I do not/have not ever had an eating disorder, but I am a young woman who struggles with her body image and has been having some bad thoughts lately. I'm not overweight, but I lost weight in the past and now have gained some of it back and it's hurting my self esteem. My confidence is at one of its lowest ever. During the day I beat myself up over eating.. sometimes it's not as bad as other times.. but I'll feel guilty after eating an apple or something small at times. On the days when I don't eat much, I feel better about myself. I even sometimes don't mind getting sick b/c I know I will lose weight. Lately I have thought about trying to eat one thing a day and try to cut out as much food as I can.. but I really don't want to cause trouble for the people I love and want to be happy deep down inside.

Do any of you have any advice about how to prevent things from getting worse? I have been seeing a counselor for a couple months now so hopefully that will help me out.

I wish I had some advice, but I'm not sure I do. I've been recovered from anorexia about 5 years now. Believe me, an ED is miserable and EXTREMELY TOUGH to recover from, so the sooner you address the issues and try to change your behaviors, the better it will be.

It sounds as though you could be in the beginning stages of an ED. It's a very slippery slope between healthy dieting and exercising and obsessive ED behavior. Mine started out with overexercising, then food restriction, then diet pills & purging. I'm very lucky I didn't kill myself. Anyone with an ED has extreme depression, whether they address it or not; you are just not happy, not sleeping well, weak & tired & dizzy, flaky skin, hair falling out. It was living hell for me.

The things that concern me are some of the issues you have mentioned: guilt after eating an apple (yes, I had this often with my ED), it is NOT normal to feel guilt after eating healthy food, feeling better about yourself when you don't eat or eat less (yes, this is ED thinking), thinking you need to lose weight when your weight is normal or even below normal for your height, negative body image (yes, another ED symptom). Also if you have guilt when you do not exercise, this is another symptom of ED thinking. If you restrict your food portions or try to get out of eating or purposefully eat fewer calories than you need to maintain your weight, it could be a sign of an ED developing.

Is is possible for you to see a therapist with some experience in ED behaviors because it sounds to me you're on the brink of one and depending on which way you go, you will either develop an ED or not. Now, I have to tell you, I still have body image issues, but at least I'm healthy, my weight is low normal for my height & frame, I have energy again, and I'm happy and like the person I am. It's really about working on self-esteem issues and realizing that you deserve to be healthy and happy and not beat yourself up for eating normally or skipping a few days of exercising.

I hope you will be able to find a therapist to help you address these issues before they spiral out of control and take over your life. It doesn't have to be a full-blown ED before you get help; in fact, I think it is wisest to seek help when you realize things are beginning to get out of control. Good luck to you!

I will talk to my counselor/therapist about this and try to work things out! I know that my body is at a healthy weight but I strive for that "perfect" look and beat myself up over it when I don't look just how I want to. One of the things that contributed to this.. which is when I first developed my negative body image, was a doctor said a very rude comment about my weight when I was younger and a little chubbier (still a healthy BMI, not obese or anything!). She made me cry and that's when I started feeling bad about myself and noticing little flaws. Hopefully I can prevent anything worse from happening. I already feel horrible and I can't imagine if I had a full blown eatnig disorder too. Thanks so much for the reply.