Hi, just a rought outline of what I have experienced so you can understand what I am about to say.

Suffered from depression and anxiety probably since I was a little kid (7yrs old) and as I grew older especially though my teens it got unbearable and when I left school at 16 I was severely depressed, was virtually anorexic and very upset, confused and violent towards my family until I got assigned to my local mental health center for youngsters - 16-19 and did a series of cognitive therapy for 1yr and a half. As that passed, I thought I was cured and left, then came back two months later severely depressed which then lasted a whole year contemplating many times about suicide.

I then did a another year of therapy battling my fears and frustrations and did a very good job, until I plummeted again and went suicidal which was then when everyone was overly concerned for my safety. I was prescribed prozac which went down quite badly and came off it within 2 weeks and jumped onto citalopram (celexa) and used that for a good 8 months until it stopped working. I was then prescribed paroxetine (paxil) and I felt on top of the world, and was overly enthusiastic for a good while feeling I could do absolutely anything - which lasted 3 months.

Since then my behaviour settled down and I became more balanced. Then two months later I had my dose increased to 30mg as I slipped again. Five months later I am feeling a bit all over the place. Anxious, aggressive, depressed, and suffering from insomnia. Perhaps I need to up the dose again? but the problem is I don't want to have that feeling of being tired and unable to concentrate properly which I did have initially after the first month on paxil.

I am a bit concerned, because people have told me I rock backwards and forwards when I sit, and have a very restless nature. I will admit I have had some problems over the 2 months that may not be helping, as well as the fact my mood can be up and down like a yoyo which makes it hard for people to get on with me sometimes. But is there an underlying problem, that I have that is not diagnosed?

I would to know some people's opinion on this.


Thanks

Hi Allsorts, sorry that you have had to go through so much your whole life and that you are still suffering. It is my opinion that working through all of your issues takes years of working on one issue, resolving it and then coming up against another issue to resolve.... As you keep working you get deeper and deeper into your issues. Sounds like you have done some good work in counseling! What was your upbringing like and what issues have you worked on already (if you are ready to share)?

I forgot to mention (due to lack of attention to detail) that this fight with depression with going to my mental health center has been going on for nearly 4yrs.

My upbringing has been fine, I never had bad parents or problems at home.

I worked on a lot of issues, my anxiety was the first thing I tackled when I was given help because leaving my home was a big issue for me. I couldn't hardly do anything public it was crazy but I have overcome a lot of that. My depression has always existed, and it has got worse has my anxiety has moved out of the way. Some days, I am fine, then other days I decide it may be a good idea if I don't stick around. Then, I have times where I am quite confident and arrogant, where I think I can do anything but the next day it vanishes and I realise how stupid I was.

It's an ongoing problem, and I try to communicate to my psychologist and my parents, but they don't seem to understand.

Allsorts, the only advice that I can offer is to try to be aware of your feelings at all times and what in your environment that is affecting you at the moment. Keep up the counseling and post any issues that you are getting stuck on. I think that most of our issues surface when interacting with others so be aware when an interaction with someone upsets you. These sorts of interactions need to be analyzed so that you can figure out what is going on inside your thoughts and emotions.

Thanks for your reply. I know what you mean, it's hard for me to figure it out because I can be fine with someone one day, and the next I feel like I don't deserve to be their friend or that they are conspiring against me. I am fully aware that is all in my head, but I have these thoughts and feelings constantly.

People get on with me quite well, but I dissapear into the darkness a lot, and I sometimes exhibit drastic changes in personality when I am with people, for example I could be quite cool, and shy one day and the next very impulsive, self-confident and arrogant. And it seems it's not a thing to try and impress others, but moreso, on the basis of the feelings that fill me on that day. It's quite strange and it comes and goes.

Allsorts, I think that everyone's thoughts and feelings can be figured out. You can figure out yours if you stay focused on them and work with your counselor to figure out why you behave certain ways with certain people. It is all a puzzle that just needs to be understood.