My son will be 4 in April. We started checking his potty interest when was just over 2 and knew it wasn't his time. He showed a lot of interest the December before he turned 3 and seemed to do okay with voiding off and was getting closer with bm's until his brother was born in June. For most of the summer he went in the potty most days and wore underwear but still had all bm's in his pants or a pull up. Then near the end of the summer everything halted and he asked to go back in diapers. (He has AMAZING communication skills and told us that 'it was too difficult to remember to go pee and poop in the potty and he needed a break for a bit'. We completely stopped talking about it, using the potty etc. until early Oct when we successfully tried a program where he trained his teddy bear...the first day he had a bm on the potty. It took till the end of Oct to master it all and by early Dec. he was even dry most nights.
Over the holidays he started having bm accidents occaisionally and then in mid Jan he got a UTI and started having voiding accidents.
Now 6 weeks later he is having most bm's in his pants and usually voids there once every 3 days or so.
He struggled with gross motor activities as an infant was delayed until he was about 13 months but then all seemed fine.
Could this be a delay from that? Is he just stubborn, not ready, delayed etc? Or is it something else???
I am so frustrated though I will have to say that I have become amazing at keeping this from him.
Thanks for any help and encouragement!!!

Is there anything happening when he is going in his pants? Like did he get in trouble before-hand... not get to do something he wanted... you spending more time with his younger brother than is typical...? If the timing is around an event like this, it could be his way of getting back at you. Just a thought.

I agree with Lisa. My little sister would do great at PT, and then, when her father would come around she would revert to bming in her pants. This happened until she was 6 or so. We finally discovered that it was b/c her father was not around anymore and she would go back to her babyish habits. This got her attention, even if it wasn't Positive. We worked hard, and once her father enlisted his help in the situation (visited her more often...he is a jerk) then she gradually got better. So, I know what you are dealing with. It sounds maybe he is jealous of the baby? Or thinks you aren't giving him enough attention b/c of the baby? I am worried about this same situation with my DD, as she is 3 and I am due in August with baby # 2. So, I am worried that she will revert in her PT too. I hope it gets better soon for you. You could also call his pediatrician and see if they can help. Good Luck!

He is getting lots of attention and it never happens after he has gotten in trouble. He is a VERY busy boy and you'd think that it could happen when he is too busy to go but this doesn't seem to be the case. He's also very attentive to things like books or tv or even his toys but you can ask him if he has to go and he'll walk away, watch 2 minutes of tv and then go in his pants.
I do think that subconsiously he is jealous of his brother but that is more obvious is his behaviour (super hyper or not listening/ignoring) than related to accidents. Actually we never see accidents when we are having difficulty with this type of attention seeking behaviour.
As I said earlier, we did see regression when his brother was younger but then things seemed to be getting better for awhile. I just don't really have a clue when it comes to knowing how late is too late or what is considered 'normal'...I work with special needs kids...we're happy if some of them are trained by grade 8!!!

Maybe you could try being on him a little more about it. In a positive way of course. You mentioned that you ask him and then he goes to watch TV and 2 minutes later he has an accident. Maybe ask him and when he goes to the TV tell him that he should try the potty before watching more, because he can always come back to it. My 3 year old sometimes does not want to go because he is having fun with whatever he is doing. I have to really encourage him to relieve himself and then he can go back to playing. It also helps that I keep track (in my head) of what and when he is drinking so I have an idea when he may be holding it to long.

When you get him to go without accidents, give him a token he can use to "buy" special things that he really want's.

I was wondering if because you work with special needs you are more used to letting go rather than pushing a bit. I have a friend who works with autistic kids and she tends to be a little lax with her own kids (not in a bad way). Maybe she does not know how much more to expect from a kid who is not special needs? Good luck!

My DS#2 went through a phase similar to what I mentioned in my previous post. He was about 4 1/2, and he would pee in his pants as a control issue. He did have bm's in his pants, only 3 times though. The first time he did it, I cleaned it up, but he had been potty trained since age 3 1/2, and he was old enough to understand that he HAD to use the potty. Because he was trying to get back at me for not getting his way, I made him clean up his own bm the next two times. He had to rinse out his underwear, and clean his bottom up with wipes. I even made him carry his underwear and pants to the washer and put them in. He would cry and tell me he didn't want to clean it up, and I just told him (very calmly and matter-of-factly) that since it was his poop he had to clean it. After the 2rd time he had to clean up his own poop he never did it again. (I'm sure some people will think I'm a horrible mom for making him clean up after himself, but it worked for us.)

I know you don't think he's doing it because of being in trouble or needing attention, but you could try making him help you clean up his mess. Maybe it will make him more willing to get up and go to the potty. Like I said, my DS did not like cleaning it up, so it stopped. Mine was a little older than yours is now though, but you know your child best and know what he does and does not understand. Good luck, and I hope you find a solution :)

Oh how I can relate to this situation! Whew! I thought we would NEVER finish potty training our son! He was totally oposite of our daughter who basically potty trained herself before she was 2 years old. (I NEVER compared them during the potty training with my son though)

Our son was right at 4 years old before he was potty trained, but still would have accidents occassionally. The one part he seemed to have the hardest time doing was becoming potty trained as far as having a bowel movement on the toilet. He resisted that the most! He was right at 4 years old, and he brought me the powder and a diaper and told me, "Mommy, I pooped- change my diaper." I looked him in his eyes and said, "Son, you will just have to change yourself this time. And when you are done with that, we are taking you and getting you some "Big Boy" underwear that you will come home and put on."

That was the LAST time he purposely pooped in his pants. From there on out, he used the potty. Again, he did have some accidents like if he was playing and put it off for too long and then couldn't make it to the bathroom, but for us, making him change his own poopy diaper did the trick. He didn't like doing it and he cried the whole time, but it did work!

Good luck! I know it's frustrating, but this is one thing that each child tends to do in their own time and in their own way.

Thanks to you all, especially to the last poster who made me realize, again, that all kids do it on their own time. In all honesty, I rarely ask him anymore as we got so used to not having to. Maybe I need to ask more. AND NO I am not easier on him because of what I do...actually the opposite....my kids were signing at 6 months and he talked at 10 months and it full sentences by 18 months or so because I push too hard in this area. I actually don't work with any kids with toileting issues now and haven't for years....none with any real challenging issues any more either.
This is the MOST challenging part of parenthood and one that everyone compares and talks about. It is so hard for to relax about it but I really need to try. A friend with 2 sons with special needs who has battled toilet training with them for 8 years now (the oldest is 11) did remind me about 6 months ago that just because the gross motor delay he had appeared to fix itself when he was 13 months doesn't mean that all of his body caught up then. And for 5 months or so I was good with this...till the regression lately. Now I wonder if there really is something else going on as he really doesn't seem to know when he has to go at times...especially bowel movements.
And another thing to note is that this behaviour is consistent no matter who is with or where he is...with both dh and I, grandparents, childcare, friends houses (with or without me there) and even when we are out shopping.
Is there a point where I do become concerned and seek medical hel?. Of course we'd need a doctor for that....darned Dr. shortage in Ontario!!!!