i am finding it quite hard at the moment my dad has colon cancer with multiple liver mets the cancer has also spread to his lymph nodes outside his liver. he has had had 1/3 of his liver removed chemo and the cancer still came back within 4 mths. we have been told he has about 9/12mths left and i cant seem to take it in i am an only child so i feel i need to keep strong for my daughter who is 11 and my mother as we are the only family they have i am 34 yrs of age and feel i am not coping v well at all if anyone is going through the same thing and has any advice i would be grateful,also i dont know what will happen to my dad maybe its just the uncertaintey ,thankyou for reading this.

Hi jeanette im so very sorry to hear about you dad i lost my mum 4 weeks ago after a 8mnth battle against the same terrible disease,i still cnt believe mums gone but i couldnt bear to see her suffer no more.
All you can do is be there for your dad tell him u love all the time and hugs n kisses,its very hard i know jeanette.
My thoughts are with you all (((hugs)))

oh sorry im 33 by the way from lincolnshire,please keep me informed i know its very painful :angel:

I am so sorry to hear about your father. It is no wonder that you are feeling so overwhelmed. Is he still getting treatment? I realize you feel a sense of responsibility in staying strong for your family but you have to also recognize your personal need to express your fears and other emotions. Be there for each other and try to spend as much time with your father as possible. The prospect of losing a parent is always so frightening. At the same time, do not give up hope.

My heart goes out to you and your family.

Love and prayers,

thankyou for message I know nothing takes the pain away and I am very sorry for loss, I have so many emotions from feeling guilty I cant do anything to v upset and also very angry is this a normal thing to go through,we dont seem to have much emotional support from anyone so it makes me feel that I may not be coping myself. Mum and Dad are on the holiday of a lifetime time at the mo , he seems to be enjoying himself although tired but that seems to upset me as well as it seems to be a final thing,everything is so confusing at the moment. My dad turned 60 yesterday he is just too young,it really isnt fair is it. My thoughts are with u ,jeanette.

hi, my dad is not having treatment anymore as his chemo madde him so ill,the surgeon he is under says nothing will really help now so try to enjoy every moment, so taking his advise mum and dad are in egypt on a cruise,but again this seems asad as it will be there last holiday as dad is feeling v tired.I think I am just v confused over all the emotions I feel,I also have a daughter who is 11 and very close to her grandad She is not aware of how serious my dads illness is but it is getting harder to keep my feelings in do you think this is right too protect her or is it going to make it worse for her . thanks for taking the time to read this it helps to talk. jeanette

ALL your feelings are quite normal. Have you thought about getting counselling for yourself if you feel you are unable to cope. It is an awful lot to be going through and counselling may help you to express your feelings. It is great to hear that your parents are taking a holiday even though it seems to you that it makes it all so final.

We all try to protect our children from the sad events of life but they have to be exposed at some time. Your daughter is witnessing and experiencing another life event, or the prospect of it. She is seeing her mum feeling the pain and fear of her grandfather's illness and the love that goes with those emotions. Even though you do not want to overwhelm her with all your fears, encourage her to express her feelings too.

When I was 13, my grandmother became sick with terminal cancer and I have never felt so alone in my life. My mother and I did not have the kind of relationship where we felt comfortable sharing emotions. And I have always felt saddened by that. When my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer herself, we were able to talk a little more about it, but still not as much as I would have liked. I have made sure that the lines of communication are much more open with my children.

Be there for your daughter, your parents but, most of all, be there for yourself. Make sure you are doing everything to help you through this.

Love,

hi just to say not sure if i am repling ok to your message new to this and unsure if you got the reply thanks

ALL your feelings are quite normal. Have you thought about getting counselling for yourself if you feel you are unable to cope. It is an awful lot to be going through and counselling may help you to express your feelings. It is great to hear that your parents are taking a holiday even though it seems to you that it makes it all so final.

We all try to protect our children from the sad events of life but they have to be exposed at some time. Your daughter is witnessing and experiencing another life event, or the prospect of it. She is seeing her mum feeling the pain and fear of her grandfather's illness and the love that goes with those emotions. Even though you do not want to overwhelm her with all your fears, encourage her to express her feelings too.

When I was 13, my grandmother became sick with terminal cancer and I have never felt so alone in my life. My mother and I did not have the kind of relationship where we felt comfortable sharing emotions. And I have always felt saddened by that. When my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer herself, we were able to talk a little more about it, but still not as much as I would have liked. I have made sure that the lines of communication are much more open with my children.

Be there for your daughter, your parents but, most of all, be there for yourself. Make sure you are doing everything to help you through this.

Love,

thank you for your advice it really helps , jeanette

Hi jeanette i know it isnt fair my mum had just turned 51,i still cant understand why,i have to be strong for my younger sister shes only 17 and finding life quite hard,i go over to mums this saturday as its time to scatter her ashes not looking forward to it.
I also have an 11 year old daughter.
I really do feel for you jeanette,sometimes i want to run away and scream even now but something keeps yoo going love.
Im always here if you need to scream and shout take care :angel:

Hi jeanette i know it isnt fair my mum had just turned 51,i still cant understand why,i have to be strong for my younger sister shes only 17 and finding life quite hard,i go over to mums this saturday as its time to scatter her ashes not looking forward to it.
I also have an 11 year old daughter.
I really do feel for you jeanette,sometimes i want to run away and scream even now but something keeps yoo going love.
Im always here if you need to scream and shout take care :angel:

thankyou verymuch it helps to know someone understands if you dont mind me asking did you tell your daughter quite soon about her grandma or did you wait I really dont know what or how to start to tell my daughter the extent of her grandads illness, any advice would be a help. I hope you allget through the weekend I cant imagine how you must feeling, you keep going you seemto be a strong person I suppose life does that to us ,my thoughts r with you .love jeanette.

Jeanette,

I am so sorry for all you are going thru. I am right there with you.

My dad is also terminal. I too am an only child and I moved my dad into live with us for now. I think it may be one of the hardest things I have ever done.

I have three kids, 12, 17 and 20. We told them all just about as soon as we found out. I guess with him moving in I had little choice in the matter.

All of the kids seem to be dealing well with it. We know it is hard on them and hubby and I spend extra family time with the kids now. It is amazing how well the kids are taking it, and how willing they are to help with the little things for grandpa, make a sandwich, fill a cup.

I know the feeling of wanting to be strong. That is how I walk thru most of my day. Some cold stone figure that walks thru life going from one task to the next. I know it is not good for me and don't think it is good for my kids or my dad.

My kids need to learn to come to grips with feelings such as this. I can't protect them forever. As for my dad, I don't let him see it all, but I don't want him feeling like I am just waiting for him to kick the bucket.

I wish the best for you and your family.

Natural Peace

thanks for your message hope you look after yourself it is not easy is it,I know what you mean about going through each day,it all seems sureal,thankyou for telling me about your children it helps to know they do cope,take care jeanette.

Hi i had to tell my kids because i got a phone saying my mum was terminal and i collapsed on the floor heartbroken,they took it quite well,i think its better to be honest kids are quite resilient.
I know you will get through this jeanette,i dont mean it will be easy im having a real bad day today crying etc and still angry but something keeps you going no matter how bad you dont want to keep going.
My kids have there own little memmorys especially my 11 yr old daughter who was close to mum has mums picture beside her bed,even speaks to her in some way,i just got told to leave her to it - her way (susan my daughter) of dealing with it love.
i feel very upset for you as i know exactly what you are going through.
I didnt take my children to see my mum in the last couple of weeks because i knew they wouldnt be able to deal with how my mum was i just wanted them to remember the way she used to be.
speak soon jeanette and try keep your chin up its nice to meet you by the way (((hugs))) lisa

thankyou for your help,I hope I didnt make today harder for you, look after yourself love jeanette. nice too meet you too.

Jeanette, NaturalPeace, and others I am so sorry for what you are going through. I'm searching online today in hopes of finding some help in coping myself. My FIL has stage IV colon cancer and it's going on a year now. Hubby, son (now 1) and I moved in w/him after diagnosis. He's been on chemo but not for about a month. He's not doing well and I am very worried about my husband. He loves his dad so much and is doing all he can to be there for him, but he is like a time bomb lately. Any little thing sets him off. His temper is bad and he is very depressed. He tells me I don't understand what it's like to lose a parent. We see him going downhill. I'm trying to be there for him but don't know what I can do to help. His dad is down from about 200 lbs to 124 lbs currently. He's weak and nothing but skin and bones. He keeps to himself and sleeps a lot. I know he's on pain meds.

I'm looking for support or help coping. It's unbelievable sometimes even though you see that person slowly losing the battle. I guess it's that we see no hope anymore. Any support groups or websites that may offer help ........PLEASE share.

Again, I'm sorry for everyone's pain. Cancer is so horrible!

Hi jeanette justr checking in to see how your days been :angel:

Hi jeanette justr checking in to see how your days been :angel:

hi sorry i have not been in touch got a virus in home computer just using friends till ours fixxed i am not doing too bad thanks hope you got through your weekend and are feeling as well as can be expected,must be v hard i will speak to you again soon when i am up and running at home take care love jeanette.

Jeannette....sorry to hear about your father....I know is hard...for you...the human body is an amazing machine....a year ago I was diagnitic with cancer in the colon the doctors toll me that for the next year my life will be very hard...it was...but some times life do sometingh good to you....keep the fait...keep strogh....life can amaze you some times.....my pray are you you and your father.....

hi hopefully back up and running now how are u doing ok I hope , mum and dad had great hol,dad has nurses coming now for pain relief if needed still doesnt go in though , hope ur ok luv jeanette.

:confused: :confused can anyone tell me what to expect with my dad he was told 12mth in jan 97 or less how do we know when he gets worse when the cancer spreads further he is having pain now and is having pain relief but still looks well i cant accept this is real please help with any info.

:confused: :confused can anyone tell me what to expect with my dad he was told 12mth in jan 97 or less how do we know when he gets worse when the cancer spreads further he is having pain now and is having pain relief but still looks well i cant accept this is real please help with any info.

Jeanette, I am so sorry you are going through this. I guess there is no real way to know how long your dad will be with you. The important thing is to keep him as comfortable as possible. If he needs Hospice care, is that available?

I can imagine how difficult to believe this is really happening because you do not want it to be happening. This is the time to share happy memories as often as possible. Look after yourself too. If you feel you need counselling to help you come to terms with this, do look into that.

Take care,

Hi Jeannette,

I agree with Alison, keeping your dad comfortable is the most important thing. There is no way we can know how long our loved ones will be with us, but we can make everyday count. Just love him as you always have done and be there for him as much as possible.

I know it is so hard to accept. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself cry or whatever. Do something just for you, even if it is only for an hour a day. You will be surprised how much it helps. You are all in my prayers.:) dee

hello just left mum and dads they have been away for easter weekend , every time i leave them i cry on my way home is this normal? i feel like my life has been taken over by this disease. my dad looks really great at the mo and the mcmillan nurse has upped his pain relief so he feels better,they have also gone through what my dads wishes are with hospital,hospice care etc, so everyone knows what he wants, why do they do this now? i thought that would be lookedinto nearer the end.does anyone else have a problem accepting things like this cos i just cant take it in if i do the pain is unbearable so i just carry on. take care jeanette.:confused: :confused: :confused:

Of course you are normal, jeanette. You are going through a horrendous time, so your despair is to be expected. I guess it is better to make sure everyone knows what your dad wants now when it is slightly easier to talk about it. About a year ago, I made sure that friends and family knew exactly what I wanted if I became ill and was unable to communicate. A few months later, I was dx with follicular lymphoma. I would hate to think I died and no one knew what I wanted, etc. As dee says, enjoy this time with your parents ....memories are precious and will bring you comfort in the years to come. Take photos if everyone is comfortable with that, especially as you say your dad is looking so well.

There is no way to remove the pain of a parent's impending death but you will get through it. I remember the time leading up to my mother's death was much more unbearable than her actual death. I grieved so much. It was so painful. But I survived and you will too. It is all part of life's challenges. Cry as much as you need to. And do look after yourself. Your mother is going to need you and you can help each other to get through this.

Love,

thankyou alison for your advice, I just cant seem to let go of my inner feelings as I dont know how I will cope with everyday life working etc I am the only child and also have a daughter of 11yrs old who does not know the whole situation due to my dads wishes,I keep trying to hide my feelings for my mum,dad and daughter Its really hard to keep everything normal,sometimes just getting up is hard, I have had some help from my gp but it doesnt do anygood apart from masking the pain slightly I know my mum is in slight denial cos they have been together for nearly 45 yrs always together never done anything apart,i worrie about both of them and I feel selfish as I dont know how i am going to handle the situation when my dad becomes v ill I dont think I can do it, I sometimes wish I could just runaway from it all , thats why I feel selfish. thankyou for taking the time to reply . jeanette.

Jeanette,

My ultimate sympathies are with you at this time. You are already in the grieving process and no one person grieves the same. I know I would be devastated as I know you are with news like this. And, at some point I will have the same battle to go through with my father as he has terrible heart disease and has been diagnosed with it since 41. All I can say to you is I hope you find some peace at some point and that God blesses you with a miracle if he sees fit. I know we would rather have our loved ones with us and it saddens me when I know people hurt due to them being gone. Sometimes I get teary eyed just thinking of losing my parents or my husband or my kids, God forbid. I hope your Dad is comfortable and I pray your family has the time needed to spend with him to have the memories you will want for the rest of your life. Best wishes and thoughts to you and your family at this time of trial.

: :confused: having bad week i cant seem to get on with any thhing feeling very depressed, is anyone going through same thing,it helps to talk to people who know whats its like, went to hospital yesterday docs are so reluctant to say what dad is going to go through but we want to know to be prepared i dont know how long hes going to be here does anyone know life expectancy for someone with this disease or any idea what we are going to face and hate not really knowing whats coming,dad just seems to get more and more tired its not the norm for him is this to be expected? why does this have to happen i feel so sad and so angry with everything and really wonder if i am going to get through this my dad is everything how do you adjust or accept it i just cant . sorry for sounding really off just vvvvv fed up.

: :confused: having bad week i cant seem to get on with any thhing feeling very depressed, is anyone going through same thing,it helps to talk to people who know whats its like, went to hospital yesterday docs are so reluctant to say what dad is going to go through but we want to know to be prepared i dont know how long hes going to be here does anyone know life expectancy for someone with this disease or any idea what we are going to face and hate not really knowing whats coming,dad just seems to get more and more tired its not the norm for him is this to be expected? why does this have to happen i feel so sad and so angry with everything and really wonder if i am going to get through this my dad is everything how do you adjust or accept it i just cant . sorry for sounding really off just vvvvv fed up.

I'm so sorry about your dad. I lost my mom in 97 to Ovarian Cancer, now my dad has Colon Cancer. My advice is talk with somone, anyone, I didn't have insurance at the time, but I found a place where they went on your income & it helped me out a lot!! Prayers for you.

dads now got jaundice docs say we are now looking at weeks not months i cant cope i am so sad i dont want my dad to die its just cant be happening im not ready none of us are. need a miracle x

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. I wish there was something I could say to comfort you. All I can say is spend every precious minute you can with him. Let him know you love him. Share your feelings with your Mom and show her your support. Take care of yourself. Eat well, even when you might not feel like it. Try and get enough sleep. Nothing can take away your sadness right now but your strength will get you through this.

Thinking of you,

thankyou for your reply alison I wish I could sleep all I think about is dad and worry about my mum we are bringing him home today as he has been in hospital from friday,he has pain relief and the nurses are on standby i am scared of the next few weeks have any experience of what is going to happen I want dad at home but worry mum and I are going to break down His wishes and ours are to care for him at home I just dont know if i am strong enough for both of them . thankyou for helping me x

My husband also diagnosed with the same as your dad in oct2006. He is 53. He had about 10 chemo(Folfox regime) and one time avastin recently. It seems that disease is not controlled and he could not have surgery for his liver. Last week his biliruvin level was high and was diagnosedd with obstructive jaundice.(bilary tract is blocked). Now chemo is on hold and he has to under go for bilary stent(surgical endoscopy to remove the blockage on bilary tract). He is very weak, he could not eat. i don't know what is going to happen to him. In the time of first diagnose of his cancer, i was told by the doctor that he can survive up to 12 moths.

my dad has gone he died very peacefully on tues 26th june hes gone a 60 we are all devestated nothing prepares you for the hurt and pain good luck and my heart goes out to all of you giong through the same . jeanette x

Jeanette, I am so sorry to hear about your father. This is a very sad time for you and I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. Time will heal but he will always be with you. I am sure he appreciated all your love and concern.

Love,

Jeanette,
I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. Just think of the good time and that will get you through. You did as much as you could and your Dad appreciated everything.

My thoughts are with you

Claudia

I'm so sorry for your loss.
Your family is in my prayers.