zencat
02-17-2007, 11:38 AM
I would like to share some thoughts on coping with PTS.
For myself, one of the most important attitudes I have is one of determination. This attitude has served me well when things were looking quite down and I had little hope. My attitude was stronger than my feelings at those times. And unlike feelings, attitude can remain unchanged despite the circumstances that bring on feelings. There were times my hope wavered. My condition or circumstances would worsen. But my attitude of determination saw me through. I was able to carry on and pull my dejected soul into the hands of those who cared about me: social workers, non-profit groups, church workers and others that lend a helping hand for those in need. Had I not moved, stayed shut -in my room, in bed, watching my world fall apart and knowing that I was about to lose all my basic needs of food and shelter. I would be living on the street a hope less drunk addict on the edge of death.
Maybe that’s what it takes for some people to finally see that either move or die. I was prepared for life on the streets, I had plans for and gathered the thing I needed in a back packs, in the event that the streets would be my temporary home. I had list of food banks, shelters, charity organizations , churches that service the poor, hot food kitchens, and the like. I was determined to not only survive the streets but thrive beyond. I maybe in the throws of the worst depression I was to ever know and was weak and frail, I could still move my body. And that’s exactly what I did. In spite of condition that rendered me confused, constantly tired, and in despair. I moved my body. That was about the only thing I could move. I could not move my mind to think my way out of the house but I could move my body. I had surrendered my mind to the action of movement and nothing more.
I moved into the hands of those who cared about me. I was helped by the act of compassion. I felt care fore. I felt love.
I was willing to move with despair, hopelessness and dejection. Like a pack mule my body carried my pain and suffering to appointments. Today I feel grateful for a body that could move: dial the phone, speak, legs that walked me to appointments, arms that opened the door, hands that touched the hands or others, eyes that could see the face of care. At a time when my mind was useless my body saved me. My body had become the attitude of determination in a time when I needed it most. My attitude filled every cell in my body and my body responded when my mind could not.
This is the best I can explain what happened to me: my attitude altered my body, my mind and body became one. my mood overtook the mind and my body overtook my mood and carried the mind . And that thing I call “me” watched in amazement. Somehow I moved when I could not think of moving. Very strange stuff………. Very Zen….. and the stuff that faith is made off.
:) I’m will never be the same, because I am remain determined to change for the better and my mood can not change that.
Zencat
For myself, one of the most important attitudes I have is one of determination. This attitude has served me well when things were looking quite down and I had little hope. My attitude was stronger than my feelings at those times. And unlike feelings, attitude can remain unchanged despite the circumstances that bring on feelings. There were times my hope wavered. My condition or circumstances would worsen. But my attitude of determination saw me through. I was able to carry on and pull my dejected soul into the hands of those who cared about me: social workers, non-profit groups, church workers and others that lend a helping hand for those in need. Had I not moved, stayed shut -in my room, in bed, watching my world fall apart and knowing that I was about to lose all my basic needs of food and shelter. I would be living on the street a hope less drunk addict on the edge of death.
Maybe that’s what it takes for some people to finally see that either move or die. I was prepared for life on the streets, I had plans for and gathered the thing I needed in a back packs, in the event that the streets would be my temporary home. I had list of food banks, shelters, charity organizations , churches that service the poor, hot food kitchens, and the like. I was determined to not only survive the streets but thrive beyond. I maybe in the throws of the worst depression I was to ever know and was weak and frail, I could still move my body. And that’s exactly what I did. In spite of condition that rendered me confused, constantly tired, and in despair. I moved my body. That was about the only thing I could move. I could not move my mind to think my way out of the house but I could move my body. I had surrendered my mind to the action of movement and nothing more.
I moved into the hands of those who cared about me. I was helped by the act of compassion. I felt care fore. I felt love.
I was willing to move with despair, hopelessness and dejection. Like a pack mule my body carried my pain and suffering to appointments. Today I feel grateful for a body that could move: dial the phone, speak, legs that walked me to appointments, arms that opened the door, hands that touched the hands or others, eyes that could see the face of care. At a time when my mind was useless my body saved me. My body had become the attitude of determination in a time when I needed it most. My attitude filled every cell in my body and my body responded when my mind could not.
This is the best I can explain what happened to me: my attitude altered my body, my mind and body became one. my mood overtook the mind and my body overtook my mood and carried the mind . And that thing I call “me” watched in amazement. Somehow I moved when I could not think of moving. Very strange stuff………. Very Zen….. and the stuff that faith is made off.
:) I’m will never be the same, because I am remain determined to change for the better and my mood can not change that.
Zencat
Sponsor
stick2013
02-17-2007, 11:50 AM
Zencat,
Determination, and attitude to get healthy..........Way to go......Glad that you have chosen the road to a better, happier, healthier, life. One filled with loving people that stand beside you, holding you when you need it. One filled with all the possibilities that life has to offer......... Great Job!!!!
Hugs,
Sid
Determination, and attitude to get healthy..........Way to go......Glad that you have chosen the road to a better, happier, healthier, life. One filled with loving people that stand beside you, holding you when you need it. One filled with all the possibilities that life has to offer......... Great Job!!!!
Hugs,
Sid
ICC
02-17-2007, 12:16 PM
Zen----thanks for the wonderful post. God bless you and your wonderful insightful mind and determination. I feel you have expressed what we all at some time in our lives have felt like and the position we were all in at a time in our lives. WE ARE SURVIVORS!!!!:blob_fire When we were at our lowest i believe is when we stood up and new we needed to take control or die. I know I muddled around for years knowing something was wrong, that I could be better and just plugging along until I thought I was dying inside and then sought help.
Love, hugs, and continued determination,
Grasshopper
Love, hugs, and continued determination,
Grasshopper
dustoffkid
02-17-2007, 12:21 PM
Zen-
Wonderful post. I am so proud of you.
Dustoff
Wonderful post. I am so proud of you.
Dustoff
Sannah
02-17-2007, 01:19 PM
Zencat, I too believe that you need determination to overcome. What a wonderful job you did! Your actions affected your thoughts!
Phoenix
02-17-2007, 04:40 PM
Dear Zencat,
The title of your thread says it all.
You've definitely got the right attitude.:)
I feel a wave of positivity flowing and I like it.:D
Take care
God Bless
FTM
The title of your thread says it all.
You've definitely got the right attitude.:)
I feel a wave of positivity flowing and I like it.:D
Take care
God Bless
FTM
zencat
02-18-2007, 11:13 AM
I thought I would add this here. I his is a result of my new attitude.
Time for a little update.
Me and Sue… have started to enjoy the intimate pleasures of sexual stimulation. I have a lot of fears and nervousness to still work through, but it has begun. For the first in a long, long time I could push past on of my biggest fears and experience self-assurance unlike anything I have encountered in an equally long time.
Sue has become the most wonderful friend in my life. I don’t believe I have felt so much respect, honor, reverence, for and at the same time been respected, trusted and cared about by, someone other than my family. I am willing to risk being out of my cold, lonely anxiety ridden comfort zone and enrich my life.
Even though the emotions are muted by PTS I have the kind of hope that will move considerable sorrowfulness a bit farther from my life. I have developed a belief in my ability to heal that will serve me well into the future. As it serves me now. The heart shattering struggles with addiction, the relapse, the depression, ( PTS ) and my ability to climb out of pits of hell, regroup and plug away with just the smallest glimmer of hope has toughen me with ever growing optimism and faith. I have picked up the broken dreams so many hopes that I have become an master craftsman of motivation revitalization.
Without the vexation of dreadful life suffocating trials that I have endured, the success would not be so sweet. I see that now. I could not have learned it any other way. Unlike my innocence, this can never be taken away from me. My beliefs about myself have been changed forever. Just as my spirit was changed forever, so, so long ago at the hands of my mother. My spirit has risen by the skillful hands of others and my unwavering hope (determination ) to get better.
Only I can lose hope, it can not be taken away.
Believe what you will, but in all instances believe in yourself.
Thank you ~ Sid, Grasshopper, Dustoff, Sannah, FMT, for your continued support and care. You guy as great :) and I am happy to be here with all of you as we together learn new ways to cope when alone we could not.
Zencat :wave:
Time for a little update.
Me and Sue… have started to enjoy the intimate pleasures of sexual stimulation. I have a lot of fears and nervousness to still work through, but it has begun. For the first in a long, long time I could push past on of my biggest fears and experience self-assurance unlike anything I have encountered in an equally long time.
Sue has become the most wonderful friend in my life. I don’t believe I have felt so much respect, honor, reverence, for and at the same time been respected, trusted and cared about by, someone other than my family. I am willing to risk being out of my cold, lonely anxiety ridden comfort zone and enrich my life.
Even though the emotions are muted by PTS I have the kind of hope that will move considerable sorrowfulness a bit farther from my life. I have developed a belief in my ability to heal that will serve me well into the future. As it serves me now. The heart shattering struggles with addiction, the relapse, the depression, ( PTS ) and my ability to climb out of pits of hell, regroup and plug away with just the smallest glimmer of hope has toughen me with ever growing optimism and faith. I have picked up the broken dreams so many hopes that I have become an master craftsman of motivation revitalization.
Without the vexation of dreadful life suffocating trials that I have endured, the success would not be so sweet. I see that now. I could not have learned it any other way. Unlike my innocence, this can never be taken away from me. My beliefs about myself have been changed forever. Just as my spirit was changed forever, so, so long ago at the hands of my mother. My spirit has risen by the skillful hands of others and my unwavering hope (determination ) to get better.
Only I can lose hope, it can not be taken away.
Believe what you will, but in all instances believe in yourself.
Thank you ~ Sid, Grasshopper, Dustoff, Sannah, FMT, for your continued support and care. You guy as great :) and I am happy to be here with all of you as we together learn new ways to cope when alone we could not.
Zencat :wave:
Sannah
02-18-2007, 12:20 PM
Without the vexation of dreadful life suffocating trials that I have endured, the success would not be so sweet. I see that now. I could not have learned it any other way. Unlike my innocence, this can never be taken away from me. My beliefs about myself have been changed forever. Just as my spirit was changed forever, so, so long ago at the hands of my mother. My spirit has risen by the skillful hands of others and my unwavering hope (determination ) to get better.
Only I can lose hope, it can not be taken away.
Zencat, you have become empowered!!!!!! You have also learned that there is hope and there is a way to heal yourself completely!!! You are finding your way and it is step by step by step with constant analysis of what is going on inside and outside of yourself while you are staying in the moment. We should bottle this up and sell it and become rich!
Only I can lose hope, it can not be taken away.
Zencat, you have become empowered!!!!!! You have also learned that there is hope and there is a way to heal yourself completely!!! You are finding your way and it is step by step by step with constant analysis of what is going on inside and outside of yourself while you are staying in the moment. We should bottle this up and sell it and become rich!
stick2013
02-18-2007, 02:06 PM
Dear Zen......
:) :) I am glad that you and Sue are having a go at this, and have connected.... We all need others in our lives to feel total.... I hope that it continues to go good with you and Sue......but should it NOT... PLEASE don't let it get to you. Don't blame yourself, don't get depressed, and don't let it stop you from getting healthy. You have come to far to go backwards, or stop,,,,,,,
Hugs,
Sid
:) :) I am glad that you and Sue are having a go at this, and have connected.... We all need others in our lives to feel total.... I hope that it continues to go good with you and Sue......but should it NOT... PLEASE don't let it get to you. Don't blame yourself, don't get depressed, and don't let it stop you from getting healthy. You have come to far to go backwards, or stop,,,,,,,
Hugs,
Sid
zencat
02-18-2007, 05:32 PM
:cool:
Yes, Sid. I remind myself everyday of the Buddhist “Five Remembrances”( 4th point ) All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them.
If it weren’t for the fact that I am a person in the attention of those who love and care for me each and every day, I would be at high risk for disaster. I am going very slowly, talking over each step with Sue, my therapist, my support group at Mental Health and now here with all of you. I understand and fully accept the risks for being in a relationship and understand all too personally the risks of not striving to be, as an Army recruiting slogan points out so very evidently: “be all that you can be.” To do anything less is death for me.
We all need others in our lives: to express our capacity of giving and receiving love....:)
Smiles and Hugs
Zencat.
Yes, Sid. I remind myself everyday of the Buddhist “Five Remembrances”( 4th point ) All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them.
If it weren’t for the fact that I am a person in the attention of those who love and care for me each and every day, I would be at high risk for disaster. I am going very slowly, talking over each step with Sue, my therapist, my support group at Mental Health and now here with all of you. I understand and fully accept the risks for being in a relationship and understand all too personally the risks of not striving to be, as an Army recruiting slogan points out so very evidently: “be all that you can be.” To do anything less is death for me.
We all need others in our lives: to express our capacity of giving and receiving love....:)
Smiles and Hugs
Zencat.