on saturday that i need someone to talk to about.
Saturday night a bunch of my friends and I threw a surprise birthday party for one of the girls. i had a great time, playing cards, drinking (socially) and having a lot of fun. Then all of a sudden, I freaked out. I started crying absolutely hysterically, I cant remember the last time i cried this hard. i kept saying over and over, "dont let them take me back, please i cant go back" (refering to the hospitalization i had roughly a year ago) i couldnt be consoled i was lying on the floor, my head on my best friends lap just absolutely petrified that i was going to be taken back because i had had too much to drink. she has always been the one to be able to calm me down but this time i just couldnt. i could hear what i was saying but it felt like a bad dream. then as quickly as it came, it was over. i was still a bit tipsy but i wasnt freaking out like i was before.
I need help...is this normal? did the alcohol cause it? am i going back into my depression?
Saturday night a bunch of my friends and I threw a surprise birthday party for one of the girls. i had a great time, playing cards, drinking (socially) and having a lot of fun. Then all of a sudden, I freaked out. I started crying absolutely hysterically, I cant remember the last time i cried this hard. i kept saying over and over, "dont let them take me back, please i cant go back" (refering to the hospitalization i had roughly a year ago) i couldnt be consoled i was lying on the floor, my head on my best friends lap just absolutely petrified that i was going to be taken back because i had had too much to drink. she has always been the one to be able to calm me down but this time i just couldnt. i could hear what i was saying but it felt like a bad dream. then as quickly as it came, it was over. i was still a bit tipsy but i wasnt freaking out like i was before.
I need help...is this normal? did the alcohol cause it? am i going back into my depression?
Sponsor
hergy
02-13-2007, 03:44 AM
The root of your problem is real and should be addressed. Depression is serious and a professional counselor, a psychiatrist or therapist, is an ideal guide for finding out how to properly treat the problem.
However, alcohol is a depressant. If you're already down, any amount won't help matters, but will pull you lower. Plus, it's hard to hold back when alcohol has relaxed you enough to freely express yourself, sometimes without discretion.
Address the issues that are bringing you down with a professional who can help. Steer clear of the alcohol. You may notice that it's not affecting others like it's affecting you, but everyone is different and not everyone is depressed. Don't compare yourself with others. Participating in every activity your friends do doesn't erase the issues that already exist.
Take care of yourself. You deserve to feel better.
Nikki
However, alcohol is a depressant. If you're already down, any amount won't help matters, but will pull you lower. Plus, it's hard to hold back when alcohol has relaxed you enough to freely express yourself, sometimes without discretion.
Address the issues that are bringing you down with a professional who can help. Steer clear of the alcohol. You may notice that it's not affecting others like it's affecting you, but everyone is different and not everyone is depressed. Don't compare yourself with others. Participating in every activity your friends do doesn't erase the issues that already exist.
Take care of yourself. You deserve to feel better.
Nikki
ICC
02-13-2007, 08:51 AM
finegane --- I am right beside Nikki on this one. In my opinion starting with reading others posts making you sade/blue is perfectly normal. I think we have all been there. I know I have. Had to take a break because others hurts were bringing mine to the surface. OK so you were already down and issues were coming to light. the effect alcohol has on this is to lower your inhibitions, bring your emotions to the surface and it is much harder to control while under the influence. I am not taking this in any negative way but as a way for you to understand that your issues are right there. counseling is your best bet and coming here frequently and unloading so that you are dealing on a concious level and not overwlemed with being under the influence. I know this because I have done it. I am not much of a drinker and never have been. On occassion i have a couple and having no constituion am bombed pretty quickly. Did it recently. Did it a few times after my daughter passed and it seemed to be the only way I COULD cry. and boy would I cry. uncontrollably for hours. Be careful, seek some good therapy and come here. we are here for you in whatever we can help with.
Love and Hugs,
Grasshopper
Love and Hugs,
Grasshopper
stick2013
02-13-2007, 06:23 PM
Finegane,
My advice to you is to first stop drinking....With PTSD we have a higher risk of becoming heavy drinkers to self medicate. So what starts out as social, can become a problem. Second, I think that you need to face your fears..... You have a fear of the Physc ward, so if there is any way that your therapist can take you to one to face your fear, I think that you can over come this......In order to overcome any anxiety..................YOU HAVE TO FACE YOUR FEAR, and WALK THROUGH IT!!!!!!!
Hugs,
Sid
My advice to you is to first stop drinking....With PTSD we have a higher risk of becoming heavy drinkers to self medicate. So what starts out as social, can become a problem. Second, I think that you need to face your fears..... You have a fear of the Physc ward, so if there is any way that your therapist can take you to one to face your fear, I think that you can over come this......In order to overcome any anxiety..................YOU HAVE TO FACE YOUR FEAR, and WALK THROUGH IT!!!!!!!
Hugs,
Sid
finegane
02-13-2007, 06:50 PM
Thanks all for the support and advice.
First off, I want to clear my name a bit, I don't drink frequently, not even once a month. Also, when I do drink, it's not to get drunk. I only have a few drinks which for me, has an effect.
After saying that, I know I shouldn't drink. There are many reasons, but some of them include an alcoholic dad and grandfather, being on meds for depression, being depressed in general...and so on.
I don't plan on drinking anytime soon, but I can almost guareente that I will on April 11, it is my 21st birthday! :jester:
I do appreciate the advice, and I understand where everyone is coming from.
First off, I want to clear my name a bit, I don't drink frequently, not even once a month. Also, when I do drink, it's not to get drunk. I only have a few drinks which for me, has an effect.
After saying that, I know I shouldn't drink. There are many reasons, but some of them include an alcoholic dad and grandfather, being on meds for depression, being depressed in general...and so on.
I don't plan on drinking anytime soon, but I can almost guareente that I will on April 11, it is my 21st birthday! :jester:
I do appreciate the advice, and I understand where everyone is coming from.
ICC
02-13-2007, 06:58 PM
Sid---did you write that down? you are the calendar girl here.
Love you,
Grasshopper xo
Love you,
Grasshopper xo
hergy
02-13-2007, 11:32 PM
Don't worry, finegane, I didn't make any assumptions about your lifestyle from your post.
If I could, I'd have a bit occasionally. Like you, a family history of alcoholism, my medication and the awful effects of alcohol on a depressed mind make drinking off-limits for me.
I like beer, but the last time I had some, I got very sick because of my medications (I guess I should've been paying more attention to those warnings taped on the bottles:rolleyes: ).
Don't let alcohol turn April 11 into a bad day for you. Take care of yourself.:)
Love,
Nikki
If I could, I'd have a bit occasionally. Like you, a family history of alcoholism, my medication and the awful effects of alcohol on a depressed mind make drinking off-limits for me.
I like beer, but the last time I had some, I got very sick because of my medications (I guess I should've been paying more attention to those warnings taped on the bottles:rolleyes: ).
Don't let alcohol turn April 11 into a bad day for you. Take care of yourself.:)
Love,
Nikki
finegane
02-13-2007, 11:42 PM
red_five,
thanks for the concern, and for sharing your problems with drinking too...it makes me feel not so alone. my 21st birthday will be fun, saturday i was bummed because my boyfriend didnt come to the party like he said he would, something he does often. thats probably what was making me upset.
this thought keeps running through my head tho: i am 20 years old....why can't i just be a normal person? why can't i go out and drink too much like everyone else does and not have such side effects.
sorry, that was my personal pity party. it happens every now and again.
everyone cross your fingers for lots of snow in MA so i dont have to go to class tomorrow! :)
thanks for the concern, and for sharing your problems with drinking too...it makes me feel not so alone. my 21st birthday will be fun, saturday i was bummed because my boyfriend didnt come to the party like he said he would, something he does often. thats probably what was making me upset.
this thought keeps running through my head tho: i am 20 years old....why can't i just be a normal person? why can't i go out and drink too much like everyone else does and not have such side effects.
sorry, that was my personal pity party. it happens every now and again.
everyone cross your fingers for lots of snow in MA so i dont have to go to class tomorrow! :)
hergy
02-14-2007, 12:00 AM
Finegane,
My therapist has to tell me this pretty often: "Who's to say what normal is? Everyone's normal is different."
I've never known of someone who drank too much that didn't have a bad side effect. They were either vomiting, blacking out, using very bad judgement or experiencing some other bad side effect. Alcohol overindulgence, even just weekend stuff, also takes a long-term toll on the body. You're not missing out on something special. Your friends aren't escaping bad effects.
Some years ago, after downing almost an entire fifth of rum on my own, I have no pleasant memories connected with my evening on the floor of my bathroom.:dizzy: Too much alcohol is poison to your body. I could've died from that evening with my bottle.
Hey, what's with you guys?! I loved the snow when I was up there! Ever wonder why Southerners walk so darn slow? The air down here weighs a ton! In summer, it's like wearing a blanket in an oven!:blob_fire
Best wishes,
Nikki
My therapist has to tell me this pretty often: "Who's to say what normal is? Everyone's normal is different."
I've never known of someone who drank too much that didn't have a bad side effect. They were either vomiting, blacking out, using very bad judgement or experiencing some other bad side effect. Alcohol overindulgence, even just weekend stuff, also takes a long-term toll on the body. You're not missing out on something special. Your friends aren't escaping bad effects.
Some years ago, after downing almost an entire fifth of rum on my own, I have no pleasant memories connected with my evening on the floor of my bathroom.:dizzy: Too much alcohol is poison to your body. I could've died from that evening with my bottle.
Hey, what's with you guys?! I loved the snow when I was up there! Ever wonder why Southerners walk so darn slow? The air down here weighs a ton! In summer, it's like wearing a blanket in an oven!:blob_fire
Best wishes,
Nikki
stick2013
02-14-2007, 05:54 AM
Dear Finegane,
I also wanted you to know that I wasn't passing judgment on you drinking. Just stating facts about people with PTSD. Drinking CAN become a problem. I am living proof of that. Drinking became one of my ways of NOT dealing with PTSD. We only have a couple inches of snow here, how is it where you are Finegane??????
So have fun on your birthday, but be careful......
ICC....It's on the calendar.
Nikki........I HATE THE SNOW!!!!!!!! If I could I would send it ALL your way...
Love you guys.....
Sid
I also wanted you to know that I wasn't passing judgment on you drinking. Just stating facts about people with PTSD. Drinking CAN become a problem. I am living proof of that. Drinking became one of my ways of NOT dealing with PTSD. We only have a couple inches of snow here, how is it where you are Finegane??????
So have fun on your birthday, but be careful......
ICC....It's on the calendar.
Nikki........I HATE THE SNOW!!!!!!!! If I could I would send it ALL your way...
Love you guys.....
Sid
ICC
02-14-2007, 07:58 AM
Finegane--- i would also like to express that I was not passing judgement either. we have all been there and know that it makes matters worse and sometimes brings out the worst feelings you can imagine. worse than when you are not having a few. You mentioned your boyfriend not showing up and that he does this often. I am going to be Sid for a moment.How long have you been with him? do you have a good relationship? is he supportive of your issues and suffering? If not my opinion is that he can be a hinderance to your recovery. As you can see you thought maybe it made matters worse because he was a no show. I was married to a no show for 25 years. after dating the no show for 4 years you think I would have known this would not be a good marriage. Be good to yourelf first.
Hugs,
Grasshopper
Hugs,
Grasshopper
Sannah
02-14-2007, 09:40 AM
Finegane, I have thought often about why I couldn't have had a normal life and why did I have the life where I had to work so hard to get past all of the bad issues that were dumped in my lap. I have come to the conclusion that the only way to look at it in a good way is to just get busy and improve my life so that I can enjoy it. Crying about it just wastes time that could be used to improve it. I am a Capricorn, however, and we are the workers of the Zodiac. If someone told us that we had to move that mountain over there we would walk over to it and get started and actually enjoy it! Isn't this correct, ICC?
ICC
02-14-2007, 10:58 AM
LOL sannah---I would be by your side moving it and stay until job was completed. We do have staying power don't we? I have to agree with living a hard life. It has made me who I am and as strong, kind and loving as I am. No regrets. If i didn't marry the abusive alcoholic I wouldn't have the 3 beautiful daughters that I gave birth too. My 2 living daughters have become my best friends and my middle daughter who passed was before her passing. She was only 21 but what a mature, loving young woman she was. I am proud of my kids. So changing my life and not experiencing the traumas I have would make me different and I like me.
Love to all,
Grasshopper
Love to all,
Grasshopper
stick2013
02-14-2007, 11:04 AM
Even with all of the abuse, trauma, and hurt that I have been through I too wouldn't change much in my life. it has made me who I am..... I like me....A diamond in the rough, a little rough around the edges, needs some polish now and then, but hell who wants to be perfect........
Hugs,
Sid
Hugs,
Sid
galinaqt
02-14-2007, 04:28 PM
It seems to me that everybody at all have ptsd related issue some more another less. I have a cousin a little bit older than me who is as normal as one could be.
When she was a teenager she was badly treated in camp by other kids. Once we were passing elderly leaving house and she saw there cafeteria through the window and started running like crazy.
I've asked her what happened and she said that tables were same shape and had similiar tableclothes as those in that camp many years ago.
Why some people can handle it another don't?
When she was a teenager she was badly treated in camp by other kids. Once we were passing elderly leaving house and she saw there cafeteria through the window and started running like crazy.
I've asked her what happened and she said that tables were same shape and had similiar tableclothes as those in that camp many years ago.
Why some people can handle it another don't?
finegane
02-15-2007, 12:04 AM
My relationship with my boyfriend is amazing. He has stuck with me through the hardest times of my life. We've been together for over 2 years and I love him to death. As far as him being supportive, he definetly is, but he doesn't see why I can't leave the past behind. Which is true, I suppose. He keeps me level headed, and when I start to take things and run with them, he grabs me and brings me back. I don't know what I would do without him.
Thanks for not passing judgement on me, and sorry if I seemed offended, I am used to people hurting my feelings and have started standing up for myself. I'm working on it :)
Thanks for not passing judgement on me, and sorry if I seemed offended, I am used to people hurting my feelings and have started standing up for myself. I'm working on it :)
ICC
02-15-2007, 08:29 AM
Hi finegane----I'm glad you didn't mind my questions. I figured is you had a good relationship with your boyfriend it would remind you and reinforce feelings of security and if you didn't it would make you think. Glad you are starting to speak up. It's really good for us to be in a place in our minds where we WILL NOT ALLOW any more hurts. God bless you and keep you safe. We have that 21st to celebrate. very exciting.
Hugs,
Grasshopper
Hugs,
Grasshopper
finegane
02-16-2007, 01:23 AM
So here's my update...if anyone cares to know...
I talked to my counselor today, and we decided that I am someone that really shouldnt drink too much. We talked about the fact that if I can stop myself when I feel good, which for me is about 2 beers, then I probably won't have the same emotional breakdowns that I usually do. Before the hospital, I would just get really mad when I was drunk and punch things, usually walls or metal things. Not good. Anyways, she explained how the brain works to me, which was cool because I like to see the way things work, I guess it's the future engineer in me. So, I've decided if I'm going to drink (next time will probably be my birthday) that I need to learn and remember to alternate, a beer, a cup of water...etc. This way I can enjoy the social scene of hanging out with my friends without having to worry about getting too drunk. She said that she thinks what happened to me that night was just too drunk to stop any inhibitions, and I let my fear overwhelm me. I didn't like it at all, so I won't be drinking like that again anytime soon.
Someone was asking about the snow...we got about 5 or 6 inches between Tuesday night and Thursday morning, but we got a lot of sleet, so it made for very slippery surfaces.
Hope everyone is doing well.
I talked to my counselor today, and we decided that I am someone that really shouldnt drink too much. We talked about the fact that if I can stop myself when I feel good, which for me is about 2 beers, then I probably won't have the same emotional breakdowns that I usually do. Before the hospital, I would just get really mad when I was drunk and punch things, usually walls or metal things. Not good. Anyways, she explained how the brain works to me, which was cool because I like to see the way things work, I guess it's the future engineer in me. So, I've decided if I'm going to drink (next time will probably be my birthday) that I need to learn and remember to alternate, a beer, a cup of water...etc. This way I can enjoy the social scene of hanging out with my friends without having to worry about getting too drunk. She said that she thinks what happened to me that night was just too drunk to stop any inhibitions, and I let my fear overwhelm me. I didn't like it at all, so I won't be drinking like that again anytime soon.
Someone was asking about the snow...we got about 5 or 6 inches between Tuesday night and Thursday morning, but we got a lot of sleet, so it made for very slippery surfaces.
Hope everyone is doing well.
ICC
02-16-2007, 02:58 PM
finegane---- we all care about updates and look for them. Glad your session went well. were you comfortable with the answers you got? Alcohol and drugs lower the inhibitions to the point of being out of control at times. None of us can drink and function like someone without PTSD does. When I was younger I would drink once or twice a year when the frustration and anger built up so badly that it was the only way I could find to relax and let go of it. All the hurts were still there if not worse the next day. We're here for you whenever you need to talk.
Hugs,
Grasshopper
Hugs,
Grasshopper
stick2013
02-16-2007, 04:19 PM
Finegane,
I am glad that you understand now about the effects of the bottle. If you can control yourself to just a couple you should be fine. Getting out of control on booze is NOT a good thing to do. It can cause some pretty bad experiences.... LIMIT, LIMIT, LIMIT!!!!!!!!!
Love hearing from you.... By the way, we got 18 inches here, and a ton of sleet and ice too.... YUCK!!!!!! Is spring here yet????????
Hugs,
Sid
I am glad that you understand now about the effects of the bottle. If you can control yourself to just a couple you should be fine. Getting out of control on booze is NOT a good thing to do. It can cause some pretty bad experiences.... LIMIT, LIMIT, LIMIT!!!!!!!!!
Love hearing from you.... By the way, we got 18 inches here, and a ton of sleet and ice too.... YUCK!!!!!! Is spring here yet????????
Hugs,
Sid
ICC
02-16-2007, 04:33 PM
Sid---- we have had a really mild winter here. Now ICE, ICE AND MORE ICE. I can't stand it and would just like to see the sun, no wind and maybe just 50 and i would be happy . it's so difficult getting around.
Love you hon,
Grasshopper
Love you hon,
Grasshopper
stick2013
02-16-2007, 04:39 PM
ICC,
I just want SPRING.... I also have S.A.D. Seasonal Affective Disorder....So winter is a double whammy on me as far as depression is concerned..... Especially now....Feb, and March are bad months for me with the depression. I pray that I will get through the next 6 -7 weeks...UGH!!!!
The wind here is blowing so hard you have a hard time just standing outside. YUCK......Ok Off to be with the puppy till Monday.......
Hugs guys, if I get a chance, I will run home and post...
Sid
I just want SPRING.... I also have S.A.D. Seasonal Affective Disorder....So winter is a double whammy on me as far as depression is concerned..... Especially now....Feb, and March are bad months for me with the depression. I pray that I will get through the next 6 -7 weeks...UGH!!!!
The wind here is blowing so hard you have a hard time just standing outside. YUCK......Ok Off to be with the puppy till Monday.......
Hugs guys, if I get a chance, I will run home and post...
Sid