stick2013
02-18-2007, 01:00 PM
Nikki,
Ok, it's been 3 days since your last post..............Where are you????? I know that tomorrow is the big day, so please come back to earth....... Nikki, please let us help hon. I know that you are probably half out of your head by now, but it's OK.......Nikki, get grounded. Stay focused, and PLEASE post to us....
I love you hon, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs,
Sid
Ok, it's been 3 days since your last post..............Where are you????? I know that tomorrow is the big day, so please come back to earth....... Nikki, please let us help hon. I know that you are probably half out of your head by now, but it's OK.......Nikki, get grounded. Stay focused, and PLEASE post to us....
I love you hon, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs,
Sid
Sponsor
hergy
02-18-2007, 10:30 PM
Thanks for remembering, Sid. Yeah, I'm more than half out of my head, but I've been zoning out.
Nightmares, memories, returning feelings of guilt, shame and fear sort of hit me like a brick. I'm letting myself dissociate. It's happening naturally and it seems to be right for the moment. I realize that isn't therapeutic, but la-la land seems to be the perfect place to be right now.
My best friend offered to come with me, but I want to do it alone. My appointment is in the town where she lives. She'll be a phone call away and we're planning to go out for the afternoon. Appointment's at 9am.
I love you, too. Sorry I waited so long.
Nikki
Nightmares, memories, returning feelings of guilt, shame and fear sort of hit me like a brick. I'm letting myself dissociate. It's happening naturally and it seems to be right for the moment. I realize that isn't therapeutic, but la-la land seems to be the perfect place to be right now.
My best friend offered to come with me, but I want to do it alone. My appointment is in the town where she lives. She'll be a phone call away and we're planning to go out for the afternoon. Appointment's at 9am.
I love you, too. Sorry I waited so long.
Nikki
Phoenix
02-19-2007, 06:24 AM
Sis,
We've worked on a lot here and if you stay focused, truly focused, you will get through this with no problem.
A Beatle's song went: "All you need is love" and you definitely have that here, in spades, hearts, clubs and diamonds; with kings, queens, aces, jacks, etc.
"Just remembering how far you've come will get you further."
Forthemasses
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Plus I can't return my outfit. Hang in there sis.
"Love is all you need."
We've worked on a lot here and if you stay focused, truly focused, you will get through this with no problem.
A Beatle's song went: "All you need is love" and you definitely have that here, in spades, hearts, clubs and diamonds; with kings, queens, aces, jacks, etc.
"Just remembering how far you've come will get you further."
Forthemasses
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Plus I can't return my outfit. Hang in there sis.
"Love is all you need."
stick2013
02-19-2007, 07:39 AM
Nikki,
I know how hard this must be for you, but if you can get through this.......YOU can do anything!!!!!!! Just remember everything. Stay in the here and now, stay focused, breathe deep, and remember that we are all with you in out thoughts, and prayers.....You have come so far hon, I have faith in you....
Love n hugs......SQUISHY ONES.....
My:angel:
Love you bunches,
Sid
I know how hard this must be for you, but if you can get through this.......YOU can do anything!!!!!!! Just remember everything. Stay in the here and now, stay focused, breathe deep, and remember that we are all with you in out thoughts, and prayers.....You have come so far hon, I have faith in you....
Love n hugs......SQUISHY ONES.....
My:angel:
Love you bunches,
Sid
ICC
02-19-2007, 09:14 AM
Nikki---i'm here too. you're not going alone. Sid and I will ake care of you and FTM will crack us all up. You'll be nervous and maybe even shaky and sweaty but you'll be fine. let us know when you are done. we'll be here.
Love you,
Grasshopper
Love you,
Grasshopper
stick2013
02-19-2007, 05:09 PM
Nikki,
How did things go today????? Are you ok hon????? Please let us know.
Hugs,
Sid
How did things go today????? Are you ok hon????? Please let us know.
Hugs,
Sid
hergy
02-20-2007, 12:36 AM
I was zoned out and trying to relax. When the doctor came in, she took time to talk to me about the issues that made the experience extra difficult. She was great. I started tearing up and getting nervous even before I put on the gown.
The doctor spoke empathetically and granted me dignity and validation. Aware of the vaginismus, she told me some relaxation methods and requested that the nurse find the thinnest, longest speculum. I'd seen one before, but never up close. They look like implements for torture.:dizzy:
The procedure didn't take long and the doctor talked me gently through the whole thing. My eyes were still full of tears, but I constantly reminded myself that I was in a doctor's office, not lying in the sand in 1976. She said I did well. It did hurt, A LOT, even an hour or so after.
My best friend treated me to lunch and we spent the afternoon together. She was very supportive. She always is.
You guys helped so much.:) Thanks. I'm still emotionally numb, but I'm ok with that. I'm not very interested in connecting with my emotions right now.
I can say, however, that I'm proud of myself.
Love,
Nikki
The doctor spoke empathetically and granted me dignity and validation. Aware of the vaginismus, she told me some relaxation methods and requested that the nurse find the thinnest, longest speculum. I'd seen one before, but never up close. They look like implements for torture.:dizzy:
The procedure didn't take long and the doctor talked me gently through the whole thing. My eyes were still full of tears, but I constantly reminded myself that I was in a doctor's office, not lying in the sand in 1976. She said I did well. It did hurt, A LOT, even an hour or so after.
My best friend treated me to lunch and we spent the afternoon together. She was very supportive. She always is.
You guys helped so much.:) Thanks. I'm still emotionally numb, but I'm ok with that. I'm not very interested in connecting with my emotions right now.
I can say, however, that I'm proud of myself.
Love,
Nikki
stick2013
02-20-2007, 05:41 AM
Dear Nikki,
PROUD????? YOU should be floating on the highest cloud there is....I am so glad and proud of you for doing this.....Nikki do you know, I mean really know how far that you have come ?????? :) :)
I am glad that you and your friend went out. You needed to be with someone supportive, and caring after that. It will take you a few days to recover emotionally, well maybe longer for you. It's been HELL for you for the past few weeks just thinking about this appointment. Take some time, and rest your mind. PLEASE???? Try and stay grounded, maybe get a relaxation tape, or soothing music, and just zone out to it. Let your mind just rest........You need it and deserve it.
Pop in and let us know how you are in a day or so....
Love you.......And so proud of how far you have come......
SQUISHY HUGS.......TONS of them.
Sid
PROUD????? YOU should be floating on the highest cloud there is....I am so glad and proud of you for doing this.....Nikki do you know, I mean really know how far that you have come ?????? :) :)
I am glad that you and your friend went out. You needed to be with someone supportive, and caring after that. It will take you a few days to recover emotionally, well maybe longer for you. It's been HELL for you for the past few weeks just thinking about this appointment. Take some time, and rest your mind. PLEASE???? Try and stay grounded, maybe get a relaxation tape, or soothing music, and just zone out to it. Let your mind just rest........You need it and deserve it.
Pop in and let us know how you are in a day or so....
Love you.......And so proud of how far you have come......
SQUISHY HUGS.......TONS of them.
Sid
ICC
02-20-2007, 08:58 AM
Nikki--- proud to say the least. God bless you. A milestone conquered.
Love you ,
Grasshopper
Love you ,
Grasshopper
Sannah
02-20-2007, 11:27 AM
Wow Nikki, I am so glad. You did so well. Now you can recover and process everything. It will be a learning experience I am sure.
zencat
02-20-2007, 12:30 PM
((((Nikki))))
Good going, pushing past the fear, well done!!!!!
In honor of this exalted achievement I would like to award you this badge of courage---> :)
( kind a looks like a smiley face don’t you think? ) …lol…
I’m so happy and proud for you my friend and I’m happy you feel proud of yourself too.
Luv
Zencat
Good going, pushing past the fear, well done!!!!!
In honor of this exalted achievement I would like to award you this badge of courage---> :)
( kind a looks like a smiley face don’t you think? ) …lol…
I’m so happy and proud for you my friend and I’m happy you feel proud of yourself too.
Luv
Zencat
hergy
02-20-2007, 05:10 PM
Sid, ICC, FTM, Sannah and Zencat,
Thanks again for your support. I tried posting but didn't get far with that today. You're so wise, Sid, I do need a couple of days. When I try to explain or word feelings, I get confused and overwhelmed. I'll post as soon as I can.
Please know I appreciate the love and understanding of all of you. And thanks for the badge, Zencat, it does look like a smiley, but it's way cool.:wave:
Thanks again for your support. I tried posting but didn't get far with that today. You're so wise, Sid, I do need a couple of days. When I try to explain or word feelings, I get confused and overwhelmed. I'll post as soon as I can.
Please know I appreciate the love and understanding of all of you. And thanks for the badge, Zencat, it does look like a smiley, but it's way cool.:wave:
ICC
02-20-2007, 05:18 PM
Nikki--- take the time you need. we have all been there. sometimes I am so overwelmed when I start reading that i have to just shut it off. My mind might be full at the time so I will make no sense to anyone including myself.
My prayers are with you always,
Grasshopper
My prayers are with you always,
Grasshopper
stick2013
02-20-2007, 08:38 PM
Nikki,
Just letting you know that I care, and love you......You are a truly amazing person. You have been to hell, walked there for years among the lost souls, and have dug yourself out, and are walking among the living. Yes, you are tired, you need a rest........Let your mind empty, and your heart fill with all of the new wonders that the world has to offer you.....When you are ready, stand up and TAKE the world and EVERYTHING that it has to offer. You have worked hard for it........
Love you bunches hon....rest well
Hugs,
Sid
Just letting you know that I care, and love you......You are a truly amazing person. You have been to hell, walked there for years among the lost souls, and have dug yourself out, and are walking among the living. Yes, you are tired, you need a rest........Let your mind empty, and your heart fill with all of the new wonders that the world has to offer you.....When you are ready, stand up and TAKE the world and EVERYTHING that it has to offer. You have worked hard for it........
Love you bunches hon....rest well
Hugs,
Sid
Phoenix
02-21-2007, 05:01 AM
Nix,
You faced the inevitable straight in the face and said "bring it on" in a matter of speaking.
You refused to be "Charlie Brown with Lucy Van Pelt holding the football and removing it just when "Chuck would bring his leg forward to kick."
You said to Lucy: stop playing around; she listened and you were finally able to kick one between the goal posts.
Nikki 3 Disorders 0 ....................L.K.I.M.:) :wave:
Take care
God Bless
FTM
You faced the inevitable straight in the face and said "bring it on" in a matter of speaking.
You refused to be "Charlie Brown with Lucy Van Pelt holding the football and removing it just when "Chuck would bring his leg forward to kick."
You said to Lucy: stop playing around; she listened and you were finally able to kick one between the goal posts.
Nikki 3 Disorders 0 ....................L.K.I.M.:) :wave:
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Phoenix
02-22-2007, 07:11 AM
Dear Sis,
"Break it down" for me.
We haven't "spoken" in a while.
"I need to know how you are doing.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
"Break it down" for me.
We haven't "spoken" in a while.
"I need to know how you are doing.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
hergy
02-22-2007, 06:36 PM
Sister from another Mr:rolleyes:
I want to get back into the swing of things. But I can't 'go deep' yet. It hasn't been an hour since supper, so I actually shouldn't even be near the water.:p
I love you and will post with 'depth' as soon as my head will let me.
Thanks for being here.:)
Nikki
I want to get back into the swing of things. But I can't 'go deep' yet. It hasn't been an hour since supper, so I actually shouldn't even be near the water.:p
I love you and will post with 'depth' as soon as my head will let me.
Thanks for being here.:)
Nikki
Phoenix
02-23-2007, 05:24 AM
Nikki,
When you are ready; be well and keep up the good work.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
When you are ready; be well and keep up the good work.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
hergy
02-23-2007, 05:27 PM
No more deep introspection.
I don't understand your response.
I don't understand your response.
stick2013
02-23-2007, 05:33 PM
Nikki,
FTM Is NOT having a good week.....He is just not posting or anything. He has had a fight with his father.......
Sid
FTM Is NOT having a good week.....He is just not posting or anything. He has had a fight with his father.......
Sid