My step-daughter lives full time with her mom and my husband and I only see her 4 days a month (less than 100 hours).

She has expressed big fears of being alone and being alone in her room specifically.

I'm not going to bash her mother and call her a bad person but she does sometimes make choices that aren't the most logical. Not saying that it is right or wrong but it makes me wonder as a step-parent.

When my step-daughter was 2-3 years of age, she had a habit of crawling out of her toddler bed and roaming the house in the early morning hours. To stop this, her mother put a plastic cover over the doorknob on the inside of her room to prevent her from getting out. She would not let her out until mom woke up, despite if she would cry or scream.

She was denied access to the bathroom, and this greatly concerned my husband and I as she is now having behavioral problems and expresses fear of being in her room with the door closed.

Her mother was advised by her pediatrician to take her to a child psychologist to get some help.

I don't want to come right out and blame her mother, but I don't think it's right to lock your child in their room, deny them access to the bathroom so that her mom can sleep in.

What are your thoughts on this?

What time would her mom finally get out of bed and let her out?

This sounds like terrible parenting to me, even crossing the line of emotional abuse.:blob_fire ALL kids get out of their beds to play and explore at some point. I can understand putting up a gate, so that the child cannot leave the room and possibly get hurt. But when the child calls for mom, or starts crying, it's time for mom to get her lazy a** out of bed! (You may be too sweet to bash your step-daughter's mom, so I'll do it for you! Yes all parents make mistakes, but not letting a child use the bathroom?)

Is it possible for you and your husband to gain custody of her? Your step-daughter has OBVIOUSLY been traumatized, and I don't think it will be healthy for her to stay in the environment she is in. She needs unconditional love. She needs to feel , and KNOW, she is safe. Because at such a young age it was reinforced over and over again that mommy wasn't going to come for her, it will take a lot of work for her to heal.

I would be concerned that if her mother was willing to do something like that to her, she has probably abused her in other ways. I'm not saying she was abused physically, because I obviously wouldn't know, but emotional abuse can be even worse.

Good luck to you and your husband.

Is it because of distance that you and your husband only get to see the child 100 hours per month?
If not I would check into getting the custody order modified.
Also, there is nothing to stop you and your husband from taking the child to a doctor, or a child psychologist for that matter. You don't have to wait for the mother to do it.
From personal experience I can say that talking to the custody conciliator can be challenging, but it might be worth a phone call to them to discuss the best course of action regarding custody arrangements. Sometimes they'll try to dismiss you by saying it is just a difference in parenting styles, in which case, I would ask the court to order a psychological evaluation of all parties involved and mandatory parenting classes. Don't worry about whether or not they think you're a vindictive parent seeking revenge on the other parent in the case.
If you feel there is neglect and or endangerment involved in this case I would not wait until the custody office decides to hold a hearing, I would call Child Protective Services and request an investigation. The truth will speak for itself and certainly if the child has these concerns she will be able to explain them to an investigator. Do you have a Child Advocacy Center in your town?
Your husband can take an active role in the health and well-being of his child. You don't have to sit back and wait for something worse to occur.