Ok, here's the brief lowdown:

I'm 28 and living with a very needy sister, i own the house yet she has the biggest room and is very reluctant almost refusing to give it to me which personally i think she should.

I lost my mum at 23 and had to organise everything to do with the funeral, i have a big family though i had to pay for pretty much everything.

My fiance's father passed on two years ago and since then his 'family' have hardly bothered with him, his step mother has since turned her back completely.

Fiance served in Northern Ireland and may have a bit of PTS, he has taken to drinking not massive amounts but due to the problems that we have had as a result i am not happy with it. He has been in hospital as a reslt of his alcohol use i don't know, he has a hiatus hernia which he said was the cause.

The main points above are very brief but i need help on how to handle all of this responsibility that i do not want. i feel neglected under valued and unloved. Sometimes i just don't want to be here anymore and have almost done the deed except the dog came into my bedroom and the way she looked at me just stopped me from doing it. I hate my life and wonder what i have done to deserve this anguish and misery.

I can imagine that there may be some 'god loves you answers' and 'pray and it will get better' which is fair enough but even though i am not a believer i have prayed and he hasn't delivered so far. My life still seems to be utter poo.

Should i just dump my boyf even though i love him silly and find my sister a new place to live and focus on me or just hang in there??

Please call a professional. You need to talk to someone outside your family who can help you. I hate to think you will do something tragic when if you talk things over and get them straight in your head you will be able to handle these situations. I know what it feels like to be undervalued and underappriciated:mad: It makes you feel like throwing in the towel and just giving up! It can be very depressing. Try to talk to your fiance and your sis about how your feeling. They need to understand that you've got to much on your plate right now and if they don't help out then you will not be able to help at all! As far as your sister goes if she's unwilling to compromise then yes...she needs to find other living arragements. You need to take care of yourself otherwise you will be of no help to anyone else! As far as your fiance-if he's an alcoholic your in for a very rocky marriage. Unless he gets sober and stays sober you will need to seriously think about weather or not this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I grew up in a alcoholic home and it's very difficult.
For now just focus on yourself and getting what you need to feel better! Once your feeling better then you will be able to make some decisions.
Take care! PLEASE get HELP if you feel suicidal! ((((BIGHUGS))))

Thanks for responding, i've just been to the bathroom and had a bit of a cry and feel a little better now. I did have a counselling session a while ago with the boyf and it seemed to help me, i was on cloud 9 for quite a few weeks so may book more, only problem is the expense.

I really don't know whether he is an alc or not, he is quite capable of drinking loads and he is also capable of putting it down but i think right now he's struggling to get past the need of a drink the day after the night before. Stress is put on him from me as he sees my mood swings as well which do upset him.

When i see him my heart does still miss a beat i love him silly, i just want to be happy. I want someone to love me, i think that i haven't felt truly valued and wanted since mum died. I feel like a machine sometimes.

I do promise that i will get help if i ever feel suicidal, it has only ever happened twice, but both times i never did it and deep down i know that i wouldn't it's so not me. I won't go out that way.

I just wanted to give you a hug~

((Hug))

It sounds like counseling helped you and that may be a good road to take. It sounds like you are a great person. The fiance that drinks is a bit scary because that is a miserable life for the one who doesn't.

I hope that you feel better soon!!

You sound much better:) . Life is very hard sometimes-isn't it? Sometimes we need to say" f*** it and take care of ourselves and forget the rest of the world! I think a nice cuddle with your dog is in order he sounds like the only one who isn't taking advantage of you at the moment!
(((HUGS))) DEE

Thanks for your support, i feel better today. i spoke to both my sister and boyf last night and had a decent result. My sister totally understood that i need more room in my own home and actually offered to exchange rooms before i even asked so that made me feel better.

I actually got through to the boyf or seemed to, i felt bad when i saw his face well for a minute or two at least! We were watching eastenders and a lady was sobbing on it. I pointed out that he has made me cry like that, his words were 'OMG i'm so sorry' i just couldn't help myself then to ask him how he feels to know that he is responsible for that sadness, he said that he feels horrible. i then asked him to think that thats how i feel sometimes and some is caused by him.

I told him that he really needs to pull his sox up and stop taking advantage of me as you've said, i don't think he really thinks i'm 100% serious but i feel 65% strong enough to go it alone i think if i decide to. After growing up in a single parent family and losing mum when and how i did i hate to be alone, i do know now though that i can't stay in a relationship forever for that reason. I'm not ready to move on yet as i need to know for myself whether he really is worth fighting for - right now i think he is. He did everything for me when mum died feeding me when i didn't want to eat, making sure i was out of bed when he couldn't get the time of work and ringing me every hour to check that i was ok.

Maybe i'm a soft touch i dunno but i hope to sort things out, i'll give the counsellor a call when i'm paid again this month and pay in advance for a few more sessions.

:)

After all that's happened neil and i are splitting up. i feel so sad and lost now. i love him so much.

My mum has been dead 5 years this sunday as well. :(

My dear girl - I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. That must have been near to impossible to cope with at such a young age. But, look, here you are surviving!

I am going to speak to you as a mum would - a mum who loves her daughter very much, as I am sure your mum loved you. (I personally believe that she continues to love you, and always will, but that is another discussion :) )

I have nine children, only one daughter. She came into the world as my neice, but her father (my brother) drank himself to death last year, and since her mother was already gone, my husband and I adopted her. She is still very young- preschool age, but she has already had a rocky beginning to her life. The last thing in the world I would ever want for her is to see her in a relationship or a marriage with an addict. It is an impossible way to live - I learned that through my dealings with my brother. And he was not a raging alcoholic - he drank a lot, then would put it down for a while, then pick it up again - until the end. Then he was flat out consumed with drinking until his death.

I think if your mum was able to be with you right now, she would be giving you similar advice. I am not making light of your relationship, but you are soooo young, and you have already had so much difficulty in your life, give yourself a break, hun. You deserve someone who is able to be an equal partner in your life. As all people in a truly happy relationship will tell you, the pendulum (sp?) of dependence in that relationship swings all the time. As you said, your ex was there for you when your mum died, but it seems like you have been the giver the rest of the time. That will be a long, long life for you if you stay with anyone who can only give at the time of crisis, or not at all when some kind of addiction takes over their life.

I am sure this anniversary of your mum's death is overwhelming you right now. Can you use the strength which you obviously learned from her to carry on? Get to as many of those councelling sessions as you can afford. My sons are all fine young men, and I will be very proud if my daughter turns out as strong and brave as you are in spite of her rough start in life.

Best wishes, stay strong! Marirose