My mother died.

It is strange to even write that. We had less than four months with her. We are all still in shock--really believed we could win, that we had a chance.

I have been thinking about you all, and feeling pain and sadness for all of our individual struggles. I had no idea it could or would be like this. I don't even know how I will go on without her.

Everyone who's offered support, courage, advice, or even an ear: thank you. My thoughts and prayers remain with you and your families during your fights with this difficult and relentless disease.

So sorry you lost your Mum. It is important for us all to make the most of the time we have with our loved one's we take them for granted its only when they get sick that we really think about how important they are. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this sad time I hope you have support and love around you to help you through.

I am living in fear of one day being in your position with my Dad as my Mum has already passed away 6 years ago. Seems like a lifetime ago. how sad and lost you must feel without her. I feel your pain and hope to give you strength in the fact that even though how could I go on, six years later I am still here. My life has changed and that hole in your stomache never goes but I am happy and look forward to one day being with her again. God bless.

My sympathies for the loss of your mother. It is never easy to loose a loved one and I think parents are difficult as we only have one mom and dad. You will miss her most every day but that does not mean your life stops. My mom died from NSCLC on Nov. 25. 2006 and I miss her alot but my life continues, I laugh, I smile, I have good times and yes sometimes I feel sad and cry.Some people look at me and ask "how can you be so happy you just lost your mom and I know how close you and she were ? "

The secret is I focus not on what I have lost but on what I had. I had a GREAT mom, she was loving , kind, funny and had a way of making even a stranger feel special.Alot of people never have that and to me that is so much sadder then having that and loosing it. My mom made me who I am today a and because I respect her I am not going to waste my life feeling depressed that she has moved on in her spititual journey. My mom is gone in a physical sense but she lives on in the hearts of so many people. I see her in her grandsons who were the apples of her eyes and who she spent alot of time with and I see her in most of the people that loved her so no she is not lost to me.

Yes I miss her but to have had her and lost her verses never having had her in my life the choice is too easy. I know without a doubt that when I am taking in my last physical breath as my life ends my mom will be there waiting to welcome me to lifes next great adventure.


I will send prayers to help you get through the difficult days and to find
the inner strength to focus on what you had verses what you lost. I think what most of us want when our mom's die is a big hug and someone to tell us things will be ok so here is just that a big ((((((((HUG)))))))) ;) and yes things will be ok. JanMarie

I am so sorry to hear that your Mother passed....I wish there wassomething I could say that woulld make you feel better or take away the pain...or more importantly answer some of those why questions that are flooding your head...the truth is I can't...I do know what you are going through though...i lost my father to cancer in 2005...there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him and wish he was still here....not much but hugs and a a good listener helped me....it will get better as time passes, but it will take time...I would suggest you continue to talk to those wh have gone through the same and try to remember the great things about your Mom...she would want you to continue on and to be happy...that always helps me...I know my Dad would kick my *** if he knew I was sad all the time because of his death...i try to look at how lucky I was to have such a great Dad...many wonderful memories...they will never die..good luck and God Bless you and your family.

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. Lots of prayers and hugs for your family at this incredibly difficult time.

I am very sorry to hear that your mom has passed away. I was shocked to see how quickly your mom passed away. I am very sorry and do hope you can find the strength to still smile and enjoy life even though mom is not around. I think JanMarie stated it so accurately having lost her mother just months ago.
You take care,
Kim

It is strange to even write that. We had less than four months with her. We are all still in shock--really believed we could win, that we had a chance.

Your mom did win ...she had your love and support til the end. What more can we ask for at the end of our lives? I pray God will comfort you and your family at this time. May your memories of your mom keep her in your heart at this time as well. God bless.

conan

wow. i have been checking this board daily just waiting for you to post about your mom. i remember right when my mom passed away from sclc, your mom had just found out. that was sept. 06. every day i would read this board and you sounded so much like me, and my family. my mom was 53, and i have 2 sisters that went through it with me.. i never really knew what to post to you , as it all happened so fast with us also. my mom found out june 06 and passed in sept. i am soooo sorry. know exactly how =you feel at this moment. it doesnt seem real. i dont really know what to say, except that i was always thinking of you and know exactly how you feel and i'm so sorry. it just doesnt seem fair or right.. you are definatly in my prayers tonite. Amanda

Oh, I know. I feel like I'll wake up in a week and find out "Mom has cancer." That's how fast it happened. And no one (save the people on this board) have any idea what it was like. What watching her decline so fast and having to care for her so quickly did to us. She couldn't even walk after the radiation (which they did to shrink the tumor so she could breathe, which it did, but it also sucked the remainder of her life out of her). She was funny and spirited up till the end, but some days she would look out the window and cry and say "I feel cheated" because we all had so much hope. She died at home in her room, and we were all there, all four of my sisters, my dad, and her sisters, too. Her older sister had NSCLC and died four years ago, so at least they'll be together.

I really am not doing so well. I took this week off work (have been gone for six weeks) and have no motivation to go back. Everything seems surreal, like she's on a trip and will be back soon.

Anyway, thank all of you for your thoughts. I'm so sorry everyone is going through this, but happy that we all have each other.

With love.

I am so sorry to hear of your mom's passing. It is incredibly difficult to see someone who is so full of life begin to lose the life-force that made them who they were. Us, just standing by doing the best we can to care for them, ease their fears, love them with all of our hearts and pray like we have never prayed before. My hubby fought mightily for two years when nsclc took him home to be with the Lord. But when he went, he went quickly and we all knew then that time had run out. I have just recently begun to feel alive again and hopeful for my own future. We can never replace that special person, but in time we can focus (as JanMarie put so well) on the wonderful person they were, and be able to laugh, and smile and enjoy life DESPITE our loss. I drove past these meadows with rolling hills the other night. The sun was setting and the the stark, bare trees dotted the landscape. All I could think of was Bud and I riding horses across those fields, and it made me feel warm and connected to him. I smiled because I know that had he not contracted that monster, that's exactly what we would have been doing. But, he rides horses in heaven and he has mine all saddled and waiting for me so that when my time comes, I too will be able to join him and I cannot even imagine how beautiful the meadows and the sunsets are in Heaven.

God bless you and I will keep praying for you to stay strong and manage to get through a day at a time, sometimes and hour at a times. Sometimes even less. Hang in there. We are here for you.

Love,
Jan

Courtenaynt, I am so sorry to hear that your mom has passed away. It was the same way for my family. My mom passes nearly 2 months to the day that she was diagnosed! She was 75-and such a caring person. It's hard to believe that it's been almost 8 mths since she died. We know she's ALOT happier-it's still hard here-but we take it day by day. Take care-my thoughts and prayers are with you. ((((hugs)))) Cherie

I am so sorry for the loss of your Mum, nothing hurts as much. Remember all your happy times together.

God bless you,

Cee

omg reading your words were like reading my own, i lost my mommy on feb 25 of this yr and this is the most painful thing i ever endured. the only reason why im still sane is because of my faith in god and help from my family and friends. but my prayers go out to you and your family, stay strong...

Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I understand your pain. Let your dear friends and family comfort you in the days ahead (((hugs))) and please take care of yourself!
Tammy

Thanks, everyone, for your notes. I am back in NYC, trying to reacclimate. I feel this horrible empty sadness that I had been able to stave off until getting back here. The disassembling of the house, splitting up her furniture and jewelry was impossibly difficult and emotional, but at least kept us busy.

Every morning I wake up and it's like I'm under a lead blanket. I think everyday, normal things are the most painful to face yet. I miss my mother. I miss her. I miss her. I want to call her and don't understand not being able to. The trauma of caring for her with this most horrible, aggressive cancer, watching her die, planning her funeral...all nothing compared to being asked to carry on as though I am okay without her. As though the world is.

Anyway, that's the honest truth. I'm not doing very well. Everything has lost its meaning, and I have no idea if or when it will regain it. I feel like I'm going to wake up tomorrow and understand "Mom has cancer." This happened so fast. And I'm not ready. I'm not even 30 years old. I need Mom. I really do, and nothing is going to make me not need her anymore.

I think I'll probably have to start visiting the "death and dying" board now instead of this one! But I do check on here to see how everyone is doing and coping and I feel for you all.

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father to mesothelioma on Nov. 9th, 2006. He suffered for an entire year so badly!!!! We tried so desperately to save his life. My entire family is devastated. I know exactly what you are going through. I miss him and want him back!!! I feel cheated! But there is nothing that we can do. Right? I just hope that one day we will see each other again. Take all the time that you need to grieve. There will be good and bad days. I wish you peace in your life and may the beautiful memories of your life with your mom always remain in your heart. May your precious mom rest in eternal peace........

Sunshine913

I am so very sorry to hear about your Mom. It's very hard to loose anyone, especially to this. Lots of hugs :angel: