Hi I'm new here and would appreciate some advice. I'm not sure if I've posted under the correct topic as my problem could come under a different topic as well. So I'll apologise now if it's incorrect.

I'm 37 years old and an identical twin. I have suffered on and off with depression for the last 6-7 years and gynae probs for the last 10 yrs. Currently I'm at my lowest ever! Last August my gynae consultant performed a TRCE which is the removal of my womb lining and performed a sterillisation at the same time as I was told after having the procedure I would be unable to carry a child full term or an ectopic pregnancy could happen. As I haven't had kids you can imagine I had to make a difficult choice.

I found out last November that my twin sister is expecting a baby in July (she already has two kids aged 13 & 16). Hearing this news I felt that I'd had my heart ripped out and my depression has got worse and worse. I'm currently taking 225mg of Dosulepin. I had been taking 150mg up until recently and it made no difference. I'm just not coping well with the baby news and I'm so confused.

Can anyone give me any advice on how to deal with my situation as it has made a huge impact on my life and is affected my relationship with my partner. Apologies for such a long post.

bunny,
Your situation is certainly unfortunate and could easily bring on depression. You will need to accept this situation as a loss in your life and allow it's full measure of grief. You should do a net search on grief so you have an idea of the stages you are likely to experience. It's certainly ok to feel very sad, even sorrowful and if you don't restrict those emotions, they will run their course naturally, and healthily - and you will feel better.

The other point is that you can benefit by taking a philosophical approach. There are probably a well over a hundred million people who are in worse situations than you are. And, there are well over a hundred million people in better situations. Your situation is unique to you and part of your personal growth is how you incorproate this situation into your character and your life.

Maybe your sister is one of those who appears to be in a better situation. But, that's her life story, not yours. Don't compare yourself. Even though you two are identical twins, you are still very unique in hundreds of ways. Value your uniqueness, even it is also entails some unfortunate experiences.

Thank you for the advice. Have been looking on the net here and there for info as it's the only source of support that I've got at the moment. Still waiting to get an appointment with a mental health counsellor through my doctor's surgery. Although my partner has been great he doesn't quite fully understand what I am going through .

hi bunny,

i believe you're doing the right thing to reach out to a counselor. it's the best thing to do given your circumstance--talk about it!!!

and, have you thought of other options out there, in terms of having a child?
sorry if i insulted you in any way by saying this!!!!!!

peace and blessings:angel:

"have you thought of other options out there, in terms of having a child?
sorry if i insulted you in any way by saying this!!!!!!"

No you haven't insulted me in any way. Unfortunately the only option for me to have a child is by fostering, adoption or surrogacy. As my depression is quiote severe at the moment I'm not acting on any of these options. I don't feel strong enough emotionally to deal with it, really need to knock the whole depression thing on the head and get it sorted. Once done I will look for the options.

The thing that bothers me most is that I didn't receive/or was offered any counselling by the hospital whilst making my decission.

I've also had to get my doctor to chase up the counselling issue as apparently they didn't think that I was depressed enough even though at one point I was completly out of control and being prescriped 225mg of Dodulepin a day!

hi bunny,

i completely understand about getting the depression under control before making a decision of this magnitude!!!!!!!! you're absolutely right! take care of yourself, before you will be able to care for another!!! you've got lots of insight, and you're a strong person.

i can't believe that dr.!!!! is it possible to try another dr's opinion? maybe go on a different med. i know the one you're on now is a tricyclic...one of the old ones, and it has more side effects than the newer ssri's or ssnri's. i'd suggest that you inform yourself first of what different kind of ssri/ssnri covers what would work best for you (do a net search on your symptoms and what's the best med for it. for ex. what's the best ssri for depression and anxiety, depression and OCD, depression and social phobia, etc.--just put that question in google or another search engine), and they'll come up with different types of drugs. informing yourself is the best way to go. then search, or have your primary care dr. or gyn (whoever is your primary) refer you to a good psychiatrist (if you want to be placed on a differrent med, if you believe this one does not do its job).

many times, i found that drs. do not prescribe the antidepressant that works best, because we are often unable to explain exactly what we feel, and they are unable to understand exactly what we feel. you have to be your best advocate. i found that out through my own experience.

i wish you the best of luck!!!!!!:angel: