Ok, I need some serious help.

First my son started to have these outrageous tantrum--I went on here and got some nice tips and he is having less of them. Good. But now, a new habit has emerged...

Hitting. Smacking. Slapping.

I can't take it really, and sometimes it HURTS! And when I sit him down and yell at him for smacking, he just hits me more! Everything is resolved by hitting...I tell him not to touch the stove, and he hits it out of anger! He doesn't want to eat anymore? He hits my hand. And don't get me on changing his diaper...you woudl think that I was beating him with the way he struggles and twists and fights

So what do I do? How can I get it across to him that hitting HURTS and it's not a nice thing to do? I try to talk to him softly, or I will tell him to be nice, or I ignore him....but man, nothing is working! Is this just a phase? Or will I be calling supernanny in a few years???

Help!

If you are spanking him when you repermand him for hitting, he is learning nothing. Because you are doing what is bad. I would have a place that he can not get out of and put him on time out. Tell him very calmly, you hit, it is wrong, you are not allowed to, now you have to sit on time out. And put him on the side lines for a few minutes. You have to be consistent with whatever method you choose in order for it to work. Every time it has to be the same thing. After he has calmed down, let him know you love him and remind him again that it is not okay to hit but that it is okay to be angry about something. You have to help him find a way to express his angry appropriately. The problem is toddlers who have a limited vocabulary and lack the maturity to express themselves act out. They are not old enough to understand their feelings but they can hit or throw a fit. Now if my DS throws a temper tantrum, I usually step back and watch without saying a word until he is done. Then I talk to him about how he feels. I imagine he has no idea all of what I mean but my tone of voice gets through my point. Most times as soon as he sees me or DH just standing there like a statue he stops. Since he realizes things aren't happening when he acts like that.

If you are spanking him when you repermand him for hitting, he is learning nothing. Because you are doing what is bad.

I totally agree. If mommy and daddy are hitting (in this case, spanking) then he thinks hitting is okay. You spank him when he is angry, so when he is angry he hits you. You are modeling the behavior for him. Toddlers are too young to understand the difference between hitting and spanking.

I don't know what I said to make anyone think I am hitting my child back, but I don't. I was asking for options besides spanking him.

Just a verification.

I didn't think you were hitting your child back. I'm just saying that if you are spanking him, then he is learning to hit when he is angry. And I'm not one of those people who thinks nobody should spank their kids.

Have there been any big changes in his life that would cause this kind of anger?

Also, what does he watch on t.v? All kids go through a hitting phase to some extent, but punching, in my opinion, has to be learned somewhere. We adopted our DS#2 out of foster care at age 2 1/2, and he was sooooooo aggressive and violent. His foster family let him and his older brother (DS#1 who was 4 at the time) watch terribly violent movies like The Matrix. They were also allowed to watch violent cartoons all day long. DS#1 has never showed any violent tendancies or aggression, but DS#2 has always been aggressive. Everything he plays is hitting or fighting. He has never hit me or my DH, but he has hit his two brothers. We're constantly telling him no hitting and no fighting. It's been 2 1/2 years now, and he still does it.

As far as what to do: consistancy, consistancy, consistancy. I would calmly tell him no hitting, and then put him in a playpen, or some area that he can not get out of, until he calms down. At such a young age they don't understand a lot of talking, so keep it simple. Once he has calmed down, hug him and tell him again no hitting. You have to do it everytime though.

Good luck, I hope you find something that works...

I wasn't saying you were spanking either. I am not against it but I just wanted to go over that option.

Your punishment should be very quick. Tell him "no" and then walk away. No lecturing or anything too lengthy. Parents often think they have to go into detail on why they don't want their children to do something. Children do not understand this.

Thank you so much for all of your responses! I wasn't upset or anything, I just wanted to clarify that part so no one thought I was promoting violence by hitting him back.

It's funny that you bring up TV, because I only let him watch a few shows during the day-- blue's clues, the backyardagins and the wonder pets. I don't even really let him watch spongebob because I think some of the stuff on there are highly innapropriate....am I the only one who thinks this?

Anyways, I will admit I am a bit inconsistent with his discipline. I will do something different each time, and maybe that is confusing him?

I will try to be consistent with him for a few days and see how that works. I like the idea of taking him out of the situation and telling him no quickly and firmly. I wish I still had my pack n play up, but it won't fit in our tiny living room :(

I know many people who do not let their kids watch Sponge Bob. My DS is only 3 months so I haven't had to worry about that stuff yet.

Hi! My 17 month old went through a hitting phase several months ago as well and it was definately frustrating. At about 12 months I introduced time out and even though it took time and patience, it has become and awesome tool for curbing behaviors; the hitting included. Whenever she hit a person, I would simply and sternly say "No, hitting, not nice" and put her in her time out spot swiftly. To leave time out, I again say "no, hitting, not nice" and then she always hugs as her apology:)

When she would hit at things (which she did alot as well), I basically ignored it as I knew it was her way of communicating without words. Hitting people stopped after consistant time outs. Hitting at things has lessened alot as her verbal skills increase and I think as she realizes it doesn't pay off in any way.

Hi! My 17 month old went through a hitting phase several months ago as well and it was definately frustrating. At about 12 months I introduced time out and even though it took time and patience, it has become and awesome tool for curbing behaviors; the hitting included. Whenever she hit a person, I would simply and sternly say "No, hitting, not nice" and put her in her time out spot swiftly. To leave time out, I again say "no, hitting, not nice" and then she always hugs as her apology:)

When she would hit at things (which she did alot as well), I basically ignored it as I knew it was her way of communicating without words. Hitting people stopped after consistant time outs. Hitting at things has lessened alot as her verbal skills increase and I think as she realizes it doesn't pay off in any way.


Yes! I laughed when I read this, because my son hits things when he gets frustrated as well...more like when I say, "Don't touch (insert object here)" and then he would hit the object in question. It's funny at first but then it evolved into hitting me!

I think I will start the time out thing. It seems like a good idea. How long do you usually keep your little one there?

I have always stuck with the one minute per year of age... Now she will do about 1.5 minutes.

At first it would take longer because she wouldn't always stay in her spot so I would stay by her but not look at her or respond to her. If she moved, I would say "time out" again and just put her back. It took a little while for her to comply, but not too long since I was consistant with the approach.

The biggest problem I faced is that after a couple months I would say "time out", she would walk to her spot, sit down and just sing or chat to herself until her time was up. So I changed it from sitting to standing facing the wall. She doesn't like that:p But.... it works. Now all I need to do is say "does Kennedy need a time out?" and she usually stops what she is doing.

Sometimes it is so hard not to laugh at the little naughty things they do. I have to really bite my tounge sometimes when I go to get my apology :D