Phoenix
02-17-2007, 09:41 AM
Dear all,
We came to this site because we have one thing in common; PTSD.
There are times that our good days overshadow our bad and vice-versa.
WE collectively have a power that cannot be denied.
Most of the time, we have programmed ourselves to live a certain way and somewhere along the path, we misplaced the code.
It seems that the more we search for it and the closer we get, the better it seems to hide itself.
Thus we are truly hiding from ourselves.
Somewhere along the way, the data got corrupted without our knowledge by evil intruders, let's say, so even if we locate it, it is not the same way as we left it.
What no one has told us up until now, is that whatever we programmed, we can "de-program" and start building an even better system.
"We can rebuild it; we have the technology."
Not a person can get into our minds unless we provide access; strength.
There are times that many of us (including myself) have made excuses for our behaviors; WE are our behaviors.
We can "fight the good fight" or remain defeated, thus giving the victory to our disorders and traumas.
If one searches for "true normality" they will wither away trying.
Look for a better "Q.O.L." (Quality of Life) and begin there.
Look for ways of making this possible.
Know that damaged nerves have the potential to rejuvenate themselves andso do we.
It is going to be uncomfortable because the "rehabilitation" is similar to taking your first steps as a child.
We were "taugh" to take steps; it was us that literally did the walking; remember that.
We can and will "walk" again because..........
We Have The Power:blob_fire
Take care
God Bless
FTM
We came to this site because we have one thing in common; PTSD.
There are times that our good days overshadow our bad and vice-versa.
WE collectively have a power that cannot be denied.
Most of the time, we have programmed ourselves to live a certain way and somewhere along the path, we misplaced the code.
It seems that the more we search for it and the closer we get, the better it seems to hide itself.
Thus we are truly hiding from ourselves.
Somewhere along the way, the data got corrupted without our knowledge by evil intruders, let's say, so even if we locate it, it is not the same way as we left it.
What no one has told us up until now, is that whatever we programmed, we can "de-program" and start building an even better system.
"We can rebuild it; we have the technology."
Not a person can get into our minds unless we provide access; strength.
There are times that many of us (including myself) have made excuses for our behaviors; WE are our behaviors.
We can "fight the good fight" or remain defeated, thus giving the victory to our disorders and traumas.
If one searches for "true normality" they will wither away trying.
Look for a better "Q.O.L." (Quality of Life) and begin there.
Look for ways of making this possible.
Know that damaged nerves have the potential to rejuvenate themselves andso do we.
It is going to be uncomfortable because the "rehabilitation" is similar to taking your first steps as a child.
We were "taugh" to take steps; it was us that literally did the walking; remember that.
We can and will "walk" again because..........
We Have The Power:blob_fire
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Sponsor
stick2013
02-17-2007, 11:54 AM
FTM.........
:) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Nothing else is needed........
Hugs,
Sid
:) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Nothing else is needed........
Hugs,
Sid
zencat
02-17-2007, 11:58 AM
That’s exceedingly true. A good attitude will carry the darkest mood into the light. A positive attitude will do for you what a horrible mood will try to prevent you from doing. All you got to do is step out of the way and enjoy the ride. And what a ride it is! Crappy mood and all.
Zencat..;)
Zencat..;)
Sannah
02-17-2007, 01:35 PM
FTM, Amen!
SiberianSilence
02-18-2007, 09:39 AM
------------------------------------
Phoenix
02-18-2007, 11:04 AM
Dear SS,
Whoa!:eek:
It's a "hard-knock" life for each one of us and we all handle our injustices differently. No two people are exactly the same; I sense anger and frustration (to begin with).
Everyone is surely entitled to their opinion and I respect that but you are throwing pieces of puzzles out there and expecting us to fill in the pieces.
As this is your first post, we have not been afforded information as to your history.
I know that you are venting but I would like (if possible) for you to channel that energy into elaborating a bit more.
PTSD - If I were to tell you that a person can get into an automobile accident today(for example) and begin experiencing symptoms of PTSD when there were none present, would you believe me?
There is always a chance that one may fall, get up and fall again, on more than one occasion. Does that mean that life is over; no way.
Let's "talk."
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Whoa!:eek:
It's a "hard-knock" life for each one of us and we all handle our injustices differently. No two people are exactly the same; I sense anger and frustration (to begin with).
Everyone is surely entitled to their opinion and I respect that but you are throwing pieces of puzzles out there and expecting us to fill in the pieces.
As this is your first post, we have not been afforded information as to your history.
I know that you are venting but I would like (if possible) for you to channel that energy into elaborating a bit more.
PTSD - If I were to tell you that a person can get into an automobile accident today(for example) and begin experiencing symptoms of PTSD when there were none present, would you believe me?
There is always a chance that one may fall, get up and fall again, on more than one occasion. Does that mean that life is over; no way.
Let's "talk."
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Sannah
02-18-2007, 12:35 PM
Oh, this debate is going to be a good one! I love the topic of power because it can make or break your life! Everyone on this board was raised without feeling that they had any power. I had to learn that I had any. It is termed becoming empowered. Once you get your power you feel so strong that you feel that you can burst! We who didn't have it and then we find it, find this discovery especially rewarding (isn't this right Zencat!). Most everyone in the USA has power (or the potential for their own power) unless you are an illegal immigrant who has been smuggled into a sweat shop or a brothel. The USA is sweet because we have the best legal system in the world. If someone is violating your rights you call the police or you take them to court. The system isn't perfect but it mostly is. Siberian, you have given up! There is always a way to beat others when they are trying to interfere with your life. You haven't become empowered in your life yet but you can if you want to learn and try.
orchardlady
02-18-2007, 12:51 PM
Change is the end result of all true learning. Change involves three things: First, a dissatisfaction with self -- a felt void or need; second, a decision to change to fill the void or need; and third, a conscious dedication to the process of growth and change -- the willful act of making the change, doing something.
-- Leo Buscaglia
Any transition serious enough to alter your definition of self will require not just small adjustments in your way of living and thinking but a full-on metamorphosis.
-- Martha Beck, O Magazine, Growing Wings
I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.
-- Diane Ackerman
Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed.
-- Michael Pritchard
They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.
-- Andy Warhol
Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.
-- Carl Sandburg
Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.
-- Carol Burnett
The road to success leads through the valley of humility, and the path is up the ladder of patience and across the wide barren plains of perseverance. As yet, no short cut has ever been discovered.
-- Joseph J. Lamb
One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but cannot be taken away unless it is surrendered.
-- Michael J. Fox
-- Leo Buscaglia
Any transition serious enough to alter your definition of self will require not just small adjustments in your way of living and thinking but a full-on metamorphosis.
-- Martha Beck, O Magazine, Growing Wings
I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.
-- Diane Ackerman
Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed.
-- Michael Pritchard
They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.
-- Andy Warhol
Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.
-- Carl Sandburg
Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.
-- Carol Burnett
The road to success leads through the valley of humility, and the path is up the ladder of patience and across the wide barren plains of perseverance. As yet, no short cut has ever been discovered.
-- Joseph J. Lamb
One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but cannot be taken away unless it is surrendered.
-- Michael J. Fox
zencat
02-18-2007, 01:23 PM
Wisdom from the ages.
Being powerless over people, places and things was the hardest lesson I have ever learned. Knowing what I could and could not change was my greatest insight. Learning to value myself and change the one thing I could change: my perception. Was the greatest gift I have ever gave myself.
Most people change not because they see the light , its because they feel the heat. And some get burned to a crisp.
Pain is unavoidable.
Suffering is optional.
These are the things I KNOW, many DO NOT and WILL NOT understand. To them the above truth is an illusion. They can not or will not see this in their life time. There are such unfortunates. It is not their fault. I can not change this fact, only they have the power to change. At best, I can become the change I seek in others and encourage them to do the same.
I wish you the best. Siberian Silence
Zencat.
Being powerless over people, places and things was the hardest lesson I have ever learned. Knowing what I could and could not change was my greatest insight. Learning to value myself and change the one thing I could change: my perception. Was the greatest gift I have ever gave myself.
Most people change not because they see the light , its because they feel the heat. And some get burned to a crisp.
Pain is unavoidable.
Suffering is optional.
These are the things I KNOW, many DO NOT and WILL NOT understand. To them the above truth is an illusion. They can not or will not see this in their life time. There are such unfortunates. It is not their fault. I can not change this fact, only they have the power to change. At best, I can become the change I seek in others and encourage them to do the same.
I wish you the best. Siberian Silence
Zencat.
stick2013
02-18-2007, 01:31 PM
Dear Silence,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I feel sadness for you. I feel that you have given up, and have chosen to remain a victim. I wish you well. I will not try and convince you otherwise. If you wish to become healthy, then feel free to come back and BECOME HEALTHY.............
Sid
I feel sadness for you. I feel that you have given up, and have chosen to remain a victim. I wish you well. I will not try and convince you otherwise. If you wish to become healthy, then feel free to come back and BECOME HEALTHY.............
Sid
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 05:57 AM
Oh, this debate is going to be a good one! I love the topic of power because it can make or break your life! Everyone on this board was raised without feeling that they had any power. I had to learn that I had any. It is termed becoming empowered. Once you get your power you feel so strong that you feel that you can burst! We who didn't have it and then we find it, find this discovery especially rewarding (isn't this right Zencat!). Most everyone in the USA has power (or the potential for their own power) unless you are an illegal immigrant who has been smuggled into a sweat shop or a brothel. The USA is sweet because we have the best legal system in the world. If someone is violating your rights you call the police or you take them to court. The system isn't perfect but it mostly is. Siberian, you have given up! There is always a way to beat others when they are trying to interfere with your life. You haven't become empowered in your life yet but you can if you want to learn and try.
Dear Sannah,
No debate here.
There may have been inherent factors prior to a person acquiring PTSD but no two people are inherently the same.
Plus, I don't have the energy for a debate.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Dear Sannah,
No debate here.
There may have been inherent factors prior to a person acquiring PTSD but no two people are inherently the same.
Plus, I don't have the energy for a debate.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
SiberianSilence
02-19-2007, 09:23 AM
-----------------------------------
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 09:28 AM
Dear S.S.
Alright; I'm here; let's do this.
Alright; I'm here; let's do this.
SiberianSilence
02-19-2007, 09:30 AM
-----------------------------------------
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 09:30 AM
Dear S.S.,
Never feel that you "bother" me. As my name implies, i'm here Forthemasses and hope the same in return.
Never feel that you "bother" me. As my name implies, i'm here Forthemasses and hope the same in return.
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 09:31 AM
I need a set of "ground rules."
SiberianSilence
02-19-2007, 09:32 AM
-----------------------------------------
SiberianSilence
02-19-2007, 09:33 AM
------------------------
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 09:34 AM
I'm ready, willing and able.
SiberianSilence
02-19-2007, 09:34 AM
-----------------------------
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 09:36 AM
I understand the frustration but I cannot get to the root of the problem if you don't tell me.
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 09:38 AM
You see, I can go deep and am not afraid of the depths.
Hit me with your best shot.
Hit me with your best shot.
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 09:40 AM
Alright; so you disagree with my posting; in totality or in part?
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 09:44 AM
Either you are typing a long post or are waiting for me to take a stance; I can't tell.
SiberianSilence
02-19-2007, 09:46 AM
----------------------------
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 09:47 AM
S.S.
You know how they say that there are "two sides to every coin?"
Well I say that there are three; are the ridges on the quarter not a side in and of itself?
You know how they say that there are "two sides to every coin?"
Well I say that there are three; are the ridges on the quarter not a side in and of itself?
SiberianSilence
02-19-2007, 09:48 AM
------------------------------
SiberianSilence
02-19-2007, 09:49 AM
---------------------------------
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 09:49 AM
just going through your post. I need a second to respond.
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 09:55 AM
Dear SS,
Please play close attention:
People are going to do and say things to keep you down; it's the "crabs in a barrel" situation. When they see you attempting to climb out, they drag you back down.
You have to do for yourself and gain strength before you can be there for another.
Children hear things but through it all (pay close attention) "they have a mind of their own.
Proof positive: You can teach a child to walk that positive path in life and the decision is ultimately in that child's hands.
Tell me if you agree so far.
Please play close attention:
People are going to do and say things to keep you down; it's the "crabs in a barrel" situation. When they see you attempting to climb out, they drag you back down.
You have to do for yourself and gain strength before you can be there for another.
Children hear things but through it all (pay close attention) "they have a mind of their own.
Proof positive: You can teach a child to walk that positive path in life and the decision is ultimately in that child's hands.
Tell me if you agree so far.
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 09:59 AM
SS,
You do posess it. You are just looking for it in the wrong places.
The more you stay "down" on yourself, the darker your hopes will look for a positive future.
Once a person knows what the root of their problem is, it is then that the true work begins.
You do posess it. You are just looking for it in the wrong places.
The more you stay "down" on yourself, the darker your hopes will look for a positive future.
Once a person knows what the root of their problem is, it is then that the true work begins.
SiberianSilence
02-19-2007, 10:01 AM
------------------------------------
SiberianSilence
02-19-2007, 10:02 AM
------------------------------------------------
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 10:03 AM
If I understand correctly, there were court proceedings for custody?
SiberianSilence
02-19-2007, 10:11 AM
---------------------------------------------
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 10:11 AM
SS,
I have to beg to differ, it is you that are your biggest problem.
If it is a custody issue, in time, that can be altered.
We tend to allow others to "push our buttons" and this just tends to make us go "haywire."
I bet if you changed your attitude towards the entire situation (which includes how you react to your "ex") it will throw them off.
In their eyes, they probably see you as a "creature of habit."
They expect you to go either "A" or "C."
You have the POWER to go to "B"; there are so many "grey areas" to explore.
There is a saying : "If you keep doing what you're doing, you're going to keep getting what you're getting."
I have to beg to differ, it is you that are your biggest problem.
If it is a custody issue, in time, that can be altered.
We tend to allow others to "push our buttons" and this just tends to make us go "haywire."
I bet if you changed your attitude towards the entire situation (which includes how you react to your "ex") it will throw them off.
In their eyes, they probably see you as a "creature of habit."
They expect you to go either "A" or "C."
You have the POWER to go to "B"; there are so many "grey areas" to explore.
There is a saying : "If you keep doing what you're doing, you're going to keep getting what you're getting."
SiberianSilence
02-19-2007, 10:12 AM
----------------------------------------
SiberianSilence
02-19-2007, 10:14 AM
--------------------------------------
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 10:17 AM
Alright, you attempted The Bar Association; have you tried the Ethics Committee,letters to your Governor, Attorney General,Senators(just to name a few).
You've got to look at this as a miscarriage of justice.
You've got to look at this as a miscarriage of justice.
SiberianSilence
02-19-2007, 10:18 AM
--------------------------------------
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 10:21 AM
You lost me with "B"
SiberianSilence
02-19-2007, 10:21 AM
------------------------------------
SiberianSilence
02-19-2007, 10:24 AM
---------------------------------------
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 10:24 AM
And the fact that you were uninformed should be in a letter to these offices. We all make mistakes in life; it is what we do to correct them that defines us.
SiberianSilence
02-19-2007, 10:27 AM
--------------------------------------
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 10:31 AM
What I meant is "ill- informed."
There are things that you are privy to and others hidden and need to be sought out.
Speak out in your letters. Believe you me someone will listen and help point you in the right direction.
There are things that you are privy to and others hidden and need to be sought out.
Speak out in your letters. Believe you me someone will listen and help point you in the right direction.
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 10:36 AM
People will lie, as is human nature but you still need to stand up for yourself.
If you don't at least make a sound, how can anyone hear you?
If you don't at least make a sound, how can anyone hear you?
SiberianSilence
02-19-2007, 10:45 AM
----------------------------------
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 10:48 AM
Dear SS,
I have an appointment also.
Could it be that you are simply communicating your needs to the wrong people?
Six in the morning; if you will be there, I will also.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
I have an appointment also.
Could it be that you are simply communicating your needs to the wrong people?
Six in the morning; if you will be there, I will also.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
SiberianSilence
02-19-2007, 10:50 AM
-------------------------------
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 10:50 AM
Alright, I made a mistake but even mistakes can be taken care of (food for thought).
Sannah
02-19-2007, 12:19 PM
Siberian, I see an easier way for now. You do get to see your daughter, right? You say that where she lives that they say bad things about you? Children are smarter than you think. They can figure out the truth if they have access to all the people involved. You cannot control what others say but you can control how you react to it. You act as if their words are commandments from God. Who cares what they say. You are your daughter's mother. She loves you more than ANYTHING in the world! You carried her inside for 9 months. She heard your voice everyday for months before she was born. She heard your heartbeat from inside. NO ONE can destroy the connection that she has with you.
You think that you have zero power in your life but this is not true. You were raised to think that you had no power but you were unfortunate enough to be around people who were also powerless. You can learn that you DO have power. You say that these people spread lies to your boyfriend or something and this caused trouble. What really caused the trouble was the weak connection that you had with this boyfriend. If someone called my husband today and told him some lies about me who do you think he is going to believe? You better believe he is going to come to me first. What kind of relationship would we have if some outsider has more influence in our relationship than we do?
So please quit being this quivering weak jellyfish and reach in and find your power and feel it! Don't let a bunch of weak, mean, hateful, hopeless, pathless people control your life for one more minute! Your life is not what you want it to be because you have let others control it for you. Now step up to the plate and take control of your life!
Oh yeah, and why does anyone know anything about your web name and where you post? Do you feel that you have no right to your own privacy. Do you tell everyone everything that they want to know? You deserve to have privacy! Find those boundaries and enforce them!
You think that you have zero power in your life but this is not true. You were raised to think that you had no power but you were unfortunate enough to be around people who were also powerless. You can learn that you DO have power. You say that these people spread lies to your boyfriend or something and this caused trouble. What really caused the trouble was the weak connection that you had with this boyfriend. If someone called my husband today and told him some lies about me who do you think he is going to believe? You better believe he is going to come to me first. What kind of relationship would we have if some outsider has more influence in our relationship than we do?
So please quit being this quivering weak jellyfish and reach in and find your power and feel it! Don't let a bunch of weak, mean, hateful, hopeless, pathless people control your life for one more minute! Your life is not what you want it to be because you have let others control it for you. Now step up to the plate and take control of your life!
Oh yeah, and why does anyone know anything about your web name and where you post? Do you feel that you have no right to your own privacy. Do you tell everyone everything that they want to know? You deserve to have privacy! Find those boundaries and enforce them!
orchardlady
02-19-2007, 07:44 PM
((((((((((Hugs, Silent))))))))))))
You are caredabout in this board, more than your will know!!
You are caredabout in this board, more than your will know!!
orchardlady
02-19-2007, 07:58 PM
Sannah wrote...So please quit being this quivering weak jellyfish and reach in and find your power and feel it! Don't let a bunch of weak, mean, hateful, hopeless, pathless people control your life for one more minute! Your life is not what you want it to be because you have let others control it for you. Now step up to the plate and take control of your life!
Take control of your life!!
Sannah is right about children.
They are smarter than we give them credit for.
But, children can also become quite confused, especially is there is a verbal tug of war going on between the two sides of her life; e.g dad and grandparents...versus...mom
If the verbal tug of war becomes one-sides, it will soon go away...don't add fuel to their fire.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
When you see your daughter, be unconditional with her...words and actions.
Just be you and her.
Engulf your togetherness with the love you have for her, and for yourself.
As you are able, tune out the others in the room with you.
We are the product of our environments...especially childhood. The tools we are given as children, or not given, that we take into adulthood are all we know.
Now that you can see them clearly...sounds like you have been seeing them clearly for a good while now...let this board be a small stepping stone to getting the help you need to a better, wonderful life.
I edited my words because down on a later page you tell us a bit about yourself.
I can identify with abuse, but not in the sense that you described, so I will leave you to those in this board who are better equipped to reply to your situation.
But, I do reserve the right to comment from time to time...LOL
As I said above, you are cared about and clearly understood by those on this board...more than you can know at the moment.
Stay with us...daily...hourly...if necessary!!
We are here.
I can see that there are a couple of us who check the board more than once a day!!
Take control of your life!!
Sannah is right about children.
They are smarter than we give them credit for.
But, children can also become quite confused, especially is there is a verbal tug of war going on between the two sides of her life; e.g dad and grandparents...versus...mom
If the verbal tug of war becomes one-sides, it will soon go away...don't add fuel to their fire.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
When you see your daughter, be unconditional with her...words and actions.
Just be you and her.
Engulf your togetherness with the love you have for her, and for yourself.
As you are able, tune out the others in the room with you.
We are the product of our environments...especially childhood. The tools we are given as children, or not given, that we take into adulthood are all we know.
Now that you can see them clearly...sounds like you have been seeing them clearly for a good while now...let this board be a small stepping stone to getting the help you need to a better, wonderful life.
I edited my words because down on a later page you tell us a bit about yourself.
I can identify with abuse, but not in the sense that you described, so I will leave you to those in this board who are better equipped to reply to your situation.
But, I do reserve the right to comment from time to time...LOL
As I said above, you are cared about and clearly understood by those on this board...more than you can know at the moment.
Stay with us...daily...hourly...if necessary!!
We are here.
I can see that there are a couple of us who check the board more than once a day!!
stick2013
02-19-2007, 08:00 PM
Orchardlady,
Well said!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I too believe that SS is STAYING a victim, and placing blame on others. There is a way out of all of this and you are right. It's called taking responsibility for ones actions, thoughts, and words. NOT REACTING to others. GETTING HEALTHY, and beating the sick ones at their own game!!!!!!!
FTM.............YOU NEED TO REST!!!!!!!!!! You are putting yourself on the line here, and you know it. Take a break..........
I do care, and you need a rest....
SS If you want help then PLEASE you need to ask for HELP, and HELP yourself. Getting healthy STARTS WITH YOU!!!!!!!
Sid
Well said!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I too believe that SS is STAYING a victim, and placing blame on others. There is a way out of all of this and you are right. It's called taking responsibility for ones actions, thoughts, and words. NOT REACTING to others. GETTING HEALTHY, and beating the sick ones at their own game!!!!!!!
FTM.............YOU NEED TO REST!!!!!!!!!! You are putting yourself on the line here, and you know it. Take a break..........
I do care, and you need a rest....
SS If you want help then PLEASE you need to ask for HELP, and HELP yourself. Getting healthy STARTS WITH YOU!!!!!!!
Sid
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 08:04 PM
Dear Sid,
I'm hanging in there.
I've got to begin a short thread on this one.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
I'm hanging in there.
I've got to begin a short thread on this one.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Phoenix
02-20-2007, 07:41 AM
Dear SS,
Que Pasa?
I hope that Sid and Sannah's posts didn't run you from this thread, as you stated that many have attempted to help you in the past.
We are a group of caring and concerned individuals here and sometimes a "tough love" type of element will be applied to a thread.
No one means any harm; we all know how difficult it can be dealing with PTSD; it just comes out in different ways.
If you are not up to responding, I hope that all is well and you "keep your head up."
I'm here if you need me.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Que Pasa?
I hope that Sid and Sannah's posts didn't run you from this thread, as you stated that many have attempted to help you in the past.
We are a group of caring and concerned individuals here and sometimes a "tough love" type of element will be applied to a thread.
No one means any harm; we all know how difficult it can be dealing with PTSD; it just comes out in different ways.
If you are not up to responding, I hope that all is well and you "keep your head up."
I'm here if you need me.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Phoenix
02-20-2007, 07:57 AM
Dear SS,
When in doubt, post it out.
TC
GB
FTM
When in doubt, post it out.
TC
GB
FTM
SiberianSilence
02-20-2007, 08:01 AM
Nevermind about the thread.
I do blame myself for all of it, why thy hell do you think I want to die and Hate myself so deeply. Because of all of my mistakes there isn't a reason on this earth that I deserve to live. Considering all of the mistakes I've made in the past I haven't the right to move foward. God should have gotten rid of me years ago. I've no future and my children are better off without me.
The reference to me a "quivering Jellyfish" is correct, that is the way I have been all of my life. I do what I am told, I behave as I am told I do as expected in the hope that someone would notice me as a person. But, that is in my life unheard of, I've never had a true friend because I've never been a real person, just a tree in the wind.
I don't think that any of you understand the mentality of one who has never been anything more than a body with a set of duties.
Growing up I was called by my sexual desigination, I was asked not to attend family functions. As a teenager group situations were then nerve racking experiences because I was accustomed to "socializing" and in all honesty barely know my family and that included the siblings that I was "raised" with.
Having been moslested and refered to as the sexual designation for so long any man who would offer a smile and not raise a mean hand to me, I considered to be "safe", of course I was wrong, but at the time it was nice to have someone to talk to who did not know me as a "thing"
My first marrage, to the father of my daughter, was one of "safe" I did not love him any more than he loved me. But he was "safe". The marrage was no good after the first month, He for the most part, dissapeared into the computer - I think he was addicted to message boards. I confided in his mother that he had changed and could she help me talk to him about it. After the phone was hung up he dismissed the entire thing and went back to his computer....
-- What I am trying to show you here is how a person who is not a person can remian in a loveless marrage because they know nothing else and can be no more than they are told that they are.
The marrage went on for another six year in that way.
(you pretty much know all of the moving away and kidnapping)
My Second husband was the alcholic abuser, he liked to hit me, I wanted him to kill me. He was the one contaced by my ex and led into believeing that his woman who was not even allowed to leave the house, was having an affair.
He was small minded, a dumb *** just like me but in a different way.
All of his exs' cheated and so all he was waiting for was someone to tell him that I was cheating and and that in his mind made it true and so I was automaticly found to be guilty. I accepted the beatings, feeling that I deserved them for all of the mistakes that I had made in my life, the beatings were my physical punishiment that I fully think I deserved.
I deserved nothing more than to be that "quivering jellyfish" curled up on the floor crying while a big angry man kicked me around the floor and informed me of how worthless I was.
you may say and you have said that I say that I am a victem and that I am looking for pity - I Am NOt
I am A NON-Person! Do You get That? I do not and have never existed for more than the uses and needs of the people around me.
I have never existed as more than a body.
In my deepest depression I reached out to one person over the course of my life that I though saw me as a friend and I wrongly thought that this friend would speak with me and acknowledge that I am alive I exist for a reason and at one point was even loved.
He refused to speak with me, He claimed not to know me.
He WAs the Only one in my fuc#ing life who I ever thought did, and even he did not. In fact he turned around and made those phone calls to the second husband giving him all the reason he wanted to beat me without restraint.
I am not a Person, never have been and do not know how to be.
do You understand what it is like to not know how to do for myself or even the why of doing for myself.
All I know is what I have been told I am and I have known that life for so long that when someone says something nice about me I wonder what it is they want and why are they being nice to me.
It is not suicide if you were never a person to begin with - Understand?
Yes I'm seeing a coulselor she says and I Quote
"You have an Adjustment disorder" What kind of Bull&hit is that?!
Adjustment disorder translates into
" your a spoiled ***** who didn't get her way"
Spoiled! How could she say that? How could she!
I asked her about PTSD, she said that I do not fit enough of the guidelines and that I should take the pills she prescribing and learn to "adjust" to my life.
I do blame myself for all of it, why thy hell do you think I want to die and Hate myself so deeply. Because of all of my mistakes there isn't a reason on this earth that I deserve to live. Considering all of the mistakes I've made in the past I haven't the right to move foward. God should have gotten rid of me years ago. I've no future and my children are better off without me.
The reference to me a "quivering Jellyfish" is correct, that is the way I have been all of my life. I do what I am told, I behave as I am told I do as expected in the hope that someone would notice me as a person. But, that is in my life unheard of, I've never had a true friend because I've never been a real person, just a tree in the wind.
I don't think that any of you understand the mentality of one who has never been anything more than a body with a set of duties.
Growing up I was called by my sexual desigination, I was asked not to attend family functions. As a teenager group situations were then nerve racking experiences because I was accustomed to "socializing" and in all honesty barely know my family and that included the siblings that I was "raised" with.
Having been moslested and refered to as the sexual designation for so long any man who would offer a smile and not raise a mean hand to me, I considered to be "safe", of course I was wrong, but at the time it was nice to have someone to talk to who did not know me as a "thing"
My first marrage, to the father of my daughter, was one of "safe" I did not love him any more than he loved me. But he was "safe". The marrage was no good after the first month, He for the most part, dissapeared into the computer - I think he was addicted to message boards. I confided in his mother that he had changed and could she help me talk to him about it. After the phone was hung up he dismissed the entire thing and went back to his computer....
-- What I am trying to show you here is how a person who is not a person can remian in a loveless marrage because they know nothing else and can be no more than they are told that they are.
The marrage went on for another six year in that way.
(you pretty much know all of the moving away and kidnapping)
My Second husband was the alcholic abuser, he liked to hit me, I wanted him to kill me. He was the one contaced by my ex and led into believeing that his woman who was not even allowed to leave the house, was having an affair.
He was small minded, a dumb *** just like me but in a different way.
All of his exs' cheated and so all he was waiting for was someone to tell him that I was cheating and and that in his mind made it true and so I was automaticly found to be guilty. I accepted the beatings, feeling that I deserved them for all of the mistakes that I had made in my life, the beatings were my physical punishiment that I fully think I deserved.
I deserved nothing more than to be that "quivering jellyfish" curled up on the floor crying while a big angry man kicked me around the floor and informed me of how worthless I was.
you may say and you have said that I say that I am a victem and that I am looking for pity - I Am NOt
I am A NON-Person! Do You get That? I do not and have never existed for more than the uses and needs of the people around me.
I have never existed as more than a body.
In my deepest depression I reached out to one person over the course of my life that I though saw me as a friend and I wrongly thought that this friend would speak with me and acknowledge that I am alive I exist for a reason and at one point was even loved.
He refused to speak with me, He claimed not to know me.
He WAs the Only one in my fuc#ing life who I ever thought did, and even he did not. In fact he turned around and made those phone calls to the second husband giving him all the reason he wanted to beat me without restraint.
I am not a Person, never have been and do not know how to be.
do You understand what it is like to not know how to do for myself or even the why of doing for myself.
All I know is what I have been told I am and I have known that life for so long that when someone says something nice about me I wonder what it is they want and why are they being nice to me.
It is not suicide if you were never a person to begin with - Understand?
Yes I'm seeing a coulselor she says and I Quote
"You have an Adjustment disorder" What kind of Bull&hit is that?!
Adjustment disorder translates into
" your a spoiled ***** who didn't get her way"
Spoiled! How could she say that? How could she!
I asked her about PTSD, she said that I do not fit enough of the guidelines and that I should take the pills she prescribing and learn to "adjust" to my life.
SiberianSilence
02-20-2007, 08:02 AM
You don't have to be nice to me as one of the other posters said, this must be taking a lot out of you. I will begin deleating now.
Phoenix
02-20-2007, 08:10 AM
Dear SS,
I don't have to be nice to anyone; I choose to.
Life is a series of choices; some good and some bad but choices nonetheless.
I'm who I am and will always stay true to myself.
I don't have to be nice to anyone; I choose to.
Life is a series of choices; some good and some bad but choices nonetheless.
I'm who I am and will always stay true to myself.
Phoenix
02-20-2007, 08:16 AM
Dear SS
If you do not consider yourself a person, then I have been responding to a "figment of my imagination."
I hear the sirens coming already.
Seriously, you were directed here by "forces greater than ourselves."
Accept that these forces are attempting to reach out to you and extend your arm to hold on.
Life is about "HOLDING ON" when the chips are down, not giving up.
If you do not consider yourself a person, then I have been responding to a "figment of my imagination."
I hear the sirens coming already.
Seriously, you were directed here by "forces greater than ourselves."
Accept that these forces are attempting to reach out to you and extend your arm to hold on.
Life is about "HOLDING ON" when the chips are down, not giving up.
Phoenix
02-20-2007, 08:24 AM
Dear SS,
I have a daughter myself and twice, there were tenants that called Children Services on me, simply because I began eviction proceedings for non payment.
I was hurt, angry and upset but through it all:
I AM STILL HERE AND THEY ARE NOT!!!!!
Why can't you accept that [U]YOU MATTER.[U]
If you remain down on yourself, how can anyone pick you up? (food for thought)
I have a daughter myself and twice, there were tenants that called Children Services on me, simply because I began eviction proceedings for non payment.
I was hurt, angry and upset but through it all:
I AM STILL HERE AND THEY ARE NOT!!!!!
Why can't you accept that [U]YOU MATTER.[U]
If you remain down on yourself, how can anyone pick you up? (food for thought)
SiberianSilence
02-20-2007, 08:24 AM
I don't know where to go from here, I do know -however- how it is the people of this board view me and it is a sorry view filled images of my being stoned or rather "rotten fruited" in the town square for being less than they are, for not being as strong or smart as they are. They are correct
I came for help, but they see me the way everyone else dose, so I've no idea where to go from here.
I came for help, but they see me the way everyone else dose, so I've no idea where to go from here.
Phoenix
02-20-2007, 08:30 AM
Dear SS,
It is your perception of them that is inaccurate.
I had a feeling that you would take that stance but I had to let things play themselves out.
You see, if their posts bring back memories, it is now time to stand up for yourself; if not here;where.....if not now;when?
It is your perception of them that is inaccurate.
I had a feeling that you would take that stance but I had to let things play themselves out.
You see, if their posts bring back memories, it is now time to stand up for yourself; if not here;where.....if not now;when?
SiberianSilence
02-20-2007, 08:31 AM
Why can't you accept that [U]YOU MATTER.[U]
I am 35 and have never mattered to anyone beyond physical ability.
Who am I to think good of myself when others never did?
Who am I to place worth on myself?
I am nobody
I am 35 and have never mattered to anyone beyond physical ability.
Who am I to think good of myself when others never did?
Who am I to place worth on myself?
I am nobody
Phoenix
02-20-2007, 08:36 AM
Dear SS
If "The Man Upstairs" didn't want you around, you wouldn't be.
You remain on this Earth for a purpose, which only HE knows.
ACCEPT your place in the "circle of life."
If "The Man Upstairs" didn't want you around, you wouldn't be.
You remain on this Earth for a purpose, which only HE knows.
ACCEPT your place in the "circle of life."
SiberianSilence
02-20-2007, 08:36 AM
I have to go to work now.
It's a minimum wage part time job, the best that can ever expect with my ninth grade education and my lack of brain power I wash crap off of Dog a$$es and I have to learn to "accept" that is the best I could ever do.
It's hard to just Accept that that is all that I am. My sister is molecular biologist and my brother is the head of the clerical staff in the best childrens hospital in the state, and I wash Dog a$$. Hard to accept.
It's a minimum wage part time job, the best that can ever expect with my ninth grade education and my lack of brain power I wash crap off of Dog a$$es and I have to learn to "accept" that is the best I could ever do.
It's hard to just Accept that that is all that I am. My sister is molecular biologist and my brother is the head of the clerical staff in the best childrens hospital in the state, and I wash Dog a$$. Hard to accept.
Phoenix
02-20-2007, 08:41 AM
Dear SS,
It doesn't have to be that way. Plenty of people that have not even graduated elementary school are extremely successful.
It is not the education level, it is about applying what you know and where to go, in order to succeed.
Give me a time so that we can "converse" again.
It doesn't have to be that way. Plenty of people that have not even graduated elementary school are extremely successful.
It is not the education level, it is about applying what you know and where to go, in order to succeed.
Give me a time so that we can "converse" again.
SiberianSilence
02-20-2007, 08:43 AM
Mornings are the only time I can come on, around six if your still willing
Phoenix
02-20-2007, 08:45 AM
Six it is;(no Freudian slip this time)
I will know that you are on when you first post.
I will know that you are on when you first post.
ICC
02-20-2007, 09:59 AM
SS----I have not been here for a few days due to my own problems but have read your posts and some i hadn't gotten through before you deleted them. I will only comment on one statement you made. "who am i to put worth on myself when no one else does" That is the biggest problem I see. It is your job and your job alone to value yourself. It matters not what others think. I know it hurts for I have been there BUT your first step needs to be that you realize that you are a worthwhile human being who has had the misfortune of being around alot of mean, nasty, dysfunctional people who have badgered you into believing you are worthless because of their issues. Just take the first step and remember what FTM said about God putting you on this earth for a reason. It was not for you to be hurt though it happened to all of us. Please believe that we all are here for a reason though sometimes we don't see it. He also brought you to these boards for help. Let FTM guide you. He is a good man with a world of knowledge and compassion. He was the first one I came across and that's why I stayed. Am so much better months later because of it. The rest of the crew jumped in and al loffered me valuable insights.
Praying for your recovery,
Grasshopper
Praying for your recovery,
Grasshopper
Sannah
02-20-2007, 10:56 AM
Siberian, I know that you didn't see my posts as tough love but they were. This victim stuff is a touchy subject. Those of us who were raised to be victims didn't cause this problem. We became victims because we were never empowered. When we finally became adults, this is when we could finally take control of our lives. In order to survive, us victims have to jump over the "control" fence. It is a lot to swallow because the thing that is going to get us to finally take control of our lives is the same thing that makes us feel stupid and makes us feel that we had a hand in our tough circumstances. When I realized that I let others mistreat me and the flip side of this coin is that I had the power to change my life, I was very liberated. I HAD CONTROL! Yes, this meant that I allowed others to mistreat me but I was much more taken with the thought that I COULD STOP THIS MISTREATMENT in the future. This "allowing" stuff doesn't apply when you are a child and the person who mistreated you was an adult. This "allowing" stuff only applies among equals - when you are an adult.
I have spent a lot of time on your posts. I did this not to be mean but to help. All human beings are deserving of help simply because they are human beings just like me. You are deserving of help and I want to give it to you so that YOU can improve your life.
You say that you have a 9th grade education. I was thinking about this yesterday. I was thinking to myself how intelligent that you are. Your writing ability is very, very good. You are very intelligent!
I am sorry if I hurt your feelings. My only intension was to shake you out of this victimhood because victims will always be at the mercy of others. You are a survivor and you MUST find your power so that you can improve your life.
I do not think that I am better than you are. I see where you are because I have been there. You came across very strong that you were at the mercy of others and didn't have any power. I guess many of us who have been there must get a bit upset when we see others there and they cannot see that they do have power. We just hate to see others suffer what we have also suffered and we get tough.
I have spent a lot of time on your posts. I did this not to be mean but to help. All human beings are deserving of help simply because they are human beings just like me. You are deserving of help and I want to give it to you so that YOU can improve your life.
You say that you have a 9th grade education. I was thinking about this yesterday. I was thinking to myself how intelligent that you are. Your writing ability is very, very good. You are very intelligent!
I am sorry if I hurt your feelings. My only intension was to shake you out of this victimhood because victims will always be at the mercy of others. You are a survivor and you MUST find your power so that you can improve your life.
I do not think that I am better than you are. I see where you are because I have been there. You came across very strong that you were at the mercy of others and didn't have any power. I guess many of us who have been there must get a bit upset when we see others there and they cannot see that they do have power. We just hate to see others suffer what we have also suffered and we get tough.
orchardlady
02-20-2007, 11:58 AM
I have modified by Replies #53 and #54.
Hearing Silent's words on page 12...
Hearing Silent's words on page 12...
SiberianSilence
02-21-2007, 07:28 AM
Good Morning
I've read the newest posts and I don't know what else to say but
Thank You
The doctor that I saw monday has prescribed a couple new meds, so I'm moving a bit slowly this morning. Please excuse the Lag.
S.
I've read the newest posts and I don't know what else to say but
Thank You
The doctor that I saw monday has prescribed a couple new meds, so I'm moving a bit slowly this morning. Please excuse the Lag.
S.
Phoenix
02-21-2007, 07:34 AM
Dear SS,
So how are you feeling this morning? Any new perspectives?
So how are you feeling this morning? Any new perspectives?
Phoenix
02-21-2007, 07:38 AM
Since you put your age "out there", I am 40.
SiberianSilence
02-21-2007, 07:42 AM
No. I missed a counseling appointment yesterday - Were moving and I got so cought up in trying to lay carpet (slashed my thumb pretty good) and just entirely flaked the fact that I was due to be somewhere and discuss something that I've known I've needed to work through for quite a while now, But life being the way it is (as is for all) The Now of having of having so much to do removed the thoughts of what should be done, so I'm a bit upset about having lost track of time and missed an appointment that I promissed her I would not miss one of. I Let her down and I'm sure that will reflect badly on me and the dissaproval will be noticable in her eyes.
Did you take a sleeping pill and get some rest last night, Like a good boy?
Did you take a sleeping pill and get some rest last night, Like a good boy?
Phoenix
02-21-2007, 07:48 AM
Yes mother:jester: , I did; still on and off sleeping patterns but better than before.
What I do is write my appointment either in my book or on the calendar; or both.
If you were really "bogged down" that's one thing but if it were intentionally, that is an entirely different "ballgame."
What I do is write my appointment either in my book or on the calendar; or both.
If you were really "bogged down" that's one thing but if it were intentionally, that is an entirely different "ballgame."
SiberianSilence
02-21-2007, 07:53 AM
No, No ballgame. Just have so much to do in so little time. My other half would like to be in by saturday. I dont' think he realizes how much still needs to be done before that can happen. I'm only one person and even though we had help getting the carpets up (3rd floor) It takes time to put them down and do all the work to install.
He's good company though, I'm just getting worn down.
Have you tried snacking on Dark Turkey meat
(cold and deboned, for your snacking pleasure) just before bedtime?
He's good company though, I'm just getting worn down.
Have you tried snacking on Dark Turkey meat
(cold and deboned, for your snacking pleasure) just before bedtime?
Phoenix
02-21-2007, 07:56 AM
Dear SS,
So what's your POA (Plan of Action)?
Those who fail to plan, plan to fail.
I understand that you have the moving issues to contend with also.
How about rescheduling that appointment?
So what's your POA (Plan of Action)?
Those who fail to plan, plan to fail.
I understand that you have the moving issues to contend with also.
How about rescheduling that appointment?
SiberianSilence
02-21-2007, 08:04 AM
No POA, What do you mean by that?
I've another appointment with her in two weeks.
I've another appointment with her in two weeks.
Phoenix
02-21-2007, 08:08 AM
Dear SS,
You need a Plan of Action.
You need to gauge where you are at this point in time and where you want to be(what you want accomplished).
You need these things in place to prevent you from "straying" off course.
It is a set of objectives to get to your goal.
You need a Plan of Action.
You need to gauge where you are at this point in time and where you want to be(what you want accomplished).
You need these things in place to prevent you from "straying" off course.
It is a set of objectives to get to your goal.
SiberianSilence
02-21-2007, 08:12 AM
At this point I am nowhere and yet at the begining, I am confused and yet hold an understanding.
It would be nice to see myself moving foward without the fear of others taking away what could be fruitfull and even more worried about what I may "unintentionaly" ruin with my subcounsious need to fail and stay within my safety zone.
I would like to live without fear and with confidence, and moving towards what I want out of life. That, My Wants and needs, are still elusive~ for lack of a better word.
I've no idea what it is I realy want other than what I think I realy want.
It would be nice to see myself moving foward without the fear of others taking away what could be fruitfull and even more worried about what I may "unintentionaly" ruin with my subcounsious need to fail and stay within my safety zone.
I would like to live without fear and with confidence, and moving towards what I want out of life. That, My Wants and needs, are still elusive~ for lack of a better word.
I've no idea what it is I realy want other than what I think I realy want.
SiberianSilence
02-21-2007, 08:13 AM
Oh yeah, and I realy want to remember to put two L's in really.
Phoenix
02-21-2007, 08:17 AM
Dear SS,
You told me that you want your child back, you wanted to get people off of your back.
What it is that you think that you want?
You told me that you want your child back, you wanted to get people off of your back.
What it is that you think that you want?
SiberianSilence
02-21-2007, 08:18 AM
How can you put "objectives" on what is unknown?
Phoenix
02-21-2007, 08:18 AM
also a better job.(am I close?)
Phoenix
02-21-2007, 08:22 AM
What would you like out of life?
You are obviously not pleased with the way things are going thus far.
Aim for the Sun; if you only reach the stars, realize that the Sun is a star too.
You are obviously not pleased with the way things are going thus far.
Aim for the Sun; if you only reach the stars, realize that the Sun is a star too.
SiberianSilence
02-21-2007, 08:24 AM
Of course I want her back, but the more I fight the more I am shown that it is a vertual impossibility. Even If my ex were to die, I would have to fight his parents for custody. My rights to her and to raise her have been completely removed. When I spoke to my other half about contacting a few more
"people in power" about what happened, he reminded me of how badly I was hurt each time I was faced with a rejection of my "attempt at Aide"
-Setting myself up for another fall- is how he put it.
Getting others off of my back. I can't do anything about those who are trying to keep me from progressing. They will do what they want when they want.
I suspect that when my ex finds out about that appartment he will put a stop to the visitation, in that way he will be able to hurt me emotionaly and put a damper on my trying to build a life.
How can I stop what is out of my hands? (rhetorical)
"people in power" about what happened, he reminded me of how badly I was hurt each time I was faced with a rejection of my "attempt at Aide"
-Setting myself up for another fall- is how he put it.
Getting others off of my back. I can't do anything about those who are trying to keep me from progressing. They will do what they want when they want.
I suspect that when my ex finds out about that appartment he will put a stop to the visitation, in that way he will be able to hurt me emotionaly and put a damper on my trying to build a life.
How can I stop what is out of my hands? (rhetorical)
SiberianSilence
02-21-2007, 08:26 AM
A better job, I've been trying (for a year) but nothing yet. I've no education and am not physcialy or mentaly strong. There just isn't anything out there for me that pays any better than what I am doing.
I don't qualify for Aide to go back to school, I've already tried.
I don't qualify for Aide to go back to school, I've already tried.
Phoenix
02-21-2007, 08:29 AM
I personally know of a lot of agencies that can help you with training.
You do have a Social Services Bureaus or a Vocational training agency in your area; they're just about everywhere.
You do have a Social Services Bureaus or a Vocational training agency in your area; they're just about everywhere.
SiberianSilence
02-21-2007, 08:33 AM
Social services said no and the Voc. Schools that I've contaced have all told me that I do not quailify for anything beyond the Pell grant and would need to get a loan for the balance.
I do not and will not for years to come quailify for a loan, because of the combined debit from both marrages I owe over ....... Well more than I would make in fifteen (ish)years, and my wages have already been attached, so bankruptcy is the only option.
It will prevent my being able to pay for School.
I do not and will not for years to come quailify for a loan, because of the combined debit from both marrages I owe over ....... Well more than I would make in fifteen (ish)years, and my wages have already been attached, so bankruptcy is the only option.
It will prevent my being able to pay for School.
Phoenix
02-21-2007, 08:34 AM
Make a list of the things that you want out of life, then re-list them in order of importance.
SiberianSilence
02-21-2007, 08:35 AM
My time was up a few minutes ago - I'm being bad at the moment, and need to get ready for work.
Tommorow morning?
Tommorow morning?
Phoenix
02-21-2007, 08:37 AM
Then write a letter to your Governor.
Explain your situation with the agencies that you have contacted and you will receive a response.
Explain your situation with the agencies that you have contacted and you will receive a response.
Phoenix
02-21-2007, 08:39 AM
Same time?
SiberianSilence
02-21-2007, 08:40 AM
LOL - I want to spend hours a day telling the stories that I've lived in, taken refuge in, for so many years.
- That would be nice, but my lifestyle would have to accomidate such a loss of "taking care of life" time.
And, and this is a big 'And', I would need schooling for that sort of thing.
Argggg....Dirty Dog butts await.
Thank you
FTM
I wish you solid rest and calm peacefull dreams.
S.
- That would be nice, but my lifestyle would have to accomidate such a loss of "taking care of life" time.
And, and this is a big 'And', I would need schooling for that sort of thing.
Argggg....Dirty Dog butts await.
Thank you
FTM
I wish you solid rest and calm peacefull dreams.
S.
SiberianSilence
02-21-2007, 08:41 AM
Saaaaame Bat time, Saaaaame Bat channel.
Phoenix
02-21-2007, 08:43 AM
I'll leave a post to view during the day or early morning
ICC
02-21-2007, 08:52 AM
SS and FTM *** i'm not going to intrude but wanted to throw something out. SS if you continue to see your counselor, Please get a dx of any disorders you have. Then call your states Office of Vocational Rehabilitation. I have dealt with mine and they are wonderful at supplying training and job placement. Also if you can't afford your counseling or need more they will also pay for that. They paid for my PTSD counselor (not the one i'm seeing now) the one who dx me for almost 5 years. They also sent me to school and paid the tuition in full. They paid for PT on my body for 3 months. I never owed them a dime when finished. Give it a try. I found them to help in all areas. felt very protected by them.
Grasshopper
Grasshopper
Sannah
02-21-2007, 11:35 AM
Siberian, I am so happy that you are in a different place now mentally and emotionally!
FTM, now don't get Siberian to go on a big justice chase! Actually, Siberian, you seem smart enough and strong enough to make up your own mind on what your POA should be!
FTM, now don't get Siberian to go on a big justice chase! Actually, Siberian, you seem smart enough and strong enough to make up your own mind on what your POA should be!
Phoenix
02-21-2007, 04:00 PM
Dear Grasshopper,
Much needed info. I pray that it will help.
Good to hear from you.
Dear Sannah,
Not a justice chase but rather a "just us" chase. Where do you go when no one else will listen?
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Much needed info. I pray that it will help.
Good to hear from you.
Dear Sannah,
Not a justice chase but rather a "just us" chase. Where do you go when no one else will listen?
Take care
God Bless
FTM
SiberianSilence
02-22-2007, 07:57 AM
ICC - I've never heard of an Office of Vocational Rehabilitation, are you sure that it's not just for people who have been physicaly harmed?
Sannah - Thank you, I am feeling a bit better. The new meds, so far, are a mixed bag of good and bad. My mind has slowed down, perhaps a little too much, I feel like a zombie. Everything is in slow-mo.
Kinda like the George Washington Bridge after a car accident.
Everything moves at one speed.......duuuuuuhhhhh. :) I do hope that it is temporary. My mind is my favorite play thing.
FTM - Sorry I was late this morning, it looks as if you've already moved onto another site. Please accept my apology. laying in the bed this morning, even partialy awake was the most irrisistable state of existance that I'd felt in a long time. Absolute mental Flat line.
Should I be worried that the meds are too strong or is it normal to feel like a melted marshmellow when starting a new meds?
It's so calming that I've had to type over one out of ten words (ish) and this post has taken me a discustingly long time.
Hopefully, you are not here because you have been able to get some rest.
Have a sweet day everybody and if any of you are in NewEngland--
Git Your butts outside and enjoy todays heat wave. :)
Sannah - Thank you, I am feeling a bit better. The new meds, so far, are a mixed bag of good and bad. My mind has slowed down, perhaps a little too much, I feel like a zombie. Everything is in slow-mo.
Kinda like the George Washington Bridge after a car accident.
Everything moves at one speed.......duuuuuuhhhhh. :) I do hope that it is temporary. My mind is my favorite play thing.
FTM - Sorry I was late this morning, it looks as if you've already moved onto another site. Please accept my apology. laying in the bed this morning, even partialy awake was the most irrisistable state of existance that I'd felt in a long time. Absolute mental Flat line.
Should I be worried that the meds are too strong or is it normal to feel like a melted marshmellow when starting a new meds?
It's so calming that I've had to type over one out of ten words (ish) and this post has taken me a discustingly long time.
Hopefully, you are not here because you have been able to get some rest.
Have a sweet day everybody and if any of you are in NewEngland--
Git Your butts outside and enjoy todays heat wave. :)
Phoenix
02-22-2007, 08:00 AM
Dear SS,
Google what Grasshopper stated.
Google what Grasshopper stated.
Phoenix
02-22-2007, 08:03 AM
Dear SS,
If you feel that "groggy" I would discuss this with the physician who prescribed you with the meds.
If you feel that "groggy" I would discuss this with the physician who prescribed you with the meds.
SiberianSilence
02-22-2007, 08:21 AM
I will Google it, unfortunatley I was babbling on and did not see you make that post, until I tried to post. My time is up, But I Will Google tomorow.
Sannah - About the POA. Making decisions is hard and near to impossible for me to make. I have made so many poor ones or life altering ones that were basied on the betterment of someonelses life adding damage to my own.
when I try to "aim" for a goal I have a tendency to base it on and around someone else and mostly I give up because of someone else.
For instance, If I were to spend time doing something that I want to do like Reading or working on essay (I call them my ***** fests) My other half, and this goes for any Other half I've ever had -but the activity was always different (I change persona basied on who I am with)
Oh Yeah the activity....in the begining of a relationship the other half is normaly compliant when it came to my doing what it is I like to do, shortly though they beging to complain.
The writing that I like to do, I prefer to do it in the early morning like three or four am. the house is dark and quite - Peacefull. Getting up so early requires that I go to bed early. That was acceptable in the begining but after he read the things I was writing, no matter how good I felt doing it, he could not find an appreciation or even an understanding of Why I would spend time doing something that he could not read all the way through (your no good at it and your just wasting time)
From there He and just about every man from my past, would begin to act insulted and dance around what it is they are trying not to say.
"You would rather do this than spend time with me? This is more important to you than me?" And is is customary with me and my desire to please, I give up what ever it was that gave me pleasure to take care of the one who is hurt by my "hobby"
Having a POA, creating my own POA, may not be able to be worked around the needs of my other half. Whatever I do in life can not be allowed to harm him or his Ego. There is no reason for that.
When and if I am able to go back to school, a correspendance course may be the best route, although I would love to sit in a class room. Being away from him would not be in his best interests.
It is hard for me to make decisions because I try to consider more things than can be worked around what it is I am trying to do.
LOL - have I babbled incoherently? Ohh Dear.
Enjoy the weather all.
Sannah - About the POA. Making decisions is hard and near to impossible for me to make. I have made so many poor ones or life altering ones that were basied on the betterment of someonelses life adding damage to my own.
when I try to "aim" for a goal I have a tendency to base it on and around someone else and mostly I give up because of someone else.
For instance, If I were to spend time doing something that I want to do like Reading or working on essay (I call them my ***** fests) My other half, and this goes for any Other half I've ever had -but the activity was always different (I change persona basied on who I am with)
Oh Yeah the activity....in the begining of a relationship the other half is normaly compliant when it came to my doing what it is I like to do, shortly though they beging to complain.
The writing that I like to do, I prefer to do it in the early morning like three or four am. the house is dark and quite - Peacefull. Getting up so early requires that I go to bed early. That was acceptable in the begining but after he read the things I was writing, no matter how good I felt doing it, he could not find an appreciation or even an understanding of Why I would spend time doing something that he could not read all the way through (your no good at it and your just wasting time)
From there He and just about every man from my past, would begin to act insulted and dance around what it is they are trying not to say.
"You would rather do this than spend time with me? This is more important to you than me?" And is is customary with me and my desire to please, I give up what ever it was that gave me pleasure to take care of the one who is hurt by my "hobby"
Having a POA, creating my own POA, may not be able to be worked around the needs of my other half. Whatever I do in life can not be allowed to harm him or his Ego. There is no reason for that.
When and if I am able to go back to school, a correspendance course may be the best route, although I would love to sit in a class room. Being away from him would not be in his best interests.
It is hard for me to make decisions because I try to consider more things than can be worked around what it is I am trying to do.
LOL - have I babbled incoherently? Ohh Dear.
Enjoy the weather all.
Phoenix
02-22-2007, 08:23 AM
Dear SS,
I will post sometime today and you can refer to this.
Hang in there; help is on the way.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
I will post sometime today and you can refer to this.
Hang in there; help is on the way.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
ICC
02-22-2007, 09:07 AM
SS **** what are you taking? sorry if you posted it and I missed it. I have taken everything on the market. some made me feel like a zombie at first and some I had to stop because the zombie could not function. I might be able to distiguish if it's one of the ones you just have to get used to. As far as "The Office of Vocational Rehabilitation" go onto your state's website and there you will find a list of all state agencies. e.g WC, EU,etc. there should be a phone # to call. when you find it call and lay it all out honestly to whomever you speak to . they will then make an appt. to see you. sometimes they'll come to your home if necessary. Explain it all. Begin with telling them you want to get your life in order but have emotional disorders and people slapping you down at every turn. Please let me know how you make out. They did me a world of service. You don't have to have been injured, just disabled physically, mentally, OR emotionally. their job is to get people in the work force with a decent job that can support them and if counseling, education is needed they walk you through the process and are in touch periodically to check on your status , to see if everything is working OK and if ther eis anything else you need.
Best of luck,
Grasshopper
Best of luck,
Grasshopper
Phoenix
02-23-2007, 11:30 PM
Dear SS,
How's it going? Wasn't in the best of moods to post. You've got to realize what you want and go for it. No one said it will be easy but we are here if and when you need.
You said others have tried; that's them.
I am relentless, if nothing else.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
How's it going? Wasn't in the best of moods to post. You've got to realize what you want and go for it. No one said it will be easy but we are here if and when you need.
You said others have tried; that's them.
I am relentless, if nothing else.
Take care
God Bless
FTM