Hello all, I'm bipolar...

I recently saw my psychiatrist, and expressed my concern that the 1 mg. of Ativan 4x a day just wasn't cutting it...I've been on benzos for almost 2 years and was most likely becoming tolerant...so he hesitantly upped the dose to 1.5 mg. 4 x per day.

Well, after some particularly troubling depressive times, I decided to take 2 1 mg. tabs mg. for a total of 8 per day, just to see what would happen. I felt great.

Recent events have led me to increase my dose to 3 tabs 4 times a day, and I feel FANTASTIC. Outside the realm of normal things that would depress anyone, I haven't really felt the lows. I'm productive, energetic, talkative, outgoing...

Could this be the result of my high dose of Ativan just taking away the anxiety and allowing me to let go of my inhibitions, or perhaps I'm in a manic phase?

Am I addicted to this stuff? Should I tell my therapist or psychiatrist? I don't want a med change, I feel fine!

Hey TLynn-
I am not judging you, but it looks to me like you are treading on very dangerous grounds here, and it would be best to stop this now before it gets way out of hand.

As you know, benzos are highly addictive, and if you aren't already addicted, you may be well on your way. The behaviors you are showing do indicate an addiction in the making, at the very least.

You are taking more than prescribed which is not a good thing, you do not want to tell your doctor you are taking more, and you do not want to switch meds because you feel fantasctic becaause you are taking more than prescribed.

It's normal for your body to become dependant on any medication taken for extended periods of time, but it's not good to feed that dependance by self medicating. If your body has grown tolerant, and you are not getting a true benefit from the med, then it would be better to talk with your doctor about it and work from there. If you are taking more than prescribed because it makes you feel good, and you are taking it not for it's actual medical purpose, you need to be honest with yourself about this and then be honest with your doctor before it becomes any worse. Doctors understand dependance and tolerance and are equipped to handle it in a safe way.

Please do take care, and know that I'm not "coming down on you", just speaking out of concern for your health. Keep checking back because you will get a ton of support & feedback here!

Thank you very much for responding!

I told my therapist today, and I am under strict orders to tell my psychiatrist on Thursday...I just realized I will only have enough pills to last me through Wednesday, so he will suspect something anyway when I ask for another refill.

I truly do appreciate your concern, and I will be sure to come back and post after Thursday...

Thank you again...

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

I just opened my bottle this morning and I have 3 1/2 pills left. That's ONE dose out of three. And no refills.

What's going to happen?? All I can do is spread them out and therefore be going from 12 a day to 3. And I'll have none in my system when I go to my psychiatrist tomorrow.

I knew this would happen. I guess I deserve it.

I raced through the house and found my old bottle of Klonopin. I have them in 1/2 mg. tabs.......

TLynn, What happened at the pdocs? Does the Klonapin hold you better than the short acting Ativan?