Today I ate way too much. I was doing so well the past few days and now I just hate myself for doing this. I know I won't even be able to concentrate on anything I have to do tonight because I'll be thinking all about what I've just eaten and how much weight I've probably gained. I haven't weighed myself in nearly a month and I don't even want to know what I weigh. I hate this because it's like if I don't eat all I think about is how much I want to eat and if I do eat I just binge and I hate myself for it. I know I'll probably try and fast for most of tomorrow so that my body can use up some of this binge and I'll probably try and exercise for a while tonight just to get rid of at least some of what I ate. God I hate this. I can feel it surging throughout my body. I just wish I didn't have to deal with it.

I'm sorry your struggling but when you don't eat consistently or enough you will want to overeat and I understand the fear. I really think having a meal plan set up can help with that. I'm not sure what your recovering from but sometimes even though I need to gain I eat over from the years of malnurishment and that is scary but I try to remind myself it is part of the process and call someone to explain my fear and journal. You should be proud of yourself for the scale and not using it. I say there is no happy number and you have to focus on what will make you healthy mentally and physically. So maybe today you can set up a healthy plan.