hergy
02-16-2007, 01:25 AM
"Stop it. Stop it. Just stop it." Since I can remember, that's partly how I learned that I'm bad. Opening my mouth to express emotion is evil to my mom.
I'm trying to work on feeling good about myself. And I'm working overtime to get out of this house and away from those words. She used them on me today. Shutting me up when I'm expressing emotion is habit for her.
I'm working on cutting her off as far as this is concerned. But I live here for now. I'm trying to prevent my emotions from hiding, so I'm so tempted to spill it all out before her. But, not only would that do no good, it wouldn't help my relationship with her. Everyone's got their limitations.
I guess I don't have a question. Just disappointment and frustration. I'm trying to stand up, but I've got to do it in secret. This is a big one to add to my anger list.
I'm trying to work on feeling good about myself. And I'm working overtime to get out of this house and away from those words. She used them on me today. Shutting me up when I'm expressing emotion is habit for her.
I'm working on cutting her off as far as this is concerned. But I live here for now. I'm trying to prevent my emotions from hiding, so I'm so tempted to spill it all out before her. But, not only would that do no good, it wouldn't help my relationship with her. Everyone's got their limitations.
I guess I don't have a question. Just disappointment and frustration. I'm trying to stand up, but I've got to do it in secret. This is a big one to add to my anger list.
Sponsor
galinaqt
02-16-2007, 02:48 PM
Last time I saw my mom it was I tell her word she told me 100 back and it doesn't lead to anything good. I have to stay with her next week for 2 nights and I am threatened it will repeat. It is hard not to say anything, but if I say it is like open a door for troubles and then I feel bad for weeks.
May be you can spill your emotions here not to your mother. I have same problem. Another good way ICC suggested write a letter to the person and then burn it.
May be you can spill your emotions here not to your mother. I have same problem. Another good way ICC suggested write a letter to the person and then burn it.
ICC
02-16-2007, 03:08 PM
Nikki---if you have to yell how you feel out, do it. Please concentrate on yourself and not your relationship with anyone including your mother. Being made to hold it in as a child got you here. you're an adult now and have the right to speak up whether it hurts someone else's feelings or not. You cannot sit in the house trying to recover and biting your tongue at the same time. If you have to leave the room or the house and say" I'm leaving right now because I am hurting and know that there is no point in talking to you, I will be back when you are ready to listen calmly without judging" just do it. and if she's never ready or supportive of you then it is her loss. You are a wonderful young woman who has taken trmemndous strides in the past few weeks and cannot allow anyone to push you back. YOU ARE WORTH TOO MUCH MORE!
i love you, talk to me! I will never tell you to shut up:p
Grasshopper
i love you, talk to me! I will never tell you to shut up:p
Grasshopper
stick2013
02-16-2007, 04:09 PM
Dear Nikki,
I won't tell you to "STOP IT" either..... For whatever reason, your mother is NOT willing to listen. (Mine wasn't either) If you need to tell her then write her a letter, or suggest that she go with you to your therapist meeting. If she refuses then write her the letter. You don't have to be mean, vindictive, angry, hateful, or upset in the letter. Just let her know how you feel about what was done to you, and how it has affected you today as an adult. Don't attack her, don't let her feel that she has let you down in anyway.....The letter should be about you and your feelings.
She can't accept the things that have affected you, she doesn't want to hear how all of this is her fault, she can't cope with it. She may be able in the future, but for now she can't or won't.....My advice would be to start out small and gradually build things up. If all else fails, you could always ask your therapist for a family intervention. And more or less FORCE her to sit and listen to what you have to say.
I think that you HAVE to get this stuff out, and I am so proud of you for trying........I guess it's just going to be baby steps right now hon......
Love you bunches, and bunches........I am proud of how far you have come!!!!!! Way to go girlfriend....
Hugs,
Sid
I won't tell you to "STOP IT" either..... For whatever reason, your mother is NOT willing to listen. (Mine wasn't either) If you need to tell her then write her a letter, or suggest that she go with you to your therapist meeting. If she refuses then write her the letter. You don't have to be mean, vindictive, angry, hateful, or upset in the letter. Just let her know how you feel about what was done to you, and how it has affected you today as an adult. Don't attack her, don't let her feel that she has let you down in anyway.....The letter should be about you and your feelings.
She can't accept the things that have affected you, she doesn't want to hear how all of this is her fault, she can't cope with it. She may be able in the future, but for now she can't or won't.....My advice would be to start out small and gradually build things up. If all else fails, you could always ask your therapist for a family intervention. And more or less FORCE her to sit and listen to what you have to say.
I think that you HAVE to get this stuff out, and I am so proud of you for trying........I guess it's just going to be baby steps right now hon......
Love you bunches, and bunches........I am proud of how far you have come!!!!!! Way to go girlfriend....
Hugs,
Sid
ICC
02-16-2007, 04:31 PM
Nikki----I know I am being harsh with you right now and you know it's not to hurt you. I have been there with my mother. Hard as i've tried to talk to her, help her to understand my feelings and hurts she just wouldn't listen. would shut me up immediately until one year ago. I was 52 years old and still trying. You know I realize now I didn't stand a snowball in hell trting to hava an honest grown up mother/daughter realtionship with her. I would have never even begun the healing process with her in my life. she stifled me for so long I gave up. Please don't let that happen to you. If she can't handle it right now concentrate on yourself and whatever other avenues you can take. accept it and God willing someday things will be different. it's about you right now sweetheart, no one else.
Love you,
Grasshopper xo
Love you,
Grasshopper xo
Phoenix
02-16-2007, 06:11 PM
"Stop it. Stop it. Just stop it." Since I can remember, that's partly how I learned that I'm bad. Opening my mouth to express emotion is evil to my mom.
I'm trying to work on feeling good about myself. And I'm working overtime to get out of this house and away from those words. She used them on me today. Shutting me up when I'm expressing emotion is habit for her.
I'm working on cutting her off as far as this is concerned. But I live here for now. I'm trying to prevent my emotions from hiding, so I'm so tempted to spill it all out before her. But, not only would that do no good, it wouldn't help my relationship with her. Everyone's got their limitations.
I guess I don't have a question. Just disappointment and frustration. I'm trying to stand up, but I've got to do it in secret. This is a big one to add to my anger list.
Dear Sis,
I have four words for you "Let's Keep It Moving." The "it" could be whatever you want it to.
My parents never taught me how to express emotions and whenever I would attempt, even to my babysitter, I would be told to shut up.
I am angry, I am depressed, my entire body is aching and weak, I have headaches and my father just doesn't understand.
So what did I do?
I accepted that he is not going to change and I am constantly.
I am growing, for once in my life and it is "interesting," to say the least.
L.K.I.M. is a way of thinking, not meant to trivialize your situation in the least bit.
I am not going to let anyone or anything get in my way; I will go around or over you to get to my goal and you can either help or hinder me; I leave no room for "grey areas" here.
This is my life and I have to live it; no one else.
Come with me, sis and we will journey this path together.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Ps- I still reserve the right to be angry and I will keep it until I am able to twist it on one finger, like a basketball and then shoot a "three."
I'm trying to work on feeling good about myself. And I'm working overtime to get out of this house and away from those words. She used them on me today. Shutting me up when I'm expressing emotion is habit for her.
I'm working on cutting her off as far as this is concerned. But I live here for now. I'm trying to prevent my emotions from hiding, so I'm so tempted to spill it all out before her. But, not only would that do no good, it wouldn't help my relationship with her. Everyone's got their limitations.
I guess I don't have a question. Just disappointment and frustration. I'm trying to stand up, but I've got to do it in secret. This is a big one to add to my anger list.
Dear Sis,
I have four words for you "Let's Keep It Moving." The "it" could be whatever you want it to.
My parents never taught me how to express emotions and whenever I would attempt, even to my babysitter, I would be told to shut up.
I am angry, I am depressed, my entire body is aching and weak, I have headaches and my father just doesn't understand.
So what did I do?
I accepted that he is not going to change and I am constantly.
I am growing, for once in my life and it is "interesting," to say the least.
L.K.I.M. is a way of thinking, not meant to trivialize your situation in the least bit.
I am not going to let anyone or anything get in my way; I will go around or over you to get to my goal and you can either help or hinder me; I leave no room for "grey areas" here.
This is my life and I have to live it; no one else.
Come with me, sis and we will journey this path together.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Ps- I still reserve the right to be angry and I will keep it until I am able to twist it on one finger, like a basketball and then shoot a "three."
ICC
02-17-2007, 08:36 AM
FTM**** My friend, I was worried about you but after reading this last post no longer am. You have come out of your fears, pain, anger stronger than you were. I can here it in your words. God bless you. You have an agenda and will stick with it. Seeing that your father wasn't moving in your direction and continuing on your own path is so positive. I am pleased for you. L.K.I.M.
Phoenix
02-17-2007, 08:41 AM
Dear Grasshopper,
Yes, my dear; L.K.I.M. indeed!:D
I'm..........getting...............bette r.
Thanks for the support.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Yes, my dear; L.K.I.M. indeed!:D
I'm..........getting...............bette r.
Thanks for the support.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
ICC
02-17-2007, 09:48 AM
and I am happy for the postive changes I have seen in you. sometimes that little break I ahve always said makes us come back stronger. Glad you took yours.
Love you and have the uppermost of respect for your strength of conviction!
Grasshopper
Love you and have the uppermost of respect for your strength of conviction!
Grasshopper
stick2013
02-17-2007, 11:47 AM
FTM,
I am so glad that you finally "get it" too.........:) :) :) :) I have said repeatedly, "We can either stay victims, or we can change. We have the power within to do it. It is a choice, stay a victim, or become healthy. Change thought patterns. from bad to good." I am with you, I choose to be healthy.....:) :) :) We all need to focus on the future, not on the past!!!!!
Hugs,
Sid
I am so glad that you finally "get it" too.........:) :) :) :) I have said repeatedly, "We can either stay victims, or we can change. We have the power within to do it. It is a choice, stay a victim, or become healthy. Change thought patterns. from bad to good." I am with you, I choose to be healthy.....:) :) :) We all need to focus on the future, not on the past!!!!!
Hugs,
Sid
ICC
02-17-2007, 12:11 PM
Sid----it took me awhile:dizzy: to "get it" but you are 100% right. We can do nothing about the past, it is what it is, BUT the decision to move on is ours. If we don't move on we are keeping ourselves in the victimized state of mind. I remember being so much worse years ago as that's exactly what I felt like A VICTIM. and for years i saw no way out. Then more hurts would come my way and they just reinforced the victim mode. Now i see that there is always a possiblity of being hurt but it is within my power and control to prevent as much as I can. somethings there is nothing you can do about but so mnay others there is. I love you for the freind you have become and the person you are.
Grasshopper xo
Grasshopper xo
Sannah
02-17-2007, 01:32 PM
I am not going to let anyone or anything get in my way; I will go around or over you to get to my goal
Nikki, FTM has something here. You will never make your mother change. To get her to validate what you have gone through will just waste your time and your precious emotional/mental energy. I will never have that wonderful normal relationship with my mother. I do have A relationship with her and I had to settle for what was possible. This is terrible that she tells you to shut up over your issues. I just wouldn't share any of this with her anymore. She just can't handle it and she probably never will be able to handle it. What can you do? Move on with your own life and leave her behind. Maybe what you want from her is validation of what happened to you. You probably will only get your own validation but this is the most important part.
Nikki, FTM has something here. You will never make your mother change. To get her to validate what you have gone through will just waste your time and your precious emotional/mental energy. I will never have that wonderful normal relationship with my mother. I do have A relationship with her and I had to settle for what was possible. This is terrible that she tells you to shut up over your issues. I just wouldn't share any of this with her anymore. She just can't handle it and she probably never will be able to handle it. What can you do? Move on with your own life and leave her behind. Maybe what you want from her is validation of what happened to you. You probably will only get your own validation but this is the most important part.
ICC
02-17-2007, 01:40 PM
Nikki----I agree with sannah in that your mother maybe cannot or just does not want to hear it and validate your feelings. it may be painful to her but in the meantime she is creating more pain for you. Sannah you are lucky to have any relationship with your mother. I have none. I could not get through to her and I was the one who was hurt each and every time we talked or were together. My decision was that if she couldn't treat me with the same respect and kindness I gave her that I would no longer be a part of her life or her mine. I gave her ample warning. Nikki this is something you ahve to be prepared for and accept. Don't try to change her thoughts, feelings or opinions. it is a waste of time. if she is going tocome around it will be on her terms. You have a full plate and it's all about your healing right now.
Hugs,
Grasshopper
Hugs,
Grasshopper
Sannah
02-17-2007, 01:49 PM
ICC, maybe with my mom I was able to have some relationship with her because she wasn't abusive just neglectful. She never really said anything mean or hit anything. As an adult she never said anything hateful to me. If she was continuing to hurt me this would be a different story. I did try at one point to "educate" her on what happened but gave up once I realized this wasn't going to get anywhere.
orchardlady
02-18-2007, 12:32 PM
Nikki, I know it is of no comfort to say that your mother sounds like she has her own issues. Like everyone with issues, sounds like she is responding as many do by taking out on others what we don't understand about ourselves...hence, since the other person can't put a stop to what they see in themselves (either because they don't want to or don't know how to) they want other to stop what they do that is irritating.
Our children are a reflection on ourselves as parents. Possibly your mom is feeling inadequate because she can't help you, which you...a normal response...see as her nagging you with "stop it." All you want is l understanding, validation and probably a bit of help from her, and she doesn't have the capacity to do either.
Sannah wrote: Nikki, FTM has something here. You will never make your mother change. To get her to validate what you have gone through will just waste your time and your precious emotional/mental energy.
Nikki :angel: you are
I am 58 yrs old and TO THIS DAY I am still trying...wrecklessly to my own mental health...to find validation from my sisters.
In my head I know this will NEVER happen; their personal issues in their personal life, like your mom, shadow their lives and their "brick walls" won't allow them to let me in, or anyone else.
I my heart I want it very badly.
Dr.Jim and I, as I also did with my former therapist, continually work on this topic. It is something I just can't seem to let go of. BUT, I know that my life would be without a bit of the baggage I carry around if I could just drop it on the roadside and walk away from it.
I am wasting precious time on my need for validation form my selfish sisters. All I want from this is to validate that I have had a traumatic life, financial hardship and incurable health issues, while their lives have been quiet, peaceful lives, no children to raise, financially very comfortable and good health. I want them to know the daily challenges I face each and every day, including picking and picking until infection sets in. But...
I am wasting precious time on my need for validation form my selfish sisters.
YOU are a precious human being :angel:
YOU are precious to those of us on this board.
YOU are in tune with yourself or you wouldn't be posting to this board.
YOU are young and have a full life ahead of you.
I don't have to tell you that there are days we all get out of bed and just want to crawl back in and never come out again. I love my bed...I can hide all day in it...and have done so in the past...but I get myself in the shower and get dressed and move forward. Usually, by the end of the day I am glad I did.
I just spent a very hectic week, filled with others. Last night I finally came to a place in time where I could have a bit of time for myself...last night and today...so how did I reward myself...with control...what do I have control of...picking and the associated pain and seeing the blood under my fingernails!!
So, I can identify with your cutting...I just do it differently. I got out of the shower today and began my "ritual" of antibiotic and bandades.
Our children are a reflection on ourselves as parents. Possibly your mom is feeling inadequate because she can't help you, which you...a normal response...see as her nagging you with "stop it." All you want is l understanding, validation and probably a bit of help from her, and she doesn't have the capacity to do either.
Sannah wrote: Nikki, FTM has something here. You will never make your mother change. To get her to validate what you have gone through will just waste your time and your precious emotional/mental energy.
Nikki :angel: you are
I am 58 yrs old and TO THIS DAY I am still trying...wrecklessly to my own mental health...to find validation from my sisters.
In my head I know this will NEVER happen; their personal issues in their personal life, like your mom, shadow their lives and their "brick walls" won't allow them to let me in, or anyone else.
I my heart I want it very badly.
Dr.Jim and I, as I also did with my former therapist, continually work on this topic. It is something I just can't seem to let go of. BUT, I know that my life would be without a bit of the baggage I carry around if I could just drop it on the roadside and walk away from it.
I am wasting precious time on my need for validation form my selfish sisters. All I want from this is to validate that I have had a traumatic life, financial hardship and incurable health issues, while their lives have been quiet, peaceful lives, no children to raise, financially very comfortable and good health. I want them to know the daily challenges I face each and every day, including picking and picking until infection sets in. But...
I am wasting precious time on my need for validation form my selfish sisters.
YOU are a precious human being :angel:
YOU are precious to those of us on this board.
YOU are in tune with yourself or you wouldn't be posting to this board.
YOU are young and have a full life ahead of you.
I don't have to tell you that there are days we all get out of bed and just want to crawl back in and never come out again. I love my bed...I can hide all day in it...and have done so in the past...but I get myself in the shower and get dressed and move forward. Usually, by the end of the day I am glad I did.
I just spent a very hectic week, filled with others. Last night I finally came to a place in time where I could have a bit of time for myself...last night and today...so how did I reward myself...with control...what do I have control of...picking and the associated pain and seeing the blood under my fingernails!!
So, I can identify with your cutting...I just do it differently. I got out of the shower today and began my "ritual" of antibiotic and bandades.
Sannah
02-18-2007, 12:45 PM
Orchardlady, I have been thinking about you and wondering how your conference went. Validation is an excellent topic and you are right, you are wasting your time trying to wrestle it from others. In my opinion, people who think that their own validation isn't enough feel this way because they do not think that their own opinion is valuable enough. Your own validation is ALL that you need!
Now about your picking. You were stressed after being around others so you coped by punishing yourself? You can process why you did this.
Now about your picking. You were stressed after being around others so you coped by punishing yourself? You can process why you did this.
hergy
02-18-2007, 10:57 PM
Sid, galinaqt, ICC, orchardlady, Sannah and FTM,
I am so sorry that you guys have been here giving me awesome advice and I haven't even been lurking.
You each have given me such specific words of encouragement, guidance and support. That means a lot to me.
Thank you ALL.
I do wish my mom could level with me, you know, be real. But I think she never will. She does have issues.
The time she shut me up, the incident about which I started this thread, was when I was addressing a current issue unrelated to my past. She rejects ALL things emotional.
If I didn't have to live with her, this wouldn't be a problem. For now, I'm only emotionally 'free' when I'm out of the house. That's a pain because my therapist is encouraging me to feel, not ignore.
I don't expect anything from my three immediate family members anymore. I have chosen to step out of their dysfunctional hold, so, to them, I'm the 'black sheep.' I get judged a lot. That's harder to ignore than the other crap because I see them every day.
You guys are a tremendous help. Thanks for being here and not judging me.
Love,
Nikki
I am so sorry that you guys have been here giving me awesome advice and I haven't even been lurking.
You each have given me such specific words of encouragement, guidance and support. That means a lot to me.
Thank you ALL.
I do wish my mom could level with me, you know, be real. But I think she never will. She does have issues.
The time she shut me up, the incident about which I started this thread, was when I was addressing a current issue unrelated to my past. She rejects ALL things emotional.
If I didn't have to live with her, this wouldn't be a problem. For now, I'm only emotionally 'free' when I'm out of the house. That's a pain because my therapist is encouraging me to feel, not ignore.
I don't expect anything from my three immediate family members anymore. I have chosen to step out of their dysfunctional hold, so, to them, I'm the 'black sheep.' I get judged a lot. That's harder to ignore than the other crap because I see them every day.
You guys are a tremendous help. Thanks for being here and not judging me.
Love,
Nikki
orchardlady
02-18-2007, 11:38 PM
Nikki :angel:
I hear you and empathize with you in so many ways. Seems every time you post I see myself in you. How interesting we can be so far apart in age, but so similar in our mental reflex.
First, YOU ARE NOT the blacksheep...-noun; a person who causes shame or embarrassment because of deviation from the accepted standards of his or her group.
You have NOTHING to be ashamed of or embarrassed about!!
You may be the odd-man-out in the family...–noun; a method of selecting or eliminating a person from a group...just as I am the odd-man-out in my family.
I know that is the way with me on one side and them on the other because I have LIVED my life...survived trauma, turmoil, etc..taken risks...alas, yes, my life has been far less then pretty...continuing to survive by using my gift of tenacity to its fullest...-noun; persistent determination [to survive and put one foot in front of the other, moving forward.]
It is a shame that people choose to "eliminate" others from the group just because they are different.
Although I have these mental health issues...what a nice way to put it...I have lived inside and outside my "box," while my sisters shut themselves away. So, when I complain about them, I can also stop myself and look in the mirror and know that I LIVED life, while they have hidden themselves away in the safety of their personal "boxes."
As to feeling normal when not at home. That is not a feeling of safety. That is a feeling of escapism...–noun; the avoidance of reality by absorption of the mind in entertainment or in an imaginative situation, activity, etc.
I learned as a very young child about escapism. I lived on a middle class residential street. What is now a short street between two regular streets, use to be a vacant lot across the street from my childhood home. In the middle of that lot were two trees so close together that you could cross between one to the other. That was my place to escape. I would sit in those trees for hours...high above the ground...far away from reality.
These days, I escape to anywhere that is not home, while at the same time, wishing to be at home and comfy, cozy there, but home has never been comfy and cozy, so it is hard to feel that way. Even though my life has a fair bit of peace in it today and I SHOULD be able to feel peaceful here. I am trying to learn to find peace here, but I see that a true feeling of peace and comfort are years away.
SO to repeat myself:
YOU are a precious human being
YOU are precious to those of us on this board.
YOU are in tune with yourself or you wouldn't be posting to this board.
YOU are young and have a full life ahead of you.
Print these words and paste them somewhere ;)
(((((Hugs))))
Carolyn
p.s. wish we had as many Smilies here as we have in my PD board; and we can also upload items too!
I hear you and empathize with you in so many ways. Seems every time you post I see myself in you. How interesting we can be so far apart in age, but so similar in our mental reflex.
First, YOU ARE NOT the blacksheep...-noun; a person who causes shame or embarrassment because of deviation from the accepted standards of his or her group.
You have NOTHING to be ashamed of or embarrassed about!!
You may be the odd-man-out in the family...–noun; a method of selecting or eliminating a person from a group...just as I am the odd-man-out in my family.
I know that is the way with me on one side and them on the other because I have LIVED my life...survived trauma, turmoil, etc..taken risks...alas, yes, my life has been far less then pretty...continuing to survive by using my gift of tenacity to its fullest...-noun; persistent determination [to survive and put one foot in front of the other, moving forward.]
It is a shame that people choose to "eliminate" others from the group just because they are different.
Although I have these mental health issues...what a nice way to put it...I have lived inside and outside my "box," while my sisters shut themselves away. So, when I complain about them, I can also stop myself and look in the mirror and know that I LIVED life, while they have hidden themselves away in the safety of their personal "boxes."
As to feeling normal when not at home. That is not a feeling of safety. That is a feeling of escapism...–noun; the avoidance of reality by absorption of the mind in entertainment or in an imaginative situation, activity, etc.
I learned as a very young child about escapism. I lived on a middle class residential street. What is now a short street between two regular streets, use to be a vacant lot across the street from my childhood home. In the middle of that lot were two trees so close together that you could cross between one to the other. That was my place to escape. I would sit in those trees for hours...high above the ground...far away from reality.
These days, I escape to anywhere that is not home, while at the same time, wishing to be at home and comfy, cozy there, but home has never been comfy and cozy, so it is hard to feel that way. Even though my life has a fair bit of peace in it today and I SHOULD be able to feel peaceful here. I am trying to learn to find peace here, but I see that a true feeling of peace and comfort are years away.
SO to repeat myself:
YOU are a precious human being
YOU are precious to those of us on this board.
YOU are in tune with yourself or you wouldn't be posting to this board.
YOU are young and have a full life ahead of you.
Print these words and paste them somewhere ;)
(((((Hugs))))
Carolyn
p.s. wish we had as many Smilies here as we have in my PD board; and we can also upload items too!
hergy
02-19-2007, 01:40 AM
Thanks, orchardlady. We do share similar mindsets, I can tell by the way you explain yourself.
Your words are encouraging and really do bring comfort. I just wish my heart could take the words and make them true in my head.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I want that. I live with guilt and shame. Those feelings are consuming and painful.
I do want to escape my family's influence. They're words, judgement and negative attitudes bring me down.
I'm trying. Thank you for the lift.
Love,
Nikki
Your words are encouraging and really do bring comfort. I just wish my heart could take the words and make them true in my head.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I want that. I live with guilt and shame. Those feelings are consuming and painful.
I do want to escape my family's influence. They're words, judgement and negative attitudes bring me down.
I'm trying. Thank you for the lift.
Love,
Nikki
stick2013
02-19-2007, 07:55 AM
Nikki,
One of the things that my therapist taught me was this...... Change is NEVER easy, it is the hardest thing in life that we will ever do. AND it comes with a price.........The people that are around us DO NOT LIKE the person that we are BECOMING!!!!! THEY WILL DO WHATEVER THEY CAN.....To make us revert to our old ways. THEY are comfortable with the OLD person, and KNOW how that person reacts.......It is very easy to get pulled back into the OLD BEHAVIOR, so watch out....
Yes they are dysfunctional.......Have always been.......But you don't have to remain dysfunctional with them.......
You are doing a great job hon.....This must seem like a MOUNTAIN to you, but you can do it. Look back just a few short weeks, and SEE the PROGRESS that you have made.........:) :) :)
When your appointment is over today, call your BEST FRIEND, and go out and CELEBRATE the things that you have accomplished!!!!!!!! FEEL the freedom, FEEL the emotional high, BE PROUD OF YOU for all that you have done..... Then make a toast to the "NEW NIKKI" that has yet to be born........She is still evolving, but well on her way............
Many many squishy hugs, kisses, and much love your way.....You deserve it and more......
Hugs,
Sid
One of the things that my therapist taught me was this...... Change is NEVER easy, it is the hardest thing in life that we will ever do. AND it comes with a price.........The people that are around us DO NOT LIKE the person that we are BECOMING!!!!! THEY WILL DO WHATEVER THEY CAN.....To make us revert to our old ways. THEY are comfortable with the OLD person, and KNOW how that person reacts.......It is very easy to get pulled back into the OLD BEHAVIOR, so watch out....
Yes they are dysfunctional.......Have always been.......But you don't have to remain dysfunctional with them.......
You are doing a great job hon.....This must seem like a MOUNTAIN to you, but you can do it. Look back just a few short weeks, and SEE the PROGRESS that you have made.........:) :) :)
When your appointment is over today, call your BEST FRIEND, and go out and CELEBRATE the things that you have accomplished!!!!!!!! FEEL the freedom, FEEL the emotional high, BE PROUD OF YOU for all that you have done..... Then make a toast to the "NEW NIKKI" that has yet to be born........She is still evolving, but well on her way............
Many many squishy hugs, kisses, and much love your way.....You deserve it and more......
Hugs,
Sid
Sannah
02-19-2007, 12:34 PM
Nikki, this home environment that you describe is very important for your recovery. You cannot control how they behave. You can learn so much about yourself by processing this environment, though. This environment is what shaped you. If you did not live there now it might take longer to "reshape" yourself. By continuing to live in this environment you will understand much faster how it has affected you. This understanding is VITAL to your recovery. So look at it as a recovery tool! It will most definitely help to post interactions here so that we can help you analyze them - share with your therapist too. This is exactly how I recovered - by analyzing my interactions with others. We aren't really messed up in our heads so much but messed up in our interactions with others. Our messed up interactions with others, however, dose mess with our heads a bit, though, doesn't it. The way that I see it, though, is work on those interactions with others and this fixes our heads!