restless_heart
02-17-2007, 07:24 PM
Ok long story short....I was raped at 17 by my older sisters b/f at the time...I was to ashamed to tell it and eventually did...Now my question is a crazy one but here goes...I have been married to my hubby for 7 yrs..Is it normal to still feel uncomfortable when touched intamatly?? I know I will b scared for life no matter what, for what that man did to me but I would think after 7 yrs of marrige I could cope with things...I didnt turn the man in for the shame of a trail and everyone knowing what happend...I didnt want to relive the event and still to this day get sick to my stomach at the thought of him....
Sponsor
dustoffkid
02-17-2007, 10:16 PM
First of all, yes. It is normal.
Oh, my heart breaks for you that you have had to endure this alone. There are so many people here in this forum that can help you get through the trials of this maddening condition.
In the meantime, please come back; the others will be on soon and I know that you can benefit as much from their support as I have.
I send you warmest hugs, prayers and support.
Dustoff
Oh, my heart breaks for you that you have had to endure this alone. There are so many people here in this forum that can help you get through the trials of this maddening condition.
In the meantime, please come back; the others will be on soon and I know that you can benefit as much from their support as I have.
I send you warmest hugs, prayers and support.
Dustoff
Phoenix
02-18-2007, 03:34 AM
Ok long story short....I was raped at 17 by my older sisters b/f at the time...I was to ashamed to tell it and eventually did...Now my question is a crazy one but here goes...I have been married to my hubby for 7 yrs..Is it normal to still feel uncomfortable when touched intamatly?? I know I will b scared for life no matter what, for what that man did to me but I would think after 7 yrs of marrige I could cope with things...I didnt turn the man in for the shame of a trail and everyone knowing what happend...I didnt want to relive the event and still to this day get sick to my stomach at the thought of him....
Dear restless_heart,
First of all, don't be too hard on yourself.
It annoys me when I hear that others go to such lengths to invade another's "privacy."
I hope that she was supportive pertaining to this sensitive situation.
I've heard of this happening amongst sisters and their boyfriends, only to end in an argument between the two family members with one in tears and the other angry at her sibling; shouting words such as "jealous liar."
If this was not the case, forgive me for saying so.
It is perfectly normal for you to be both apprehensive and uncomfortable when intimacy issues arise.
There is no specific time associated with the recovery process, as no two individuals are the same.
Please listen to what you said:
"I didnt turn the man in for the shame of a trail and everyone knowing what happend...I didnt want to relive the event."
Do you feel that the community would have looked down on you? If so, why?
Was this person well respected, held in high regard?
Is your husband aware of what happened?
The more you keep things "bottled up" inside, the more uncomfortable this situation(putting it mildly) will be to deal with; thus affecting your relationship with your husband.
There are therapists out there who can help you with this; some even suggest that both you and your husband attend.
My dear, you have come to the right place, for we will attempt to provide you with all the support you need.............and then some.
Please keep posting; we are not judgemental here.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Dear restless_heart,
First of all, don't be too hard on yourself.
It annoys me when I hear that others go to such lengths to invade another's "privacy."
I hope that she was supportive pertaining to this sensitive situation.
I've heard of this happening amongst sisters and their boyfriends, only to end in an argument between the two family members with one in tears and the other angry at her sibling; shouting words such as "jealous liar."
If this was not the case, forgive me for saying so.
It is perfectly normal for you to be both apprehensive and uncomfortable when intimacy issues arise.
There is no specific time associated with the recovery process, as no two individuals are the same.
Please listen to what you said:
"I didnt turn the man in for the shame of a trail and everyone knowing what happend...I didnt want to relive the event."
Do you feel that the community would have looked down on you? If so, why?
Was this person well respected, held in high regard?
Is your husband aware of what happened?
The more you keep things "bottled up" inside, the more uncomfortable this situation(putting it mildly) will be to deal with; thus affecting your relationship with your husband.
There are therapists out there who can help you with this; some even suggest that both you and your husband attend.
My dear, you have come to the right place, for we will attempt to provide you with all the support you need.............and then some.
Please keep posting; we are not judgemental here.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
zencat
02-18-2007, 11:25 AM
Welcome, Restless Heart
This is a great place to share our hopes and fears. To open-up and let loose the toxic emotions that get bottled up inside. What we can do in the company of caring others, we can not do alone. Here you can search for your answers and find support for your solutions. We can help you discover your truth.
Zencat
This is a great place to share our hopes and fears. To open-up and let loose the toxic emotions that get bottled up inside. What we can do in the company of caring others, we can not do alone. Here you can search for your answers and find support for your solutions. We can help you discover your truth.
Zencat
Sannah
02-18-2007, 12:14 PM
Hi restlessheart, welcome. The only experience that I would have with this is trust and boundaries, so the only thing that I can offer is that your trust was violated as were your boundaries because of what this man did. I am so sorry that this had to happen to you. Counseling would be very valuable for healing as would coming here to process what happened to you. I would assume that you can trust your husband so can you approach this as seperating the rape from your interactions with your husband? I am sorry if I am simplifying this too much but I can only work from my own experiences.
restless_heart
02-18-2007, 12:34 PM
Dear restless_heart,
First of all, don't be too hard on yourself.
It annoys me when I hear that others go to such lengths to invade another's "privacy."
I hope that she was supportive pertaining to this sensitive situation.
I've heard of this happening amongst sisters and their boyfriends, only to end in an argument between the two family members with one in tears and the other angry at her sibling; shouting words such as "jealous liar."
If this was not the case, forgive me for saying so.
It is perfectly normal for you to be both apprehensive and uncomfortable when intimacy issues arise.
There is no specific time associated with the recovery process, as no two individuals are the same.
Please listen to what you said:
"I didnt turn the man in for the shame of a trail and everyone knowing what happend...I didnt want to relive the event."
Do you feel that the community would have looked down on you? If so, why?
Was this person well respected, held in high regard?
Is your husband aware of what happened?
The more you keep things "bottled up" inside, the more uncomfortable this situation(putting it mildly) will be to deal with; thus affecting your relationship with your husband.
There are therapists out there who can help you with this; some even suggest that both you and your husband attend.
My dear, you have come to the right place, for we will attempt to provide you with all the support you need.............and then some.
Please keep posting; we are not judgemental here.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
No he was not a well respected person...I just feel as if everyone would look at me diffrently cuz no matter what I said I couldnt stop it..As for my sis we r still the best of friends and we have worked through all of it together.. Yes my hunny does know what happened but just doesnt understand...I am currently schedualed for councling the 21 of this month...I only hope it truely helps and I can move on and feel the intimate feeling for my hubby that I so long to feel without the fear of getting hurt in other ways..
First of all, don't be too hard on yourself.
It annoys me when I hear that others go to such lengths to invade another's "privacy."
I hope that she was supportive pertaining to this sensitive situation.
I've heard of this happening amongst sisters and their boyfriends, only to end in an argument between the two family members with one in tears and the other angry at her sibling; shouting words such as "jealous liar."
If this was not the case, forgive me for saying so.
It is perfectly normal for you to be both apprehensive and uncomfortable when intimacy issues arise.
There is no specific time associated with the recovery process, as no two individuals are the same.
Please listen to what you said:
"I didnt turn the man in for the shame of a trail and everyone knowing what happend...I didnt want to relive the event."
Do you feel that the community would have looked down on you? If so, why?
Was this person well respected, held in high regard?
Is your husband aware of what happened?
The more you keep things "bottled up" inside, the more uncomfortable this situation(putting it mildly) will be to deal with; thus affecting your relationship with your husband.
There are therapists out there who can help you with this; some even suggest that both you and your husband attend.
My dear, you have come to the right place, for we will attempt to provide you with all the support you need.............and then some.
Please keep posting; we are not judgemental here.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
No he was not a well respected person...I just feel as if everyone would look at me diffrently cuz no matter what I said I couldnt stop it..As for my sis we r still the best of friends and we have worked through all of it together.. Yes my hunny does know what happened but just doesnt understand...I am currently schedualed for councling the 21 of this month...I only hope it truely helps and I can move on and feel the intimate feeling for my hubby that I so long to feel without the fear of getting hurt in other ways..
stick2013
02-18-2007, 01:54 PM
Dear restless,
Being a victim myself, I understand completely your problems. You were violated. You were raped. You now have a warped sense of intimacy, sex, love, tenderness, and the emotions that come with these. You can overcome these issues though. It will take time, therapy, understanding, and taking down the walls that you have built to protect yourself.
As far as your husband understanding...... Some men can't....Some people can't.....They never will. It doesn't mean that they are awful people, they just lack the ability to fully understand you fears, and problems.
You can overcome all of this, and finally ALLOW yourself to be loved, and to LOVE yourself. You don't have to remain, behind the walls that you have built. You DESERVE to be loved, and to be happy.....
Hugs,
Sid
Being a victim myself, I understand completely your problems. You were violated. You were raped. You now have a warped sense of intimacy, sex, love, tenderness, and the emotions that come with these. You can overcome these issues though. It will take time, therapy, understanding, and taking down the walls that you have built to protect yourself.
As far as your husband understanding...... Some men can't....Some people can't.....They never will. It doesn't mean that they are awful people, they just lack the ability to fully understand you fears, and problems.
You can overcome all of this, and finally ALLOW yourself to be loved, and to LOVE yourself. You don't have to remain, behind the walls that you have built. You DESERVE to be loved, and to be happy.....
Hugs,
Sid
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 05:51 AM
I just feel as if everyone would look at me diffrently cuz no matter what I said I couldnt stop it. Yes my hunny does know what happened but just doesnt understand...I am currently schedualed for councling the 21 of this month...I only hope it truely helps and I can move on and feel the intimate feeling for my hubby that I so long to feel without the fear of getting hurt in other ways..
Dear restless,
Is it, no matter what you said or no matter what you did, you couldn't stop it?
What is there "not to understand?"
I truly hope that counseling will work for you but just be aware that other issues may be associated with your present situation.
If you don't mind me asking, intimacy aside, how do you really feel about your husband? (you don't have to answer)
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Dear restless,
Is it, no matter what you said or no matter what you did, you couldn't stop it?
What is there "not to understand?"
I truly hope that counseling will work for you but just be aware that other issues may be associated with your present situation.
If you don't mind me asking, intimacy aside, how do you really feel about your husband? (you don't have to answer)
Take care
God Bless
FTM
restless_heart
02-20-2007, 01:20 AM
Dear restless,
Is it, no matter what you said or no matter what you did, you couldn't stop it?
What is there "not to understand?"
I truly hope that counseling will work for you but just be aware that other issues may be associated with your present situation.
If you don't mind me asking, intimacy aside, how do you really feel about your husband? (you don't have to answer)
Take care
God Bless
FTM
I love and care for him deeply it jsut seem to b the only thing he ever really wants is the inimacy...I try everyday to show him in other ways that I love him buyt in his eyes the its all about sex
Is it, no matter what you said or no matter what you did, you couldn't stop it?
What is there "not to understand?"
I truly hope that counseling will work for you but just be aware that other issues may be associated with your present situation.
If you don't mind me asking, intimacy aside, how do you really feel about your husband? (you don't have to answer)
Take care
God Bless
FTM
I love and care for him deeply it jsut seem to b the only thing he ever really wants is the inimacy...I try everyday to show him in other ways that I love him buyt in his eyes the its all about sex
Phoenix
02-20-2007, 06:49 AM
I love and care for him deeply it jsut seem to b the only thing he ever really wants is the inimacy...I try everyday to show him in other ways that I love him buyt in his eyes the its all about sex
Do you feel that his "rules of intimacy" are driving a wedge between the two of you?
One thing positive is that you see a counselor tomorrow.
Might I suggest writing a list of situations that are problematic to you; this way you don't leave the session with that "I knew I forgot something" feeling.
You have definitely made a step in the right direction but realize this is only the beginning.
Be honest with the counselor and gauge how confortable this person makes you feel.
Only one more day and there is much validity to the saying "what a difference a day makes."
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Do you feel that his "rules of intimacy" are driving a wedge between the two of you?
One thing positive is that you see a counselor tomorrow.
Might I suggest writing a list of situations that are problematic to you; this way you don't leave the session with that "I knew I forgot something" feeling.
You have definitely made a step in the right direction but realize this is only the beginning.
Be honest with the counselor and gauge how confortable this person makes you feel.
Only one more day and there is much validity to the saying "what a difference a day makes."
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Sannah
02-20-2007, 11:42 AM
Restless heart, then this is a here and now issue with your husband. FTM you are intuitive to ask this!